Umm…Hello, World. -smiles nervously-
Okay, I can explain.
Since…-looks to see when she last updated- Damn, I mean, October, there's been Thanksgiving, semester exams, Christmas, New Year's, going back to school, my birthday, end of the year, more exams, my job, etc. That's a lot of stuff going on, know? PLUS, I lost my inner funny! And one can't write good, humorous stories about little Naruto and Sasuke being wannabe pimps without an inner funny.
But, my inner funny came back thanks to Lil-Fluffy-Chan's Dating for Dummies. (Read it; it's amazing!) Therefore, I've been able to finish! -pops poppers-
Gotta love reviewers, right?:
Katen
WhiteWolf Kyoko
Xinoria
shinji the good sharer
DarkMaidenTerri
Gingerbread Pancake
kakashi-vivi
Bio-Electric Anemone
picatso
And, as promised, your pictures of Genma and Raido in an awkward position! -hands the pictures out-
Genma and Raido: -crying in a corner with paper bags on their heads-
LGF: Pansies.
Luff to ruuzu-chan (Formerly known as xAvenirYuinax), my amazing BETA.
So, here you go, my lovable readers: the final chapter of 'Pimp My Sasuke One More Time!'
RECAP: Continuing their search for man-whores, Naruto and Sasuke decided to seek out Genma, who was at the Ninja Academy with his good friend, Raido. However, when the boys arrive, they see the two older men in a…compromising position, one in which they caused by opening the door. After freaking out on both sides, Genma, and Raido too, refuse the offer to be sexy man-hoes, leaving our wannabe pimps to go and sulk at their favorite ramen bar.
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, I'd be so friggin rich…-sighs-
Also, I don't own the disease mentioned in the second setting on the chapter. My friend actually made it up while being bored in Biology. (You know who you are. ;D )
Man-Whore No's
Hyuuga Neji
Sarutobi Asuma
Sabaku no Gaara
Uchiha Itachi
Deidara
Akasuna no Sasori
Shiranui Genma
Namiashi Raido
/Ichiraku's/
"I should just stop asking, shouldn't I?" Sasuke sighed, sipping his strawberry milk.
"You just now figured that out?" Naruto countered, diving into the bowl of ramen the ramen chef's daughter, Ayame, set down for him. "What's with the strawberry milk, anyway?"
"I like it, okay? It's different. Trying to add spice into my life."
Naruto blinked. "Don't you mean variety?"
"Same difference." Sasuke waved his hand dismissingly. "Who's the next target?"
Naruto finished his ramen and set his chopsticks down. "Well, going by the list that we made at the start of this, only Kakashi and Iruka-sensei are left."
"Hmm…let's ask…Kakashi first."
"Why him?"
"Because I said so. Are you questioning my authority?"
Naruto tried to not crack up. "What authority?"
"What do you mean 'what authority'? My authority. You should be respecting my authority."
"Why?"
"Because I'm older."
"And…?"
"Stop making fun of my authority!"
"Okay. Stop whining like a bitch and I will."
"I am not whining like a bitch." Sasuke pouted, firmly denying.
"Uh-huh. Sure. And I hate ramen."
"Good, then maybe now we can stop coming here." There was a short pause. "By the way, I'm telling the chef."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Naruto began sobbing.
"Tch. Now who's whining like a bitch?" Sasuke stood up and began walking away.
"Teme! Wait up!" Naruto shot up, left his pay on the table, and ran to catch up to his mean companion so that they could locate their wonderful, perverted sensei.
/Meanwhile, with Kakashi/
"Hatake-san. It hurts me to say this, but you have Hydroaquaitis. I'm…sorry," the doctor informed, hanging his head slightly.
Kakashi blinked. "The…WaterWater disease? The hell's that?"
"It is a serious disease in which the body absorbs too much water and explodes within three days!"
"Then why does that sign say 'Hydroaquaitis is NOT a real disease'?" Kakashi pointed to a sign behind him to emphasize his point.
"That? Oh, that's just something my niece made for her science fair project," the doctor explained, laughing nervously and lightly scratching his cheek.
"Then why does the sign next to it say 'Hydroaquaitis is seriously NOT a real disease and I hope you're not dumb enough to fall for it'?" He pointed to the sign next to the first one.
"Stop reading signs!" The doctor was becoming annoyed. "I'm a friggin doctor and I know what the hell I'm talking about!"
"But, that's the thing! You're NOT a doctor! Your degree is nothing but a picture of a dog dressed as a doctor with 'I'm a doctor' under it! Written in lime-green ink! And you don't even have any siblings, which means you can't have a niece!" Kakashi sighed. "I mean, seriously, Ebisu. I came here to ask you for some money, not a damn checkup."
The doctor, or should I say Ebisu, sat in a chair and pouted. "Stop making fun of my dreams, Kakashi!"
Kakashi shrugged. "I'm not. I'm simply saying you're a Tokubetsu Jounin, so start acting like one." He stood up and headed for the door. "I'm gonna go find someone who can buy me lunch. See ya later, Doctor." Kakashi waved boredly, chuckling slightly, as he left.
"I am a doctor," Ebisu pouted some more, glaring at the younger ninja as he left.
/Ninja Academy/
"There. All done," Umino Iruka stated happily, placing his stack of graded papers on his desk and glancing at the clock. "That took a little longer than I expected, but oh well. Now, to pack up and get something to eat."
It was 3:30 and all the little children had gone home to annoy their parents instead of their teachers. Iruka was one of the last left in the academy for all the other teachers needed recuperation from their daily torture. But, not Iruka. He was like an oak tree: tall and sturdy in the harsh blowing of the tornadoes. Well…maybe not tall, but definitely sturdy.
Iruka gathered his papers and set them neatly in his desk drawer. He put the red grading pen in his dreaded pen cup, its rightful place as a tool of torture to the children's papers, and looked around the room. He scanned his beloved classroom with his evil, teacher hawk-eye for anything out of place, sighing contently to see everything in order. Rising, the brown-haired chuunin stretched his arms way over his head and strode over to the widow. Taking one last glance at the peaceful village, Iruka was just about to close said window when he was stopped, and startled, by the sudden appearance of one silver-haired jounin.
"Oh, good afternoon, Iruka-sensei. I had no idea you were still here," Kakashi said cheerfully, waving happily at the teacher who was totally not buying his story.
"Good afternoon, Kakashi," Iruka responded, crossing his arms over his chest. "Why don't you tell me the reason you're really here so I can go and get some lunch."
Mentally damning the brown-eyed chuunin's annoying teacher senses, the older man placed an arm around the younger's shoulders, smiling jauntily. "Actually, speaking of lunch, I was just wondering-"
"If I would buy you some?" Iruka interrupted boredly, glancing up at the silver-haired copy-nin.
Hatake Kakashi: Master of The Cute-Little-Kid Face. "Please, Iruka-chan?"
There was a brief silence between the two ninja. Iruka sighed loudly and grabbed his things, heading for the door. "Well, c'mon, you big baby," he commanded, waiting impatiently for Kakashi.
Kakashi clung to Iruka's arm and proceeded to drag him out of the room and building. "Let's get going! That ramen isn't going to buy itself."
"This better not be expensive," Iruka forewarned sharply. "And you better be on your best behavior. No dirty novels better come out of your pocket. At all. And you're paying me back every cent you make me spend on you, understand?"
"But Iruka…" Kakashi whined childishly, foolishly hoping that the whining would convince the strict teacher to change his mind.
"No buts, Kakashi. You're not getting a free lunch off me." So much for that idea.
Kakashi crossed his arms and pouted. "Fine."
/Meanwhile, with Naruto and Sasuke/
"Hm. We've checked the Jounin Lounge, his house, the book store, and the movie theater. But, no sign of Kakashi," Sasuke stated, looking around the area. "I wonder where he could be."
Oddly, there was no response from the blond ninja.
Sasuke raised an eyebrow and glanced at Naruto. Said boy was lying on the ground with a piece of paper and a pencil, doing some odd calculations. "Naruto," he began, resigned to some inane answer of some flavor, "What the hell are you doing?"
Naruto paused and let out an exasperated sigh. "I'm trying to calculate the amount of kilojoules per mol with regards to our chances of actually succeeding in finding and convincing Kakashi to be a male prostitute." He looked up and cut his eyes at Sasuke. "Duh, teme."
Sasuke blinked. "But…what do moles have to do with this?"
The blond scoffed. "Everything. Don't you even know what a mol is?"
"That depends. A mole can be," Sasuke held out a picture, "a small mammal that lives underground." He tossed the picture of the mole aside and help out another picture of an old lady's face. "Or a mole can also be a scary beauty mark that appears on some women's, and even men's, faces." That picture was also tossed aside and a new picture that read 'One mol 12 grams of Carbon-12' was held up. "OR a mol could be a scientific measurement of atoms."
Naruto's eyes widened. "There's a THIRD definition!"
Sasuke's eyes lowered as he sighed. "Baka. Of course there's a third definition. There's always a third definition no one knows about."
"Yeah! Why is that, anyway?"
"Because the world hates you. Now, are we gonna go find Kakashi or not?"
"Yeah, sure. Let's go," Naruto shrugged, crumpling up the piece of paper that held the weird calculations and throwing it away in the near-by trash can. The pencil was left for the birdies or squirrels to use to help plot their hostile takeover of the world.
/Ichiraku's Ramen Bar/
Iruka sighed satisfyingly. "Nothing like a few bowls of Ichiraku's ramen to make a day, huh, Kakashi?"
"Yeah, sure, whatever," Kakashi answered, his eye twitching from lack of Icha Icha reading. Both men had enjoyed a couple bowls of ramen, Kakashi being careful about how much he was costing the younger man, in the ten minute time span they had been at the bar. That equaled ten minutes without Icha Icha for Kakashi and he was dying. 'Damn Iruka and his no-reading-amazing-books-in-his-presence rule!' he cursed inwardly. His book was calling to him from his pocket and he couldn't answer because of stupid Iruka!
"I hope you're not planning on taking out that disgusting book of yours while I'm sitting here, Kakashi," Iruka declared in his all-knowing-eyes-in-the-back-of-his-head-teacher voice, rubbing his full belly.
Kakashi forced a smile. "No, of course not, Iruka. I would never do anything like that." He rose. "Well, I think I should be going. I've got some important things I have to be doing and I wouldn't want to be a burden to you on your time off. I do appreciate the meal you've treated me to, Iruka, and I'll pay you back tomorrow. Ja ne." The infamous copy-nin waved and disappeared in a cloud of gray smoke.
"Important things," Iruka repeated mockingly. "He's just going off to read his damn porn." The chuunin paid for the dinner, gave his farewell to the chef and his daughter, and continued on his way home.
/With Sasuke and Naruto/
"Hey, hey, hey! I see him!" Naruto exclaimed, dragging Sasuke to a near-by hammock that contained the boys' porn-reading, perverted sensei.
After ditching Iruka at Ichiraku's, Kakashi had gone off to his 'secret' Icha Icha Paradise reading hammock. Unfortunately for Kakashi, his dirty-novel-reading-hammock was placed in the park in the plain sight of little children. So, while the little children tried to play dodge ball, they couldn't help but look over at the weird old man giggling into his book.
Sasuke sighed. "Of all places to read porn…He's cracked, hasn't he?"
"He wasn't cracked before?" Naruto retorted, shaking his head in disappointment.
"Good point." The raven-head sighed again. "Okay, dobe. Let's get this over with." The two boys put on the business-pimp-faces and strode over to the infamous Copy-Nin, ignoring the stares from the little children playing games.
"Hehehe…he should not have said that…now she's gonna-"
"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto interrupted, pouncing onto the older man.
Kakashi shrieked and dropped his book. Realizing what annoyance disrupted his reading, he glared at the blonde with his visible eye. "Naruto! What the hell are you doing?"
"Sasuke-teme and I have come to ask you a question, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto grinned and jumped off of the perv, joining his less enthusiastic teammate.
Kakashi promptly retrieved his prized book and flipped through to locate his lost page. "This 'question' had better be important, you two. I was at one hell of a part."
Naruto elbowed Sasuke, signaling him to begin. "Well, Kakashi. As you know, Naruto and I have been working very hard on a self-given mission."
"You have? Since when?"
Naruto and Sasuke exchanged glances. "You mean, you didn't know?" Naruto asked, giving a strange look to his sensei.
"Nope. I just thought you two were being lazy and just hanging out at home," Kakashi confessed, pausing in his reading for a second to shrug, then dove right back in. "In actuality, I hadn't even noticed your absence."
The boys growled, but calmed themselves quickly. "Anyway," Sasuke continued. "Naruto and I have been out and about attempting to collect some men to work for us."
"Work?" Kakashi chuckled, at the boys this time and not the novel. "And what kind of work will they be doing?"
The boys beamed. "Male prostitution!"
Kakashi choked. Were they STILL on about being pimps? Didn't they realize last time that their idea was NEVER going to work!
"So, Kakashi-sensei…" Naruto continued. "Would you be willing to be apart of Konoha's first ever male prostitution ring?" Cute-little-kid-faces come out a lot in this tale.
"NO!" Kakashi gasped out, still in complete shock that the boys were not going to give up the ludicrous plot to be pimps.
The boys frowned. "Well, then, do you think Iruka will do it?" Sasuke probed since it was obvious Kakashi was a lost cause.
"If you ask him, he'll KILL you!" Kakashi warned, scared to death that he was gonna get blamed for this.
"Yeah, I thought as much," Sasuke admitted, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "Well, dobe. What do we do? No one will be in our prostitution ring."
Naruto nodded. "Yeah." He sighed. "Well, this sucks. We just wasted, what, a week and a half of our lives?"
"Basically."
"Week and a half!" Kakashi repeated, his one-seen eye going wide. "You've been at this for a week and a half?"
The never-gonna-happen-pimps nodded carefully.
Kakashi groaned and rubbed his temples. "Boys. This has got to stop. You two can't be pimps and I wish you would stop trying. You are gonna get into more trouble than you think you are. So, please stop this foolish idea about being any type of pimp at all. Do you understand the words coming out of my mouth?" He glanced up.
"Got any 2's?" Naruto asked, looking carefully at his hand.
"Go fish," Sasuke told him, smirking proudly as his hyperactive companion grumbled and pulled a card from the deck.
Kakashi twitched. "Umm, hello! I was telling you two something, you know."
"Yeah, we know. We just got bored," Sasuke said, deciding which kind of card to ask for. "Got any Queen's?"
"Okay, enough of Go Fish!" Kakashi demanded, grabbing up all of the boys cards and throwing them into the near-by trashcan.
"If you wanted us to stop, you could've just asked, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto reprimanded, shooting a glare to the jounin, Sasuke nodding in agreement.
Kakashi took a deep breath. "Okay, let's try this again. Maybe a visual will help." He grabbed the two boys and poofed off to his house.
/A Couple Hours Later/
"So, any final words, boys?" Kakashi questioned, staring happily at the little grave.
All three of the ninja were dressed in black. Kakashi had suggested to the boys that this kind of visual would be the exact thing to get the idea of being pimps out of their heads forever. Sasuke was being uncharacteristically emotional, crying softly and wiping his tears away with his random Uchiha-handkerchief he had found in a drawer. Naruto wasn't crying, but he still looked forlorn considering the event. They had to bury the idea of ever becoming pimps.
"Yep," Naruto replied boredly, rubbing his stomach. "I'm hungry."
"I've got some final words that are actually in relation to this tragic event!" Sasuke exclaimed, covering his face with his hands.
"Okay, Sasuke. Go ahead," Kakashi encouraged, lightly pushing the young avenger forward to give his atonement.
Sasuke sniffled. "About two months ago, Sasuke/Naruto-Pimpies was born. And now, tragically…IT'S DEAD!" He sobbed loudly for a few seconds, then continued. "I hope, in the next life, little idea, you find even more love and more success than you have in this one. I LOVE YOU!" Sasuke sobbed again, clinging to Naruto, the latter patting the older boy on the back for comfort and shaking his head in sorrow for the deceased.
"God, Sasuke. Stop being so emo." Kakashi demanded, narrowing his eyes at the boy with emotional issues.
Sasuke scoffed. "That's like telling me to stop breathing."
Kakashi sighed. "Little emo, brat-face…" he muttered, searching in his pocket for his beloved book.
Sasuke shot a glare to his beloved sensei. "What was that, you perverted old man?"
"Hm? Oh, nothing, nothing. Anyway, now that this is done, I'm going back to the park." And, with that, the Copy-Nin poofed back to the park, leaving the poor, grieving genin alone.
"C'mon, teme," Naruto said. "Let's go get some ramen and you can tell me that Taco Bell story, okay?"
Sasuke nodded his head and threw his handkerchief away. "Well, it was a dark and stormy night in Konoha, and I was on my way to get some tacos at Taco Bell. Anyway, while on my way…"
The boys walked off to Ichiraku's for some more ramen while Sasuke continued his story about his bad experience at Taco Bell. The two twelve-year-olds would never be pimps, and I guess they just had to accept that.
THE END!
Well, that's it. No more. My ever-successful 'Pimp My Sasuke' trilogy is finally complete.
-sniffles- This must be what J.R.R. Tolkein felt like when /his/ trilogy was finished! -cries-
-regains composure- Okay. Well, time for the boring end credits! Yay!
((You can skip over this and just review if you want, guys. ;D ))
So, first, I wanna thank all the members of the cast (in order of appearance):
Pimp My Sasuke: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke and Hatake Kakashi.
With mentions of Haruno Sakura.
Pimp My Sasuke Again: Uchiha Sasuke, Hatake Kakashi, Uzumaki Naruto, Hyuuga Neji, Tenten, Yuuhi Kurenai, Sarutobi Asuma, Mitarashi Anko, Might Gai, Ayame, Umino Iruka, Haruno Sakura and the animal crackers!
With mentions of Tsunade, Rock Lee, Yamanaka Ino, the ramen guy(whose name is actually Teuchi), Inuzuka Hana, Hyuuga Hinata, Uzuki Yugao, Shizune and Nara Shikamaru.
Pimp My Sasuke One More Time: Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, Hatake Kakashi, Hyuuga Neji, Sarutobi Asuma, Nara Shikamaru, Yamanaka Ino, Akamichi Chouji, Sabaku no Gaara, Temari, Kankuro, Yuna(Gaara's made-up secretary), Uchiha Itachi, Hoshigaki Kisame, Shiranui Genma, Namiashi Raido, Ebisu, Umino Iruka and the little kids in the park that play dodge ball!
With the mentions of Might Gai, Rock Lee, Tenten, some hot guy at the hot springs, Deidara, Akasuna no Sasori, Lord Hokage and the evil 'we're plotting to take over the world' birdies and squirrels.
And, of course, can't forget my reviewers:
Pimp My Sasuke: longhairedjuice, Cookie of Doom, Reiyuka Yumikoto, Shinju no Hikari, KakashisGirls, Mistress of DragonFlame, Shadow Fox000, TheSunshineGirls,lovesucker, RetardRiter, Numbah169, shelwyn
Pimp My Sasuke Again: KanjixShika, longhairedjuice, , Bio-Electric Anemone, If-This-Disturbs-You-Then-Walk-Away, Katen, Cookie of Doom, A Dollop A Daisy, LemonLiciouS, Shinju no Hikari, RetardRiter, HighestEchelon, ..Rescue., Numbah169, shelwyn
Pimp My Sasuke One More Time: ipcyress, KiKi-Burgandy, Kyuusho Yume, A Dollop A Daisy, shinji the good sharer, , Bio-Electric Anemone, Gingerbread Pancake, EvilFuzzy9, longhairedjuice, Katen, The Fox Deity, DarkMaidenTerri, IcedWings, ICHEWBUBBLEGUM, WhiteWolf Kyoko, Xinoria, kakashi-vivi, picatso, HighestEchelon, O-Renji-Un, shelwyn
To all of the fabulous reviewers: I seriously can't thank you enough. It's you guys that stuck with me through all of the trilogy. So, as a major atonement of my appreciation, I present all of you with 6-foot tall Naruto and Sasuke chibi pimp plushies!
-huggles- Aren't they precious?
I also have to thank my fabulous BETA, SilkyRain (formerly known as ruuzu-chan /AND/ xAvenirYuinax ). Luff you bunches, hun!
Well, I guess that's all. This is where we totally part ways, you guys.
Sasuke: No more pimping-ness? -sniffles-
LGF: Nope. No more pimping-ness, Sasuke. -shakes head-
Naruto: WHY! -sobs with Sasuke-
LGF: Because. There's nothing left to attempt to pimp. We've done women and men. The only thing left would be animals, but that's just wrong. And I'm not writing a story about that.
Sasuke: We could pimp animals! It'd be…weird, but we could do it!
LGF: -sighs- Face it, boys. There's not going to be anymore 'Pimp My Sasuke', kay? You buried the idea and everything!
Naruto and Sasuke: -pout and sulk-
LGF: -rolls eyes and ignores them-
So, yeah, this is it. The end. The end of everything! Well, everything related to a Sasuke-pimp.
I heart all of you guys and I'll hopefully see all of you on some of my other works.
Au revoir, mes amis! ;)