Chapter 24: Lies That May Be True
It was disturbing to Kaiba to realize that he couldn't remember if it was Monday or Tuesday. He remembered attending the school the day before, so he finally concluded that it must in fact be Tuesday. Or was it Wednesday? Regardless, it meant a full week had passed since his irritating encounter with Jounouchi and he still found himself waiting for something to happen. He wasn't quite sure what that something was supposed to be, but having nothing happen was suspicious. Jounouchi had said nothing further and had seemingly settled for glaring at Kaiba any time he saw him, but that wasn't anything new. Even Bakura had finally returned, but other than sulking and the occasional threatening mutters, he had been quiet as well. Everything had fallen into a strange pattern of normality and it confused Kaiba for reasons he didn't quite understand.
Running his hand over his eyes, Kaiba sighed quietly to himself and tried to ignore just how exhausted he was feeling. At least he could take solace in the fact that he had accomplished a lot in the past week, but it was somewhat tainted by the reason he was blindly throwing himself into his work. The fact that his mind was muddled as a result of sleep deprivation wasn't helping him, either. Days and events were starting to blur together and that was never a good sign, but there was nothing he could do about it at the moment; falling asleep during class was not an option, no matter how boring the lecture was. Then again, that left him with just his thoughts to occupy his time and that was what got him into such a mess in the first place
Ever since Kaiba came to his realizations during his conversation with Jounouchi, he had kept his distance from Yami—or had tried to, at least. It should have been a simple thing to do since they only shared two classes, one of which was filled with every member of the Yuugi-tachi, but Kaiba was beginning to realize that had been a naïve assumption. Of course, it hadn't helped that his resolve wavered temporarily when Yami had tracked him down during lunch on Thursday, but he didn't want to think about that at the moment.
The list of things Kaiba didn't want to think about was increasing exponentially recently and he found it highly annoying. The forwardness of his actions last week were still disturbing to him, as was the fact that he had all sorts of nameless emotions that wouldn't stop plaguing him. He thought that minimizing his interactions with Yami would have at least stopped some of the problems, but it just seemed to be compounding them further. Kaiba recognized that his desire to ignore the issue was only exacerbating it, but he was at a loss as to what else to do; he simply was not equipped to handle those kinds of situations.
He didn't know how to process the realizations that had startled him during that pathetic interrogation, nor did he know what to do with the feelings that followed. His abnormal behavior was appalling enough, but when he felt relief over the fact that Yami hadn't been upset with him for his actions, that had been unacceptable. Since he had never concerned himself with what people thought about him, it hadn't even occurred to him that Yami could have gotten upset with him for the way the Yuugi-tachi reacted to catching them in such a compromising position. Then again, it wasn't like Yami had done anything to try and stop him—and there had certainly been plenty of opportunities. Besides, what difference did it make to him if Yami was pissed at him or not? But the simple fact that he had actually cared about the fact that Yami was not angry with him should not have happened…and yet it had and he didn't know what to make of it.
As a result, Kaiba had begun to systematically categorize and reject things in an attempt to reach some sort of decision. He wasn't even sure what that conclusion entailed, but he knew that things couldn't continue the way they were. Yami had a tendency to cloud Kaiba's mind and distract him from the real issue—Thursday was just further proof of that—and he wouldn't allow himself to be weakened any further by the other.
That had been Kaiba's original intention, but things hadn't quite gone according to plan. The more he started to discover, the worse the situation became until he had unknowingly shut down and compensated by working himself at a harsh and unrelenting pace. At least it was better to pretend that he wasn't sleeping because he was too busy with various Kaiba Corporation projects, although it caused him to pause long enough to try and remember when he had last slept. He had slept for three hours at his desk on Saturday and before that he had slept for two hours on Thursday. Or had it been Wednesday? No, it had definitely been Thursday, he decided. He had put his body through worse before, but it seemed to be taking a harder toll on him than normal for some reason.
The sporadic sound of textbooks being opened stirred Kaiba from his thoughts as he blindly followed suit, although he paid no attention to what assignment was being announced. Instead, his eyes focused on the term, 'isolationism,' and he glared hatefully at it before angrily turning the page with a crisp snapping of the paper. He knew that it was referring to the pre-Meiji Restoration policies, but given his current state of mind, Kaiba couldn't help but be irritated by it.
He had been forced to confront the fact that one of the more disgusting reasons he had withdrawn in himself was due to self-preservation. It had less to do with the fact that the core of his being was being disrupted because of Yami's presence and more to do with the potential for change within him and it could not be allowed to happen. Without fully understanding how, Kaiba had become too comfortable around Yami and that was as disturbing as it was dangerous. He had stupidly let himself become accustomed the Yami's presence in school and that was over at the end of the week. It wasn't like Yami was going to return to the Millennium Puzzle and never be seen or heard from again, but that may as well have been the case for Kaiba. The idea of hanging out at the Game Shop with Yami was laughable and he knew that all it would take was for the likes of Jounouchi to protest about Kaiba for things to become even more complicated; he imagined it wouldn't have even been possible to meet up with Yami if Yuugi had been against it. There was no doubt in Kaiba's mind where Yami's loyalty was—he had suffered through enough friendship speeches to understand that friends came first for the other.
Besides, what difference did it to make to him if he didn't see Yami again? Things would finally go back to normal and Kaiba wouldn't have to be troubled by such ridiculous nonsense again. It wasn't like he had feelings for Yami—sure, he had a mess of disjointed feelings about Yami and all the problems he caused for Kaiba, but that was different than having feelings for someone. Kaiba needed no one and he wouldn't delude himself into thinking otherwise, but that didn't stop his traitorous mind from reminding him about the real reason he hadn't slept in his bed since Thursday's disastrous attempt. Suppressing a yawn, Kaiba continued to wonder why things had become so needlessly complicated.
Kaiba knew that he was being unreasonable, but no matter how much he argued against himself that staying up was only lending further evidence to his idiocy, he couldn't help it. He had no desire to repeat what had happened, but he also knew that he could only hold out for so long before his body gave out on him. Why had it happened? It had been during a time that was beyond his control, but that actually bothered Kaiba more. He knew that it was more than that singular moment that had left him sleepless, but what difference did that make? Apparently no amount of work could distract him from the fact that when he had been disturbed from his sleep, he had rolled over and reached out for Yami, had sought his warmth and presence. It had startled Kaiba completely awake and even recalling the feeling now made something in his stomach lurch. Such a ridiculous thing should never have been allowed to happen and yet that didn't change the fact that it had. The fact that it had been done without thought, without a real reason was unforgivable; doing so out of desire or habit was unacceptable in Kaiba's mind. He needed no one!
The madness had to stop, but nothing seemed to be working. His initial assumption had been that the incident during Thursday's lunch had been the catalyst for his actions that night, but it was a weak link at best, implausible at most. It had very little to do with Yami finding him that day and everything to do with the nights spent in Kaiba's bed. No, Kaiba would not allow himself to dwell on the matter right now; if he continued, he would start remembering exactly what had happened last Thursday afternoon and that was not something he wished to do when the instigator was sitting one desk over from him.
At least he hadn't wavered last Friday when Yami had asked him what his plans were for later that day. He had told Yami that he would be working and when that earned him a question about what would happen after that, Kaiba had replied, "More work." It had resolved the matter simply and without any problems, and yet Yami's slight frown made Kaiba feel as if he had somehow given the wrong answer. Class had started shortly afterwards, but the feeling never left Kaiba; despite that, he refused to cave. Kaiba could take pride in the fact that his discipline hadn't been completely demolished, although that did little for the lingering feeling of displeasure that had seemed to be emanating from Yami the rest of that class period.
He knew that Yami suspected something was going on, but Kaiba couldn't be bothered with such things. Hell, he shouldn't even be giving any weight whatsoever to such an observation. If anything, he should just be grateful that Yami had relatively left him alone this week; they had barely exchanged more than a few words, which suited Kaiba just fine. Well, for the most part, anyway.
In a few days it wouldn't matter anymore, so what was the point in wasting any more time with it? Yami was going to stop attending school and then everything would be back to normal. But why didn't Kaiba feel happier about it? Well, he knew that feeling happy would be ridiculous, but it wouldn't be that unusual to feel some level of relief that his life could continue as it had been—free of all interruptions, distractions, and any other unseemly aberrations to his existence. And yet some small part of him felt almost uneasy about the whole thing. He tried to smother the questions his mind was trying to raise about when he intended to see Yami, but even as he temporarily succeeded in doing as such, it left him with a somewhat pained emotion that he did his best to ignore. Why was he having such a hard time banishing such worthless thoughts?
Kaiba was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of the dismissal bell ringing and he numbly began packing up his things. He was almost entirely on autopilot at that point and the thought of going to work held little joy for him. But what else did he have to do? Without meaning to, he caught a glance of Yami who sat unmoving at his desk as girls began to surround him. It was more than Kaiba had meant to see and surely that unhappy appearance was a result of unwanted attention from such vapid idiots—wait, why was he even interested in such things? Grabbing his briefcase and sanding abruptly, Kaiba left the room without saying a word. What would he even have to say, anyway?
The hallways were filled with noisy students that were punctuated by the opening and closing of endless doors and it was enough to make Kaiba's head swim; that was probably just the lack of sleep, though. It was why it came as such a surprise to him to feel someone grabbing his wrist and pulling him into a classroom. He acted entirely out of instinct as he dropped his briefcase in order to slam the person hard against the other side of the door, quickly immobilizing the other. Instead of it being Jounouchi or some other idiot, Kaiba was shocked to see Yami staring up at him. "Yami…?"
Awkwardly managing to slide the door closed with his free hand, Yami remained motionless as he waited for Kaiba's next move.
Although Kaiba's body had managed to act quickly, his mind was being a little more sluggish in its pace. It didn't help that he was currently pressed up against the lithe body that seemed to be his undoing, either. In an attempt to prevent anything from going awry, he took a small step back, freeing Yami from his place on the door. Figuring that Yami would most likely state his purpose without being prompted, Kaiba said nothing.
Yami knew better than to show his concern, but he had run out of patience. Getting straight to the point, he asked, "What happened?"
"Nothing," Kaiba said sharply as he remembered to free his wrist from Yami's grasp. He didn't need any reminders of their previous activities distracting him at the moment.
"Bullshit," Yami told him, irritation flashing through his crimson eyes. "What's going on?"
"Nothing that is any concern of yours," Kaiba answered irritably, not liking the fact that he was in the situation. How had Yami managed to free himself from that group of girls so quickly?
Reaching up and brushing his fingers against Kaiba's cheek, Yami couldn't help but worry. The other looked like hell and it was obvious that something was bothering him; Yami had his suspicions, but he couldn't be certain without a little more information. "Seto…"
Knocking Yami's hand away, Kaiba demanded, "What?" He was uncomfortable with the way Yami was watching him and it was taking more energy than he had to present himself as unaffected and completely awake.
"Seto," Yami repeated, more firmly this time.
Unrelenting, Kaiba refused to cooperate as he tersely asked, "What?"
Frowning, Yami couldn't help but berate himself for not being better prepared for the conversation; there hadn't been a lot of time to plan a speech during his brief search for Kaiba, after all. Last week he had assumed that Kaiba had simply been busy, but this week it was obvious to Yami that he was being deliberately avoided. When Kaiba had walked out without saying anything for the third time that week, Yami couldn't hold back his irritation that led him to finding the other before he left school. He knew that he had to tread delicately in this situation, but Yami wasn't sure what exactly the problem was, let alone what he was supposed to do. It was a frustrating position to be in, but he would just have to make the best of it.
When Yami failed to answer immediately, Kaiba took a step closer to the door as he muttered, "I don't have time for this shit."
Sidestepping into Kaiba's path, Yami stood his ground as he told the other, "Then make time."
"Excuse me?" Kaiba asked angrily, his eyebrows arching at the audacity of the demand.
"You heard me," Yami retorted in a no-nonsense tone of voice. "I want to know why you're avoiding me."
Glaring down at Yami, Kaiba's voice became cold as he insisted, "I'm not avoiding you."
"Then what exactly are you doing?"
The honest answer would be, "I have no idea," or, "Making an ass out of myself," but there was no way that Kaiba would ever say that out loud. Instead, he settled for, "All I'm doing right now is wasting my time."
"Damn it, Kaiba!" Yami swore, trying not to let his agitation get to him and failing. "What are you running away from?"
The question made Kaiba narrow his eyes as he stared indignantly at Yami. It was a question that made him want to erupt into denial and accusations, but he just didn't have it in him at the moment. Doing so would only prolong the encounter and the quicker he could leave, the better off he would be. Besides, it was pointless to argue against Yami when he was so thoroughly convinced that he was in the right, so Kaiba retrieved his briefcase from the floor and took another step closer to the door. "I'm not running away from anything. I have to go to work," Kaiba explained as calmly as possible, trying not to scowl when he realized that Yami had no intention of letting him do as such. "Move."
"No," Yami refused, confused by Kaiba's placid demeanor, "not until you explain to me what's going on."
"There's nothing to explain," Kaiba told him flatly.
Crossing his arms over his chest as he continued to stare up at Kaiba, Yami asked, "What did Jounouchi say to you?"
"You already know the answer to that question," Kaiba snapped, knowing full well that Jounouchi probably told Yami everything immediately afterwards.
"True," Yami conceded, "but what I don't understand is what made you start—"
Not caring to hear how the sentence ended, Kaiba interrupted him with, "Nothing that the mutt said had any impact on me, so—"
This time it was Yami who interrupted as he demanded, "Then what changed?"
"Nothing," Kaiba answered a little too quickly. The truth was that too much had changed, but he didn't feel like getting into it. All he wanted to do was get in his car and get a little sleep before work, but he knew that he would do no such thing. Although the odds of that happening were far better than him grabbing his rival, finding the closest bed, and passing out until his body recovered from the hell he had put it through recently; he didn't want to admit that it sounded like the more preferred choice, so he ignored it. There would be more than enough time to berate himself later for such an egregious lapse in judgment.
Shaking his head to clear it, Kaiba realized that he had missed hearing what Yami had been saying. It was why he was grateful that his phone started to ring and he answered it by the second ring with a harsh, "What?"
"Seto-sama, the car is waiting for you in front of the school," Isono informed him. "Will you be taking it or—"
There was no way he was up to driving, so he wasted no time in telling Isono, "I'll be out shortly."
"Understood, Seto-sama," Isono said and Kaiba could picture the other bowing as he did so.
Pocketing his phone, Kaiba coolly stated, "I'm done here," as he made another move toward the exit.
Yami was torn between letting Kaiba go and getting the answers that he wanted, but he knew that all he was doing at this point was making the other resist even more. Stepping aside to let Kaiba leave, Yami couldn't stop himself from taking hold of the other's wrist once again to prevent him from walking away. Kaiba merely looked down at the offending hand before bringing his gaze up to Yami's eyes. Even though he knew that anything he said would be met with ridicule, Yami couldn't help but say, "You need sleep."
There were lots of things that Kaiba needed, but a lecture and unwanted advice wasn't on that list. Kaiba could only muster a scornful, "Hn," since he found himself otherwise distracted. Why hadn't he pulled his hand free again? Yami's fingers had a tentative grip at best on his wrist; he was by no means restrained and it would be easy to break free. He remained as he was despite that knowledge, keenly aware of the warmth of Yami's touch and the proximity of their bodies.
"I won't—" Yami started to say, but didn't get any farther before he was interrupted by Kaiba's cynical laugh.
"Don't flatter yourself," Kaiba said with a sneer. "If you think that's the reason I've lost any sleep, you're deluding yourself." That much was true, at least. The thought that Yami might invaded his dreams again had crossed his mind once or twice, but the actual reasons for his wakefulness were far worse in his opinion.
Yami knew better than to push for the real reason behind Kaiba's insomnia, but it was still hard for him to maintain his silence. Unsure of what to say next, Yami softly started speaking again, "Seto, I just…" Without knowing how to continue, Yami rested his forehead against Kaiba's chest, closing his eyes as he held back a heavy sigh. He had no experience in this life or his past one on how to deal with the situation and it was starting to wear on Yami as well.
Kaiba knew that he should push the other away and leave, but he did nothing. Instead, he was startled by his own reaction that he refused to comply with—what inside of him made him want to comfort the other over such a stupid thing? It was almost laughable because Kaiba didn't know the first thing about how to do so or why he would even want to. He knew that it would be easy to wrap his arms around the other and give in, but the simple fact that his exhaustion made him weak enough to consider that as a possible option was enough reason for him to reject the idea. "Yami…don't—don't make me say it again."
He assumed that the words were supposed to be a harsh command, but all Yami could hear was Kaiba's exhaustion. Sighing as he pulled away, Yami gave a light squeeze to Kaiba's wrist before letting go. Searching Kaiba's gaze for a hint, for any clue that would help him understand what the other was thinking, Yami still found himself at a loss. "Seto…"
Kaiba had heard more than enough and was once again disturbed by the momentary tightening in his chest at the small glimpse of pain in Yami's eyes. Instead of pursuing the argument any further, Kaiba simply opened the door and stepped out into the hallway without another word. He was unaware of Yami's expression darkening considerably and instead he continued toward his car where he would use his time to check his e-mails instead of thinking any further on what had just happened. Otherwise he might do something really stupid only to regret it later and Kaiba Seto was not one to live with regrets.
A/N: Finally got it posted! XD Even though I still am not overly thrilled with the title, but eh. So yeah…I accidentally got a new job, so I've been working some crazy long hours trying to help out my new boss clean up a mess than his old employee left him. Good news is that I like it so far, but the bad news is that this got delayed as a result. Getting up at 8AM is a lot different than going to bed at that hour…Especially when you're pulling twelve to fourteen hour days on less than three hours of sleep, multiple days in a row. Ugh…so I apologize for the delay, but this insane pace shouldn't be normal. I'll be almost as bad as Kaiba at this rate...
Anyway, this chapter was intentionally supposed to be vague with time. When you stay up for any length of time (and I've had my fair share of those, haha), eventually things start blurring together and I was trying to recreate that in Kaiba's thought process without going completely stream of consciousness on you guys. So in case some of you lost track of what day it actually is, this chapter takes place on Wednesday of Yami's second week in school. As tempting as writing the full time and interactions, it just wasn't realistic, so hopefully the jump wasn't overly jarring to anyone…
I know that some of you were concerned that things were going a little too well for the pair, but this veering onto the, "Oh shit, what have I gotten myself into?!" pathway has been planned for some time. Yes, Yami has a fairly decent grip on Kaiba's behavior, but the communication isn't always so clearly understood between them. There's a big difference between understanding/intuitiveness and being telepathic, after all. Kaiba's too repressed and emotionally restrained to have a knock out, drag out kind of a fight, but I could see him retreating within himself out of sheer habit.
Regarding Jounouchi and Yami's conversation—I know that some of you were curious about it, but I figured Kaiba wouldn't really care to know anything at that time and Yami would be more interested in finding out what exactly was driving Kaiba to create his distance. Suffice it to say, Jounouchi and Yami have come to an understanding of sorts, although it might get touched on later down the road.
I'm probably over projecting again, but I could see Kaiba looking at a relationship in business terms at times. Being aware of the possibility that Yami would leave if his friends were completely against them would be something akin to a takeover—it might not happen, but the potential is there if an outside influence wants to (re)take something of yours and make it their own. I don't think I'm explaining it properly, but it made sense in my head. XD Kaiba still doesn't have his lines drawn or his terms set, so vague happenings and potential versus unwavering loyalty toward friendship would be a concern, whether he is aware of it or not. I don't know why I keep coming back to Yami trying to realize the boundary between rival and friends during Battle Ship Finals, but it would be the most likely impact on my thinking there, I believe.
Anyway, enough rambling. My brain is tired and I have less than five hours to try and sleep before more work—fun, yeah? Because of that I figured those of you who left reviews for the last chapter would rather see a new chapter first, so once I get home from work tomorrow I'll send out my replies then. They'll probably be a little more coherent that way, anyway. Sorry I got so backed up on those, but I'm quite eager to answer, even if my delay appears contrary to that…I really do enjoy them, but most of you who have been subjected to more of my prattling on have already figured that out by now, ne?
NEXT CHAPTER: Intervention
Mokuba is worried about his older brother, but he still isn't quite sure what exactly is going on—that won't stop him from trying to help, though. The trick is doing it without Kaiba catching on…
Who knew I had such a soft spot for Mokuba? I'm as amused by the revelation as much as I am surprised by it. It took me more time than I would have liked to figure out how to wrap up his involvement, but this next chapter should frame him up nicely. He does care about his brother's happiness, after all.
Now the real question is when will it get posted? I'm still not one hundred percent positive about my schedule, so until I get that sorted it's going to be hard to know when I'll get a chance to work on it. There's no way it's going up this weekend, sadly. The following weekend should be fine, so I'll aim for a Saturday/Sunday post. Failing that, definitely no later than the sixth since I know I have that day off and will be completely free to post (side note: how is it already almost February?!). I'd like to get it up beforehand, but we'll see how it goes. At least once the office gets sorted out I'll be able to make progress on the story at work which will mean more writing time than normal!
Thanks for your patience and hopefully there won't be too many delays in the future. I hate doing that to everyone, but it makes me all the more grateful that everyone is so understanding about it. XD