EXODUS

Chapter Twelve : The Ever After

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Love bade me welcome, yet my soul drew back

Guilty of dust and sin.

Love by

George Herber

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He sighed when he took off his lion mask and rubbed the sweat that dribbled down his neck.

"Leo." At the sound of his name he lifted a hand to absently catch his pale green eyes glued on his off and on again teammate.

"So." He started, but Natsume didn't even bother to pause while he strapped on his arm guards, the heavy sound of metal hitting metal grated in the gym that was unusually quiet. Unusual, but understandable after the sight of Doumoto's unconscious body that had to be dragged out of the ring after Natsume was done with him.

Leo, who often prided himself as someone who never backed away from a fight hoped he would never have to fight against a pissed off Natsume. Being beat up until your body shut down is one thing, being so frightened out of your wits until you blacked out is another thing all together.

It was a bitter pill to swallow for Leo because he wasn't entirely sure that he wouldn't freak the way Doumoto did.

It was surprising really, that Natsume can be just as vindictive, just as petty as the rest of them. One of the reasons why a lot of them didn't bother to set a challenge for Natsume was because he was considered fair and neutral. He was a stickler for protocols but that was for good reason. It also helped that he could kick their asses senseless if he wanted too, but that was just it, he never did. He could be hard if someone deserved it but other than that he never tried to exercise his status as leader, as alpha, he wasn't power hungry or ambitious. He was also a loner and never tried to blend with them, which Leo understood. He was their leader, not their friend.

But even as Natsume rode them hard and relentlessly both in missions and training, he was never intentionally cruel like he was today in the ring with Doumoto.

At first, the crowd was excited with the news of a challenge especially as they heard that it was Natsume vs Doumoto. It was no secret that Doumoto hated Natsume, loud and obnoxious he mouthed to everyone who would listen, which weren't many, of how he would challenge Natsume one day. The more Natsume ignored him, the more he mouthed off.

The lot of them jostled and pushed into the gym to form a circle around the ring and cheered at the prospect of a fight. But then Natsume stepped into the ring; he had taken off his jacket, shoes, tie and arm guard so he shouldn't have look so intimidating in a white shirt, a cat mask and checkered uniform trousers, but all of it was splattered with blood and both of his hands were caked with it. But then again they were the dangerous ability class, not the warm and fuzzy ability class, blood, either their own or others were an everyday thing.

Natsume stood in front of Doumoto, still and silent. The lack of preparation or stance was a hint of what's to come. Even when he trained rookies he always dropped himself into a stance in respect for his opponent and as an example of his stern warning to never ever underestimate the enemy. Most of their class's success in carrying out missions was due to the fact that their enemies see them as children even when they knew what they were. It was those seconds where they hesitate that gives them the upper hand.

Angry, anxious and insulted, Doumoto charged with a barrage of attacks but Natsume eluded it with ease. Frustrated, Doumoto increased his attacks but Natsume still avoided it with what seemed to be little effort which of course made Doumoto more determined but no matter how hard he tried he was still unable to even so much as graze Natsume much less hit him. It was as if Natsume wanted to make it clear that Doumoto was way out of his league and by not even bothering to hit back, Natsume was showing to everybody that Doumoto was an annoyance, not a danger. The implied insult was enough to surprise the crowd but it was the thick, suffocating air that enveloped Natsume like a dark shroud that silenced the crowed and made Doumoto even edgier. It seemed to pulsed in the air and made Natsume looked larger, scarier, more dangerous

When Natsume dodged faster, his footwork grew more elaborate, his movement efficient and sharper, the air seemed to tremble with his presence and Leo admitted that it even raised the fine hairs on his neck. While Natsume moved faster and faster, Doumoto's movement grew wilder and inconsistent. Pressured, angry, freaked, Doumoto's breath quickened as his heart beat like crazy, his eyes blinked the cold sweat out of his eyes as it flicked wildly from side to side in order to keep up with Natsume's movements. Eventually, the pressure got too much for him and his footwork lagged, his breath harsh, his movements slowed, his instincts dulled and when Natsume, at least in his eyes, appeared out of no where right in front of him without so much as a whisper, his mind simply blanked and his muscles halted to a stop.

Then his eyes rolled to the back of his head and toppled down with a loud sound, if Leo was faster on picking his jaw off the ground he would've shouted 'timbeeeeeer'.

Leo would like to think that Natsume was fed up with Doumoto's attitude but honestly, the challenge just stank of personal vendetta and after hearing about Doumoto's run in with Sakura Mikan, Natsume's partner, he was sure that it was down right personal.

"What?" Aggrieved with the slightly mocking and knowing look on Leo's face, Natsume finally shifted his red eyes towards the fifteen year old boy.

Leo pursed his lips as he looked straight into Natsume's eyes that still peeked out of the slits of his mask, then smiled. "Nothing."

Natsume slipped into his jacket that was stiff because of all the dried blood while he ignored Leo's pale green eyes. Leo gets on his nerves more than the others but he was one hell of a second in command besides, when push comes to shove Natsume rather have him watch his back than any other person in the class which is the sole reason why he was still more or less in Natsume's good guy list.

Leo hummed absently as though he had something in his mind, it wasn't until they reached outside that Leo flashed a cocky grin and gave a two finger salute. "You should shower before you see her." And then he was off before Natsume had a chance to punish him for that smartass remark.

Natsume scowled at the ripple of dust that gathered in the air at Leo's departure. Damn, he's getting fast.

"What are you doing here, old man?" He let the irritation crept into his voice as he found no other outlet for it. Sullen red eyes flashed towards the older person who was casually leaning on the wall.

Tono raised an eyebrow. "Obviously not to see your charming self."

Natsume snorted, he wasn't surprised to see the Amplify Alice user in the Dangerous Ability section, with such a unique and rare alice, he worked with every section of the school so he was free to go anywhere he pleased which in turn why he usually knew a lot about a lot of things. In return his every movement and actions were closely monitored by head quarters like all Alice Users that showed promise.

Tono shoved his long black hair out of his face and for once Natsume could see the tired lines around his shadowed eyes. "I just came back from a mission with Tsubasa and Misaki, we heard about what happened." His dark eyes observed the blood splattered mask on Natsume's face, the dried blood on Natsume's shirt. "That's not yours, I take it?'

"What do you want?"

"Head quarter is all abuzz about something."

Natsume didn't acknowledge the subtle warning instead he shoved his hands in his pockets. "How many did you bring back?"

Tono lit a cigarette and took a long drag. Although Tsubasa and Misaki were also recruited by headquarters, they were more into search and rescue or guarding new Alice's on their first journey towards the Academy. With so much opposition from Anti Alice and the increase in demand for Alice users and Alice user types of missions, it was no surprise that a few kidnap attempts were made and what better chance to take than when the Alice user was still young and malleable. Breaking into the academy was too much of a risk, so many tried to take their chance when the Alice user was still outside the academy.

Tono shrugged. "We got all of them."

Maybe it was the way Tono puffed away his cigarette, maybe it was the way the guy slouched against the wall, Natsume felt an urge to say something…nice. It's the damn baka's fault!

Against gritted teeth he managed to mumble. "That's good."

"Is it?" The question and the cynical twist on the man's face didn't surprise Natsume though it made him uncomfortable because somehow it felt like they were, God forbid, friends. "You know better. The longer they are outside…"

"…the longer they'll be in danger." Tono dropped his cigarette and stepped on it with his foot. After glaring at the stub, he waved his hand, dismissing the conversation. "Whatever. Just remember to watch your back. If you're gone…" Tono didn't bother to continue the sentence before walking away, not that Natsume needed to hear the rest of it anyway; he knew exactly what will happen if something happen to him. His classmates will be fresh meat to headquarters various sections and Mikan…Mikan will be up for grabs. He turned towards head quarters and tried to think of the best way to intimidate someone into telling him what the fuss was all about.

Tono might be a pain but he was no chump when it comes to danger.

Natsume rubbed his forehead, he didn't know who he was more irritated with. He did mean to see Mikan until he remembered Leo's suggestion, call it pride, call it his need to be unpredictable, he did a one eighty and head back towards his own suite and justified it by thinking that she was probably asleep by now.

Natsume started to slip out of his jacket but stopped when he felt a presence in his bedroom, he relaxed when he figured out who it was. He should've known. "It's late."

Mikan sat up on the sofa she was napping on and rubbed her eyes. She peered at him in the darkness and reached for the table lamp.

"Don't."

The copper scent of blood reached Mikan's nose in the darkness and her senses sharpened. "Did you just come in?

"Obviously."

Settling his jacket back on his shoulders, Natsume took out a bottle of water from him fridge and drank deep, ignoring the pair of amber eyes that was slowly observing his every movement.

"Did you figure out who they were?"

"They're working on it."

Mikan's amber eyes took in the mask and the uniform. "Where have you been?"

Natsume leaned on the kitchen counter. "Briefing."

Mikan stifled the urge to nag, she was starting to get used to the way Natsume stayed vague after a mission or a fight, like he was trying to relearn how to be Natsume Hyuuga and not be Kuro Neko. "You should take a shower while I make you something to eat."

"I just want a bath and sleep."

She understood the sentiment. A hot bath would do wonders for all the aches and tiredness of his limbs, but she didn't want to leave him alone while he lay in a bathtub full of hot water that was tinted by blood with only his thoughts as company.

"Take a shower first to clean up. Give me your clothes first so I can soak them."

"I'll take care of it." It said something about Natsume's condition when he didn't realized that Mikan was as close as she was until she made a grab for his mask. "No."

Natsume's head inched back and he lifted his hands to block hers…then saw the blood that stained his skin. His hesitation gave a window for Mikan to snatch his mask with a quick twist of her wrists.

The cool fresh air that touched his damp face was sweet relief as the lingering smell of blood was replaced by the scent of orange blossoms and…cookies. No longer limited by the small slits of the mask, his eyes seemed to use their newfound freedom by zooming onto the nearest most beautiful thing; her big amber eyes, the curve of her cheeks, the gentle smile on her mouth. "Found you."

It was ridiculous.

Crazy.

Terrifying.

Unreasonably unreasonable.

Four years ago, the girl that was standing right before him was a stranger, someone that he didn't know even exist, so how is it that now as he looked at her, he couldn't see a tomorrow without her in it? How is it that this one girl that he shared nothing in common with, ended up in his room with his mask in her hand, looking at him with a smile on her face?

And how exactly that it was her and not all the atrocities that he had witnessed in his numerous missions that finally introduced him to the true meaning of fear?

Surely there must be something wrong with the universe because looking at her, just looking at her made him realized that there is nothing, absolutely nothing that he won't do for her, try for her or give to her. Although he live inside an academy that enslave and force him to do things that still and continue to give him nightmares, inside he was still free and although everything that he has now is because they allowed him to have it, there is still a small part of him that they could not claim.

But this one girl who with her actions and her words showed him and gave him so many impossible things, not only had it but she could also made him present it to her on a silver platter, wrapped in a big red bow for her to break or shatter. For a boy who always made sure that he would be in control, who struggled to always be the one with power because only then could he keep everything that was important to him safe, it is the biggest fear of all.

To be at the mercy of someone.

To be at the position where all you can do is believe.

It was so pathetically ironic that he felt disgusted with him self…and yet…

A flash of amber.

A ripple of words.

Lips curving into a gentle smile.

"Found you."

…and yet, out of the billions of people in Japan, the millions of people in Tokyo, the thousands of people in the academy, the hundreds of students in their class she showed up one day…and found him.

There must be something in that.

"Is it too cold?"

Natsume shook his head and took a deep breath, filling his senses with the scent of ylang ylang and lavender, he was beginning to be an expert in aromatherapy since Mikan made a habit of shoving bottles into his hands. Both of them were in the kitchen, with him naked but for his boxers, on a stool and Mikan hovering over him, a wash cloth in her hands and a big bowl of warm water on the table. After a half hearted fight from Natsume who just wanted to jump into a hot bath just as he was, he agreed that at least he should wipe the mess off first.

Mikan knew Natsume was dead on his feet when he didn't even sneer at her when she suggested a sponge bath, the last time Natsume passed an opportunity like that was when he fell unconscious and ended up with his face crushing her breasts.

She touched the wash cloth to the nape of his neck and squeeze, letting rivulets of warm water slid down the skin of his back where scars, cuts and bruises joined together in some horrendous form of artwork. She closed her eyes tightly until she was sure they were dry before tracing her way along his shoulders where muscles knotted and ached. She concentrated on running the wash cloth on his shoulder blades, rubbing gently where it bruised, skimming over the cuts as she wiped the blood away.

Rub. Skim. Rub. Skim. Dip cloth in water. Squeeze lightly and repeat.

She ignored the way Natsume focused his eyes on her face when she stood in front of him and worked on his front. She touched his right shoulder gently as she worked on his left to make him sit up. She knew he was thinking about something and that that something had something to do with her but had not found the words just, yet. She also had a pretty good guess what it was about anyway.

But now, that didn't matter. All that mattered now was to clean him up so he could relax and sleep without dreams. That's not so much to ask, right?

Natsume sighed when warm water slid on his ribs that were starting to throb, it wasn't broken but it still hurt like a son of a bitch but between the warmth, the scents, the soothing touch and the sounds of trickling water that filled the welcoming dark once in a while, he was tempted to forget about a bath and nod off there and then, or better yet, leaned heavily against Mikan and sleep.

Mikan smiled at the soft disgruntle sound that came from Natsume's throat when she lifted his face, for once relaxed and looked his age. She touched the warm cloth against his forehead, the bridge of his nose, his cheekbones, his ears and the long, clean line of his neck. Mikan thought if Natsume could purr, he would but that thought and the smile disappeared when she finally noticed that Natsume was watching her from half closed eyelids. She never could resist his eyes for its intensity and because she always felt that it was trying to tell her something about its owner; his feelings, his thoughts. Tonight, those strangely colored eyes were particularly transparent but for the life of her, she couldn't quite figure out what it was she saw in them that bothered her.

It was wrong. It was wrong for him to have her here, tending to him like this. What was he to her anyway? It was wrong for her to still be here even after she saw him do some of the worst things that a human being can do to his own kind.

Natsume's paranoid and insecurities reared its ugly head, he spent too long hating himself, thinking of the worst of himself that any show of kindness was met with suspicion. But this time, this time, it was not just suspicion that had him draw back from her, not just his paranoia but pride and self preservation because, in his twisted mind, the only reason of why she was still here, why she was touching him even when she couldn't quite meet his eyes was because she pitied him.

Pity was just something he would ever accept. Not from anyone, especially from her. A hot wave of anger swept over him, warming him and it felt..liberating somehow that he hugged it to him. "You should leave."

She dipped the dirty cloth into the tainted water and squeeze lightly. "I will."

He watched as the shadows rippled over her face and it ripped at him; her kindness, her capacity for compassion suffocate him sometimes even when he became to depend upon it. The thoughts that swirled inside his weaken mind disgusted him, thoughts like that as long as she thought he was suffering, she will never leave him. He felt a sick, twisted kind of satisfaction when he saw her approach him with worried eyes and gentle hands every time he was hurt, every time he got home from missions. It almost made the pain worth it, made the hours he spent scrubbing the blood of his skin and his body….

Natsume tore his eyes from her face, his breathing grew heavy with his anger and self hatred, remembering the expression on her face when he peeled off his uniform that stuck to his skin because of the blood. Before he always made sure that he came to her clean, calm, his emotions in check, but today, she didn't just see the blood but also where the blood came from, saw the way he did not hesitate, did not falter. Saw how unfeeling he was, how he did not regret the lost of life. Saw how much of a monster he could be.

Now she'll always see the blood on him, smell it on him when he came close and he knew he won't be able to face it. Not now, not when she's so close that he had to grip his knees so he couldn't do what he wanted to do the minute he realized she was there.

To hold her.

To crush her.

To wrap himself around her.

To fill himself with only her until the whole world fade away.

"Go now." He whispered between gritted teeth. He knew she sensed the change in him, she was always so..in touch with emotions. It showed in the way her shoulders tensed, the way she unintentionally grip the cloth that water trickled against her fingertips to the floor. When she continued to stand there, her eyes on the cloth she was holding, he released his throbbing knees and pushed her, pushed her when he wanted so much to pull her closer. "Now."

She still didn't lift her eyes, her lips opened but it took a minute before a question slipped out. "Why?"

"I don't want you here."

"Why?"

"Does it really matter?"

"Yes."

"Why are you here?" He threw the question like an accusation.

Her eyes flickered towards him but came back to her hands and moved even lower to the wet spot on the floor. The fact that she was so...afraid or disgusted...or whatever that she couldn't meet his eyes was salt on an already hurting wound.

"What do you mean?"

Natsume fisted his hands. He wanted her to look straight at him, to reassure him, to laugh at him, to comfort him but instead...she stalled, as if she was trying to figure out what to say.

"Never mind. Just go away." He didn't know why he was so angry or which out of the two of them he was angrier with. He just felt so angry...and she was giving him a reason to be angry so he took it. He turned his back on her and moved towards the bathroom. " I don't want you here. You better not be here when I come back."

"You disgust me."

He paused, unsure if it was just his ears playing tricks on him. But the ragged low whisper came through loud and clear in the silence of the room like thunder.

"You heard me.You disgust me."

Natsume turned, slowly. He pivoted on the balls of his feet, his knees bent slightly as if he reading himself for an attack. Was that really her? Did she really say that?

He felt his stomach dropped and his lungs constrict. His slightly bent knees trembled when his drowning mind came to the conclusion that it was her. That she did say the words that he suspected but never really thought would ever really heard. All the pain and hardship he had to go through was nothing compared to the pain that was slowly eating away at his insides, at his heart and at that time, he hated her for having that kind of power over him, that she was able to weaken him simply by words.

At least, he wanted to hate her. But he didn't. He couldn't. And wasn't that the problem?

Natsume didn't know that he lost himself so much that everything that he felt showed in his face, his eyes, his body language. Mikan finally lifted her eyes, met his...and like what Natsume did at the afternoon, delivered the killing blow with unnerving accuracy.

Time stretched to an eternity for Natsume as he felt the heat in Mikan's eyes and when she opened her mouth, he wanted to close his eyes, his ears, to block her out but masochistically, he merely stared at her with pain filled eyes and waited for his world to crash down on him.

And like always, she didn't disappoint.

"I hate you."

It was as if all of his senses numbed in one second and then turn hypersensitive in another. The scene in front of his eyes tilted and his ears rung with her words. Natsume squeezed his eyes against the overwhelming mess of whatever it was that raged inside of him and when he felt his body trembled, he staggered towards the bathroom where he threw himself on the toilet bowl and retched.