First off, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Second, I'm SORRY! This time I have no excuse for my lateness, other than I'm too damn lazy to write a decent chapter. So this will just have to do.
Thanks for all your questions, peoples, they made this chapter possible.
This chapter is dedicated to moomoomoothegirl, because this was her idea, and she's been one of my most faithful reviewers. (If you want a chapter dedicated to you, leave a review, god damn you!)
Disclaimer: I feel pretty, oh so pretty, oh so pretty and witty and GAY! And I pity any girl that isn't me today. LALALALALALALA.
#14- JEOPARDY, TEAM GAI STYLE!
"Hi Neji!" Lee screamed.
Without opening his eyes, Neji responded, "Go annoy Tenten."
"But Tenten told me to annoy you."
"Too bad. I'm telling you to annoy Tenten."
"But Tenten said if I annoyed her instead of you, she would kill me."
"Well, if you annoy me instead of Tenten I'll do worse then kill you."
"What's worse than killing a person?"
"…"
"Tell me!"
"…Do you really want me to tell you?"
"Yes!"
"…Are you sure you can handle it?"
"YES!"
"…You sure?"
"YES!!!!!"
"…I'll shave off your eyebrows…"
"NO!!!!"
"With a rusty razor!"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Hi Tenten!" Lee yelled, running over to Tenten.
"Lee, I thought I told you to annoy Neji!"
"Well, you did, but then he told me to annoy you."
"Annoy Neji."
"But-"
"Now."
"HI NEJI!"
Neji opened his eyes (finally), and yelled, "Lee! Go annoy Tenten!"
"Okay, HI TENTEN!"
"Annoy Neji."
"Okay, HI NEJI!"
"Annoy Tenten."
"Okay, HI TENTEN!"
"Annoy Neji."
"Okay, HI NEJI!"
"Annoy Te-"
"HELLO MY YOUTHFUL STUDENTS!"
Right on time, actually, ½ a page late, he was supposed to show up when Neji mentioned rusty razors, but…
Anywho, our favorite bushy-browed sensei, and only, if you want to get technical, Maito GAI showed up! WOOT!
"Today, we are studying sex… NOT!!!!!!!! Sex is for dirty pervs like Jariaya and myself."
"Awww…"
"But we will be doing the (second) best thing, play JEOPARDY!"
SILENCE.
"What's jeopardy?" Tenten asked.
"GASP! (Gai screamed gasp instead of gasping), you don't know what jeopardy is?"
All 3 students shook their head.
"IT IS…" Suddenly, the forest dematerialized, and the jeopardy place replaced it.
"THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"…That doesn't answer my question…"
"Suck it up, bitch…"
"That wasn't very nice…"
"So?"
Tenten then pulled out her scrolls, killed Gai, but once again, the author brought him back to life for the purpose of this story. But do not fear. He will die at the end. Yak.
So after this little "escapade", the 3 students suddenly knew how to play Jeopardy, so they started to play.
DING DING DING! ROUND ONE, FIGHT!
Neji and Lee faced each other from opposite ends of the boxing arena, both in boxing shorts and boxing gloves.
They both then ran out, into the center, punching each other. BLOOD FLEW EVERYWHERE! IT WAS AWESOME! MY KEYBOARD IS STUCK ON CAPS LOCK!
12 ROUNDS LATERBoth Neji and Lee stood in the center of the arena, bloody and bruised. Every now and then, one of them would throw a weak punch at the other. IT WAS SO INTENSE!
DING DING DING! FIGHT OVER!
Both Neji and Lee face planted at this.
Tenten turned to Gai. "What did all of that have to do with Jeopardy?"
"Absolutely nothing…"
"Then why did we do that?"
"…The author made us…"
AT AUTHOR'S HOUSE
Author laughs evilly!
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"ALLY, SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
"MAKE ME, WOMEN!"
"WOMAN?!? I AM YOUR MOTHER!"
BACK WITH TEAM GAI
"Oh, well…" Tenten said sighing.
(It has been 3 pages and they haven't even started playing yet… That is just sad… Maybe I'm losing my touch…Usually it takes me five…)
"Now then, back to Jeopardy!" Gai said loudly. (He doesn't come in any other volume… No matter how much we wish he did…)
"How can we get back to it if we haven't even started in the first place? Though we have done everything else…" Tenten asked.
"Like I said before, suck it up, bitch." Gai replied.
"That wasn't very nice…"
"So- not again!!!!" Gai once again was killed, and, once again, was brought back to life for the purpose of this story. Yak.
ANYWAY!
"These are the categories; Dumb-ass math, Evil Doers, Naruto Youth, Random stuff, even random… -er stuff, and Whatever other shit I felt like putting in there! Tenten, the bitch, gets to start!"
Another brutal death, Gai being reborn, another fucking yak, blah blah blah.
"Uh… I'll take evil doers for 100!"
"What is the color of Gaara's room?"
"Um… pink?"
"CORRECT!"
"Really? …Wait… that's good… that's good! YA!" That took her a while…
"Wait… How did you know that?" Neji asked suspiciously.
"…Don't question my superior intellect…poopy face bitch butt."
All 3 students stared at their sensei as he chuckled evilly. Yes, he was having another "Gai Moment". Yak.
"Ahem. Anyway, pick again."
"Okay, as freaky as that was… Dumb-ass math for 100!"
"What is the square route of a pineapple?"
Lee pressed his button.
DING.
"HA! I made a dingy noise!"
"CORRECT!"
"Um… Dumb-ass math for 200!"
"What is 2+2?"
DING.
"4!" Neji said.
"WRONG!"
"What?"
"YOU. ARE. WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG. YOU. POOPY. FACE. BITCH. BUTT."
DING.
"What is a pumpkin!"
"CORRECT!"
"YAY!" Lee yelled.
"I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And yet again, Gai suffered a very violent death. ANOTHER FUCKING YAK!!! Yeah.
"I'll take evil doers for 200!"
"Say Itachi's name."
DING.
"GAARA!"
"Sadly, no, my favorite student…"
"Aw…" Lee then went emo and cut his wrists in the corner…
DING."Itachi!" Neji yelled.
"…What about him?"
"For the question."
"What question?"
"The question you just asked!"
"… I asked a question?"
"Yes!"
"…When?"
Neji went into the corner and became emo with Lee.
DING.
"…Potato chips!" Tenten yelled.
"CORRECT!"
"I'll take Naruto youth for 100!"
"What is Tenten's last name? …Wait! I'm ASKING TENTEN WHAT HER LAST NAME IS! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW THIS!"
"It is…"
Everyone leaned towards Tenten…
"It is…"
Everyone held their breath…
"It is…"
Even Neji and Lee stopped being emo to look at Tenten…
" It is… OH LOOK, A PENNY!" Everyone fell over as Tenten leaned over to pick up the penny.
"TENTEN!" Everyone yelled.
"Oh right, sorry. It is-"
We are currently experiencing some technical difficulty. In the mean time, please watch this slightly disturbing commercial. Thank you. Do not sue us when your eyes start to bleed.
In a black room, with a single beam of light, shone on a bright green spandex suit.
All of a sudden, you hear a tune, COTTON EYE JOE!
But the spandex isn't doing anything, but then-
The music ends.
Then, MIATO GAI pops out of the left arm of the suit.
And then says his catch phrase, yes he has one of those, yak,
"IT'S NOT SPANDEXY-" Nice Guy Pose (DING) "IT'S SPAND-SEXY!"
Gai then dances the ballet while screaming "YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK! YAK!"
We are sorry about that. Back to our regularly scheduled program.
"Wow…" Gai said. "That's your last name?"
"Yep!"
Blink. "Okay then…"
"I'll take Naruto Youth for 200!"
"Who is Neji's mom?"
DING.
"TENTEN!" Neji yelled pointing at Tenten.
"I am not you're mom!"
"Yes you are, but you neglect and abuse me!"
"What?"
"You always throw stuff at me-"
"That's called sparing!"
"You don't feed me-"
"That's your FAMILY'S job!"
"I HAVE NEEDS!"
"Like what?"
Neji reached into his pocket and handed a list to Tenten.
"Eggs, milk, butter- THIS IS YOUR GROCERY SHOPPING LIST!"
"They are my needs!"
"…There is nothing I can say to that…"
"Neglecting and abusing your child is bad. It causes them to have serious psychological problems when they grow up. And they loose their pupils. It also causes them to have a feeling of self-worthlessness, and like they have to be the best and prove themselves to everybody."
"Where did you get that from?"
"I read it in a parenting magazine."
"…Why were you reading a parenting magazine?"
"When I grow up, I plan to have 1,010 (Get it? HAHAHA!) children. Guess who the lucky mommy gets to be?" He said this nudging Tenten in a friendly manner.
-OUTSIDE-
"OH MY GOD, HELP ME!!!!! YAK!" Neji screamed, running from Tenten.
"GET BACK HERE SO I CAN RIP OUT YOUR SPLEEN, GOUGE OUT YOUR FUCKING PUPILS EYES, RIP OFF YOUR NOSE, BREAK YOUR KNEECAPS, TRIM YOUR NAILS, CUT YOUR FUCKING BEAUTIFUL HAIR (sob), CLEAN YOUR ROOM, DO YOUR LAUNDRY, AND OTHER MOTHER-RELATED STUFF, THEN KILL YOU!" Tenten screamed back. (Apparently Tenten didn't get it…)
"IT WAS A JOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKEEEEE!"
-Back with Jeopardy-
Gai stared at Lee.
Lee stared back.
Silence.
Cough.
More silence.
"So… Lee…"
"Yes, Gai-sensei?"
"…How's you life?"
"It sucks ass."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"GAI- SENSEI!"
"LEE!"
"GAI-SENSEI!
"LEE!"
Hug, sunset…
-Back Outside-
"You'll never catch me!" Neji yelled behind him, then turned around when-
-Inside some fancy restaurant-
A whole bunch of fancy, rich people were eating fancy foods when-
SMACK.
Everyone looked at the window to see a boy smacked into the window.
He then slowly slid down…
Everything was silent.
Then everyone went back to eating their food.
-Outside-
"Ow." Came Neji's muffled voice from the floor.
He then looked up to see Tenten, glaring at him, scrolls in hand…
"..meep…"
-At author's house-
"Man, Tenten is so murderous today…" Ally says.
"Is she ever not?" Dennis asks.
"Only on Fridays, holidays, and when she is daydreaming about pie."
"OF COURSE!!!!!! HOW COULD I BE SO NAÏVE!!!!!"
"Because you're you."
"OF COURSE!!!!!! HOW COULD I BE SO NAÏVE!!!!!"
"Shut up."
"Yak." (Co-Author Note (Dennis)- I made that Yak thing up by the way. P.S. I make up all of the funny stuff.)
(Author Note- SLAP. You are not my co-author, and you DO NOT make up all the funny stuff. You just put in ya in the word document, and it spell-checked it, and being the retard you are, put it to yak instead. So ha."
(Dennis- OF COURSE!!!!!! HOW COULD I BE SO NAÏVE!!!!!)
-Back with Jeopardy-
"Okay, that was weird, but moving on, it's Neji's turn, or what is left of him…"
"I'll take whatever random shit I felt like putting in there for 500."
"Oh, now we're talking! –AHEM- Snag la pi toy, snagarotac, la grjoifn, fertuddles shnug, yak?"
"What?"
"CORRECT!"
Neji just blinked. There is nothing to say to that…
"I'll take dumb-ass math for 500!"
"What is 34 times 20 minus 4 multiplied by 68 divided by the square route of 46 plus an endless amount of youth?"
Neji counted on his fingers for a couple of seconds, then asked "Can you repeat the question?"
"Certainly. What is 34 times 20 minus 4 multiplied by 68 divided by the square route of 46 plus an endless amount of youth?"
"Uh… 3?"
"CORRECT!"
"I'll take Naruto Youth for 400!"
"Who is the strongest Naruto Character under the age of 18?"
DING.
"I am! The power of youth will conquer all!" Lee screamed.
"Wrong! You suck! Go fuck off!" Gai yelled back.
"…I am going emo-ing in my corner now…" Lee then went emo-ing in his corner.
"Anyone else?"
SILENCE.
"It's.. FRED!"
"…There is no Fred in this series… " Tenten said.
"Yes, there is. Now, I have placed a copy of Naruto, volume 5 on each one of your… table things."
All 3 students picked up their books.
"Now, turn to page 172. It is in chapter 45."
The shuffling of pages being turned.
"Look in the top right corner. There you will see panel. At the way top there is a pair a feet. That is Fred. He will someday rule the world."
(He really is there. Check. There are also 2 Sasukes.)
"Okay then…"
"I WILL DEFEAT YOU SOMEDAY KAKASHI!" Gai screamed, yelling at the ceiling.
"That was random…"
"No, it wasn't. Kakashi is up there in the control room."
The 3 looked up. And true, there was Kakashi in a big box. He waved.
"Okay…"
"Now, since none of you got the question, we will go with whoever has the highest amount of points. … Damn. I haven't been keeping score. So we will flip a coin."
"But there are only 2 sides to a coin, and 3 of us!" Neji argued.
"Okay then, if you want to be such a poopy face bitch butt, you can go."
"Okay, I pick dumb-ass math for 400."
"24! 12! 32! Hike!"
"What does that have to do with math?"
"What does any of this have to do with anything?"
"Well, nothing, I suppose…"
"It had numbers in it, suck it up."
"Well, then how are we supposed to answer the question?"
"You're not, that wasn't a question."
"…Then what was it?"
"A battle cry…"
"…What?"
Then, the entire Eagles team from chapter 8 came running out, and tackled Neji.
"OWWW!" This has not been Neji's day…
"Thanks guys!" Gai yelled at the Eagles as they walked out.
"No problem!" Everyone yelled. Yes, they still remembered him 6 chapters later.
Gai turned back to his 3, now 2, students.
"Sorry about that, I couldn't resist."
SILENCE.
"Anyway, Lee is next!"
"Um, Random stuff for 500."
"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?"
"WHAT?"
DING.
"If a woodchuck could chuck wood, it would chuck ." Tenten recited.
"CORRECT!"
Neji finally recovered.
"GET HELP!" Neji screamed at Gai.
"I believe that you Neji, are the one that need help. Sing with me! I feel pretty, oh so pretty, oh so pretty and witty and GAY! And I pity any girl that isn't me today. LALALALALALALA."
"Why would I sing that?"
"Because if you don't, I'll get the football team back in here."
Neji sighed. "I feel pretty, oh so pretty, oh so pretty and witty and GAY! And I pity any girl that isn't me today. LALALALALALALA." Neji sang in a mono-tone.
"That's the spirit, keep it up!"
"I feel pretty, oh so pretty, oh so pretty and witty and GAY! And I pity any girl that isn't me today. LALALALALALALA." Neji was suddenly getting enthusistic.
It was now Gai's turn. "I feel charming, oh so charming, it's alarming how charming I feel! And so pretty, I can hardly believe I'm real!"
"LALALALALALALA!" Neji sang.
"Who's that pretty girl in the mirror there?" Neji sang in an unchareristicly high pitched voice.
"What mirror, where?" Gai also sang in a high pitched voice.
"Okay, now it's just getting freaky!" Tenten yelled.
Neji and Gai both stopped from their La's.
"Oh, okay…" The 2 then both went back to their right places.
"Okay, where were we?" Gai asked.
"We were playing Jeopardy." Lee answered, who had just stopped being emo.
"Right, Tenten's turn."
"I'll take even random… -er stuff for 300."
"How many credits do you need from a box of Crap-e-O's does it take to get the official Crap-e-O's T-shirt?"
DING.
"5,987,271." Neji answered.
"CORRECT!"
"How did you know that?" Tenten asked.
FLASHBACK NO JUTSU
"Come on Neji, you've come this far, only one more, then you're done! Don't let everything you've worked for go to waste!" Lee cheered.
"I can't do it Lee, I just can't!" Neji replied, panting.
"Come on, it's only one more! YOU CAN DO IT! YOU JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!" Lee screamed.
"Okay, I can do this!" Neji then.. took a bit of cereal. Crap-e-O's to be exact.
"YES!!!!!!!" Lee cheered. We now have exactly 5,987,271 credits! Now we can get the official Crap-e-O's T-shirt that we could have just bought for 25 cents! Isn't it great Neji! … Neji?"
SOUNDS OF PUKING COMING FROM THE BATHROOM
"Oh well…" Lee then went outside to mail the shit.
UN-FLASHBACK NO JUTSU
Neji just shuddered. "5,987,271 bowls of Crap-e-O's…"
"It was so worth it, I'm wearing the shirt right now!" Lee screamed, pulling of his shirt.
And, amazingly, there was a plain white T-shirt with a C drawn on in sharpie. I WANT ONE!
"That is sexy…" Came Kakashi's voice from ABOVE.
Not that ABOVE idiots!
The announcer box!
Gai looked up and called, "Just like my span-sexy spandex?"
"…No…"
"That's it, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"
Gai then ran away, through a mysterious door.
All was silent until, UP IN THE ANNOUNCER BOX, SCREAMS COULD BE HEARD!
Kakashi was then thrown through the window, and then Gai jumped out after him, foaming at the mouth, screaming something about YAK!
Yep, another "Gai Moment."
Ten Minutes Later
"I said I was sorry!" Gai whined to animal control, who had put one of those little netty things that have a loop on them around him.
"Too bad, bub."
"My name is Gai."
"What?"
"My name is not "bub." It is Gai."
"Okay, bub."
"I AM NOT BUB, I AM GAI!!!!!"
Bub, sorry, GAI, then started foaming at the mouth again and was about to attack the animal control person when-
GAI DROPPED DEAD! AHHHHHH!
Then, a girl with long brown hair, brown eyes, and wearing pajamas ran out laughing evilly!
"HA! I TOLD YOU HE WOULD DIE AT THE END! DID YOU PEOPLE READ?" More evil laughter!
Then, she stops.
Neji, Tenten, and Lee are staring at her.
"Uh, hi… Never mind the fact that I just killed your sensei…"
More staring…
"Oh shit…"
EVEN MORE STARING. YAK.
Ally then pulls shovel out of pocket and starts brutally beating Lee and Neji.
"DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!"
Ally then notices Tenten is staring at her.
Ally stares back.
Tenten stares at Ally.
Ally stares at Tenten.
Tenten stares at Ally.
"Want to join me?" Ally asks.
"Sure!" Tenten then pulls out shovel from her own pocket and joins Ally in the Neji/Lee killing spree.
Oh, yeah bitches.
IT'S FINALLY OVER! WOOOOOOT! It only took me 3 months!
Review!!!! The next chapter might actually be out by (next) New Year's!
Next up: ...Haven't decided yet...