Kay, this one's about my all-time favorite character: Uchiha Itachi! I love all the Akatsuki, actually, but I love Itachi more. -sage nod-

I heart my ever-faithful reviewers:

Gingerbread Pancake

shinji the good sharer

Bio-Electric Anemone

Anasha Alta

A Dallop A Daisy

ipcyress

And, as promised, pretty copies of some important papers with Gaara's signature on them. -hands the papers out-

And thanks to xAvenirYuinax for being the Beta for this chapter. I luff you bunches, Nat!

Let's get started!

RECAP: Sasuke and Naruto arrived at Suna to ask the one and only Kazekage to be a man-whore. After a couple of obstacles, like the secretary and Naruto, Sasuke finally proposed his offer to Gaara. However, said proposal almost got him killed. So, after darting out of, not only the Kazekage Tower, but Suna as well, the boys continue their journey to River Country to ask the important man-whore question of our favorite criminal organization.

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Kabuto would worry about a weight issue he thought he had and Orochimaru would do aerobics in a yellow leotard. (Inside joke, don't ask. ;D )

Man-Whore No's

Hyuuga Neji

Sarutobi Asuma

Sabaku no Gaara

/Some Woods Near the Akatsuki HQ , River Country/

"Sasuke…" Naruto panted, his tongue hanging out of his mouth. "It's been three days. Where the hell is your stupid brother's dumb headquarters?"

"I don't know…But, I hate these woods, I hate the Akatsuki, I hate my big stupid brother, and I hate tacos!" Sasuke proclaimed, thrusting a fist into the air.

Naruto blinked. "Why tacos?"

The fist fell. "I had a bad experience at Taco Bell."

"Oh. Well…is it bothering you? You wanna talk about it?"

"Sure." Just then, the woods went dark. And Sasuke's face appeared via a flashlight that he had just randomly pulled out. "It was a dark and stormy night, and-"

"Uh, Sasuke. It doesn't storm in Konoha," Naruto interrupted, the light coming back into the woods.

"Who's telling the story, Loser. Me or you?"

"You…I guess."

"Exactly. So, shut-up." The light left the woods again and Sasuke's face appeared once more under the flashlight beam. "It was a dark and stormy night, and I-"

"Uh, Sasuke." The light lit up the woods once more. "Maybe you should tell me the story later. I mean, we do have to find your brother so we can get back home."

"Yeah, maybe you're right, Naruto," Sasuke replied, tossing the flashlight into a bush and continuing the trip to the Akatsuki headquarters, Naruto in tow.

/Right Outside the Akatsuki Headquarters/

" This is NOT the Akatsuki Headquarters" Naruto read, raising an eyebrow at the sign above the building that the two wannabe pimps believed was the HQ of the most dangerous criminal organization of the ninja world.

"I think this is the Akatsuki headquarters," Sasuke stated, shaking his head at the idiotic sign.

"Well, then why does the sign say it's not?"

"Duh! Because the Akatsuki are dumb. No one is gonna fall for something like this."

"You'd be surprised," stated a smooth voice from behind.

Naruto and Sasuke's eyes widened.

"Sasuke…please tell me that was you doing a bad imitation of your brother," Naruto said, looking to Sasuke with fear in his eyes.

Sasuke looked back, cutting his eyes first, then shaking his head with the same fear in his eyes.

The two slowly…slowly…slowly… ( A/N: Dammit! Just turn around already!) turned around to find…Itachi! Standing behind them, without Kisame! They clung to each other and began to scream, which confused the too-hot-for-his-own-damn-good clan killer.

Five minutes later, they were out of breath! Breathing heavily, our two pimps-in-training managed to glare at the older Uchiha…Okay. Sasuke glared and Naruto fell to the ground, cussing Sasuke, Itachi, and the Akatsuki out while lying on his back, but still. Somebody was glaring…

Sasuke pointed at Itachi, still glaring. "Itachi!"

"Foolish little brother. Naruto-kun," he greeted. Naruto raised a hand. I guess that was his way of saying 'hello'…

Sasuke rolled his eyes and pulled Naruto up. "Stop making me look stupid!"

"You don't need him to look stupid, foolish little brother," Itachi insulted with a completely non-insulting tone.

"Wow," Naruto gaped. "Your brother's good, Sasuke. He burned you without using the burn tone!"

"Shut-up!" Sasuke yelled, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting.

"Um, were you two here for a reason?" Itachi spoke up, shaking his head at the fact that his brother and friend were really stupid.

"Uh, yes!" Sasuke answered. "We're here to ask you-"

"I'm tired. Let's go inside," Itachi interjected, leaving no room for discussion as he started walking toward the Akatsuki Headquarters. The boys exchanged glances, shrugged, then followed the older Sharingan user.

/Inside the Akatsuki HQ , Living Area/

"Want some more milk?" Itachi asked the wannabe pimps, pouring some milk for himself.

"No, no. We're fine, thanks," Sasuke answered, grabbing one of the cookies that were offered to them. Naruto was already on his second.

"So. What is it that you two wanted, foolish little brother?"

Sasuke set his glass down and made Naruto do the same. "Well, you see Itachi, about two months ago, Naruto and I were assisting Kakashi-sensei in trying to make money. And, I came up with the solution of all three of us being pimps. But, that didn't go so-"

"PIMPS!" Itachi roared, abruptly standing up and glaring at the two boys with his Mangekyou Sharingan. "Where the hell did you learn about pimps, Uchiha Sasuke?"

"From one of Kakashi's books," Sasuke squeaked, he and Naruto clinging to each other out of absolute terror of Sasuke's big brother.

"Well. It appears that this Kakashi person is an awful influence on you, Sasuke. You are to never see him again!"

"But!"

"No buts. Go to your room, young man! NOW!" Itachi pointed to the hallway that contained the Akatsuki's rooms.

"I hate you!" Sasuke pouted and ran for the hallway.

Itachi sat back down, chuckling at how naïve Sasuke was while Naruto looked from Itachi to the hallway then back to Itachi. "Um, what now?" Naruto asked, still confused of what the hell just happened.

Itachi smirked. "Five...four...three...two...one…"

"That wasn't funny," Sasuke said as he came back and took his seat back on the couch.

"You should've seen the look on both of your faces. They were priceless," Itachi bragged, grabbing one of the cookies. "Anyway, continue your story."

"We tried to fulfill my solution about a month ago, but we kept getting our asses kicked. I decided asking women to be whores wasn't the smartest of ideas, so…"

"You're asking me to be a man-whore," Itachi assumed, keeping his face stoic.

The boys went into 'cute, little kid' mode. "Please, Itachi-kun?"

"Why would I want to whore myself out to women who are so pathetic that they can't get laid any other way than to pay for it? I'm not that desperate," Itachi harshly stated, biting into a cookie.

"So…you're not gonna do it, Itachi-san?" Naruto asked, making sure he understood Itachi's answer.

Making sure to finish his cookie, he coolly answered, "No."

"Well, fine!" Sasuke shouted, standing up and dragging Naruto up with him. "We don't need you! You're a prick, anyway. We'll find guys better than you, Itachi!"

"Okay. Have a nice day, boys."

"Oh, we will," Sasuke declared, holding his head up high and proud.

"Um, Itachi-san? Are there anymore 'hot' guys in the Akatsuki that we could speak with besides you?" Naruto asked, ignoring his baka of a partner.

"Depends. How normal would you like them?"

"Normal?" Naruto and Sasuke questioned, giving Itachi very confused looks.

"Well, one has mouths in his hands and a fetish for blowing things up, and the other is a puppet. But I don't know exactly what he kept fleshy and what he didn't, so he may be of no use to you…."

"Mouths in his hands? Fetish for blowing things up? A puppet?" Sasuke echoed choice words. "Come on, Naruto. We're…leaving…"

"I wanna meet the guy with mouths in his hands!"

"Alright. I'll go get him," Itachi offered, standing up.

"No! We're leaving! Bye, Itachi!" Sasuke dragged Naruto out of the Akatsuki Headquarters, along with the plate of the Akatsuki's cookies.

"How rude," Kisame scoffed, appearing beside Itachi who was standing in the door frame.

"I know. Little punk stole our cookies. Well, I'll fix that. Let's go, Kisame!" Itachi exclaimed, already beginning to head out.

"Where are we going?" Kisame queried, following Itachi.

"To get the one thing that everyone knows are better than cookies: Cupcakes!" Itachi beamed.

"Great idea, Itachi!" Kisame appraised. And the two of them left to get cupcakes, while our cute pimps-in-training continued their search for male prostitutes.

So, Itachi and Kisame are off to get cupcakes, and Naruto and Sasuke are off to find more man-whores.

I love the whole 'Itachi sounding like a mother' thing. Just a fun way to torture Sasuke without really doing anything.

Deidara: Why weren't Sasori no Danna and I in there?...yeah...

LGF: You were mentioned.

Sasori: Not the same.

LGF: Umm... -points- Look! Cupcakes!

Sasori and Deidara: -look and go to get cupcakes-

LGF: -sigh- Continuing on.

Click the pretty button and review! Everyone that does gets one of Itachi's cupcakes.

Itachi: NO! Not my /cupcakes/

LGF: Oh, suck it up. Not all of them will be gone.

Itachi: -pouts- Fine.

LGF: Good Akatsuki member. -pats his head- Come on, Itachi. Let's go to Burger King!

Itachi: Yay! -grabs LGF and poofs to Burger King- ;)

Updated:7/26