AN: I'm sorry but I haven't proofread this chapter since I really wanted to get it out. BTW Happy late Halloween and Dias de Los Muertos peoples! Do enjoy your trick r treating candy while you read this.
I've already disclaimed this in the first chapter.
CH.4 A NEW LIFE
December 31st, 1919 (New Year's Eve)
11:00 A.M.
" No, we're baking the cakes and desserts first. Sandwiches won't be fresh by the time our guests arrive if we make them now. Do you think you can fetch me some walnuts from the cellar?"
My nine year old niece nodded seriously and went off down to the cellar. I sighed and stirred the cake batter. She was such a sweet little girl. I could hardly believe she had Evenson blood in her.
" Esme?"
I smiled brightly and hugged my mother earnestly. Despite our arguments, I was glad to see her.
" Thank you so much for coming Mother. It's been months since I've seen you!"
" Oh, well I've got to see my baby girl living her new life. I wouldn't miss this for the world! You're finally doing something with your new family. How's Charles?" I frowned and looked away.
" Charles is-" She smiled at me, urging me to be a good wife, "- fine. We're fine."
" I'm glad to hear that, Esme. Anyways, your father is helping the men move furniture so that there's space for our guests. I'm here to make sure we have award-winning pies tonight." I rolled my eyes- my mother was proud holder of the annual county fair's " Best Apple Pie" and " Best Trifle" awards. Just then, my niece returned with a jar of walnuts.
" Why thank you, dear. I want you to meet someone." I turned to my mother, " This is my mother, and Mom, this is my darling niece Mary."
Mary curtsied and smiled dazzlingly, a lovely china doll shipped from Paris. Naturally, Mother was charmed and while she fussed over my niece, I threw some nuts into the batter and stirred just enough for them to be evenly spread. Then I spooned the mix into tiny cupcake molds and placed them all into the hot oven. Mary pranced out of the kitchen to watch the men moving the furniture.
" Look, Charles is a good man inside. I'm sure it'll get better. Talk to him, Esme. He'll understand. It's a new year, leave your past troubles behind and set a new life for you two. Making a big mess of things will only make it worse. I just- want you to be happy." I looked at my mother, her eyes were moist. Smiling, I hugged her again.
" I know, I know. I know you want the best for me." Mother pulled away and looked me in the eye.
" Will you really? Promise me." I stared back sincerely, willing her to believe.
" I promise, Mother." I'll leave my past behind and establish a new life for us...my daughter and I. And in the long run, I might actually be happy.
It was fitting. A new year, a new life.
" Auntie? Mommy's back. She needs help with the groceries."
" I'll be right there, dearest," Mary left with a grin and another curtsy to Mother, " Um, the cellar is at the end of the hall, there are pots and pans in the cupboard over there, measuring cups and bowls and other tools are in the cupboard over here, so you can get started with your award-winning apple pie as soon as I take in the groceries, Mother." I turned to leave but she held my hand tightly, not releasing me just yet.
" Remember what I said," whispered Mother. I nodded and she closed her eyes, letting me go.
She was on a seat at the kitchen table, sobbing into her arms, when I left the kitchen.
- - -
I walked through the house, marveling at what our hard work had gone into. Red, white, gold, and blue streamers hung from every wall and wound through the staircase handrails. Just beneath the stairs, there was a stunning white grand piano- a hired pianist was now practicing some elegant classics. The furniture in the living room had been arranged so that the room seemed even bigger than before and welcoming flames danced in the confines of their hearths. The formal dining room had been transformed with heaping platters of gourmet food, several punch bowls, a chocolate fountain, mountains of fruit, and an immense tower of wine glasses. Every surface was spotlessly clean- Mary had eagerly taken care of that. I went outside and saw that our home looked like a gingerbread house, with the colorful lights shining from every window, the evergreen trees outside with Christmas trinkets, and the fresh snow only two days old.
" Congratulations everyone, the house is ready for the big night coming up!" There were whoops and cheers from the men, " So everyone get your party clothes- our guests will arrive in an hour. Thank you, everyone here, for helping to make this night possible."
A quarter to seven, guests began arrive. They came covered in furs and the expensive new brand-name styles. Diamonds, pearls and various other jewels glittered everywhere. As a host, I dutifully waited by the door and greeted them one by one with Charles. It was a very chilly night- in the 30s I believe. Our visitors all hurried indoors with grateful smiles. Before long, the circular driveway was full and some had to park outside on the road. At half past seven, Charles and I left our station at the door and made small talk.
I took this time to greet as many people as I could. I had to establish my presence until it was time to go. I couldn't leave too late either; when they started the countdown to the new year, I would certainly be wanted and Charles would start a search. I must be quick, precise...there musn't be any indication of a difference in Esme Evenson.
I was anxious to leave. When others weren't watching, I filled a napkin with food from the dining room-fruits, cakes, sandwiches and coldcuts. Mostly, I sat in the living room and stared at the clock unless someone spoke to me. But then there was a flaw in the plan that I hadn't thought about. The car Charles had bought for me attracted quite a lot of attention. It was a gorgeous, shiny, obnoxious Porsche. (AN: did Porsches exist back then? Anyway, some type of luxury car) A car like that was easily recognizable for miles and miles around; that would make escaping and staying under the radar kind of hard.
It was now 9:00. I discreetly left the living room and went down into the cellar, where I had hidden my things. Inside, I threw on a thick coat, a woolly scarf, and laced up a pair of boots. These were all in plain, inconspicuous colors. And then I was creeping up the stairs. Every step taking me closer to freedom...
" Esme?"
I froze, rooted to the spot. No! I could literally feel my plan disintegrating to ashes. My mother looked almost as shocked as I was. She stood there with the door half-open, staring at me with her lips parted in "O". We stared at each other for a minute before I thawed out enough to speak.
" I-I can explain, Mother." I don't know what I had expected her to do. Scream and cry for everyone to help hold down her treacherous offspring? Gasp and fall with a heart attack? Condemn me to an eternity in hell there and then? Instead, my mother carefully closed the door behind her and descended down into the cellar with me.
" Remember when I told you about Charles? He's hurt me again and I can't let him hurt Hope. I know he would if he had the chance. And I know what you're about to say, Mother: ' Charles is a good man inside. Give him a second chance. Talk to him...' But I can't take that chance! I love her and I can't knowingly let him hurt her. Please Mother!" She held up a hand.
" Who is she? Who's- Hope?" That's right, Mother didn't know yet.
" She's my own b-baby girl...I'm pregnant." The word floated across the room. Pregnant.
We were silent. Sounds of laughter and clinking of wineglasses drifted down to us from above.
" How long have you known?"
" Three weeks."
" Oh my. I'm going to be a grandmother." She beamed at me and I gaped at her, agast. " Esme, I've been wrong about so many things and I'm sorry for not listening to you earlier. However, I need to get some batteries right now. They sent me down here to find some for the radio."
" Wait- what? Where's the speech about being good a woman, a good wife?"
" You are being a good woman...what woman wouldn't risk everything to save her own child? Now, I'm going to go upstairs, tell everyone I'm going into town to buy some batteries, and drive my car out onto the road. You're going to get out of this house- make sure no one sees you- and meet me on the road. I'll give you a ride."
Mother skipped up the stairs and left the cellar. I heard her speaking to the crowd above. Stealthily, I tiptoed to the back door, where I slid out into the cold, snowy, winter night.
- - -
" I still don't understand. Why are you helping me runaway?"
" It's a bit difficult to explain." I waited. She sighed and continued.
" You see, that first month into your marriage, I thought maybe you two were just having some newlywed struggles-"
" Even when I showed you the bruises? The cuts? Newlywed 'struggles' Mother?" I snarled.
" I didn't realize it was so severe." I fumed and looked out the window at the dark trees racing by. Presently, I was alarmed to hear my mother crying softly.
" I'm sorry." I murmured.
" No, it's not that." I could hear the reluctance quite clearly in her voice but there was more...she was holding something from me.
" Then what is it? Please stop keeping things from me, Mother. I want to know, to understand. I'm not a child anymore. I am 25, married, and-" I gestured to my stomach, " I'm going to have a baby!"
My mother pulled into the bank's parking lot.
" It's not that I don't trust you or that I still think you're the innocent little girl you used to be- just some...things...in my past, I don't want to talk about right now. "
I toyed with some buttons on my coat. " Is it...Dad?"
Mother closed her eyes and exhaled. She placed her small, work-roughened hands on each side of my face. " I love you Esme. But I'm afraid that if you loiter here any longer, Charles might find you and...I'm sorry for keeping you here so long."
I stepped out of the car.
" Will you be alright by yourself?"
" Yes," I answered faintly.
" Where will you go?" I opened my mouth to reply- but she cut me off, " Stop! No, it's better if I don't know, but you will write me?"
" I love you, Mother."
" Will we see each other again?" she asked softly.
I looked down at the snow underfoot and blinked rapidly as tears burned in my eyes. Would I ever see her again? The chances of that were very low.
" I don't know," I whispered.
" Then...this is goodbye."
" Goodbye. I'll miss you."
She started to roll up the window- " Wait!" Mother looked up at me expectantly, her gray eyes gazing up at me, her caramel hair so much like mine clipped up into an elegant bun, " Enjoy the party." The corners of her mouth turned up ever so slightly in the cheerless imitation of a smile- and next thing I knew, Mother was gone and I was shivering all alone in the snow.
- - -
After emptying my account of two years' worth of teaching, it was a simple matter of hailing a taxi to the train station and from there, buying tickets from Columbus to Indianapolis and from Indianapolis to Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
All this happened in a dreamlike, unrealistic quality. Sometime during the train ride, fluffy snow flakes began to flurry outside the windows. I sat by myself in a squashed train compartment and let my thoughts wander. It was very quiet in the train. Most people were attending parties similar to the one at the Evensons'- possibly listening to the countdown over the radio. Others were with their families in front of a roaring fire roasting chestnuts. This wasn't like when Charles had left for the war. I had been very happy for those two years. This time, I have left not only Charles, but also my hometown, Columbus, Ohio. I was truly alone, except for my silent daughter within me. Maybe I should have been happy, but I remembered my mother's sad tears, and the innocent bliss in Mary's doe-like eyes. I would miss them for the hard days to come. My future stretched out over a foreign terrain.
- - -
I was standing on the weather-beaten porch of a familiar farm house. It was in a comfortable shade of faded blue. I still remember when the paint was so new it smelled. There was an old red barn down a little path nearby. About a half-mile down both ways of the country dirt road, there were similar farms just like the one I was standing on now. Everything else was covered in two and a half feet of snow. I rang the doorbell and knocked on the door a few times. Milwaukee was much colder than Columbus. Every breath froze in my throat even before reaching my lungs.
I heard brisk steps muffled through the wooden door. The sash in the little window on the door was pushed aside just enough to reveal wide, gray eyes. A second later the door burst open and a young woman's excited voice rang through the frigid air. " Esme Evenson! Come here you!"
I was embraced by warmth and the smell of cinnamon. My favorite cousin held me tightly, squeezing the air out of my body. "Beatrice?...Lemme...go..please...AIR!" I gasped. Dear Beatrice released me with an impish grin and pushed me indoors with one hand; the other preoccupied carrying my bag. Although she was pretty, slender, and a graceful little creature, Beatrice really had the strength of an ox. I've never known her to lose an arm wrestling match.
" Auntie!" A tiny boy with the same gray eyes and chestnut hair as his mother tumbled down the stairs and into my arms. His dainty little twin pranced down right after. She looked very different, with blonder ringlets and green-blue eyes. The two jumped onto me and I almost toppled over under the combined weight.
" Wow, you two have grown SO much...what has your mother been feeding you? A whole cow every day? Gallons of milk? Bunches of spinach?" Sam and Susan giggled as Beatrice looked on contentedly.
" Alright, darlings. Give your Auntie some air! Would you two please call in your father from the barn for me? Here, I'll button you up." Beatrice fetched some fluffy down coats from a wardrobe and we helped Sam and Susan lace up their boots. To think, I could be buttoning up the coat of my own daughter in several years! Eventually, they toddled out the door, ridiculously fitted head to toe in movement-restricting winter gear. Beatrice turned to me with a radiant smile.
" Children are such angels. You'll let me spoil yours when you get one Esme. Now that we finally get a short moment to catch up- where's your absurdly stiff husband? Charles- oh..." She broke off in confusion as I began to shed tears miserably. In three short sentences, she had touched on the delicate subjects that have forced me to run away from my old home. Instinctively, Beatrice enveloped me in another cinnamon-smelling embrace and moved me into the nearest armchair, where she handed me tissue after tissue. Once I had calmed down enough, I told her everything. Throughout my endless blubbering, Beatrice did not make a sound but she clasped my hands tightly in her own and her face took on an increasingly murderous look. When I was done, she closed her eyes, frowning.
After a minute of this, I grew uneasy. " Beatrice? Your children and husband will be back soon."
She looked up and her eyes were livid. " How could I have been so stupid? Charles Evenson, of all people...I should have known- there were rumors...Ugh!" We both heard the sound of boots thumping up to the porch. " We'll talk about this later, Esme." she promised.
Sam, Susan, and Matthew, Beatrice's husband, returned with joyous cries, two pails of fresh milk, and a load of firewood. After she had made sure Matthew was comfortably settled down in a cozy armchair, Beatrice dragged me to the kitchen to help her get dinner ready. I knew she was really hoping for some quiet time to discuss Charles again but the twins constantly popped in to check our progress.
" I should have known...there were rumors..." These puzzling words continued to scroll through my mind as I chopped potatoes and onions. How could she have known? All the time I've known Charles, he had never indicated in the tiniest degree to the public that he could be cruel, rude, or rough. He was always so careful when there were others around. What rumors? I've certainly never heard anything negative about Charles Evenson. What could he have done? I shuddered, remembering the abuse I've suffered under his control. If there had been rumors circling around, why hadn't anyone warned me?
" Esme!"
I started out of my musing and realized I had almost chopped my finger off. Beatrice was staring at me incredulously. Shakily, I dumped the chopped vegetables into the stew and reached for another potato as if nothing had happened.
" Here, I'll take that. You sit down and rest." Beatrice firmly took the knife and potato from me, not meeting my eyes.
" I'm fine."
" Right. Next time don't mistake a thumb for a piece of potato."
" Bee!" She hated it when people called her " Bee".
" I'm sorry I'm worried about you!" exclaimed Beatrice sarcastically.
" FINE THEN!"
Sam and Susan skipped in happily, unaware of our little argument. " Mommy, how much longer will it be?"
Instantly Beatrice's former look of worry was smothered by a motherly smile. " Not for a while I'm afraid- maybe a quarter to six?"
" Aww...that's too long!" they whined in unison.
" Go ahead and play with your dolls then."
" But we've been doing that the whole day!"
" Well if you're that bored, help me clean up and set the table."
" Mmm..." They shared a look of silent agreement and nodded.
For the next half hour, I guided the twins in their attempt to clean up. I wished I hadn't told Beatrice about Charles. She and her husband shouldn't have to share my burden. Then again, how long would I have been able to keep it away from her? My cousin was a naturally inquisitive person and she would have squeezed it out of me anyway.
The stew was marvelous- each spoonful a savory dream. If my cooking had been as good as Beatrice's, would Charles have cared for me at all? I pushed the thought away. If I was going to rebuild my life all over again, it was imperitive that I leave the past behind.
I ate slowly, supervised the children getting into bed, and insisted on washing and drying all the dishes but the promised heart-to-heart could not be avoided.
I was forced to sit through Beatrice's passionate take on my disastrous marriage, Matthew stunned into silence. Oh, why had I told Beatrice?!
She finished her narrating and we sat in an awkward silence. I sunk down lower in my armchair and stared at the fire.
" Why didn't you tell us Esme?" Matthew was sitting on the edge of his seat, feet flat on the floor, elbows on his knees, mouth slightly open in perplexity, eyes concerned.
" He reads all the letters I send out."
" During the war...?"
" Well, um, I..." I came up with nothing. Had I been afraid of Charles even thousands of miles away? Had I actually believed he could still hurt me at war? Abysmally, stupid me.
Beatrice came to me and curled a firm, reassuring arm around my shoulders, squeezing tight. " Then let's not talk about it any longer, " she murmured soothingly, " Come, I'll take you to your room." She pulled me up and grabbed my bulging travel bag.
" Good night Esme. See you in the morning."
" Good night Matthew."
The Browns' home was a two story farm property. It was small, with a strange layout, but homely and fitted with snug little corners into which one could easily fall asleep. Overall, a charming retreat of a home. The guest room was no exception. Baby blue wallpaper accentuated by pink roses created a comfortable background while the homemade quilts and feather pillows practically invited me into bed. A stout rosewood table stood inconspicuously at the other side of the room with a matching cushioned chair.
" Here you are, dear. I hope this will do. You've had a long day, huh?" She grinned sympathetically.
I dumped myself on the bed among the fluffy pillows and hugged one to my chest. " You have no idea."
" 'Night. "
" You too, and, thank you."
Beatrice left. I changed into my holey old pajamas and snuggled into the quilt folds. I had another long day tomorrow. My final destination? Unknown for now.
- - -
The peace I felt that night did not last.
The first things I felt the following morning were two vibrant, kicking, screaming, tangles of limbs tumbling about on my bed.
" Wake up! Wake up! Wake up Auntie!" The twins.
Then I caught a whiff of Beatrice's blueberry pancake. I HAD to get out of bed NOW.
Five minutes later, I was sitting at the kitchen table, devouring my share of blueberry pancake and bacon. My cousin made the best pancakes. Plus, the fact that the milk, blueberries, and bacon had all been freshly home grown proved how much better they were than the store-bought variety I used to get in Columbus. It was a taste of home.
After cleaning up the breakfast dishes, I excused myself so that I could pack up and dress for today's traveling. I wasn't exactly sure where I would go. Maybe farther north. I would make up my mind at the train station. Hopefully somewhere small and quiet. Where I could get an easy job at a school or daycare. A place where gossip wouldn't reach Columbus. The right place to raise my daughter.
I took out the same coat and boots from yesterday but pulled on an extra layer underneath. No good catching a cold with a baby on the way. My hair was impossible today so I just left it down in a swirl of caramel. When was the last time I had gone out with my hair down like this? Charles never approved of me leaving my hair down. Oh, it was fine for young girls but not for a mature, married woman. He would have thrown a fit if I'd gone and cut my hair to the fashionable new bob.
Finished with my preparations, I came out to say my goodbyes.
Beatrice was knitting when I walked into the family room. For a moment she just stared at me blankly, then- " You aren't leaving are you?"
" Your family isn't safe harboring an escaped convict." I'd intended that as a light joke but it seemed to have offended her.
" Esme, you know that we would do whatever it takes to keep Charles away from you." said Beatrice quietly.
" But I don't want to put you in danger! Charles has his ways, and, he's probably contacted the police around here by now. I could never live with myself if you and your family were caught sheltering me."
" You've only just arrived though!"
" What if the police come here? Now?"
" They wouldn't. They don't have evidence." said Beatrice firmly.
I sighed. " I told you, Charles has ways around the law- the Evenson's are a wealthy family."
She changed the argument. " Well at least if you stay here, you'll be with family! Other than your parents, I'm your only family on this side of the United States. You can stay with us here and help run the farm with me."
" No-"
" Please? Nothing's happened yet..." Beatrice gave me her pouty, puppy-dog look and-
" Okayy then. But I'm only going to stay for another two days. We'll make this a little holiday visit." I could just relax and take it easy for these two days. Get ready for the big plunge into unknown territory.
" Yes! You'll stay!" Beatrice tackled me.
" Two days..." I gasped.
- - -
We spent the rest of the morning chatting and knitting in front of the fire. I knitted baby beanies and booties in cotton candy pink.
" Those are so cute! But, are you sure it's going to be a girl?"
" Positive. I just have this really great feeling. Even if it's a boy, pink is still the cutest color on babies." Hope, hope, hope.
" That's true." chuckled Beatrice. The phone rang impatiently. " I'll be back in a minute."
I examined her knitting. A dark green sweater for her husband. Every loop symmetrical. The yarn soft and warm and strong. Knitted with love. So perfect.
" Really?" Her tone was cold. " I haven't seen her at all..." Who? " Is that so?" Pause. " Well thank you for telling me- bye." I heard the smash of the reciever onto its hook. The sound amplified many times by the finality of it all. Beatrice softly padded into the room- the look on her face was enough to confirm my suspicions. I covered my face with my hands.
" How did they find me?"
Wow! Longest chapter I've written so far! HOPE you enjoyed it :) Please review!