Elizabeth and Carson were both there when he returned to consciousness. They were playing some kind of card game. He licked his lips and called out. "Sheppard?"
"Hello, Rodney." Elizabeth made it to his side first. She smiled widely at him. "It's so very good to see you."
"Rodney! How are ye feeling?" Carson immediately came to check the readings from the monitors.
"Tired, hurts a bit. Glad to be here." Rodney smiled crookedly.
"I can imagine." Elizabeth said, laying a hand on his arm. He couldn't help but think, No, you really don't. Thank God.
"Right. Did you say Sheppard is in some kind of trouble?" At their nods, he closed his eyes. His voice trembled when he spoke."And Teyla, Ronon? Are they alive, too?"
"Bloody Hell! Did you think they weren't?" When Rodney's eyes answered for him, Carson cursed. "I'm sorry, Rodney. I had no idea you thought they were dead. And I just blurted it out like..."
As Carson shook his head in self-recrimination, Elizabeth took his hand. ""Yes, they are. You were the one we couldn't find. And they looked for you so hard, but there just wasn't any trace of you."
Rodney couldn't process the emotions right now. "What kind of fix has Sheppard gotten himself into now?"
"We aren't sure. They made the first scheduled check-in, saying they'd found an Ancient lab." Elizabeth paused. "They didn't make the second or third checks. We sent Lorne and Radek out to make sure everything was alright."
"How long ago was this? First you all neglect to tell me they're alive, then you don't tell me they've gone missing?" His head was spinning. "Did you tell them I was back?"
"They left the morning we brought you home. We had planned to tell them when they dialed Atlantis, but..." Elizabeth shook her head.
"How long have I been here? How long since Radek left?" His mind sped along possibilities. Ancient biological weapons, booby traps, virtual reality machines that sucked you in. Of all the things he could think of, none was pleasant.
"Three days, Rodney. And- What are you doing? Get back in that bloody bed!" Carson placed his hand in Rodney's chest. Ignoring Rodney's tense stillness, he gently, but very firmly, pushed him back down. "You are in no condition to leave this bed."
"Radek is not nearly as brilliant as I when it comes to Ancient tech." He waved his hand at them, trying to sound as if he was in control. "Yes, yes, I know he's had six months to brush up, but he's not me." He saw his argument wasn't softening them up. "Look, I just found out they weren't sucked dry by a Wraith. I don't know what is going on, I will have to deal with this whole thing all over again if something goes wrong. And I just can't do that. Not again."
Elizabeth's shoulders slumped and she looked at Carson. She would let him if Carson did. "I understand, Rodney, but you need to rest and heal. We just got you back."
"Please, God, I'll beg! I need to go there. I can't sit here and wait." Rodney swallowed. "Carson, I can't sit here doing nothing. I can't. I can't have Radek come back and tell me they didn't make it."
Carson scrunched his face. "You... I can't... Damn it, Rodney! Fine, but I go with you." He shook his finger at the scientist. "And if I say 'Rest', you bloody well better."
"OK. Fine. Let me up. Oh, I need clothes." He snapped the fingers of his good hand. "And my laptop. You did keep my laptop safe, didn't you? You didn't give it to Zelenka or anything?" And as everything started to happen, he sat on the edge of the bed and covered his face with hands. Confident though his was, he was still afraid. He was leaving the safety of Atlantis. The thought terrified him. Anything could be out there, waiting for him. Big and Ugly were still out there somewhere. But for his team, he would do it. He would take care of the important things before he fell apart. Like rescue his family.
Rodney managed to keep from hyperventilating. Elizabeth had given him a look of sorrow and understanding when he'd demanded as many marines as the jumper could hold to guard them. After all, he'd told her, Carson wasn't really prepared for any kind of violent situation, and he still wasn't up to his normal, well, sub-standard standard. She'd called a team together. Just his luck it included Cadman.
He could admit in the privacy of his own mind that she wasn't that bad. She'd actually thrown her arms around him and told him she was glad he was back. He'd stiffened, feeling both uncomfortable and unreasonably terrified. To cover his reaction, she'd then made an appropriately sarcastic comment, and smiled. Surprisingly, he'd smiled back.
The trip was a horrible experience for him. He felt crowded and uncomfortable in the jumper. Every time some one moved, he flinched. He told himself that no one noticed, and even if they did, too bad. He was oddly touched, though, that none of the soldiers even blinked when he scrunched in the corner, putting as much distance as possible between them and him.
Their pilot-a new guy- (who seemed to resent being told he wasn't as smooth as Sheppard) landed as close to the site as he could. Rodney struggled out of the jumper muttering about the crutches Carson had insisted upon. He went as quickly as he could to the entryway. It was shielded, preventing radio contact. Sheppard's ATA gene must have triggered the defensive force shield. Everything else faded away as he pushed Radek to the side and involved himself in solving the puzzle.
A short time later, he was sweating and exhausted. But he knew how to fix it. "You, yeah, uh, tall redheaded marine. Go back to the jumper and get me the defibrilator."
"Rodney, what are you thinking?" Radek pushed his glasses up.
"In a minute. I need cables, metal wire. Something conductive." He looked up expectantly, but they just stared at him blankly. Except for Lorne and Cadman, who were smirking at him. "Are you people paying attention to the genius at all?"
One of the marines stepped forward. "We could contact Atlantis and have them send a roll of wire through the gate."
"Fine. Go, but hurry. This shield is not permeable." He sighed when only a few of them understood what he was saying. "That means they have a finite amount of air, so speed would be good."
Rodney busied himself with getting everything ready, he just needed the wire. He explained all his findings and readings to Zelenka and Lorne, who kept looking at him and smiling. Carson made him sit and rest. He drank some water, ate an MRE and finally couldn't help it. Glaring at Cadman and Lorne, who were still looking at him with a much too pleasant expression, he said, "What? Why do you keep looking at me?"
"It's just good to have you back, Rodney. We kinda missed being called idiots, you know." Cadman winked at him. He rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, and actually, I was thinking it would be so much more pleasant without Colonel Sheppard trying to pick up your slack in the 'terrorize your subordinates' department.." Lorne's eyes twinkled, then sobered. "Seriously, he's been pretty... uh, hard to work with? They'll be glad to see you."
Rodney didn't answer. He hadn't thought about actually seeing his team. Just about getting them out. He wasn't sure how he felt right now.
"Dr. McKay? I have the wire."
"Oh, right. Good, good." A hand was thrust in front of him, and he recoiled. Snapping his eyes up, he saw Carson holding out a canteen. His face flushed. He took the water. Carson was studying his face intently. "I'm fine, Carson."
"No, you're not, but we'll talk about it later."
"Yes, whatever. OK here's what I need you all to do..." He assigned various duties to everyone, but he had to double-check everything. He was so tired, he just wanted to sink to the ground and sleep. His knee pounded and his shoulder had started throbbing in a matching rhythm. The fingers on his left hand were aching. He was almost finished, though, so he gritted his teeth and kept working. Finally, he was satisfied. "Do it."
There was a shower of sparks, and a small explosion. The shield faded in and out, then disappeared entirely. Rodney wasn't in any shape to go into the cave, so he wobbled to the nearest tree and slid down. His knee was extended in front of him, his head drooped. Someone cleared their throat. He jumped andlooked up.
Zelenka crouched to his side, not near enough to crowd him but close enough to be heard. "Nice work. It is very good to have you back. If there is anything I can do...you can talk, or... What I mean to say is that I am your friend, and if you need me, I will be there."
"That's nice, Radek. Thank you." No, he wouldn't talk about anything to the little Czech. The man respected him, he wasn't going to tell him things that might change that. He made a sarcastic reply in his mind, but didn't voice it. No, he had learned the hard way that not every thought in his head had to be spoken.
He heard Major Lorne's voice first. "Colonel, wait, first let me talk to you! Teyla, please, just a minute!"
Carson was trying to grab Sheppard's arm, saying, "Please, listen to Major Lorne. We have to talk to you!"
"Lorne, I'm not staying another minute in there! And get Rollins the hell away from me!"
Rodney's position by the tree with Radek kneeling in front of him hid him from his team's view. But over the other scientists, he could see them. Sheppard was dusting his hands on his leg complaining about the scientist assigned to him. Teyla was trying to be diplomatic, complimenting the man- Rollins?- on his ability to remain calm. Ronin glared at everyone, his gaze sliding around the group of people there.
Radek shifted, and Ronon's eyes caught Rodney's. They stared at each other for a heartbeat, then Ronon roared. He jumped. Rodney would swear it sounded just like a lion. Most of the soldiers drew weapons, immediately dropping into defensive positions and aiming at the outside of the work area. Ronon rushed towards him and the others looked his way.
He was pulled to his feet and grabbed into a fierce hug. Ronon held him tightly, not saying anything. Rodney felt pain in every bone in his body, but he eventually gripped the big man just as tightly. Being held like this didn't bother him; Ronon was safety personified. He would never hurt Rodney. "Thought you were dead."
"Well, apparently not." Rodney swallowed. "I'm so glad you were mistaken."
"Jesus, Rodney!" Sheppard exclaimed.
He felt hands grabbing for him and panicked. He had to move away. He pushed away from them. "No, no. Wait. I need a bit of space." Miserable at ruining his reunion, he met John's eyes. Everything the pilot felt was revealed in his face. The shock at Rodney's behavior, the hurt that he'd jerked away from him, the joy that he was back. It was probably the first time Rodney had ever seen John look so unconcealed.
"I'm sorry. Really, I'm terribly happy to see you, it's just, well, I can't... I don't... You see...It's not..." He held out his hands helplessly.
"Rodney?" Teyla took a cautious step forward. He nodded, and she rested her hands on his shoulders. First, she did the Athosian greeting, placing her forehead to his. Then she surprised him by sliding her arms down and around his waist. She astounded him by placing a kiss on his cheek. "We are so glad you are safe," she breathed.
Rodney stood stiff at first, but gradually he relaxed into her embrace and lifted his arms around her shoulders. "I thought you were dead," was all he could think to say. "All this time."
"As you can see, we are well." She smiled and stepped away. Her eyes grew serious. "We looked for you, Rodney. We searched everywhere. We even offered a reward for information that might allow Atlantis to find you. I am so grateful that you are here."
John stood silently, and his stare finally started to unnerve the scientist. "What?"
"You look like shit, McKay." John's hands were clenched tightly around his weapon. A muscle twitched in his cheek. "Where've you been?"
Stuttering as he tried to answer without telling them anything, he said, "Is that what you say to me after all this? No 'glad to see you' or 'we missed you'? Hey, you didn't even thank me! You do realize that I had to drag myself from the infirmary to save you from death?"
Sheppard did that smirky thing, and shrugged. "We'll talk about that once you get back to the infirmary."
Carson took the opportunity to interject, "Aye, you daft fool! You shouldna been here this long. Get to the jumper and you can visit with your team when you've been checked over and they have gotten cleaned up."
The ride to the jumper passed in mostly silence. Rodney stared at his team, seeing the little differences in them. It hadn't even been a year, but life in Pegasus changed you quickly. Teyla and Ronon appeared the least changed, the both had developed the bad habit of hovering. Sheppard looked a little older, more lines around his eyes and mouth. He seemed more tightly controlled, somehow. He kept his gaze locked on Rodney, his hazel eyes intense.
That stare made Rodney uncomfortable. Did he know? Could they tell? He was suddenly afraid. Would they think he was damaged in ways beyond repair? Maybe John didn't want him on the team anymore. What if they sent him back to Earth? He didn't want to go back to Earth! He was overwhelmed by panic. He couldn't breathe, and his head was spinning.
"Rodney?" Sheppard's voice was tinny like he was in an empty room. "Hey, Carson? There's something wrong with Rodney!" He met John's eyes and slowly felt the room spin away.