Title: Family Fun

Author: KrisB

Rating: PG

Spoiler: Up through Season 3

Disclaimer: All BTVS characters belong to Joss, Fox, M.E., etc. Not mine. Just having fun.

Summary: Response to ODD challenge #14 - Family Fun. Xander & Willow are turned into little kids and it is up to Buffy and Giles to take care of them until they can change them back.
Must haves:

Giles telling the kids a bedtime story, bath time, someone not wanting to wear clothes, someone telling Buffy and Giles what a nice family or (if it is a lot of kids) asking them if they know what causes that, one or more of the kids scared of the dark or of sleeping alone, kid-Xander trying to look up someone's skirt, Giles watching cartoons with the kids and/or playing at the park, happy BG ending.

"What are we going to do?" Buffy asked again.

They both flinched as they heard the crash of something solid landing on the floor, followed by the beginnings of another tear-fest. Giles stared at the amulet, now coiled in a sandwich bag on his desk. He hadn't uncovered anything more than a few singe marks since the whole thing had taken place.

"I've no idea." After a pause, "We need to research this… this amulet, find out what its purpose is."

"Well, we have to do something with them until we figure it out," she retorted, watching as the two mini-Scoobies started to play tug-of-war with Willow's bra.

"I don't suppose you could locate some appropriate clothing for them?"

His eyes followed the two children as they toddled past, Willow chasing Xander with her fist raised in three-year-old might, clenched around a strap of her bra that was bouncing against her back and trailing on the floor. They were both screaming and naked as they day they were born.

All attempts to keep a shirt on them created more tears. Willow, who was a surprising advocate of the nudist front, was found to be in possession of impressive lungs and a talent for a tantrum. Xander kept tripping over the hem of his shirt and greeting the wall with his face.

"That means I'd have to leave them here with you. Alone."

Giles paled and stood. "I-I can get the clothes. I-Is there anything else you believe we'll need?"

Buffy cocked her head to the side, thinking, then turned to the children. "Willow, Xander, come here, please." They stopped their wild run and looked at her from across the room. Every child understood that tone.

"You're not in trouble, I promise," she said. Willow stepped forward first, with Xander right behind. Buffy knelt down and smiled as they approached in shy fear.

"Do you guys know how to use the potty?" Willow nodded, then frowned when she looked at Xander's shaking head. "That's okay, Xander. I'll help you learn, all right?"

The boy nodded, blushing as he avoided Willow's frowning gaze.

"What's your favorite color?" Buffy asked next.

Xander's face lit up. "Gween!" he yelled, and clapped his chubby hands, proud of himself.

Willow's chin lifted. "I like yellow best."

Buffy nodded and bit back a grin when she saw the petulant look Xander shot her. "Okay," Buffy said, "Do you have a favorite food?"

Again, Willow knew her answer, and voiced it. "I like cheese best."

Xander looked at Buffy with a grin. "Do I hafta pick one?" he asked, holding up a pudgy little finger to emphasize his question.

Buffy did giggle then, and shook her head. She reached up and ran her hand down his head. "No, but Giles is going to the store to get a few things for us. We should keep it simple, for his sake."

Giles snorted, but kept his comments to himself. He couldn't believe how well the toddlers were responding to Buffy's questions.

"I like peesa and pasketti and cookies," Xander said, licking his lips with relish. "They bewwy good."

"Very good," Willow corrected. "With a vah."

Xander frowned, but obliged his new friend just the same. "Vvaarr-rie good."

Willow smiled and nodded. "Very good." She reached out and poked him in his chest, probably a little harder than she should have judging by Xander's pained expression as he rubbed the spot. "You're it!"

And they were off, chasing each other and screaming again. Buffy stood and smiled as she met Giles' eyes. She nodded towards the kitchen.

"Come on. I'll make you a list."

Giles followed her into the kitchen. With each item added to The List, his mirth melted into annoyance, then into the darker region of mild anger.

"They will reimburse me everything," he grumbled, his page-long List tucked into his pocket.

When Giles entered his flat some time later, he was greeted with blessed silence. He hoped, for the briefest of seconds, that everything was set to rights and he would no longer be responsible for two small children.

"Sssh," he heard a whisper. He paused, frozen to the spot.

"Did he seed us?" Another whisper.

"No." Ah, that was Buffy's voice. "Sssh, you don't want him to find us."

Giles caught on then and relaxed. He wondered for a moment how he should continue. It'd been a very long time since he last played hide and seek. Making his decision, he stomped into the kitchen, laying the bags along the counter.

"Hmm," he hummed, "I wonder where everyone is?"

He heard a couple of snickers, followed by more shushing noises issued from his Slayer.

"Buffy? Are you here?"

He walked out of the kitchen and paused in the middle of the living room, his hands planted on his hips. He scrunched his face up. "Where is that girl?"

He turned and started walking the room, though he'd already spotted the wriggling curtains as soon as he rounded the couch.

"Willow? Xander?" He raised his voice. "Is anyone there?"

More breathy, muffled snickers. He could picture them hunched down, their hands covering their faces. He removed his shoes on the carpet and snuck over to the curtains, holding his breath. He knew that Buffy could hear him coming, but the toddlers would be well and truly surprised.

Or they would have been, had Buffy not yelled, "Now!" They erupted from the curtain, crashing into his legs, and all three landed on the floor in a heap of tots and Watcher. Buffy stood over him, a triumphant grin on her face.

"Silly Watcher! You can't sneak up on a Slayer!"

Giles kicked out and she landed on her backside with a surprised "oof!".

"That may be, but I still have the power of surprise," he said as he laughed.

"Oh yeah?" she retorted, and he realized his mistake a second too late. Buffy landed on him and pinned his arms to the ground.

"Help me tickle Giles, guys!"

The toddlers pounced, their little fingers digging into his sides and thighs, masters of the tickle game. He giggled and bucked, but he was no match for Slayer strength.

"Ah!" he cried. "Mercy! Mercy!"

Buffy released him and grabbed up a kid in each arm, laughing as she stepped away from him. Giles lay on the floor, winded and shoeless. His face was flushed and his glasses sat at an odd angle on his nose. Xander continued to threaten Giles by reaching out with both hands and wriggling his fingers. He was hanging over Buffy's arm, trusting her to keep him held high while he enjoyed himself.

"I think it's time to go c-l-e-a-n u-p." She turned and started toward the hallway. "Did you get everything on the list?" she asked over her shoulder.

"Y-yes," he replied, grunting as he got to his feet.

"Good. We need the b-a-b-y s-o-a-p."

"Buffy, why are you spelling things out?"

She paused and turned, her face scrunched in disbelief. "Haven't you ever seen what a kid does when you talk about b-a-t-h t-i-m-e?"

"Uhm… no."

Buffy nodded her head as she turned, indicating he should follow. "Watch and learn."

As she turned into the bathroom from the hallway, Xander stilled, his eyes growing wide.

"I don' hafta potty," he said.

"We're not here to potty," Buffy told him calmly.

"NO!" Xander yelled, the volume impressive and ringing against the apartment walls. "I don' wanna baff!" He began wiggling in earnest, pushing against Buffy's arm. When that got him nowhere, his body slackened into dead weight and he began to slide down from her grasp.

"Giles, take Willow."

Giles took Willow from Buffy and regarded the calm little girl with surprise. She sat perched on his hip, fingering the buttons of his shirt.

"Do you like to take baths, Willow?"

"No."

"Why are you so quiet, then?"

Willow looked up at him with solemn eyes. "I'm a good girl. Mommy said."

"Yes, you are," Giles said with a soft smile. She returned the smile hesitantly and looked down at his shirt buttons again.

Giles looked up and saw that Xander was fighting Buffy with every ounce of strength he had. It was obvious that though Buffy was stronger, she was trying to subdue the child without hurting him.

"Xander," he said in the same stern tone he usually used on the boy, "you stop that this instant and do as Buffy tells you."

Xander let out a pitiful sniff. "But I don' wanna baff."

"I'll make you spaghetti for dinner if you are both good for Buffy."

"Pasketti?" Xander asked, his voice filled with hope. He turned to Buffy and whispered, "Does he know how ta make pasketti?"

Buffy smiled. "Yup. Best I've had, too. Are you gonna be a good boy now?"

Xander sighed and nodded. She lowered him into the tub without further fuss.

"Good. Okay, Willow, come on, cutie."

Willow opened her arms and was scooped in by Buffy. She smiled over the red-head's shoulder at Giles.

"I'll tell you why that was a mistake later. For now, I need the soap, the bath sets, the bath toys, and the pull-ups. You need to put the tarp down under the table."

Giles opened his mouth to say something, but she was already turned from him and placing Willow in the tub. He left the bathroom in search of the items she requested.

Giles heard a frustrated squeal, then a set of giggles, come filtering out from the bathroom. He rushed in to find Buffy's hair plastered to her head, as were her clothes to her person. Bubbles were on the top of her head, her cheek and nose, and under her chin. Xander and Willow were covered in bubbles from head to toe and were splashing in a merry fashion, giggling when more water sloshed out and onto Buffy in some way.

"Don't. You. Dare."

Giles schooled his face into polite concern.

"Everything all right?"

"Get out."

Giles couldn't hold back the chuckle that rose. "Are you sure you don't need assistance?"

Faster than he anticipated, a wet, soap-covered wash cloth splattered against his neck and stuck there, bubbles running down his shirt. He stood in shock, water droplets on the lenses of his glasses trailing down and gathering at the bottom of the frames.

Willow and Xander stared at the adults, barely breathing as they waited to see what would happen next.

When Giles was still too long, Xander whimpered, then his little lip jutted out and wobbled. Buffy turned to him, but the boy was staring up at Giles.

"She sowwy," he said. He looked to Buffy. "Wight?" He looked up to Giles again. "She sowwy. She diden mean it."

Giles wasn't sure what was going on. His confusion turned to baffled surprise as little Xander's eyes welled and he began to cry in earnest.

"Tell him you sowwy!" he said, his little hands fisting in Buffy's wet shirt. He looked up to Giles. "She diden mean it!"

Willow looked up at Giles, confused, then back to the crying boy beside her. Buffy cradled Xander to her chest.

"It's okay," she said. "Giles isn't mad, are you, Giles?"

Giles sank onto the closed toilet seat, pulling the wash cloth from his neck.

"No, I'm not angry," he said softly. Xander peeked up at Giles around Buffy's shoulder. "It's all right, son. I'm not angry with her."

"You not?"

Giles shook his head as Buffy rubbed Xander's slippery back.

"See?" Buffy said. "Everyone's fine. He was just surprised."

"Yes, I wasn't expecting that at all," he murmured.

Buffy grinned back. "You're not the only one with the power of surprise, Watcher-mine."

She released Xander and encouraged him to sit down so they could finish their bath. Giles chuckled and rose, dropping the wash cloth in the tub. Buffy let out a little squeal when the water splashed her, making the toddlers laugh again. Giles ducked around the corner of the door before he had to take another hit from his Slayer.

Giles was surprised when Buffy brought out two clean children clad only in pull-ups. She was also changed, dressed in one of his undershirts and a pair of her sweat pants. They must've been left at his flat after one of their training sessions since the summer started.

"Buffy, what –?"

She held up her hand. "You'll understand when we eat."

The necessity of the tarp placement under his dining table became clear and he gaped at her.

"Surely they can't be that bad."

Buffy snorted and rolled her eyes. "Just make their special 'pasketti' and trust me on this one, okay?"

"Eh, special?"

"No veggies, no cheese, light sauce, and just a little seasoning."

Though Giles wanted to argue that vegetables would be good for the children, he decided to follow her lead for the time being. She had requested vegetables on her list, so maybe she had a plan he didn't know about yet.

"I'm hungwy!"

"Xander, what did I tell you about interrupting?"

Xander pouted and looked up with his famous puppy eyes.

"Do I need to put you in the corner?"

Xander shook his head. "I be good. I pwomise."

Buffy smiled. "I know you will. Now, dinner's almost ready. Wanna help me set the table?"

Xander nodded. Buffy went to the breakfast bar and grabbed a small stack of napkins. She leaned down and handed them to him. "Can you put these up on the table for me, please?"

Xander grabbed the napkins and jogged the distance to the table. When he got to his destination, he put the stack on the nearest chair, climbed up onto it to his knees, and placed the napkins on the table. He laid on his belly and stuck his legs over the edge, lowering himself slowly until his stretched toes touched the floor. He dropped to his feet and ran back. Buffy watched the entire time, ready to help if it looked like he was going to fall.

Giles caught himself watching Buffy deal with Xander. She seemed so at ease with the children. He made a mental note to ask her about it some other time.

Willow was content to sit on the kitchen counter and babble to Giles, telling him anything and everything that came to mind. She constantly asked questions and for clarification if he used words she didn't understand.

When dinner was ready, they all sat at the table, ready to eat. Giles, at Buffy's request, had tossed the pasta in the spaghetti sauce. He watched now as she piled a little onto a plate and set to dicing the noodles to the smallest length she could. She set the plate in front of Willow and repeated the process with Xander. With a matter-of-fact air, she handed each child their very own plastic-ware sets. Xander's set had Spiderman on it – Willow's had ponies.

"Okay, guys. Try to keep it on your plate."

Giles stared at the children in morbid fascination. He'd watched them eat and yet he still couldn't figure out how they managed to get food in their hair.

It was everywhere. They had sauce on their faces, arms, chests, and legs. He was grateful Buffy had insisted on covering their chairs in towels, where there were small bits of pasta as well. Of course, bread crumbs, pasta bits – and by extension, pasta sauce – littered the floor around their chairs.

That tarp really was as necessary as Buffy insisted.

She went to the kitchen and wet a wash cloth. When she came back, she grabbed Xander first. She set to wiping away any trace that the boy'd ever touched food, let alone had it all over himself. Xander squirmed and fidgeted, but he was silent as he waited for her to finish. Next, she rinsed the wash cloth and set to wiping up Willow, who sat quiet, patiently waiting to be released. Buffy lifted her and placed her on the ground next to Xander, turned them towards the living room, and gave their bottoms a playful pat.

"Go on. Giles and I have to clean up."

From zero to gone, they were running around the living room, laughing and chasing each other.

Giles stood and looked down at the table in dismay. "Does every meal end this way?"

Buffy chuckled. "It's easier if they're your kids," she said. She looked up at him. "At least, that's what Mom always said."

There was a moment of relative silence before Buffy looked up, a glint in her eye. "Told ya spaghetti was a mistake."

Giles tried to glare at her, but he had to admit that she knew far more than he ever expected. He nodded, grinned, and set to assisting her clean up the disaster area that was his dining table.

Giles was staring at a particularly difficult piece of Sumerian text when he felt a tug on the rolled sleeve of his shirt. He looked down to find Willow staring up at him.

"Ji-yals, I need to go potty."

He blinked. "Shouldn't Buffy help you with that?" he asked. He glanced around, and was surprised to find that Xander was standing on the other side of him. Buffy was nowhere in sight. "Where is Buffy?"

"She seepin'," Xander whispered, pointing at the couch.

Giles stood and walked around the couch. Propped against the back, Buffy sat with her head tipped back, sound asleep. She shifted and huffed, blowing hair from her face.

"Very well," he said softly. He held out a hand to each of them and walked them to the bathroom. He let Willow go first, thankful that she understood how the whole process worked. He wasn't sure that he could force himself to help her if needed. Xander, however, was much easier to handle. When it was time, he helped the boy climb onto the toilet and smiled.

"Now, you sit there and, er, go. I'll be right outside until you've finished."

"No!" Xander said, scrambling to climb down.

Giles crouched down as Buffy'd done, stopping Xander from clinging to him. "What's wrong? I thought you needed to use the restroom."

"I do," he replied, sniffing.

Giles watched him a moment, then his face softened as he understood.

"You don't want to be in here by yourself?"

Xander shook his head, his face lowered.

"I'll stay right here if you'd like," Giles said in a low tone, smiling when Xander looked up at him. "It's all right."

Xander sniffed and wiped his arm across his face. He smiled up at Giles, grateful, and climbed back onto the toilet.