Alec wants me to say (AGAIN) that I am an extremely unobservant human with an exceptional talent for misinterpreting vampires. Sorry I haven't been getting back to reviews. Alec has turned into a review Nazi. Weird stuff has been going down. If you have any questions or anything I'll try to answer in the beginning of thenext chapter.
So a lot of you are probably wondering, how did this "fan fiction" come into play. Well, I mentioned it a little bit in the first chapter, it began with a terrible therapist. What led to the terrible therapist? It was a walk in the park with Alec. Bree hunts pretty often given how new she was to the diet. She tends to go for big game.
It was night and Alec's mood was getting better and better since there was no more tension between him and Bree (at least there was no more violent tension). We walked a while talking about certain things in our past. I knew most of Alec's history and he knew most of mine so we talked about families and friends we've had. It was a warmer night, especially given the time of year and I saw someone else walking towards us.
Until this point I had been doing very well living with Alec and Bree. We moved very often, like the nomads that vampires are. Slowly, I was beginning to adjust to this lifestyle though it was foreign to me.
Alec and I grew quiet as a woman came walking down the sidewalk. We moved off to one side giving them plenty of room to pass by us.
The person walking towards us was human, of course. Alec would be having a heart attack if she weren't, but that wasn't what caught my attention. She had a dog with her. An Alaskan malamute. They walked by us casually and Alec let them pass on the narrow sidewalk, but all I could do was sit there and stare at the dog that looked exactly like Jasper, (once again, the dog, not the vampire.)
Even as they were disappearing, all I could do was stare.
"Jay?" Alec said. I felt like I had to watch the woman and her dog walk down the sidewalk until they disappeared. I hadn't thought about what happened to Will and Jasper in a while. I was distracted by Bree and trying to survive, but now that it was becoming second nature I had more time for my thoughts. It was three months since it'd happened. But it hit me like the first time it happened and I started to flashback back to the incident. "Jay?"
"Yeah," I said. He looked concerned as usual. I couldn't comfort him with a sarcastic remark. We started to walk in silence again, but I was distraught with my thoughts.
I went back to think about Will, Jasper, Nicholas, and my old job. What did happen to the old me? I think that living with vampires made me kind of regress a little bit. I knew I acted like a spoiled five year old a lot of the time, but its hard not to being with people who boss you around and take care of you. I noticed not just how my life changed, but how I changed.
"You're not okay," Alec said. It wasn't a question. We walked a little bit in silence. Alec took a deep breath. I was quiet as I stared at my feet. "Jaylin. What's wrong?" He looked down at me. I could feel his gaze on me, but I was too busy trying to remember what Will looked like. How scared he must have been when Nicholas...
I know how scared I was in front of Nicholas. I know how scared I was when we were attacked at the bookstore. But to have that be the last feeling you ever have, before being brutally and painfully murdered.
"Jay?" I couldn't respond without bursting into tears. So I stared hard at the ground, determined not to answer and give my thoughts away. Alec knows me better than that though. He reached for my hand and held my wrist, with his thumb over my pulse.
I stayed like that for two days before Alec started to get frustrated with me.
"Damn it, Jay!" I picked up my gaze and scowled at him. Bree was at the wheel of the car, Alec beside her turned around with his hand on the back of her seat. Bree watched from the rearview mirror, not at all paying attention to the road and getting away with it.
"Why won't you tell me what's wrong?" he asked.
I glared at him.
"Why won't you talk at all?" he asked.
"Jay, just shut him up and say something," she said with an unusual amount of playfulness. She smiled a little, knowing the best way to get her on my side was to tease Alec. Alec endured it on the small chance that I may actually listen to her. I didn't.
"Forget it," Alec said in frustration. I took the laptop and set it down on my lap. As mentioned before, I tend to spend my time reading fanfiction.So I busied myself, trying to ignore what was happening around me. I wanted to go back to the world where it was just Edward and Bella, where the only kidnapping a vampire did was when Alice took Bella hostage to do her nails or drag her to the mall, where there were werewolves right outside of town who can give you a break from overbearing vampires if you needed one.
The idea to put start this "fan fiction" didn't come to me then. I spent all my time updatingthe stories I already made, trying to lose myself in the fictionaladventures. Then I was interrupted.
"Jay?" I looked up at the red eyes in the rearview mirror. Bree, sometimes I swear she can read minds like Edward, somehow knew exactly what I was trying to avoid. "What happened at the beginning of the Game?" I was shocked. I debated on answering, but stubborn tears came to my eyes. There was no way I could give a response now. I felt my lip start to quiver. I hid behind the computer screen. Alec hissed something at her.
I didn't try to listen to them. I knew Alec was trying to tell her this wasn't a good topic to bring up. Obviously, she wasn't clued in to the whole beginnings of what happened to Will and Jasper. That was something Nicholashad neglected to tell her when he asked her to mediate the Game. After Bree mentioned this my mind went completely numb.
I couldn't read. I couldn't write. I couldn't think. All I could do was watch painfully as my memories started to resurface with excruciating detail.
So I took Alec's advice, tried to curl up in a ball and sleep. It didn't work. I just ended up dwelling more on the past going back even further to my family. I delved in the darkness of it all and curled my legs into me. I knew it might make Alec feel better if he thought I was sleeping. So I laid there in silence.
Whenthe memories stoppedflashing backI was left alone to think about them.
My life had become a play thing for monsters to toy with. It was like a Greek myth where the gods were cruel, bored creatures who liked to torture mortals. While I pondered the depressing meaning of my life my thoughts started to get darker and darker. What was in store for me? How long could I bealive?I could see my future, Alec and Bree running with me as a little old lady on their back. Assuming I was alive that long.
Alec was silent, I could sense his worry. Bree worried about both of us, because when I wasn't doing well, Alec wasn't doing well.
The car stopped at our next destination, Alec opened the door for me as Bree went to go check in our room ahead of us. He bent down so he was eye level with me.
"Why won't you tell me what's wrong?" he asked as gently as possible. "Do you want to go somewhere? The bookstore?" I shook my head, appreciating his concern and attempt to be sympathetic. He moved aside of the car door and let me stand. I grabbed what little belongings we had and dragged them out with me. As we walked Alec took a protective position, draping his arm over my shoulder and pulling me into him. That somewhat loving gesture made the tears overwhelm me. They started to silently spill over.
Alec was looking down at me, but I refused to look at him and acknowledge my crying.
"You're going to sleep when we get to the room," he said. I could only nod, though I knew that I would barely sleep at all.I didn't get any sleep. He was nice enough to sit on the bed with me and stay with while I tried.
I just ended up staring at the wall and thinking about the first time he sat beside me while I slept. The events that came afterward. It made me start to think about how this was going to play out in the long run.
How long would it be before someone caught up to Alec, Bree, and me?
What would happen to them once I was dead? They were going to be in trouble for helping me.
What if one day I did get cut and Bree or Alec could not pass up the temptation of my blood? Its still a possibility that haunts me even now.
I didn't careabout anything Alec and Bree were trying to work foranymore. I didn't care about the Game. I wasn't thinking about death, I just knew that I didn't want to bein another hotel where we would leave the next eveningto go to another location.So I decided to do something about it.
I moved so casually, so gracefully, I felt like a vampire myself. I slipped out of bed and started to leave. Alec had moved over to the bed with Bree which they were sitting at talking at an inhuman rate. I guess the reason they didn't pick up on the fact that I was going toward the door was because it was so close to the bathroom.
I walked so quietly, without even debating on the consequences of my actions. I didn't even have shoes on at the time.I was following my own basic need to leave with no reason to. I wanted to leave my vampires behind. I didn't want to play the Game anymore. And (according to Alec) I must have become suicidal.
That's an exaggeration. I was going to go to the roof and throw myself off. I was just leaving. It's hard to explain. I guess there's a certain point when you're so fed up with everything that you just have this instinct to walk away from all of it. There's only so much a human can take.
I walked right past it to the door and calmly left the room like it was an everyday occurrence. It wasan amazing liberation to be without escorts for once. It made me smile. Then Iwalked downthe hallway, the florescent lighting blaring down on me. I knew I couldn't miss a beat because if I hesitated I would come to my senses and realize that what I was doing was insane.
Then as I went to the stairs I started to question myself. What was I doing? I was escaping my vampires. It was probably stupid to think this, but they didn't seem to be coming after me. I had acted on an impulse that I had no intention on acting on in the first place. Still lost in my trance I made it all the way downstairs, but the moment I got to the entrance doors Alec and Bree were waiting in front of me.
They both had the same look of puzzlement on their faces. I hesitated a second and then attempted to walk past them. Bree caught my arm. I wasn't a hard catch.
"Hello Jay. Where are you going?" Alec asked. I let my arm hang in Bree's grip.
"I don't know," I said honestly.
"You're not very good at this escaping thing," Alec pointed out. I sighed.
"I guess," I said blandly.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"Leaving."
"Where?"
"I told you, I don't know," I laughed grimly. Everything seemed so at ease. So calm in my mind that everything entered it so matter of factly. The vampires just stared at me like I was insane. They had every right to. My attempt crazy, I realized, but it didn't make me want to leave them any less. "You're going to take me upstairs now, aren't you?"
"Yes," Alec said. He looked at Bree. She turned to me with a forced smile. She spoke slowly with an extra sweet tone, like she didn't want to startle me. I tolerated her patronizing.
"Jay, would you like me to pick you up something in town? A book maybe?" she asked me like she was talking me down from the edge of a building.
"No thanks," I said. Bree looked at Alec worriedly. He gave a subtle nod and tossed Bree the keys to the car. He turned me around, hands on my shoulders, and steered me to the elevators as he smiled politely at the night time desk clerk.
"Okay, Jaylin," he said as soon as the elevator doors closed. I readied myself for a barrage of questions. "So you don't talk for a week..."
"Two days," I corrected.
"... and then you become suicidal?" Alec asked.
"You'd still win the Game even if I did kill myself. As long as the Predator doesn't get to me first, right?" I regretted my words as soon as I said them, because I realized I was supporting his claim that I was suicidal. I was not going to slit my wrist or shoot myself. I was just going to go away and brave the vampires on my own. Sure, they'd catch up to me and I'd eventually get killed, but I wasn't going to inflict any damage of myself. I was taking the threat away from Alec and Bree.
Well, it made sense to me at the time. Maybe I was suicidal on some subconscious level, but it didn't feel like I was. I just didn't want to play the Game anymore, linger on one side of the chess board waiting for the other player to make their offensive move.
Alec looked horrified. He stared at me until the elevator doors opened. I stepped out first and went back to the hotel room door.
"Do you have the key? I didn't bring one," I said casually.
"You are beingvery, very strange," Alec said shuffling through his pocket and getting the card key. I patiently waited as he slid the card through the lock. The green button light blinked and we stepped inside. I sighed as I realized that I'd earned myself a lecture. I sat on the edge of the bed and awaited Alec's response. He pulled up a chair and sat across from me.
He stared at me and waited for me to speak.
"I'm not suicidal," I said.
He laughed.
"Oh. So I guess you walked outside in plain sight at night when there are homicidal vampires looking for you because...?" his voice trailed off meaning for me to finish the sentence. I rolled my eyes.
"I just wanted to leave. I didn't want to go kill myself."
"No, but you would have consequently gotten yourself killed," he argued. I started to say something but stopped. His orange eyes glared at me making me feel stupid and childish. I shrugged.
"I'm sorry. I won't do it again," I said softly. Alec sighed and dropped his head in his hands, massaging his temples. He sat in his chair leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. He anxiously watched me as I sat back on the bed innocently, trying to show him that I wasn't going to do anything insane.
"What am I going to do with you?" he groaned. The he perked. "Tomorrow you're going to a therapist," he declared. I scoffed, slowly returning to my old seld
"So someone can ask me how I feel about living with vampires?" I asked. He saw my point with a frown. I couldn't exactly talk to people about my situation.
"Perhaps... You can make up a regular human version of your story. Tell her about what happened in the beginning of the Game."
"You mean the part where a book came to life or the part where someone randomly decided that I should die for sport?" I grumbled.
"Jay, stop it. I meant the part about your friend," Alec growled. I quickly stopped myself from giving him any sort of reaction and stared at the television screen even though nothing was on it. He sighed. "I'm going to go hunting tomorrow. Bree will have to take you."
"It'll be like a fun girl's day out," I said sarcastically. "How are we supposed to find someone who will see me? I don't think they have any night time therapy sessions."
"We'll go in the early evening," he said. "It would probably be safest. There shouldn't be any other vampires out until a little bit later."
"One therapy session isn't going to do anything," I tried to tell him. We were never in the same place for very long. I couldn't really commit myself to an emotional healing process.
"Maybe we should get you on medication," he asked. "It wouldn't be difficult to steal from pharmacies."
"You are not qualified to put me on any medication, besides if you take the wrong kind of antidepressants they can make you even more depressed," I said. Alec chewed his lip in thought. He grumbled something under his breath.
"You are going to the therapist. Tell her something similar, but believable. We'll see if they'll recommend you any medication and go from there. We can't have you making our job anymore difficult than it already is," Alec said. I narrowed my eyes at him, hating being referred to as a burden.
I definitely understand Bella's wish to become a vampire and to not want to be a victim anymore. To not always be Lois Lane as she put it, because the truth is I am a burden. I'm always the one slowing them down.
I sighed heavily. I already knew the next day was going to suck.
When Bree came back she bought a DVD and then we realized there was no DVD player in the hotel room. Oh well, so we resorted to playing poker. At dawn Alec took the car to go hunting for bigger game. I slept a few hours which Bree was very happy about. Then it was time to go to the therapist.
Let's call her Dr. Shelly. Bree and I took a cab down to the doctor's office. We started up the stairs, my footsteps echoing in the huge halls.
"I'll wait outside," Bree said.
"Aren't therapy sessions supposed to be private?" I asked her.
"That is why I'm waiting outside," she clarified patiently.
"But you'll be able to hear," I said. Bree was very much trying to resist the urge to roll her eyes, but she put on a smile instead.
"Just go inside, Jay," she ordered kindly. Seeing that I was irritating her, I let it go and went into Dr. Shelly's office. It was a regular office with the pink sky glowing through the window. The wrinkly old lady with glasses on the tip of her nose forced a smile and gestured to the couch.
"You must be Jaylin," she said. I didn't really tell her my real name, or the name Jaylin. Alec gave her another fake name. I nodded and sat down at the couch. It was kind of weird being in a small room with a human. It was definitely weird to be alone in a room with a window which is a huge no-no for me. I couldn't help but stare at it and hear Alec's warnings of being seen in the back of my mind. Being without my vampires was making me paranoid.
Dr. Shelly had to clear her throat to get my attention. I tore my attention away from the window.
"Why are you here?" was her first question. I had this big story conjured up that involved trauma without vampires, but that technically wasn't the problem. That was just something that happened. So I began with my problem.
"I don't sleep, I have really bad paranoia, I'm constantly stressed out and I think its making me sick all the time," I told her. She narrowed her eyes and picked up her hand.
"What?" she questioned. I thought for a moment. Had I said something wrong? "Honey, you are talking way too fast. I can't understand a word you're saying." I blinked at her in confusion and fought a smile.
It was then I realized that I was starting to adjust to vampire speed. With vampires rushing me around all the time I'd learned to speak very fast because of their impatience. I can talk as fast as I can and any vampire would still understand me easily. Granted, I don't talk as fast as a vampire, but I have a tendency to run my words together.
On the other hand, it'd been so long since I spent any time with any other humans that I forgot that humans don't expect you to talk as fast as you can to keep up with them.
So I repeated myself slowly barely able to keep myself from laughing as I did. I felt like I was patronizing the woman. She nodded at me and when she spoke I paid very close attention to the rate she was talking. Had it really been that long since I talked to humans?
"What brought you here?" she asked me. Still amazed of the difference between vampires and humans, I could hardly focus.
"Um..." I couldn't think of a lie. "My friends think I'm trying to commit suicide." Dr. Shelly looked confused.
"Are you?"
"I don't think so," I responded. She still looked incredibly confused. And so Bella was right (again) therapy doesn't work unless you tell someone the truth. And that wasn't an option for me.
"What do you mean you don't think so?"
"I mean..." I thought about that. What would be a good lie? I couldn't think of one. So instead I blurted something else. "I may have had a nervous breakdown...Yeah, I guess that's what you would call it."
"What did you do?" Nothing. I hadn't really done anything if you really think about it. I just tried to go home, into a world where killer vampires were competing for my blood. I couldn't say that, of course. So I lied the lamest lie I could ever think of.
What would have equal significance in a regular human world?
"I... stole a car," I lied. The therapist just looked even more confused.
"How did you do that?"
"It was... my friend's car... I took his keys," I said slowly. I imagined what Bree must be thinking outside. What the hell was I doing? I let out a nervous laugh and leaned back on the couch. Talk about disaster. The only way it could get any worse was if a predator came crashing through the window. She must have seen the direction I was looking at because when I looked at her she was looking out the window too.
There was nothing out there but a setting sun. Finally I decided that I was going to stop making an ass out of myself. I wasn't going to waste any more of Alec's money.
"Okay," I said slapping my hands on my thighs and sitting up straight. "I've been having these problems sleeping and stuff since a... certain time in my life. Um... My friend and my dog were murdered in my apartment." I said this all very quickly and while it felt very good to get out Dr. Shelly just stared at me.
"Honey, slow down and tell me again." I looked down at my feet so she wouldn't see me roll my eyes. Then I repeated myself. The woman nodded.
"That must have been very hard for you," she said. Yeah. Very helpful.
"Yes," I said slightly agitated.
"It must have been very traumatic going through all the police work and court trials," she said. I blanked for only a moment. I hadn't done any of that. In fact we just picked up and left after that.
"Yeah," I lied.
"Did they ever catch the murderer?"
"No."
"Are you still living in the same apartment?"
"No." She sat forward in her chair that creaked as she moved. Then she folded her hands on her desk.
"These kind of situations where an individual suffers through something like this can be life changing. It can add unnecessary stress in your life too," she said. I stared at her not even dignifying that with a response. I wanted to just get up and leave. This wasn't worth any of Alec's money. "Many people find telling their story therapeutic. Sometimes validity helps people to accept what's happened. It can help your physical symptoms as well."
"So..."
"I think you should start a journal. Or maybe you can tell your story to America's Most Wanted to help catch the killer. I think what's lacking in your life is that you're not doing anything productive about what's happened," she said. I stared at her incredulous.
Really? That's all she had to say.
"I... guess," I said.
"What do you like to do?" Dr. Shelly asked.
"I read and write a lot."
"Then maybe you can write about it," she said. I bit back at retort as I suppressed to urge to tell her that there are copyright laws against writing what I had to say. That's when it hit me. Fan fiction. The Twilight fan and writer in me suddenly perked. Could I really write about all of this? Then I realized that I really wanted to, even if homicidal vampires could read it.
The next thought as I was grinning like an idiot was: Alec is going to kill me.
"That's a good idea," I said. Not her idea. Mine was much better, I thought. Then I realized that it might not be the best idea to post the story on the internet to be read by any sentient creature: human, vampire, werewolf, and whatever else might be out there. So I went with the safer idea, a journal.
It was an excruciatingly long session. Most of it I spent glancing at the window, watching the sky turn black and thinking about the predators that lurked out there. I stayed silent for as long as I could and when it got uncomfortable I started to lie about things in my life. Mostly I gave her my ideal life, talking about my old hopes of becoming a writer and asked her about what books she liked. She informed me that I was stalling, and I informed her that I needed to use the restroom.
As soon as I left the room Bree was at my side.
"That was a waste of time," I said. It seemed wordlessly agreed that we were going to leave with fifteen minutes left to spare in the session.
"I told Alec it wouldn't work," Bree said. I shrugged. Never in a million years had I thought I would ever be escorted to therapy by vampires. "Not like that would have stopped him at all. You know he onlydid thisbecause he cares about you, right Jay?" I shrugged.
"I know," I said. We walked in silence which was strange because usually I wasn't allowed out in the open unless it was crowded, and in the times we travel crowds are hard to find. It was late and Bree was walking quickly, struggling to keep up with my pace.
"How's your diet going?" I asked her in casual conversation. She never answered me. That moment she made an abrupt turn into a super market and went straight to an aisle. I figured she didn't want to talk about it. Maybe it was strange to talk to someone who should be your next meal about how you're not going to eat them. She stopped in the school supplies and went through all the little booklets.
She picked one and then tucked it into her back pocket. I almost questioned her, but I knew better. She turned and started right back out the automatic doors with me right beside her. When we hit the sidewalk she started to flag down a cab. Her other hand took the booklet out and handed it to me.
"Here's your journal. Do not let Alec see it," she said.