If Only...

Chapter 8

"Hello, Miss. Good to see you again."

Carly patted Ralph on the shoulder, smiling at the charming old man. He'd been the doorman at the Harborview Towers as long as she could remember. "Hello, Ralph. How's everything been?"

"Very quiet."

"Is that good or bad?"

"Damn good, chitlet."

Carly let out a laugh, the sound like twinkling chimes. It turned more than one male head, as did the tight leather pants and silk, red chemise blouse she wore. She waved over to the front desk, receiving a handful of delighted waves and smiles in return. Stepping into the elevator, she pressed the button for the Penthouse floor. The butterflies started almost immediately, and she didn't bother to convince herself that they didn't have anything to do with the man in PH4.

The rope that's wrapped around me

Is cutting through my skin

And the doubts that have surrounded me

Are finding their way in

I keep it close to me

Like a holy man prays

In my desperate hour

It's better that way

The slow ascension to the top floor always provided her with time to get her emotions in check. She knew it never really worked. Every time she stepped out, she was flushed, which elicited a comment or two from whatever guard was on duty as to the state of her health. She bit back a smile. Sonny had gotten into the habit of feeling her forehead whenever he saw her. It was a running joke between them.

Her heart raced at the thought of seeing him again. It had been almost a week since she'd made her way to Philadelphia to talk to Roger Cordel. She'd realized her first night away how much she missed him. Almost as much as she missed her son. It was all Sonny's doing that she'd been able to get the information she needed.

"Sonny, I need your help."

Pausing from pouring her a cup of coffee, he stared intently at her. The serious tone of her voice alarmed him. "What's wrong?"Leaning back against the table, he put down the pot and turned his full attention to her.

"I need to find a way out of that hellhole. Fast."

"What can I do?"

"Actually, I was hoping I could borrow Benny from you?"

Sonny was utterly confused at her request. "Benny?"

Carly nodded, standing to his right and mimicking his position, forcing Sonny to look sideways at her. From that angle, he could only make out her profile, which was her intention. He had an uncanny ability to read her eyes. "There's some research I need done and Benny's the man at that, you know."

"Why don't you tell me? You know, I'll help..."

With a smile, she faced him, her hand on his cheek. "I know, but I got myself into this mess, and I want to get myself out of it."

Sonny pushed the hurt away. "Oh. Whenever you need him, he'll be ready to help."

"Thank you." She pressed her lips to his face, inhaling the scent that was so him. So male. So sexy. So Sonny. "You know I trust you, right?" She asked, pulling back to look into his eyes. Sonny returned her gaze and, after a long while, nodded.

"Good."

So I'll come by and see you again

I'll be such a very good friend

Have mercy on my soul

I will never let you know

Where my mind has been

She tapped her foot, cursing the elevator for taking so long. She wanted to give him the good news. She'd done it. She and her son were free. A grin split her face, and she almost gave a shout of triumph when the elevator finally stopped. Practically running out, she paused for a second, glancing at Jason's door. She knew how hard it had to be for Sonny to keep what she was doing a secret.

"You want me to lie to Jason."

Carly heard the quiet sadness in his voice. Shaking her head, she came to stand behind him. "No. You won't be lying to him, Sonny." She placed her head on his shoulder, looking up and to the side at him.

Sonny tried his hardest to ignore the jolt of desire running through his body and forced himself to stick with the conversation. "How do you figure that?"

"Well, for one, I'm not going to tell you where I'm headed."

Sonny turned, his movements reverberating with anger. "The hell you won't."

Ignoring his macho bull and his intimidation tactics, Carly crossed her arms, ready for a confrontation. "The hell I will."

"You tell me that you and Benny found a loophole, as you call it, to your marriage to Junior and that you're on your way to get what you need, but you're not going to tell me what it is or where you're going?" Sonny was at a near shout, a sickening fear taking over his common sense.

"That's right." Carly gave no further argument.

"Bull." Sonny paced the floor, pointing his finger in her direction. "What if something happens to you? How the hell am I supposed to help? Did you happen to forget that no more than a month ago you were assaulted? Cause I sure as hell haven't."

"Son. Listen. Benny will know where I am. I'm going to check in with him a few times a day. If I don't check in, he'll know to tell you. Don't worry."

"She says, don't worry." Sonny laughed mirthlessly, refusing to meet her gaze. He stood rigidly, his hands clenching and unclenching, until he was certain his temper was in check. Lowering his head, he spoke quietly. "I can't have anything happen to you, Carly."

No other sound was heard in the room. He finally heard her move and could feel her warmth at his back. Sonny forced his body to turn and look at her. The minute his eyes met hers, he regretted having said anything. Her eyes were brimming with tears. "Carly, I'm sorry..."

"Shut up." , she replied and before either one knew what was happening, Carly pulled him to her...

Angels never came down

There's no one here they want to hang around

But if they knew

If they knew you at all

Then one by one the angels

Angels would fall

The memory of their goodbye was still fresh in her mind. Francis stood at his spot, his face breaking into a smile when he saw her. She smiled back, then moved to the door, knocking almost timidly. "Sonny?" She opened the door slowly, scanning the room. He wasn't downstairs. She closed the door, disposing of her coat and purse on his desk chair. The picture frame caught her eye, and she picked it up. It was a picture of Michael. She moved towards the couch, the picture still in her hand. It stirred something deep inside her to know that Sonny had a picture of her son on his desk. An emotion she wasn't yet sure she was ready to feel.

I've crept into your temple

I have slept upon your pew

I've dreamed of the divinity

Inside and out of you

I want it more than truth

I can taste it on my breath

I would give my life just for a little death

The glass twirled in his hand, the ice clinking softly, the coldness of the alcohol numbing his hand. He took a sip, making a face at the watered-down taste but remembering his promise.

"If you insist on drinking so much..."

"Not another lecture on my alcohol consumption," Sonny teased, enjoying the dirty look she sent his way. "You know, I only started liking you a few weeks ago and here you are, already trying to run my life."

"I'm just saying, since you didn't appreciate my comments on cutting back on the scotch, I figured you would try maybe drinking it on the rocks..."

"That makes it more watery," Sonny said cheekily. She didn't know it, but, the day she'd mentioned his drinking, he'd cut back. He only drank when she was around, mostly to drive her to distraction.

"That would be the point, Einstein."

He knew she had some issues with drinking. "Okay. Since it means that much to you..."

"Really?"

"Really."

Angels never came down

There's no one here they want to hang around

But if they knew

If they knew you at all

Then one by one the angels

Angels would fall

Sonny smiled faintly at the memory. Ever since the assault, Carly had made it a point to check in with Sonny: calling him at all hours, dropping by everyday, bringing Mikey by for lunch. It got to the point that, when she wasn't around or if she didn't call, he'd start to worry. The first day she didn't call him or drop by, he'd called her cell numerous times. She'd laughed at him and told him it "was about damn time" he called her.

He missed her. Like crazy. He caught his reflection in the window, seeing the tired eyes looking back at him. He hadn't slept well since she'd left. Thoughts of Carly consumed him at the worst possible times. He'd almost jumped Benny when his phone had rung a few days before, and he'd realized Benny was talking to Carly. But his promise hung in the air...

Sonny closed his eyes, enjoying the sensations Carly's body being in such close proximity sent through him. She wiggled a bit in his embrace, and he had to choke down a groan. This was even worse than the hug she'd given him a few weeks before at the warehouse.

His hands encircled her waist, and he pulled away, keeping her close to him still. "What was that for?"

"Because you're damn near the sweetest man I've ever met."

"Me?"

"Yeah. You."

Sonny grinned, his dimples flashing down at her. "I know." He laughed at her outraged cry and ducked away from her playful punch, releasing her in the process. He watched her fiddle with his shirt before looking back up at him. "So, you're going to let me do this, right?"

Sonny inhaled a long intake of air, rubbing the bridge of his noise furiously. "I can't believe I'm doing this. Ok. Fine. I won't push you to tell me."

"Yea!"

"But..."

"But?"

"Yeah. But, I'd be a little happier if you took Joseph with you. I promise I won't check up or make him check in, but it would make me feel a whole lot better if I knew someone was watching your back."

Carly considered it for a few minutes, then held out her hand. "Deal."

"Deal." Sonny took her hand in his, the electricity coursing between them. Throwing caution to the wind, not caring if he revealed too much, he pulled her to him tightly. " Please be careful. Promise."

Carly nodded against him, "Promise." His shirt muffled her reply. She gazed up at him, her chin firmly on his chest.

"You need to promise something, too."

"What?"

"You'll wait until I'm back before you move in on Hannah-Banana."

Sonny eyed her. "Why?"

"Two reasons. First, I owe her. Big time. I so want to be there when the shit hits the fan.

"And two?"

"Two... I know, no matter what you say, this is going to be hard for you. I want to be here for my friend is all. So, you promise."

Her concern had moved him beyond speech. He pulled her back into his arms.

"Promise..."

So I'll come by and see you again

I'll be just a very good friend

I will not look upon your face

I will not touch upon your grace

Your ecclesiastic skin

He'd kept his promise so far. It was killing him everyday to pretend to feel anything for Hannah other than contempt. He cleared his head of all thoughts of Hannah. He opened the window, letting in the crisp October air. It was unusually warm for fall, and the smell of dried leaves wafted into the room. He could smell gardenias and wildflowers. It took him back to another night.

I understand now.

You understand what?

What the finest lady Jason ever saw... saw in you.

The faintest memories of that night in August when Carly had stayed with him came back to him on occasion. He couldn't remember it all. Never could. But he remembered her hands. Her warmth. Her voice.

He needed to hear her voice. Promise or no promise. Sonny walked out of his room. His shirt hung open and flailing behind him as he took the steps to the first floor. He stopped midway down, seeing the leather-clad figure sitting on his couch.

Angels never came down

There's no one here they want to hang around

But if they knew

If they knew you at all

Then one by one the angels

Angels would fall

"Carly?"

Hearing Sonny's voice brought her head up from her lap. She craned her neck and saw him standing in all his half-naked glory on the stairs. She set the picture down on the coffee table, standing to look at him.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself."

Sonny grinned, his twin dimples crossing his face. He stuck his hand out to her, descending the rest of the way. "C'mere."

I'll come by and see you again

I'll have to be a very good friend

If I whisper they will know

I'll just turn around and go

You will never know my sin

Carly felt her own face split into a grin, and her eyes filled with tears. Without preamble, she ran into his arms, relishing the feel of them around her. She inhaled deeply, loving the familiarity of him.

Sonny touched her hair briefly, bringing his face down to it and smelling the sweet scent of roses. He embraced her tightly, not wanting to release her yet. Stroking her hair, he pulled away slightly, touching his hand to her forehead. Carly giggled, her arms circling his neck, and buried her head in his shoulder. Sonny's eyes closed, and a relieved sigh escaped his throat.

"Damn, I missed you."

"Ditto."

Angels never came down

There's no one here they want to hang around

But if they knew

If they knew you at all

Then one by one the angels

Angels would fall

Lyrics: Angels Will Fall by Melissa Etheridge