If Only...

Chapter 18
(NC-17)

Sonny pounded his pillow, shifting his body over and then back again. He'd lost count by now how much tossing and turning he'd done. Lifting his head, he glanced at the clock. He groaned when it read three o'clock, rubbing his hand over his face in frustration.

It was exhausting trying not to think of Carly. Trying not to remember that she slept down the hall. Trying not to listen to the need to be with her.

His mind flashed to her image. Lying amidst his sheets, blonde hair fanned across his pillows. He glanced over at the empty space next to him. He wanted her with him. Now.

Thoughts of Carly had been plaguing him since he'd left her at her door. He couldn't push them away. He'd promised her time to adjust to the idea of them. He wanted her to be sure. He needed her to be.

But the need for her in his arms, in his bed, was stronger.

"Forget this." He threw his blankets off, his feet hitting the cold floor. Who was he kidding? He wasn't going to sleep tonight and he knew it. His eyes fell on the decanter of brandy across the room and with little hestitation he walked to it. Pouring a hefty amount into the glass, he brought it to his lips and gulped it down in one movement. He sighed, feeling the warmth spread through him.

Why in the hell had he stopped? Shaking his head, he poured another one, this time sipping slowly as he became lost in his thoughts.

What had possessed him to push Carly away? He wanted her and he wasn't the type to deny himself what he wanted. Not ever. His gaze fell to his door, looking beyond to what lay behind it. Across the hallway from him. He wanted her to feel safe with him - That was his excuse.

But she wasn't. Not in his life. Not in his house and certainly not across the hall from him. He wanted her to want him, so he had to be honest. He had to show her who he was. Warts and all.

"To hell with it."

Carly knew him for what he was. What was it she always called him? Selfish and a control freak. Damn straight. He knocked back what was left of his drink, setting the glass down, and with determination walked to the door. The sudden knocking made him stop, his hand on the knob.

"Sonny."

His brow furrowed for a moment and he cleared his throat. "Carly?"

"You expecting someone else?"

Sonny opened the door, his stare meeting hers as he did. "You never know." Smiling, his eyes drifted over her face before moving down, drinking her in. Heat rose in Carly as he paused at her breasts, rubbing his chin before slowly bringing his eyes back to hers. His smile caused her to almost rethink her plan.

Almost.

She wanted him and knew he wanted her. So to hell with what he thought she needed.

Smiling softly, she slid past him, her hair brushing his skin. She felt his eyes follow her progress across his room. She came to stand next to his window, turning to glance back at him. "I couldn't sleep. You?"

He shook his head, his eyes narrowing as they watched her walk to his dresser, hands skimming over the surface. Carly yawned, bringing her arms over her head, the material of her gown stretching over her taut nipples. Sonny grinned inwardly as he observed her. She was trying to seduce him.

He felt the hardness in his pants as he watched her absentmindedly bite her lip.

She was doing a damn fine job too. He rubbed his hand slowly against his chin, his eyes following her every move. Her head was bent, hair shielding her face, as she studied the old wooden cigar box he kept on his dresser.

Carly felt his gaze on her and swallowed nervously. Her stomach and knees trembled as she opened the box in front of her. The sickly sweet smell of cigars floated out of it and she inhaled deeply. "You don't look like a smoking man, Sonny."

"I'm not."

She jumped feeling his breath on her neck, bringing her eyes to the mirror and seeing him at her back. She hadn't heard him get that close. Sonny met her gaze in the reflection, his lips breaking slowly into a dimpled smile.

Carly felt the walls close in around her and she turned, crossing the room. She needed as much distance from Sonny as she could get at the moment. Her eyes fell to the door, an escape plan forming in her head.

"Are you planning on stealing that?" His eyes stayed fixed on hers as he closed in. Carly looked down to her hands, noticing that she had grabbed the box. She laughed nervously as Sonny approached.

"Sorry."

Sonny stood in front of her now, staring intently at her face. He reached for the case, fingers brushing against hers. Setting it down, he returned his gaze to hers and smiled slowly. Fear and longing warred inside her, tugging at her heart. The walls seemed to close in more and Carly gulped, stuttering as she brushed past Sonny. "I need to - I should go."

His hand wrapped around her arm, halting her progress. "Don't go." Her back to him, Carly bit back a sigh and glanced over her shoulder.

Did you ever think of me
As your best friend.

"I - I don't want - I came here to -"

He flashed a smile, gliding his hand up her arm tenderly. He felt her shudder under his touch and guided her body to his, her back against his front. Lips planting feather-soft kisses at her neck, nipping lightly as he shifted to press firmly into her. "I know."

Her head fell back, exposing the soft skin of her neck to his roaming lips. He bit down, smiling at her gasp. He kissed her skin tenderly, attempting to take away some of the sting. His hands moved over stomach, skimming over the silk of her nightgown, gliding to a rest beneath her ribcage.

Carly trembled, fighting against the feelings crashing over her. Every part Sonny touched ached, wanting more, needing more. She shook her head, pulling slightly away. "Sonny...I-" He stilled, one hand lightly touching her breast, the other stopping on the inside of her thighs. She felt his chest rise against her back, his voice a low gravelly rumble in her ear.

"Are you scared?"

She nodded, swallowing against the lump. "I - I don't want to regret this."

Did I ever think of you
I'm not complaining.

Sonny pulled back, bringing his hands to her shoulders and turning her to face him. He ran his hands through her hair lovingly, his gaze locking onto hers. "I want you, Caroline. I want you more than I've wanted anything or anyone in my life."

Carly stared, speechless, her mind searching for the right thing to say. Sonny took her silence as fear and continued, framing her face in his hands. "I trust you like no one else. I don't just want to share my home with you. I want to share my life. Can you do that? Knowing who and what I am, can you be with me?"

He watched tears glisten in her eyes and cast his eyes away. His heart bruising at the unexpected denial. He should have known better and not pushed her. Now she would close him out and -

Her mouth crashed onto his, surprising him and causing his balance to waver, arms wrapping around her waist to keep them both upright. Hers twined around his neck, pressing their bodies together. Heat rose between and around them, their panting echoing in the room, and Sonny released a groan as Carly's hands found their way under his shirt, caressing his skin. He deepened the kiss, coaxing her mouth to open to him, tasting her...

Moaning, Carly plunged into the heat of his mouth, stroking her tongue over his. Feeling his hands fisting in her hair, she whimpered, yanking back from his mouth. Eyes half shuttered, he leaned his forehead, touching hers, their breaths mingling in the space between.

"Please don't ask me to stop."

I never tried to feel.
I never tried to feel.
This vibration.

Carly shook her head, smiling slightly. "I couldn't even if I wanted to." His hands roamed her back, soothing and sending every nerve in her body haywire. They stopped on her ass, gripping gently as she spoke. "I...you know how we are, Sonny. We light a match and the whole house burns."

Her tone was scared but he could hear need mixed within it. Releasing her, he drew back, meeting her eyes. "There's nothing to be afraid of." Carly sent him a disbelieving stare and he chuckled. His woman wasn't stupid. "Okay. There is...but sometimes taking a chance is worth it."

Warm fingers trailed over her cheek, reassuring her along with his words. Carly shivered, wanting and desire bubbling over in her. "We cause so much damage, Sonny..."

His hand fell to her head, luring her face closer, lips touching. The words falling amidst his soft kisses...

"I don't want to do any more damage."

I never tried to reach.
I never tried to reach.
Your eden.

Lips nipped lightly, diving in and out for small kisses, tender bites. Carly's hands drifted down, finding the edge of his shirt, lifting it up and over his head. Letting it fall to the floor, she trailed her hands over his skin, teasing. He smiled at her, releasing a gasp when her mouth followed her hands. She reached his neck, biting gently, her hands moving down, sliding over the front of his pants.

Sonny grasped her face tenderly, walking her backwards towards the bed, his kiss plundering her mouth. When she stopped, he dragged his mouth from hers, drinking her in. His hands trailed over her shoulder, playing with the thin straps of her nightgown. Almost reverently, he pushed one strap down her shoulder, his lips tracing over her skin. They reached the sensitive spot on her neck and she shivered. He pulled gently on other strap, feeling the material fall loose to pool at their feet.

Your eden. Your eden.

He shifted, eyes falling to her flushed breasts, the soft mounds rising and falling with her every breath. His hands followed the same path, lightly cupping them, fingers tracing the tips. Her moans of pleasure aroused a rush of blood to his painfully hard erection.

"Jesus."

She was more beautiful than he had imagined. Her skin glowed radiantly in the light, her eyes shining with desire. Carly met his gaze, a smile that made his insides quiver forming on her mouth, and she closed the distance between them, bringing her warm, soft skin against his.

Carly leaned towards him, her mouth teasing his, brushing across his cheeks, his lips, his chin. Her hands rested on his hips and she looped her fingers under the edge of his pants, pushing them down. Her eyes glanced down brieftly and returned to his face. She grinned widely, one hand finding his hardness, the other caressing the skin from his hips to his buttocks and back. Sonny leaned into her touch, eyes closing against the pleasure. He reached down, covering her hands with his. She pumped her hand over his erection, illicting a deep growl from Sonny. Her movements sped up then slowed as she watched his face. She continued the pattern, Sonny's breaths gaining speed as did her movements. He pulsed in her hand, throbbing at her touch. Her fingers moving over the head slowly, filling her hands with his scent, his mark.

Carly kissed a trail of wet kisses up his chest and neck, laughing. "Patience..."

Did I ever think of you
As my enemy.

Sonny grasped her shoulders firmly, pushing her onto his bed, his arms on either side of her. He kicked off his pants, hovering over her before gradually lowering his body onto hers. "...is a virtue. I don't have those."

Carly's laughter rumbled against his chest and he grinned. "You were teasing me weren't you, little girl?"

"Uh-huh. What are you planning on doing about it, old man?"

Sonny raised an eyebrow, enjoying the satisfied smirk that appeared on her face. Without a word, he kissed her lips, deepening it as she responded. Her hands trailed over his back and up to rest at the nape of his neck, tugging at the hair that lay there. His mouth marked a path over her neck, sliding slowly over her skin, pausing when he reached the rise of her breasts. His tongue softly lapped at them, kissing and licking each one. Carly moaned quietly, hands crawling over his back and neck, clawing gently. He took one nipple into his mouth, rolling his tongue over it, nipping, suckling. His fingers found the other one, tweaking firmly as Carly's moans grew louder and he smiled against her, loving her sounds filling the air.

His mouth kissed its way down her body, halting for a moment at her firm stomach. He placed a soft kiss on her navel and continued his trail until he came to her thighs, his hands reaching her center. Fingers slipped through her folds, into her entrance, finding her ready. His thumb found the sensitive nub and, rubbing lightly, he sank one finger into her.

Did you ever think of me
I'm not complaining.

Carly groaned, her pleasure growing, flames twisting in her as Sonny continued his slow torture. She gasped as he pushed a second, then third finger into her. Her head swam, drunk on the feel of Sonny, the need for more of him, pounding through her. Her eyes opened slightly to look down at him, meeting his gaze. He smiled slyly, removing his hand from her, and Carly's eyes widened as he leaned his head into the apex between her legs.

Sonny kissed the inside of her thighs before bringing his tongue to her. Carly's hips jutted up from the bed, a groan of satisfaction escaping her lips. Sonny placed a palm on her hips, firmly holding her in place while his tongue plundered her, sucking, tasting, drinking her...

She grasped his head, holding it, stroking it as her body began to tremble. She felt the rising wave of pleasure. Sonny's mouth and hands continued their assault and she grasped the sheets, crying out his name as she drowned under the sensations that flooded her.

He climbed upward, kissing and licking along the path, finally bringing his weight on her, staring into her eyes before taking her mouth in his. Carly moaned, her taste still on his lips heightening her pleasure. She shivered and Sonny positioned himself at her entrance, sliding with a thrust into her snug warmth. She gasped at his intrusion, feeling just a slight discomfort as her body took him. Sonny leaned down, kissing her softly, thrusting slowly, easing into her.

I never tried to feel.
I never tried to feel.
This vibration.

She could still feel the tendrils of a new orgasm in her body and Sonny inside her only increased her desire for more. Touching his face gently, she brought her legs to his hips, seeing Sonny's eyes grow black as he pushed deeper into her. His movements were slow, calculated, controlled. He watched her face, his hands finding hers and lacing their fingers, bringing them over her head.

Carly sped up her movements, needing the release of the pent up sensations that were now boiling over. She gripped Sonny's ass and groaned, a mixture of pleasure and frustration. Her eyes stayed on Sonny's as he thrust into her, almost pulling out completely before plunging into her once more. Carly pushed up as he thrust, wanting that release, needing that climax.

"Wait...baby...I don't want this to end so quickly."

She shuddered as he whispered into her mouth, their kisses melding together, one beginning where the other ended. He kissed her eyes, her face as he continued the slow, long ride into ecstasy. Her hands loosened and she brought them to grip him firmly.

"Please...Sonny...I need...you...now..."

I never tried to reach.
I never tried to reach.
Your eden.

His hands gripped her hips as he drove himself into her, their passionate cries filling the room. The sound of his skin against hers reverberated in his ears and he bit back a groan, determined not to give in to it until she was with him. Until they went over the abyss together. He pushed down against her, driving himself into her over and over, hearing her small gasps as he thrust inside her.

Your eden. Your eden.

Painfully delicious heat engulfed her, skin quivering in urgency, begging for release. Sonny leaned into her, his hardness touching her core repeatedly and she felt the undeniable rush of ectasy. Her vision blurred, darkness nipping at conciousness, and she screamed as wave after wave of sensations hit her body.

Sonny felt Carly convulse beneath him, around him, and he drove into her roughly, feeling his own climax pull him under. He garbled her name, spilling his warmth inside her womb. He fell onto her as his arms gave way, losing their strength. He remained on top of her, feeling her continued shuddering. After what seemed an eternity he kissed her face and neck, rolling off her gently, and scooped her into his arms with her back against his chest.

He listened to their breathing, waiting for his heart and hers to return to some semblance of normalcy. Her hands ran through his sweat-drenched hair and he opened his eyes feeling her eyes on him.

Stroking her hair, he kissed it softly, inhaling her scent...their scent. "Are you okay?"

She glanced at him. "Oh yeah. Just wondering something."

"What?" His face nuzzled against her neck, loving the smell of her skin mingled with the scent of their lovemaking.

Her hands stroked the arms he'd wrapped around her. God she felt wonderful.

"I guess this means that whole waiting deal is out?"

Sonny stopped, pulling back to look at her face. She glanced back at him and grinned. "Just saying."

He buried his face in her neck and laughed...

I never tried to feel.
I never tried to ...
Your eden.

Lyrics: Eden by Sarah Brightman