He awoke to the sound of hushed whispers. Quiet though the noise was, it still hurt. Groaning, Rodney opened his eyes. Everything was blurry, but he saw two small faces peered at him through the leaves. Neither looked to be older than twelve. Of course. Children. That was the way the universe tormented him. Why couldn't he be saved by armed soldiers- friendly armed soldiers?

"Help, please," he managed to croak out. They stared at him with big dark eyes.

He tried again. "Help me, please."

They began to discuss him. "Maybe we should bring father?" "Do you think he will die?" "Should we tell the Lanteans?"

"Lanteans?" He latched onto the word. He gasped out, "Yes, Lanteans!"

"If you try to hurt us, they'll shoot you with their weapons." The younger one declared with what he was certain was an evil glare.

"Hurt you?" He laughed weakly, wincing at movement. "I can't even move my head, how would I get up and move?"

"You wish us to tell them you are here?"

Tears slipped from his eyes and he nodded. "They... I'm Lantean." God, he hurt. It felt as if he'd damaged every part of his body. He knew he at least had a concussion from his vision and the faint nausea.

The children whispered to each other, then finally the older one told him, "We will bring them to you. Do not move.

The children left him, and he stared up at the leaves above him. He ran through the past events and couldn't make sense of it. The last thing he remembered was throwing himself forward. They had been right behind him. How was it that the men hadn't captured him? He could hear birds chirping, and some small rustles in the leaves of the trees above him. A louder rustling caused him to tense and he started to move. A face loomed over him, and he flinched. He tried to roll over, to get away.

"Dr. McKay?! Oh, shit! Clark, get the med kit! Moore, call Atlantis! Tell them we have a medical emergency! Go! Be still, Doc."

He knew that voice. Major Lorne! He knew this man! He would help him! Major Lorne would take him home. He clutched the black vest in front of him and pulled himself to the soldier, clinging to him as he shook. He was crying and laughing, all at once not feeling the pain of his injuries.

He felt the hands on him, pulling him away from the man. NO! No, no, no, no, no! He fought those hands, sobbing, screaming. "Don't leave me! Don't leave me!"

He didn't feel the prick of a needle in his leg, nor the gentle hand on his forehead. But he heard the voice. "Hey, no. We won't leave you, Doc. Calm down, we're here, we're not going anywhere without you."

He felt the men moving around him, securing him to a stretcher. He moaned as they lifted him. Every movement jarred his injuries. His hand twitched weakly, barely making a movement, but someone noticed. His hand was gently enfolded in another. He opened his eyes to see Lorne looking down at him. "Don't worry, we'll be there soon and Doctor Beckett'll take care of you." He closed his eyes again, and let himself fall away.

The next thing he became aware of were hands. He struggled to open his eyes, to raise his hands to the thing over his face. He felt weary, but his nerves were raw. Where was he?

"Rodney?" A soft voice, a voice from home. "Carson, come in here!"

He cracked his eyes, sliding them towards the person sitting there. Elizabeth, who looked tired and worn, was sitting next to him. His confused mind took a moment to figure out where he was and why. The sound of monitors registered, but he was focused on her face. Was this a dream? He had used memories and daydreams to escape reality; he wasn't sure where he was. Rodney decided he was too tired to worry about it right now.

)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Feeling warm was a novel experience for him. Feeling safe was even more so. He frowned. Atlantis. So it was real. He savored the softness of the pillow and the comfort of the bed for a moment. He heard a murmur and lifted his lids. Radek was talking quietly on his headset. He took a moment to savor the sight. Who'd have thought watching the wild-haired scientist would make Rodney feel so happy. When the other man looked his way, he actually dropped his laptop.

"Rodney!" A smile lit up his face. "We are so glad to have you back."

"Thank you." His voice cracked. Radek did look almost overjoyed to see him. "It's good to see you."

"You would like ice chips? Here, let me help you." Radek reached out grabbed a spoon. Rodney couldn't see, but he knew Carson made sure that every patient had ice chips and water ready for them. It was one of his little ways of providing comfort in a harsh place.

The ice felt like heaven as it melted on his tongue. He swished it around his dry mouth, feeling the gap where Mean had knocked out one of his molars. Well, all in all it was a small thing, so he didn't worry overmuch about it. He had other things to worry about. Like the too low level of toxin in his blood.

"I will call Dr. Beckett." Radek was up and gone before Rodney could tell him to stay. He started to feel anxious.

He wasn't alone long, however. Carson came in, looking eager and worried at the same time. It was an expression he'd missed. "Rodney! I'm glad to see you awake finally." Radek hovered near the foot of the bed as the doctor checked the readings on the monitors.

Rodney let his eyes speak for him. Trying to tell Carson how grateful he was to be here, how much he had missed them. Ask him for some enzyme.

"Well, I'm happy to tell you that you should be fine. No life-threatening injuries." He glanced at Radek. "I need to speak to Rodney in private, so if you could wait outside..."

Radek started and retrieved his laptop, which he'd left on the floor. "I must go to make sure idiot scientists are not going to blow up labs. And look at mountains of reports. I will return later. It is good that you are back. I hate your job."

"Now, Rodney. I need to discuss your injuries." The Scot looked at the chart in his hand. "You have a dislocated knee, and some broken fingers, but they should heal just fine. You suffered a minor concussion. There were some lacerations, it looks like when you fell off the cliff-"

"I went over a cliff?" Oh, that must have happened as he was rolling down the hill. "Never mind." He knew where Carson was headed by the uncomfortable look on his face.

"There was bruising all over you, some older, some recent. And the lesion on your ankle was infected, but we've got you on some broad spectrum antibiotics. The more...personal... injuries are healing fine, and all the tests we've taken have been clean."

"How long?"

"Since Major Lorne found you? Oh, you've been back for about 24 hours. Elizabeth was damn happy to see you." Carson smiled. "I think you need some rest. Your blood pressure is a bit high, as is you temperature, so..."

"Carson...Do you have any Wraith enzyme?"

The doctor stared. "Why no, Rodney." Sudden understanding lit the doctor's eyes. His face darkened. "Are ye telling me ye've been taking enzyme all this time? Are you bloody daft?"

"Not like I had a choice." He could feel the want. Keep your mind focused. Think of other things. Instead, what he said was, "Carson, I need it."

Helplessly, Carson held out his hands. "Rodney..."

"I need that enzyme!" He hadn't meant to yell, but he was feeling panicked. He knew what happened when someone didn't get the enzyme. If you were lucky you died quickly.

"Rodney, you don't. We'll get you through this." He laid a hand on Rodney's arm. "I'll help you."

As the day wore on, Rodney's grew more and more agitated. He managed to sleep a little, but he would wake cold, hot, burning, sweating, shaking. He didn't ask about anyone, he didn't talk to anyone. He felt anger well up. Carson was keeping him like this. He knew how to get the enzyme, he just didn't want to give him any.

By the time Carson came to check his vitals, Rodney was practically enraged. "You want me to suffer! You didn't want me back here! You're jealous because I'm so much smarter than you."

"Rodney, stop." Carson looked at him with his false expression of compassion. His body was burning, and Carson wasn't doing anything for him.

"No, you can't stand the thought that I'm better than you." Oh God, he needed the enzyme! Why wasn't anyone helping him?

He lunged up at the him, only to find that sometime during the day, he'd been secured in restraints. "Oh, that's great, tie me up. Like I'm not used to that." he lashed out with the only weapon he had left. Words.

"I spent most of the last six months tied up. Like a dog. Do you think this scares me? Bigger and better men than you, Carson." Rodney was screaming now. "I hate you, do you hear me? I won't let you kill me!"

"Calm down. No one's trying to kill you." Carson tried giving him an ice chip. "I'm trying to help you!"

"You don't understand. You can't help me." Images of Big holding him down crowded all other thoughts from his mind. "I don't want this! I won't let you do it! You won't touch me! Just kill me!"

"Rodney, I know you don't mean any of this." He said some other things, but Rodney refused to listen.

He slowly retreated into his daydreams, but they weren't the ones he wanted. His mind took a sharp twist as the pain burned through him. He was locked in the hell of his mind, reliving his captivity. The times he'd been beaten, raped, starved. He felt the cuffs holding him almost immobile and tasted blood in his mouth. His words of hatred and rage slowly garbled until he was screaming, and howling.

He had periods of almost lucidity, when he knew where he was, but not why he was there. Those times he just begged to be let free, to be able to sit up, to be given the enzyme. He berated the nurses, cursed the doctors. He moaned and cried. They didn't understand how it felt. Every minute was a torturous hell. Every movement was pain. They just didn't know. Finally, he exhausted himself and fell into a dark, fitful sleep.

He opened his eyes, but closed them immediately. Oh, God, the light hurt. He felt like crap. He was stiff, sore and his throat ached. He tried to raise his arm but found it wouldn't move. A moment of panic, then he remembered. He groaned. Leave it to Rodney McKay to finally make it home, then ruin it all.

"Are you awake, then?"

He looked into the face of Carson Beckett. He wasn't sure what to say, since Carson was looking at him with concern and his usual caring. He felt his chin quiver. Oh. My. God. He was going to cry. Again. He could feel the tears running down his face. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean anything I said. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

The doctor hurriedly unstrapped Rodney's arms and ankles. He sat on the bed next to him. "Don't be an idiot. I'm your friend. I know it wasna you." He pulled Rodney into a sitting position. "The drug is finally out of your system, and you're lucky you're still alive. Your heart stopped several times. You nearly died." For Carson to say it so bluntly told Rodney just how close it had been.

Rodney turned to him, reaching an arm around Carson's waist. "I'm so glad to be home."

"Rodney, where have you been all this time?"

Pulling away, he looked at Carson. "Ford's men took me. They kept me prisoner, they..." He looked at his lap.

"Oh, Rodney. I know what they did to you. I did have to do a thorough examination." The doctor paused. "We couldn't find you, anywhere."

"When... the others... didn't come back, they took me through the gate. Uh, they moved me to several different planets."

"What were you doing on Miravel?" Carson reached a hand over and took Rodney's pulse.

"Was that it's name? Well. They wanted to avoid winter on the previous planet. We'd only just arrived when they said there were Lanteans. I figured it was my best chance to get away. There wouldn't be anyone who would run and tell them where I was." He couldn't help the bitterness in his voice. He swallowed, making sure his voice didn't shake. "By the way, I'd like to see Major Lorne." He wanted to thank him. He doubted the man would ever know how Rodney had felt when he'd seen Lorne.

Carson gathered the items needed to take a sample of Rodney's blood. "Oh, well, he's off-world. Seems Colonel Sheppard's got himself into a little fix. Lorne took Radek to see if he could help him. As soon as he returns, I'll send him to see you. "

The blood left Rodney's head, and he felt as if he couldn't breathe. "Sheppard?" He managed in a reedy voice.

"Aye. Rodney? What is it, man?" Carson grabbed an oxygen mask from the wall. "Slow down your breathing! Carrie, get me the sedative! Rodney, stop it! You're going to hurt yourself! And breathe, damn it!"

As the sedative worked its way into Rodney's system, he kept thinking, Sheppard's alive, Sheppard's alive. Carson's lips were moving, but the sound of waves drowned him out. He leaned close to him, too close. He felt as if he wasn't getting enough air. Was he suffocating? He panicked. He was vaguely aware of people rushing around him, voices and sounds frantic. His last thought was to wonder if Teyla and Ronon were alive, too.