Howdy! This fic seems to be going pretty fast. lol I guess there's no lack of inspiration for it. I guess that's why this is such a long chapter. :) anyways, there's a treat for you at the end of this chapter!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 3

Inevitably, their walk had brought them to a very specific cliff. This cliff was the one where they had agreed together to become death gods. This was also the cliff where their three friends were buried. They stopped walking a few meters before they got to the top. They stood in silence for a few moments, just like they used to when they came here in the few years before making their life-changing agreement to go to Seireitei. Renji spoke first in a low voice.

"This is it."

"…yeah."

Renji closed the distance between the place they had stopped walking and the three graves. Rukia followed.

"It's been too long. We should have come back sooner."

Renji looked at her.

"Maybe. But we didn't have a way to, really. Besides, I think they would like being surprised all at once at how much we'd accomplished instead of gradually."

"Maybe you're right." A comfortable pause followed, then Rukia smiled. "Do you think they would believe all your tattoos?"

"I don't know. I did a lot talk about getting a tattoo."

"That's not 'a tattoo'," Rukia laughed. "That's a whole lot of tattoos. And on your face!" Renji gave her a teasing glare. "What made you decide to get those, anyway?"

"What, the tattoos? I always wanted them."

"Yeah, but why on your forehead? And why that design?" Renji looked at her for a brief moment.

"You never wanted to know that before."

Rukia blushed.

"Yes I did. But usually if you wanted to explain something, you would. You never said anything, so I figured it was just because you wanted to look cool or something."

Renji smiled.

"Oh. Well, yeah, looking cool was part of it."

"What was the other part?" He didn't answer immediately. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I'm just curious."

"No, it's okay. I just never really explained it to anyone. …You know how when someone's really determined and focused, their eyebrows look angry?"

"Yeah?"

"I wanted to remind myself every time I looked in the mirror that I decided to be the best that I can be. And I wanted everyone else to see me as someone who won't be stopped when I set my sights on a goal."

"Oh." Rukia was mildly surprised by this explanation. I didn't realize he put that much thought and feeling into it. "That explains the ones on your forehead. But what about the rest?"

"Continuing the design, and the meaning behind it."

"So why did you keep getting more and more? Is it because you want to be completely covered, and you go back as often as you can until it's done?"

"No, not really. I don't have a set amount that I want, but I am going to continue adding to them." At least until I reach all my goals.

"It sort of sounds like you're punishing yourself for not making faster progress."

"You've never gotten a tattoo, have you?" She shook her head and waited for him to continue. "It's not a punishment. It's more like a personal way to refocus."

"I see."

Another moment passed, and then Renji decided it was time to do what they'd come here to do. He reached into his pocket and pulled out three small bundles. Inside each one was a handful of candy. He reverently put one down beside each of the grave markers, each time pausing for a moment of silence before moving to the next. After he finished, Rukia pulled three river-flowers from her pocket that she had made a point to find on the way to the site. Just like Renji, she put one by each marker.

"Rest in peace, friends."

When both were satisfied with their time on the cliff, they walked back down the hill to the marketplace. Renji broke the silence once they were far enough down the hill.

"What about you? You haven't changed much since we left here, aside from becoming a shinigami and a Kuchiki."

"I haven't?"

"No. Even back then you always looked out of place."

"What do you mean I always look out of place?! I don't expect you to tell me I'm pretty, but you don't have to insult me!"

"No! You misunderstood me!" Rukia had stopped, and he could see the smoke coming out of her ears. "I meant you've always looked like you belonged somewhere –anywhere– other than this shithole!" Rukia calmed down.

"Oh. Well why didn't you say so?"

Renji rolled his eyes.

"I just did!"

They were now in the marketplace. As they walked by one of the tables they had stolen water from, they noticed that the same old man that used to chase them was still selling the water. The old man did a double-take at Renji's unforgettable hairstyle, and his face lost all color.

"You're-you're- those brats!"

"Not anymore, we're not." Renji didn't like being called a brat.

"R-r-right! S-s-sor-sorry, Sir! Please don't hurt me!" The shinigami just looked at him for a couple of moments. He had learned from experience with Captain Kuchiki that sometimes suspense is a more powerful threat than any amount of blustery vocalization, and it seemed to be having the desired effect. The vendor was shrinking back, trying to become one with the chair in which he now sat. Inwardly, Renji was smiling as he basked in the sweet revenge. Outwardly, his face was stony and terrifying.

"Renji, stop it. You're going to give the geezer a heart attack."

Renji relished his power over the man for just a second longer, then looked down at Rukia.

"Yeah, you're right. I don't want to have to explain that today." Rukia almost felt bad for the man, but not quite enough to apologize to him or even to look at him again. Once they were out of earshot, Renji couldn't resist a small brag. "Damn, that felt good!" He looked for Rukia's response and saw her start to scold him for being so mean, but she didn't. Instead, she looked away and smiled to herself.

A short distance later, they found themselves at a tavern. It was sort of a no-frills restaurant during the day, but Rukia remembered that at night it had a reputation for getting rowdy and raunchy.

"This is where…" Rukia didn't finish the sentence. She looked up at Renji. "Do you remember?"

His expression was difficult for her to read -somewhere between a smile and a confused frown.

"Yeah. Whenever we got a little money, we would come here and treat ourselves to whatever we could afford. We didn't know then that the food here wasn't that good."

"Yeah. And sometimes you would come here at night."

"Not too often. But yeah, I remember that too."

"Did you like coming here?"

"It was ok. I would arm-wrestle for drinks after a really bad day. The sake here was awful, too."

"Oh."

Renji looked down at Rukia. She was standing with her arms crossed, staring straight ahead at the tavern.

"Uh, Rukia…is something bothering you about it?" He was concerned and slightly lost. Sure, I came here sometimes when we were teenagers, but it wasn't a regular thing, and I always came back before dawn so she wouldn't have to worry. What's got her upset?

"It's nothing." She turned to move on, but he caught her by the arm. He didn't move from where he stood.

"Bullshit."

Rukia sighed in resignation. I'm going to have to tell him, huh?

"It's just…this place is where…Renji, I know the biggest memory this place holds for you."

"Huh? What biggest memory?" Renji was now thoroughly confused, and Rukia was getting exasperated.

"Do I have to spell it out for you, blockhead?! I remember the night you came back later than normal, reeking of sake and cheap perfume and with a lot of new dirt on your clothes, with that stupid grin plastered on your face." Realization was beginning to rise from the depths of his confused expression. "I remember your first time."

"Rukia…" She looked away, completely composed now.

"Then the next day, you got a pencil and scrap of paper, and you drew that very first set of tattoos." He turned to face her. All his confusion had vanished, and it was replaced by a combination of disbelief and regret.

"Rukia, you thought I…here…with…?"

His mind was racing. I set a goal that night, and she thinks I wasted my first time on a fucking whore at a tavern…It's true that drunken bar maid was all over me that night, and I had every intention of going through with it. But we were about to get into it and I looked at her, and I saw through my drunkenness and I couldn't do it. Physically, there was no problem. But I didn't want her. I couldn't think about anyone but Rukia in that moment, and right then I set the biggest goal of my life. Someday, when we didn't have to fight for survival everyday, I was going to make her mine, and I would be hers. That's the specific goal behind the first set of tattoos! They weren't a symbol of a rite of passage! These thoughts went through Renji's mind in a flash, and then Rukia's challenging voice snapped him out of his daze.

"Didn't you?" He was silent for a few seconds. "Or do you mean to imply that I'm simply wrong about where it happened that night?"

Rukia had never said anything about it. He was male, and it was to be expected that a teenage male would gain his first sexual experience as soon as he could as a rite of passage into manhood. That's how these things worked. She couldn't understand why she had been upset about the whole thing- he was her best friend! But for some reason, coming back to this tavern had brought back her perception of what had happened that night. She could see him in her mind, before the tattoos that covered his torso. He was naked at least to the waist (and her mind's eye ventured no further down), with a thin coat of needy sweat covering his whole un-marked body. His hair was still in his signature ponytail, because this would've been too hasty to take it down. Every muscle in his body seemed to be flexed in exhilaration, and he was panting. Lying under him still (at least partially) clothed in rags like their own was some nameless, faceless drunken female, and she was making those noises. The noises that attract attention, and say 'I'm having hot, drunken, meaningless sex!'

She didn't mean to picture it. It was just a mental snapshot that came together as soon as she realized what must have happened, and for some reason the picture hurt her. She had pushed the feelings aside long ago and accepted that she had no right to hold it against him.

This time it was Renji's turn to do the interrupting of thoughts.

"No, I didn't." Rukia's head snapped up to gape at him.

"You didn't?"

"No. I…" He wasn't sure how to finish that sentence without giving everything away. It's still too soon to tell her. But she wasn't going to let him off the hook that easily.

"But the perfume?"

"It stunk." It didn't smell like you.

"The stupid grin?"

"I was drunk." I was proud of the decision I'd made.

"The dirt?"

"I, uh…" he coughed embarrassedly. "I didn't decide not to until we were about to."

"…oh." She tilted her head. "So what was the tattoo about?"

"I told you on the cliff. It's about determination, and resolve."

"I don't understand, though. What do those have to do with…that?"

Renji looked at her for a moment. Can I tell her? I don't think I should. Not until I can defeat Captain Kuchiki.

"I…Rukia, it kills me to say this, but…" he took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "I can't tell you that."

She narrowed her eyes, as though trying to see down into his soul. Realizing that he wasn't giving anything away, she looked away and shrugged.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay." They stood there for a moment looking at the tavern in awkward silence. Rukia was the one to break it. "Renji?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever been with a woman?"

Under any other circumstances, Renji would have been shocked to be asked such a question. The previous conversation, however, had prepared him for anything.

"Why?'

Rukia's face turned red.

"I- Because- nevermind!" She looked straight ahead and folded her hands in front of her. Why do I want to know, anyway?

"Nope. Not nevermind. Why?"

This time she composed herself and her thoughts before speaking.

"Because for so long, that's been a part of how I perceived you. It doesn't really matter. I'm just curious."

"Oh. Well, if it doesn't really matter…" He grinned one of his teasing grins at her, knowing it did matter to her but trying to get her to admit it. Unfortunately, she was too proud. He sighed, all teasing gone. "No. I haven't. Does that make you think any less of me?"

"…no." Renji thought he saw the smallest hint of a genuine smile tug at the corners of her mouth. His heart leapt in his chest.

"To be honest, Rukia, I've never wanted to be with any of the women that I had the opportunity to be with."

She looked up at him again, with realization beginning to dawn in her eyes.

"Renji…" she whispered.

"Rukia, please." He closed his eyes. It was taking all his willpower not to sweep her up and kiss her.

"Please what?"

He decided to throw caution to the wind and lay all his cards on the table.

"I can't. Not yet. I have to surpass Captain Kuchiki before I can allow myself to have you."

Rukia frowned. There was only one way around his pride, now that she knew his heart.

"What about what I want?"

"Huh?"

"Don't you think you're being a little selfish, going on about 'I can't' and 'I have to'? What if I want you? I'm not asking for everything. Just enough. I want you to kiss me."

Renji almost cried tears of joy. He didn't, because that would be very unmanly, but he almost did.

"Geez, Rukia. I've waited so long to hear you say that…"

"Well I said it. Are you going to just stand there?"

Without another word, he grabbed her by the hand and they were behind the tavern in an instant. He began to lean down, but she stopped him with a finger.

"Wait!" she commanded. Renji wore an expression that said 'is she kidding? Didn't she just say…?' "Come here." He obeyed and leaned down again, this time not moving his face any closer to hers. Rukia reached up and untied his ponytail. She wouldn't allow all that awesome hair to remain tied back for their first kiss. She wasn't that hasty. "Now." She cupped his face with one hand and rested the other on his chest. He realized what she had wanted and smiled. It felt right to have his hair down with her. Then he put one hand behind her neck and slipped the other arm against her waist. When their lips finally touched, each could feel the other's racing heartbeat. As the kiss deepened to make the most of its brief time span, Rukia traced the tattoos on Renji's forehead with her fingertips. It was a kiss decades in coming, and it was wrought with gentleness, desperation, friendship, and love.

yay!! There's probably one more chapter left for this story, or maybe two. Either way, please leave me a review! :)