Chapter III

That Bastard!

"No." I say again, pacing up and down by the bed. My head won't stop spinning,"No, no, no he did NOT."

"Wait..." Ron said slowly, "So you're Harry?"

"YES!" I scream, and it feels so crazy, my voice feels so slippery and light.

"And Malfoy has turned you into...a girl?"

"What do you think?" I snap, and motion at my chest...my cleavagethat's peeking out through one of the hospital wing gowns. Ron doesn't need to be told twice to look at it. His grin bloody well says it all. I aim a punch, but am dismayed at how feeble it is.

"Oh God..." I groan. Ron starts to snigger. Madam Pomfrey stares at me worridely.

"I'm sorry, dear." She soothes, "But I really do think you've taken a nasty bump to the head."

I'm about to snap again, but finally my anger makes use of itself- something clicks into place.

Revenge.

And if I want to make it work, I have to play along with her little story.

"Yes..." I touch my head lightly, knowing my hands are daintier and more graceful, which freaks me out, "I remember slipping...I hit my head on the stone. I don't know what I'm on about- being Harry Potter...I really must be insane." I whimper. Ron watches me closely, probably having no idea whats going on with the sudden change of heart.

"That's it, dear, glad you have your memory back." Madam Pomfrey coos, "Now can you tell me your name?"

I think quick and fast. Any girls name, any girls name at all!

A flower?

All I can think of is Lily! No way.

A jewel?

No too obviously made up! Just think of a name!

"Charly-no...Charlotte...nooo...Lottie!" I blurt out, "Wait just let me think of my surname..."

They obviously think I'm insane. But I need to think of an interesting surname, one that will last just a bit longer than necessary on the tongue...if I want my plan to work.

"Lottie...Wandcharm?" The best I can do I'm afraid.

"Right, well, Lottie..."She says slowly, under the impression that I'm about to change it again, "Are you new to Hogwarts?"

Just keep it simple, which means lying.

"No." I say shortly. "I've just never gotten into any medical trouble."

"Are you sure? Just 'slipping' and hitting your head...sounds like you're a bit of a calamity!"

"Nope." I grit out, "This is my first time. Can I go then?"

She looks at me closely, holds a cool hand to my forehead and checks for the non-existent bump from my 'fall'.

"Alright then."

"Good. Can I have my clothes back then, please?"

"Well yes...I was just curious though..." She says thoughtfully as she bustles back into her office and returns with a neatly folded stack of clothing, "They seem like boys clothes..." All three of us stare at the crisp pair of boxers at the top of the pile in silence.

"...A dare." I choke, "I lost a bet, didn't I? Had to go the whole day wearing the clothes I borrowed from a guy friend. That's all."

Silence.

"I'm not weird." I insist.

"Course not dear." Madam Pomfrey says quietly, before handing me my clothes, avoiding my gaze.

"Come on, Ron." I threaten, and we leave in silence, our footsteps echoing too loudly off the high walls of the hospital wing.

"Seriously, who are you?" Ron asks as soon as the huge doors close behind us. The growl of his belly tells me it's before breakfast, and also gives me an idea.

"Your typical breakfast consists of five slices of toast, with huge dollops of marmalade, two bowls of porridge and three glasses of pumpkin juice. And a boiled egg or two, depends on your mood." Hopefully that proves I'm Harry, because only Harry or Hermione would know that.

Ron just stares at me.

"Are...are you a stalker?"

"God...I'm going to have for you to wake up aren't I?"