Here is the next chapter. Yay. Don't you all love me for my swift updating? Despite the fact it is a short chapter, because I had an aim for this chapter and I reached it in fewer words than I anticipated.

Disclaimer: No, these characters do not belong to me (except the ones that you haven't heard of before in which case they are mine – and I take great pride in the old lady I made up) What does belong to me are the embarrassing actions that go on in this (They are all based off personal experience). Oh yes, another thing that doesn't belong to me- the ski instructor (not Hermione's friend). He doesn't appear in Harry Potter but he is not made up – he is in fact based off a real person I have met (eek!)

Harry got on the button lift for the second time. He had come to the lesson meeting point after having lost Snape, only to be greeted by a screaming, red faced Frenchman.

He was then told that this insane man was to be his instructor. He had then been dragged by his ear to a ski slope that could have been no more than 200 yards long and a few degrees off horizontal.

Once there the ski instructor had shouted at him again, for reasons Harry couldn't fathom. The man had then ceased to shout, and, albeit breathing a bit heavily, had carried on like a normal civil being.

The first run down the slope had gone quite well, the ski instructor hadn't transformed into a monster and Harry had only fallen over twice.

The chair lift Harry had ascended earlier, according to the ski instructor was 'Fur peepul wiz talent'.

So they were now stuck on this flat garden of land with five year olds gliding past Harry with ease.

Harry was now clutching the button lift for dear life, reminiscing about the last run down, during which he had crashed into a tree.

Harry was mentally berating himself when he lost his balance and fell off the lift – normally this would be nothing, new beginners fall off the lift all the time.

But Harry – being Harry – had to be a little more dramatic. The pole off which he had fallen off, now relieved of Harry's weight, had bounced up, and hit a passing pylon- to be more precise, a big red button on a passing pylon. The lift gave a great whirr and stopped.

OoOoOoOoO

Half an hour later Harry found himself enduring another yelling from his instructor, spit flying all over him.

"You 'av brokin ze lift! Brokin! It vil tak 'ours to fixz it! I can nut ski wiz you anymur, you are impossible, go ome!"

So that is what Harry did, he trudged up a very steep icy slope, skis over his shoulder, wondering if he would ever get the hang of this skiing thing.

He could kill people with a single flick of his wand, but he couldn't ski. That thought made him feel so good...

Just as Harry was concocting a spell in his head that would levitate his skis for him without looking obvious to the Muggles, a huge ball of something came hurtling down the slope, hitting him in the chest and knocking him all the way back down the hill again.

Harry lay on top of his skis, tangled with the stranger and his poles.

"Are you okay?" Harry asked. The stranger, who had been wriggling around trying to de-tangle itself from Harry, stiffened.

"I know that voice," came the whisper of Severus Snape's voice from somewhere around Harry's midriff,

"Harry Potter!" he screamed, jumping up and pointing at Harry. He then turned and began to run, hands groping at his salopette pockets all the time – presumably fumbling for his wand.

Harry's hand instinctively flew to his waist to get his own wand out of his waistband, but it wasn't there. He had left it in his apartment for fear of snapping it.

So Harry did the only thing he could think of doing,

"That man tried to rape me!" he screamed. All he got were a few odd looks and Snape turned to gape at him.

Then a French voice rang out, "Cet homme a essayé de le violer!"

Harry turned around to see Hermione standing there, looking worried.

"Harry, are you okay?" she asked.

"Yes, I'm fine...fine,"

"But that man tried to rape you!"

"No, he didn't."

Hermione looked seriously puzzled.

"I needed to stop him to talk to him and he wouldn't come back."

Hermione looked upon Harry with a new, very uneasy, light.

"Well, you've succeeded in stopping him," said Hermione, still shocked.

Harry turned around again to see Snape being held down by 3 very angry Frenchmen whilst being hit over the head by a very old lady wielding a baguette.

Harry ran over, "I will take him to the police station!" The Frenchmen looked at him, puzzled, but the old woman was indifferent and continued to hit Snape with her baguette.

Hermione, who had followed Harry over, interjected in French.

The woman looked up and nodded, she then turned back to Snape, baguette held high, made a very angry growling noise and hit him in the salopettes. Snape crumpled and the men who had been holding him down let go and followed the woman away.

Harry bent down next to Snape, reached in his pocket and took his wand.

"What was that?" asked Hermione.

"Just something that belongs to me – he stole it," Harry replied, "Will you help me take him back to my apartment?"

"Sure, but it will have to be quick, I have to get back to work before the evening rush. I'll take your stuff, you can take him. What's he done, anyway?"

Harry picked up Snape while wondering how to answer her question. He wondered how she would react if he told her this man was wanted for the murder of the most brilliant wizard of all time.

"Hello?"

"He killed the headmaster of my old school."

Hermione would have put her hands to her mouth in shock had they not both been holding ski equipment. "That's terrible! Why isn't he in prison?"

"That's what I want to know," said Harry breathlessly, as he was still dragging the limp Snape up the steep hill.

They reached the top of the hill and the bottom of the set of steps from hell.

"Look, I have to go. I'm late and we aren't far from the apartment. I'll leave your skis here and you can come and get them in a second." With that Hermione dropped Harry's skis and ran off.

Harry sighed and bent down; Snape was beginning to move, and judging from his body language he wasn't very happy.

Harry grabbed Snape's pony tail and pulled it back so Snape was looking at the sky.

"Right Snake," Harry whispered in his ear, "You are going to come quietly with me, there are people around – so if you try and pull a sly stunt I will shout "rape" again. I also have your wand, so don't even think about that." Harry pulled Snape to a standing position and grasped his hand, interlocking their fingers to make sure Snape didn't get away.

"Now carry my skis for me, Snake."

At the top of the steps (which had taken a while to navigate due to the fact Harry wouldn't let go of Snape) Harry saw the apartment block and sighed. Almost time to confront him.

Snape was bent over, gasping for air in the oxygen deprived climate.

A window burst open, "Harry, hi!" Hermione's friend was leaning out of the window waving at him, dressed in a towel.

Harry wondered while he was waving back if the girl actually wore real clothes inside at all.

"How are you?" he beamed down at him and Snape who was still bent over double.

"Fine thanks, you?"

"I'm good - got the afternoon off cause my lesson was cancelled!"

"Great," beamed Harry, wondering how to get away without seeming rude.

"Is that your boyfriend?"

Harry and Snape's heads both snapped up to glare at her.

"Sorry, I guess not. It's just that I know you're gay Harry, and you are holding his hand and he is carrying your stuff for you and all."

Harry mentally slapped himself and forgave the other girl. He and Snape must look pretty intimate.

It would be nice to have someone to be intimate with, thought Harry, earning himself another mental slap.

Snape was obviously not sharing Harry's train of thought "I'm not gay! Jesus! Can't I even fucking help someone out without being accused of homosexuality?" he sneered.

A phone began ringing. "Got to go, see you later," she trilled, and with that she vanished into her window.

Snape glared at the window as it had done him a personal wrong.

"Move ,Snake," Harry hissed at him. Snape began to trudge up the path.

Harry pulled him into the correct doorway. He pushed open the door.

"Now Snake, I want you to go inside, hands on your head, and sit on the sofa. Then, don't make a move or I swear, questioned or not, I will kill you with a flick of my wrist."

Snape did as he was told, sitting moodily on the sofa, "You have it wrong as usual, Potter," he sneered. "I expect a full apology when you figure out what is going on."

"I will never apologise to you, you Snake. There is no punishment bad enough for someone like you!" Harry spat in Snape's general direction as he picked up his own wand, and tucked Snape's into his waistband.

"Where did you go after- ARGHHH!"

"Sorry?" Snape asked, pulling his eyes away from the window and turning back to Harry, only to discover Harry had gone.

Laughs manically We like cliff hangers, non? Ducks hard flying objects Just me then?

Quick favour to ask of all my faithful readers, have you been skiing? If yes then fantastic, let me know about your embarrassing moments, the best ones will appear in the fic :D I would use all mine but some are quite embarrassing... that is all I am saying. So let me know about the stupid things you have done, I would love to hear!

Thanks again to my editor!

(Editor's Note: The French above was translated by me wielding a dictionary, so while I think it's mostly right, if some fluent or good French speaker could just make sure and review if it's wrong that would be great. Normally I'd ask my French mother but, obviously, that would be a little awkward due to the content.)