EXODUS
Chapter Six: All Good things
Disc: Not mine.
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His thoughts on chocolate cake were interrupted when he sensed a familiar ki behind him. "What is it?"
Persona slipped out of the shadows with a peculiar smile on his purple lips. "How are you doing?"
Natsume stared on ahead. "Fine."
"No pain? Shocks?"
"I said I'm fine."
Natsume stifled an expression of distaste at the sound of Persona's heels on the nearly empty hallway. "Nevertheless, we should prepare. Report back in the morning, we'll take care of it."
"Fine."
"So biddable." He gave a strangely sweet smile and turned on his heel but Natsume still stood there, aware and alert. He smiled bitterly when Persona stopped and called out, his hands twitching when he heard the asked figure mention his pet name for Mikan. Ko Neko alias little kitty.
"She's fine. Thank you for asking."
He practically giggled. "Polite, too. Ko Neko has really done wonders for you. Well, take care of her then. We wouldn't want to lose such a good influence, would we?"
Natsume inserted his hands into his pocket, unsure whether he only imagined the slight threat in his so called mentor's words.
When he was sure that Persona was gone, he continued to walk, his mind only slightly diverted by chocolate cake and red strawberries. Since the academy had recruited quite a number of dangerous abilities, he wasn't the only one getting his ass kicked. At fourteen, he was already considered a pro, and he found that if he did the job well enough, fast enough, perfect enough, he actually got some slack. So he trained more, learned more, practice more. Gone was the reckless Natsume, and in his place was the finely tune mind of a strategy and tactics master. He planned, he considered, he discarded and learned so when he go out on missions, he knew exactly what to do, when to do it, how to do it.
He trained his stamina and to stop him from losing too much of it, he only used his Alice as a last resort. He trained hard on his martial arts, stealth and weapons skills. As a result, he is once again the top of his class year after year, feared and envied, trusted with missions with the highest rate of difficulty. He went away longer and did more than anyone else.
As long as he stayed civil and dutiful, his friends are safe. One will question his dignity, his pride, his self worth, but how can one think highly of himself when he gets one of his friends in trouble because he was too proud?
There were sacrifices and there were sacrifices and so far, Natsume did not regret the choices that he made. He has friends that trusts him, who, he knew, will back him up against any insane odds without being asked. He is happy with what he has and grateful enough to restrain any of his rebellious streak. Oh, he still rebelled but he did it in such a way that nobody can say anything against him. Besides, he was the best and was indispensable enough that the academy always think twice before rejecting or punishing him.
Natsume blinked when he found Hotaru snacking on a pint of ice cream in the kitchen. He frowned, wondering how the hell the girl sneaked out of Mikan's room without him noticing but he only nodded to her while he opened the fridge. He gave up long ago on understanding the nature of Hotaru Imai, even though how much a genius he is.
"Chocolate cake is in the other fridge."
Natsume slanted his red eyes at the cool bland voice and moved to the said fridge and sure enough he found several pieces of uneaten chocolate cake. He felt Hotaru's gaze on his back but ignored it, knowing that she'll speak her mind sooner or later. His relationship with Hotaru was based on them being close to Mikan, they weren't particularly friends and he knows that any help that Hotaru gives him is because of Mikan. He didn't have any insane ideas that she considered him a friend or something like that and he was satisfied enough that Hotaru trusted him with Mikan. As he trusted Hotaru to take care of Mikan when he wasn't there. He respected her for that and respected her for being the only one whose mind he can't read.
"Hyuuga."
Here we go, Natsume turned, leaned casually on the kitchen counter and sippid on his glass of milk. When the girl just stared at him with her icy violet ice, he quirked an eyebrow. Always ready for the little dance that they always do where Hotaru will try to chip away at his composure by needling him about Mikan and him dodging every trap she set at every corner. He always considers it as a very interesting mind exercise.
He crossed his legs at the ankles, suddenly uneasy when he didn't see the usual sadistic glee in her eyes, instead she looked serious and by the subtle wrinkle between her brows, worried. The spoon she was holding onto earlier was stuck in the carton, discarded on the kitchen island. "I don't like what happened yesterday."
Seeing as they shared that particular feeling, he was struck by a feeling of companionship, a feeling that he rarely shared with her. He shifted and sat across from her on the island, tearing open bag of chips. "It was an accident."
Her eyes flashed. "How stupid do you think I am?"
Natsume looked at her, his expression thoughtful. Stupid is not a word that he'll ever use to describe Hotaru; sadistic bitch, extortionist extraordinaire, crime lordess, evil mastermind maybe, but never stupid. "I don't think you're stupid at all, Imai."
"You don't think it's an accident either."
He swallowed, looking nonchalant as hell, intrigued by the swirling emotions he sees in her eyes. "Do I?"
Hotaru's eyes snapped at him and he felt it like a slap of air. "Why are you so tense, Imai? Do you know something I don't?"
He can see her thinking, considering, choosing which scrap of information that she will share. "Persona's been watching her."
Hotaru scanned his face for his reaction but it was as impassive as ever, but she noted that his hands paused for a second.
He stuffed several chips into his mouth. "What do you mean?"
Violet eyes narrowed subtly, a gleam appeared in her eyes that reminded him who he was against. He watched warily when her face smoothened and she reached for the ice cream again. "You know that he's watching her." She said, sure of herself. "What does he want with the baka?"
If she was someone else he would take offense because of her name calling. Since it was Hotaru, he considered the insult as a term of affection. It was scary how eerily similar they are in some ways. "Why do you think I'd know anything about that?"
She smiled, and unlike her best friend, her smile gave out a whole different feeling; suspicion, wariness, the urge to run screaming for cover. "Because you'd make it your business to know." She licked her spoon and waved it in the air like a magic wand, the familiar gesture reminded him of the wacky play they had when they were twelve with her playing the fairy godmother. She gave a whole new meaning to the word godmother as in the female version of 'Godfather'. She could give Marlon Brando a run for his money. "You have been in love with her since you were ten."
Aaah, so they were back to their usual dance.
"I think you're mistaken. Maybe you've confused my life with yours and that obvious crush you have on Ruka. How is that going anyway? I told you that black mailing is not the best way to a guys heart, didn't I?"
He knew he was getting somewhere when he saw her left eye gave a hint of a twitch. It reminded him to never play poker with the girl, she has one hell of a poker face.
"You're the last person to give advice on love, Hyuuga. Your definition of love is to peek at the girl's underwear, grope her boobs, and call her stupid."
Amused Natsume merely quirked an eyebrow. "And yours is to blackmail the boy just so he'll spend time with you that almost always ends in his ultimate humilliation."
They stared at each other, both feeling the sting of truth in each other's words, and snorted. "Maybe we should just date each other.
Natsume crunched on chips.
Hotaru licked her spoon.
Both of them winced.
Natsume stuff more chips in his mouth. "Forget what I just said."
Hotaru shoved more ice cream into her mouth. "Already did."
Both of them turned equally irritated looks at the door when it swung open, ready to intimidate any stranger that dared to interrupt their conversation. But Natsume grinned when a boy with blond locks and sleepy blue eyes blinked at them.
He flashed a smirk at Hotaru but didn't comment on it. It was an understanding that they had, they are allowed to tease the hell out of each other about their crushes but only when they are alone.
Ruka searched a drawer for a spoon and showed amazing courage by snatching the carton of ice cream from Hotaru's hand and digging in. "So this is where you guys disappeared to." After a nod of approval at the ice cream's flavor, he nudged Hotaru so he can sit beside her. Totally ignoring Natsume's snort of laughter and the disbelief in Hotaru's face as she looked at her empty hand, still curled as though she was holding her pint of ice cream. Ruka licked his spoon then shot dirty looks at the both of them. "Sakura woke me up to search for you guys."
Natsume grunted but kept his eyes on Hotaru. Her dumbstruck expression told him that her brain was still trying to figure out what exactly had happened. It was a familiar look, one that appeared on his face every time Mikan succeeded in making him do something that he swore he'd never do like smiling, actually be nice once in a while, climb a tree to help a stray cat or help out old people across the street.
He liked seeing it on somebody else's face for a change.
"Nogi."
Natsume almost shivered hearing the glacial temperature in Hotaru's voice. A murderous glint appeared in shades of violet. "What are you doing?"
Red eyes squinted over the rim of his glass, watching Ruka shifted his blue eyes towards the girl who was glaring at him, then to his hands then to her again in a perfect imitation of his trademark sardonic glance. "What does it look like I'm doing? I thought you were supposed to be smart."
Natsume almost choked on his milk, but he continued to take big gulps. He can almost feel the icy blast of her ki as she subtly narrowed her eyes at Ruka who kept looking at her with an innocent look on his face. "That's mine."
Natsume wiped the milk mustache, he knew that tone, knew what the slight growl in her voice meant. He'd heard it enough in Mikan's voice whenever he grabbed something that she was eating. Those two completely different girls have that in common, they can be downright mean when it comes to food.
Without taking his eyes off from the pair in front of him, he groped around for his pack of chips and almost killed himself when Ruka, not impressed with Hotaru's menacing stare, rolled his eyes and then shoved a big spoonful of ice cream into her mouth. "For God's sake, Imai. Although you try to deny it and I know that a lot of people question it from time to time, I know that there is a decent human being somewhere deep, deep inside of you. Find her. Embrace her." He started digging in again. "Learn to share and live with us normal human beings."
Red eyes watched gleefully as Hotaru swallowed slowly. "Normal, huh? Right now other words come into mind."
Ruka merely smiled sweetly then placed the pint in front of her and licked his fingers. "I'm starved. I want to make a sandwich. Want one, Natsume?"
"Yeah, sure." He smirked at Hotaru whose usually icy eyes were heated right now. Her cheeks were flushed with anger and annoyance. Anger suited her, just as it suited her friend and now that he thought about it, it wasn't particularly strange that Ruka can handle Hotaru. God knows, he can be just as difficult as Hotaru and Ruka handles him just fine.
He suspected that Ruka had learned a thing or two from Mikan, the deceptively oblivious smile on Ruka's face is suspiciously familiar, just like the good natured air that surrounded his best friend while he gathered ingredients and utensils from around the kitchen. It was Mikan's most ultimate secret weapon, one she use as she blithely plow over any resistance and obstacles, determinedly ignoring any refusals until each and every one of them finally gives up and bows before her in submission.
Speaking of Mikan. "Hey, Ruka, make one for baka, will you?"
"Sure." He sneaked a glance towards Hotaru as he piled ingredients on the island and started to chop an onion. "Want one?"
Without even missing a beat she refused the offer instantly but the chopping motions of Ruka's hands didn't even pause. "I thought sulking was above you, Imai."
Natsume shifted his eyes towards the ceiling then walked towards the fridge to pour himself another glass of milk and to get away from the line of fire. He grinned at his reflection on the gleaming surface of bottles when he heard the snap in Hotaru's voice, totally enjoying that someone else is being pestered for a change.
"I never sulk."
"Imai, admit it. You're sulking. If you're not than you wouldn't refuse. You like my sandwiches."
"I don't like you. So, I don't want your sandwiches."
Natsume's hand stop in mid pour and shut his eyes, suddenly Ruca's and Hotaru's banter didn't sound so funny anymore, it wasn't even the slightest bit entertaining, it shifted from humorous to down right scary.
There it was; their pattern. Their referring to him and Mikan where Mikan will nag at him, scored half truths that'll embarrass and irritate him and at the same time he'll baffled on how she can read him so easily thus resulting in him shooting his mouth off where Mikan will take offense and stop away from him, leaving him, miserable and alone.
When he peeked at Ruka from over his shoulder and sure enough, his best friend was looking at the tomatoes he was chopping just a little too hard. Natsume winced, here is where their pattern differed; where Mikan will scream her head off in a fit of healthy anger which is why she can find it in herself to always forgive him in the end, Ruka, well, Ruka is not as forgiving.
Ruka will simmer, will mull, brood, sulk, like a pot filled with boiling water just waiting to spew over. And he knew Hotaru well enough that she'll probably gag on an apology like he would've. Natsume sighed, spotting the tightness around Hotaru's mouth and since he didn't want a pissed off Hotaru around him, guess he had to take care of it.
"Imai, you know that if you don't eat now, baka will hound you and make you eat her sandwich and then she'll get hungry again and guess who will she hound to get her food? I'm not taking this trip twice. You're eating even if I have to stuff it into your mouth myself."
His crankiness was belied by the eyebrow quirk that he gave. Hotaru pressed her lips together but muttered a grudging, "Fine."
Before she shoots the back of Ruka's head after he gave her an extremely smug smile that almost brought tears of pride to his eyes, he wrestled the baka gun away from Hotaru's hands.
Hotaru consoled herself with ice cream and watched the two boys muck around from beneath her eyelashes. She wondered when the two boys had become so comfortable with her and it wasn't just those two boys, so did the others. She knew it was partly because of Mikan, her presence made herself more accessible somehow, more approachable.
She smirked and hid the ultra spy camera, already counting her rabbits; Natsume and Ruka only in their pajama bottoms and basket ball jerseys, cooking will get her loads of rabbits. The two boys looked like they've forgotten that she was there, but she didn't mind, it made it all the more easy to observe them joking around in front of the stove.
It was easy to see the changes; it was in their demeanor, the relaxed set of their shoulders and the easy lift of their lips. Certain aspects of their darkness were still there but now their eyes looked more alive.
When Hotaru first saw them, one fair, one dark, two sides of the same coin, their eyes were bleak and flat because they feed off each others pain.
She heard the rumors about Natsume and it wasn't exactly hard to figure out what he did, what the academy made him do. She had always known that the academy was not just about daisies and roses, she understood why Natsume acted the way he did back then.
He wanted someone to stop him, wanted someone to care enough to ask 'why?'. He did his job in order to survive, but somewhere along the way, he lost the desire to live and lived merely to survive. No one, in Hotaru's mind should ever live like that. But still, it wasn't her problem, he was nothing to her as she was nothing to him. She couldn't think of how she could help anyway. She wasn't kind enough, selfless enough, forgiving enough, warm enough. But it didn't stop her from wishing, whenever his pain was so big and his desperation so thick that she can actually sense it, that someone like that will come for him, even just for a little while, like someone had came for her and showed her that there is indeed sunshine after the rain.
Back then, to Hotaru, the only good quality that she can see was his devotion to Ruka and Ruka's to Natsume. Ruka was nothing like his friend, he was quiet, shy, soft and…lonely. There's nothing wrong with being like that of course. From his friendship with Natsume, Hotaru knows that he is loyal, and self sacrificing and empathetic. When Natsume is hurting, he hurts, when Natsume is unhappy, he is unhappy, too.
In so many ways, Hotaru figures that he is to Natsume, what Mikan is to her.
Ruka lives in his own little world where its only occupants are himself, animals and Natsume. It was all he needed to live. He was the only softness in Natsume's cold and harsh world. Natsume does it because he realized that he can endure the hardships more than anybody else. He knows that in order for the majority to be happy, there will be the few that will have to suffer in their place. It was, she always thought, the price of happiness. After all, history is filled with countries, organizations, religion, principles, built on flesh, blood and broken dreams.
Natsume knows all this and accepts it.
Ruka has the potential to be as strong as Natsume but his mind was not up to it. He was much too dependent, much too caring, his mind too straight, his heart too soft. Which is why instead of fighting side by side with Natsume he can only watch in silence as Natsume slowly drowned himself in the dark with him following quietly like his shadow.
If Natsume doesn't smile, than I won't smile. If Natsume is not happy, than I won't be happy.
Ruka was too gentle to fight for Natsume, to fight against him, to rub him raw when he needed a good smack in the head. He didn't want to bother Natsume, he didn't want to upset him, didn't want to poke into old wounds.
He didn't know that he was slowly killing Natsume with good intentions.
Then Mikan came along; loud, obnoxious, annoying and unbelievably irritating. She was not afraid, she did not give up, she pushed, she scraped, she dug in her heels, she demanded, she laughed at, she teased and he ignored all his attempts to push her away. She'd drag him kicking and screaming from the darkness and into the light. She conjured the feelings that was once forgotten, thawed his frozen heart, and gave him the unconditional friendship and love that he thought he didn't deserve.
In the end, she managed what every one thought was impossible.
She gave warmth to fire and now that fire is burning brightly in gratitude. Natsume's feelings for the girl is so obvious in the way he gravitate towards her and sometimes she feels a familiar ache inside her every time she sees the desperate need the boy has for her best friend, because she felt it, too. The days she spent without Mikan in the school, she felt like she was sleep walking, living in a dream. She kept having the vaguest sensation that she will wake up and finds herself with Mikan and her grand father again. Or so she hoped.
Hotaru remembered the day where she met with Mikan again, when she smiled at her, she felt the warmth of her smile right down to her toes and she could breathe again.
Hotaru blinked when she realized two sets of eyes were staring at her. "What?"
Ruka goggled at her. "You were smiling. Softly, like you were happy." He squinted at her. "Are you sick?"
Violet eyes that just a second ago were warm, now turned cool and emotionless. "I was happy." She grabbed her plate from his hands and walked towards the kitchen door, but before she walked out she glanced over her shoulder, a glint in her eyes. "I was imagining about how much rabbits I'll get by selling pictures of you cooking together."
At the yells of the two boys behind her, Hotaru sighed in satisfaction. But of course they still have a long way to convince me to let them take Mikan away.