Third chapter with the most /awesome/ title ever! Seriously, I heart this chapter title and most of this chapter.

Gotta have luff for my reviewers:

shinji the good sharer

longhairedjuice

Bio-Electric Anemone

EvilFuzzy9

Gingerbread Pancake

A Dollop A Daisy

Ramen for the lovely reviewers! (Yes, Michelle, even you.) -triumphant- I kept it hidden from Naruto long enough!

Naruto: -eating ramen-

LGF: Okay. Maybe not…

/Any/way. Enjoy the third part, you guys.

RECAP: Sasuke and Naruto created a mental list of their potential man-whores. Partially agreeing to let Sasuke do most of the talking, the boys asked old-rival Hyuuga Neji and smoker-sensei Sarutobi Asuma to be part of the male prostitution ring. After almost getting killed by Neji and getting laughed at by Asuma, Sasuke and Naruto are off to Sunagakure, the Village Hidden in the Sand, to ask the Kazekage, better known as Gaara, to be a male prostitute.

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, I'd make the show about the Akatsuki with appearances by Sasuke, Neji, Gaara, and Kakashi. Also, this story would definitely happen…all three of them.

Man-Whore No's

Hyuuga Neji

Sarutobi Asuma

/Sunagakure, Kazekage Office/

Gaara was annoyed.

I'm not talking normal annoyance; he was annoyed beyond all belief. He was almost at the point of murder. He had been sitting at his desk, ignoring his paperwork like always, when his big sister, Temari, busted into the room and started yelling at him.

That was two hours ago.

She then decided that if he wasn't going to do any work, she would tell him about her day. She had been rambling about some guy that she met at the hot springs for an hour now, and Gaara had already made a mental note to kill this bastard for even glancing at his sister. It's a good thing that two future Konoha pimps weren't coming to Suna to ask her to be a whore…

/Right Outside Suna/

"I HATE THE FRIGGIN DESERT!" Naruto complained, falling in the dirt of the seemingly never-ending desert hell.

"Um, Naruto. You might want to get up…" Sasuke said, looking up into the sky, watching some vultures circling their area.

"Why?" Naruto mumbled.

"Because I think the vultures are hungry."

"AHH!" Naruto shot up, clinging to Sasuke.

"Dobe, let go! I can't breathe!" Sasuke started to look a little blue.

"Oh." Naruto let go, rubbing the back of his head. "Sorry, teme. I guess I went a little overboard."

"No duh. C'mon. We have to go find Gaara." The two Konoha shinobi walked through the Suna gates and continued their search for our favorite Mr. Sandman.

/Kazekage Office/

"So, anyway. I was all 'yeah my brother's the Kazekage' and he was all 'really? that's pretty-"

"TEAMRI! SHUT THE HELL UP!" Gaara screamed, banging his head on his desk, papers flying everywhere.

"Gaara!" Temari scolded, frantically picking up some papers. "What have Kankuro and I told you about keeping your temper under control?"

"I heard screaming! Who'd Gaara kill!" Kankuro shouted, bursting into the room.

"Nobody yet! I have a horrible headache thanks to a certain sister, and I still have to commit a murder. So, please, just shut-up!" Gaara cried, banging his head on his desk again. "I don't want to hear or see anyone! Just…leave. NOW." Gaara lifted his head and glared at his older siblings.

Temari dropped the papers and dragged Kankuro out of the room. Gaara sighed in relief and rested his head against his desk, thankful for the temporary peace and quiet.

/Kazekage Tower (I guess) , Lobby/

"I'm sorry, the Kazekage doesn't want to see anyone today," the secretary reported, looking at the boys carefully.

Sasuke and Naruto exchanged glances. "Are you sure? Cuz, we really have to speak with him," Sasuke said, Naruto nodding in agreement.

"I'm very sure. He specifically said that he didn't want to hear or see anyone. And that includes you two. So, come back tomorrow or something," she said, turning her chair away from the boys and starting to file her nails.

"But! We have to see him!" Naruto begged, but to no avail as the secretary simply ignored them.

"Yeah? Well, I don't give a damn. He said no one can see him and that means no one-"

"Yuna," an annoyed/angry voice growled form the hallway.

Yuna, the secretary, stopped mid-file, eyes wide with fear as she looked into the seafoam eyes of one Kazekage. "K-K-Kazekage-sama…what are y-y-you doing here?" she stammered.

"Hey, Gaara," the boys greeted, waving at him slightly.

"This…is my office. I will go as I please," he stated, nodding in acknowledgement to the visiting ninja. "You two come with me."

Naruto and Sasuke followed Gaara down the hall to his office, smirking smugly to Yuna as they passed her. She cut her eyes at them and went back to filing her nails.

/Kazekage Office/

"So, what do you guys want?" Gaara queried, sitting in his chair and resting his head on his laced fingers.

"Well, we came to ask you a question, Gaara," Sasuke answered, he and Naruto looking around the office which was covered in the papers from the commotion earlier.

"Okay then. Don't be shy, have a seat," he recommended, motioning to the seats in front of his desk. "And don't mind the mess."

"Right then," they responded simultaneously, sitting in the designated chairs.

"So, what is it you need to ask?"

"Well, we're here to ask-"

"How's Kankuro and Temari?" Naruto butted in, which, coincidentally, annoyed Sasuke.

"They're fine. Would you like to speak with them?" Gaara glanced at Sasuke then back to Naruto, who was shaking his head in accord.

"Yeah, sure!"

"Very well. They're a couple of doors down on this side," Gaara instructed. Naruto jumped up and bounced out the door, closing it quickly behind him.

"You didn't come here to ask about my brother and sister, did you?" Gaara asked, keeping his eyes on the door.

"I didn't, but apparently, Naruto did," Sasuke responded, also keeping his eyes on the door.

"I see. So, what is it that you wanted to ask, Sasuke?"

"Well, Gaara-kun, it's a rather extensive story."

"I have time."

"Kay. You see, about two months ago, Naruto and I were assisting our sensei in coming up with a job to get money for alcohol. Well, I suggested something that made them think I was crazy."

"And this… 'something' was?" Gaara interjected, leaning back in his chair.

"I'll get to that in a moment. Anyway, a month ago, Naruto and I decided to actually go through with my idea. And…well…it didn't work out so well. We kept almost getting killed."

"Ah. So, you wanted to try and be a kindergarten teacher?"

"…Not exactly."

"Oh. So, what is it that you tried to be?"

"….Well…we attempted to be pimps."

"Uchiha. If you're here to ask Temari to be apart of your whore circle, I'm going to kill you," Gaara deadpannedly threatened.

"We're not here to ask Temari to be a whore, Gaara," Sasuke defended, standing up.

Gaara stood as well. "So, why are you here?"

"Wecametoaskyoutobeamaleprostitute." He moved more towards the door as he saw Gaara's anger.

"You WHAT?"

"We came to ask you to be a male prostitute, but I can clearly see that you're not interested. So, bye Gaara!" Sasuke ran out the door, barely escaping Gaara's sand.

Naruto, Temari, and Kankuro were all hanging out in the lobby, eating some of the pizza that had been delivered and catching up. When Sasuke ran into the room, completely terrified, it would make sense that the trio would be worried about the poor Uchiha survivor.

"Sasuke? Are you alright?" Temari asked, placing her hands on his shoulders, feeling him shaking.

"I'm fine. But, Naruto and I have to go. NOW!" Sasuke lunged forward, grabbing Naruto by his jacket and began running out of the Kazekage Tower and, hell, right out of Suna. When they reached the beginning of the desert, Sasuke dropped Naruto and hunched over, catching his breath.

"So, did Gaara wanna be a man-whore?" Naruto probed, earning only a glare from Sasuke.

"Come on, dobe. Let's get going to River country." And, with that, the boys set out to cross the Wind country desert and journey to River. But, not without some complaints from our favorite blonde shinobi about how much he hates the friggin desert.

/Kazekage Tower, Gaara's Office/

"I have no idea why they would just leave like that, Kankuro. All I said was that I wished them the best of luck in being kindergarten teachers and to watch out for 'accidents' that little children like to cause," Gaara explained, finally working on some of his paperwork.

Temari and Kankuro blinked. "Oh," was all they said and left to go eat some more pizza, telling Gaara to take it easy and call them when he was ready to eat dinner.

After the door closed, Gaara used his sand coffin to crush a couple of sand Sasuke and Naruto clones, smirking happily as he signed his name on a paper for a trade agreement between Suna and Konoha. It had been an annoying day, but not without some crushing and near-death experiences.

Ha, ha. Gaara-kun's so cute.

Gaara: Don't call me cute. I'm evil!

LGF: No, you're a cutie. Deal with it, Sand Boy.

Gaara: -sulks-

Whatever. Review and you get… -looks around and grabs some papers from Gaara's desk- a pretty piece of paper with Gaara's signature on it!

Gaara: Hey! Those are important!

LGF: I know. That's why they're going to the reviewers. Duh.

Gaara: Can't you give them copies?

LGF: -sigh- Fine. They can have /copies./

Gaara: Thank you. -sands out to make copies of his papers-

LGF: He's such a crybaby. Make sure to review.

Until next time, y'all! (Yes, I am Southern.) ;)

Updated:7/15