Shippuuden – I'll Win My Enemy's Heart, It's My Way of the Ninja!

By Unborn
Fandom: Naruto
Pairings: Naruto/Sasuke
Rating: PG16
Spoilers Warning: Shippuuden Manga roughly up to date.

Introductory Notes: It's Shipuudden Naruto NaruSasu Silly Version. The story will feed on the abuse of every kind, possible or existing, Naruto, and especially NaruSasu, cliché as I can fit into the story, be warned.

CHAPTER 2-- Heat

The night was upon them before long. They set camp by the mountain, hidden by forestation and the subtle sound of a fall nearby.

"Kakashi-sensei," Sakura started.

"Hm?"

The Copy-Ninja was leaning back a tree, looking up from reading his R18+ books Flirting Tactics.

"If Sasuke was to come back, what would happen?"

The rustle of unpacking paused at Sakura's question. "Come back to Konoha? Mmh…"

"He would stand trial," said Sai unexpectedly.

The other three turned their attention to him. In a kind and not overly-light tone, Sai said, "A jury of Konoha's elders would see to it if he should be treated as a guest or as a prisoner, that is, they will be deciding if he is friend or foe."

"Ehh??" Naruto said suddenly. "Wait a minute – Sasuke is a village shinobi! Wouldn't they know that?"

"I'm afraid he renounced that title when he left Konoha," retorted Sai, his small smile turning into a solemn expression. The camp grew silent. Then,

"So how did that go for my attempt to a tactful answer? I read it in a book it must be said soothingly and not use a full smile!"

The incredulous shock in the others' faces "You are getting there…" was reflected in Sakura's answer.

Then Naruto-baka had added, and so went to waste the weirdness of the situation, in a low voice, "Friend or foe, eh?" and Sakura mimicked his reaction. On cue to Sakura and Naruto's depressed aura, the camp went again to submerge in that deep, suffocating silent tension.

So, Kakashi spoke, "Anyways, it's also possible to recover that title so let's not give up hope yet."

They looked up, Naruto snapped with an "Alright!" and Sakura added, "Yes, Kakashi-sensei." (Inner Sakura: 'HELL IT WILL BREAK MY SPIRIT! SHANNARO!')

The two of them smile at their sensei. (Kakashi thinks: 'Bah, I was going to tell them not to get their hopes up but I end doing the opposite.')

"Anyways, where's Sasuke?" Naruto asked all of the sudden.

"Naruto, haven't you been paying attention?" said Sakura, arranging her futon.

Sasuke, whose speed was greater than all of theirs, was surprisingly quiet about the wasted day they had just let by. Silent as a grave, he moved away to set his own camp, or so were the guesses from the new Team 7.

"It shouldn't surprise you," said Kakashi, "It's true that we are working together but remember Sasuke is no longer part of our team."

"Ah, yeah, that's true…" Naruto attempted laughing, though he sounded disheartened. "Ah, but he must still be starving with nothing to eat! I didn't see him carry any backpack earlier. I'll take him something –"

He dropped to his knees and to his own backpack, at the same time Sakura said, "N-Naruto! We don't have that much spare food either."

"That's no problem! I'll take him some of my private, emergency ramen provisions stack!" as he said so, he was bringing it out and jumped to his feet to go – only Sai was on his way.

"Eh?"

"I'll bring it to him for you," Sai said holding a hand up. "I was planning to go out for firewood all the same.

Naruto looked from his hand, to his ramen pot to Sai's child-like smile. "Ah, that's… I guess that works," Naruto said, handing dejectedly and disappointed the pot over.

In the dead of the night, the sound of kunais hitting the ground and wood was barely perceptible. The ninja over the edge of the small waterfall was standing smugly over a round rock, looking for all you knew as if he was merely relaxing bathed in the moonlight. The face coming from behind the three looked differently but similarly unaffected, and was smiling.

"Not bad," drawled the first man's voice. "Was I a bratty child like at my time in Konoha, I'd be impressed."

Sai retorted with a simple expression of his own (his trademark smile), "Good thing you are not a bratty kid from Konoha, then."

The two stayed still, one on guard but showing only slightly though fake expressions, the other seizing the other up without looking concerned in the least. "What do you want?" said the latter man.

The first man raised his chin and his smile. "Since we are allied, I thought I'd step forward to make a proper introduction. I'm Sai, and I'm pleased to meet you…

"…Emo-kid."

Sasuke was indeed mid-way waving him off with disinterest—

– when Sai's words stuck him. His eyes started to turn dangerous, they which should be sinister enough with his Sharingan on at all times like that.

"I wanted to hear your opinion, I've other names," continued Sai. "How do you like… drama queen?"

In, rushed Naruto to the rescue like a canon bullet, clapping Sai's mouth closed–"D-don't pay him any attention, Sa-as-Sasuke! He is blabbing mad, Sai – hahahahah!"

He abandoned his obviously fake laughter and pulled Sai to a corner, hooking an arm around his neck conspirationally, "Do you have a death wish?!

"Listen, Sasuke has the Sharingan, he can actually kill you off with a glance –" For effect, Naruto opened his own eye wide and pointed, before returning to his narrow, fox-like eyes with an expression of dread. "It's scary…"

"Oh! Is that so? I'm sorry," said Sai, not looking concerned at all.

Naruto nodded solemnly, "Good thing I was here to save your butt."

--Small Chibi Moment--
CHIBI-NARUTO: Yeah, year! Those bloodlines are some thing, I just heard that Neji could see my inner chakra and I was like 'WHAT?! He can see though my clothes?!' –"

CHIBI-SAI: "He wasn't missing much before"
--End Chibi Momento--

"Usuratonkachi."

Forgetting his early warnings exceedingly fast, Naruto snapped, "EH! ARE YOU TRYING TO PICK A FIGHT, SASUKE-TEME?!"

Meanwhile, Sai clapped happily again, "Oh, that's a nice one! Sasuke-kun is good at picking nicknames."

"Ngh—"

"I was thinking of something about your penis; they say nicknames can also be picked about past experiences, you know," continued Sai happily again, matter-of-factly. "But I couldn't find something short with it."

He finished at the same time Naruto burst out, "THAT SHOULD BE BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING WRONG ABOUT MY PENIS!"

A plop over the floor warned them Sasuke had descended from that rock and Naruto jumped to swirl around to face Sasuke now. He was adopting a fighting stance when he felt that annoying feeling on the stomach return…

--In Naruto's Mind--
"Eh? Nine-tails… is that you?"

"Jur jur," retorted a grave voice behind the gates in his mind. "It's hot in here or my chakra is burning"

Naruto pointed at the closed gate accusatorily. "I knew there was something up! It was YOU with the purring! What was that for?!"

"Took you long enough," retorted the Nine-tail with a grave purr. "I just happened to be excited, that's all. The Uchiha boy," it responded Naruto's unspoken question.

Naruto's eyes were now in the boy in question. "What about him? I'm excited about it too, but you don't see me purring!"

A bubbling, burning sensation that Naruto thought first that was embarrassment started to embrace him when he realized what it was.
--Out of Naruto's mind--

Both Sasuke and Sai were looking back at Naruto now, it was apparent he was molding the red chakra. They had been taken back by the sudden change only upon meeting face to face to Uchiha.

Troubled by Naruto's silence and the tail that threatened to exteriorize, Sai took out a kunai. Sasuke was impassive… It seemed he wasn't going to take the trouble of stopping it in the first place.

He half turned around, seemly to leave and most readily to ignore.

--Inside Naruto's Mind again--
"Wha—what are you doing? I didn't summon your chakra," said a very confused Naruto. "Look, see, there's no enemies to defeat."

The grave voice purred a sigh. "You, boy, sometimes give me a real migraine."

"Eh! Eh! Have some respect, it's my body after all," Naruto snapped. "And you are giving me a headache too, dumbass." (Naruto: Ah, but at least we are cooling down.)

"Mmh… really nice movement" moaned the Kyuubi, ignoring him.

"What –" Naruto looked up were his eyes were, still over were Sasuke was, and responded, "Ah, er, yeah, you mean his speed, right?"

At that moment, Naruto had to correct himself when he found himself staring, eyes as if having a will of their own (almost…), at the lower anatomy of Uchiha Sasuke.

"EH?!"
--Out of Naruto's Mind…--

That outburst happened also out of Naruto's mind, though Naruto's real body's mouth. Sasuke stopped in his leave to turn around and drawled, hand in hip, "What's wrong with you, dobe."

--Inside Naruto's Mind--
Naruto jumped back in his mind and his body looked mechanically up at the same time. To excuse not addressing the issue with Sasuke first, he turned to the Nine-Tails again, fired up, "B-baka-Kyuubi! What would you look down there for?!"

"Because I like his butt," said the Nine-Tails laying down as if to go to sleep. He purred contently. "Nya nya"

"Baka! Why are you paying that much attention to Sasuke?"

"Oh?" answered the Nine-Tails without opening his eyes, "Ah, but Sai doesn't look bad either." He purred again, loudly and pleased.

"You should be complimenting Sakura-chan instead – Would you stop that!" ranted Naruto. "It feels all funny and I think I want to poo again."

The Kyuubi made a non-agreeable sound. "You are a dangerous weapon for a turn-off, kid." Naruto's body went back to normal temperature.

The Nine-Tail opened one lazy eye at Naruto, "You are of age now; you should know how this is."

"Eh?"

"Heat."

"Heat?!"

"In…heat."

"In…"
--End of Naruto's mind interaction--

"Eh? Eh?" he answered eloquently. Sasuke had asked something to him, before right? Sai had pocketed his kunai after Naruto's sudden changes of moods (in real life, the inner conversation lasted less than seconds).

"No, nothing, nothing! I'm perfectly alright!" answered Naruto fast and rushed, his laugh and usual confident posture lacked something… ease.

Uchiha Sasuke stared down at the eyes of Naruto but found as fast the thing was asleep, his eyes flashed redder than red.

"Baka. Saying that as if I care..."

His eyes left Naruto to tsk derisively only to return with cold indifference, "You were never that easily ticked before."

Just as Naruto was feeling his face hot with anger, a hand was pushing his forehead protector up unexpectedly… exactly where Sai had placed it.

"I heard illness had the same effects like an illusionary genjutsu technique," he said, explanatorily, "and I've read, fever, which comes with illness, can be found like this."

He proceeded to retrieve his hand and stare at it. "But I didn't finish the chapter." Naruto was stunned cold with the shock of it all. "But maybe you should lay down, Naruto-kun."

"Heh, no, I don't think it's that," Naturo answered back, with a weird but more at-ease smile. And Sai smiled back.

A crack sound summoned their attentions away from one another: that stone Sasuke had only been laying on before? It displayed quite a huge crack– apparently Sasuke had crushed the same round stone, his own chosen bed now behind him, with his fingers alone.

"You are annoying."

Feeling the feeling of ease and content quickly leaving him, Naruto pointed up and shouted his lungs off, "EH?! You are much more annoying than anyone, Sasuke-TEME!"

Kyuubi, though, apparently agreed, 'Annoyance's first and last name is: Uzumaki Naruto.' The voice in Naruto's head yawned.

"Why don't you marry Uchiha Sasuke then?!" he retorted – but he was so fired up he said it out loud instead of shouting at his inner monster.

Therefore he was left stammering with the other two staring… because he couldn't come up with an excuse to why he had said something like that. Which… which would be…?

Sasuke tsked. "Do you really think I would be interested in something that has been inside your body?"

He… he… Naruto-kun was stunned cold, damn the irony of it all: he… knew.

His laugh, other than out of context and loud, was irrational. "Of course, of course, silly monster doing silly jokes," he said, his voice going though all piano and forte on a same word.

"Dumbass," Sasuke said again, looking down on him, "I mean to say I wouldn't touch you with a five-foot long pole."

At that time, the blood had rushed so fast to his blond head, it left him feeling opposite: cool-headed to think of a rushed but (quite obviously) brilliant plan, and his body responded to it faster than his mind to finish the process. Therefore, his hands made the seal and mouth shouted in one continuous, swift motion,

"Sexy no jutsu!"

A cloud of smoke rose around him.

And now he knew what he had to do. Like Kyuubi had said, they were of age; and this technique always worked on adults. He had to pose his sexy female naked body and he would have Uchiha Sasuke pass out so much blood though his nose, he would faint right at his feet!

Therefore, he prepared the pose: one hand behind his head, the other signaling Sasuke to him, and he spoke with a high-pitched voice, which he did not recognize as altogether correct –

"Sasuke-sama"

That was HIS male voice speaking, so that meant… DAMN IT!

Naruto, pose in effect, had his face melt into that of horror when he found out he had transformed into a naked body – sexy, maybe, but not female: HIS naked body.

Sasuke was staring uncomprehending at Naruto's naked dread. Obviously, it would not have any effect like this… And the problem is that Naruto couldn't bring himself to move from his now ridiculous sexy pose either.

While Naruto was in shock naked stated, Sai smiled calmly, "I'm going to go back, Naruto –" (Naruto: How can you say so so calmly?! teary-eyed) "I should not take long so I don't make others worry."

He left something on Naruto's hand, "Come back soon you too, Naruto."

And with that, he leaves.

Finally, Naruto got to disentangle himself from his own petrified state, dejected and with a cloud of smoke returning his clothes on.

Uchiha Sasuke tossed his head to the side with a snarky remark, "Are you done?"

Naruto threw him a projectile that Uchiha easily snatched, but upon closer inspection resulted to be a food container. When he looked down at Naruto for explanations, the other boy was staring back, expression serious and mad.

"There, you have your dinner," he said, and next thing he left. Sasuke was left staring at the ramen pot.

He frowned. At the side of it, there was a note stuck with adhesive. The note read: NARUTO'S in big, bold letters. DON'T EAT! in slightly smaller letters. Then: I mean it Kakashi!!!!! and an angry face. And on the very last, small and between brackets: (Sakura can have some if she asks) next to a heart.

And a tired Kakashi had successfully stayed unseen, sighing behind a tree, "That was a close one. Here I thought for a second I'd actually have to leave them alone."

n

Non-Educative O-MAKE-CHIBIS Author's Notes:

"Ahh… and then Naruto's pants were dropped down and, um, he was going to commando and… Ahhh, Sasuke-sama he uttered. S-Sasuke stepped forwards and wrapped m—h-his arms around Naruto's naked body, and w—they would make love that night…"

CHIBI-SASUKE: stares at his writing with a hot-red face "And then Sasuke woke up…" inscribes again, furiously "and then the world exploded!" looks accomplished …take that, blockheads! Told you anybody can make a NaruSasu fanfic.

From the other side of the village of Konoha, a group of ninja students were up on a roof staring at a single piece of paper, peeking curious, amazed and -in every level- flushed, over Gaara of the Desert's shoulder.

For the life of Konoha's young shinobis and kunoichis, good thing Sasuke never spotted that hovering eye spying over his head.

(/This is not what Sasuke dreamt with last night.)