Chapter V

Snape's Seductive Skills...!

Hermione and I spend a few hours in her dorm (which smells much nicer than mine- like flowers and incense. There are even a few daffodils- but not the honking ones) discussing how to act like a girl. Such as not scratching profusely or obscenely, not to sit with my legs apart and to hold in any unfortunate gases. It's hard to stop giggling- a very strange sensation. But Hermione has to go and get Ginny on the subject of attracting a guy.

"What are you talking about?" Ginny grumbles as Hermione drags her through the door. I sit on the end of her bed, with my legs clamped together and my hands in my lap.

"This is Lottie Cha-" Hermione begins, hamming it up a little bit. Ginny interrupts before she can even hear my name.

"Yeah, yeah- Hi, Harry." She rolls her eyes. My mouth falls open.

"How does everyone work it out?" I squeal. Ginny just shakes her head.

"Ron told me. He thought it was too hilarious to contain," She says in a bored voice, "He also told Seamus, Dean and Neville."

Great. How am I supposed to have a secret identity if everyone knows about it? I made immediate plans to thump Ron, in the most ladylike way possible.

"I doubt they'll tell anyone, Harry." Hermione says hurridely, "And even if they do, they're not likely to warn Malfoy- if anything they'll sit back and enjoy the show!"

"It's ok, it just makes it a teensy bit more embarrassing for me..." I mutter. I look up at Ginny, the pinnacle of sexiness in our house expectantly, "So are you going to pass on your wisdom?"

Ginny flashes a cheeky grin, "If it means embarrassing the hell out of that prat, then of course. Let's start with a sexy walk."

It's harder than it looks you know, especially after she shoves some high heels on my feet. I'd have preferred some stilts. I feel like a complete prat, wobbling around like a circus performer.

"Sway your hips!" Ginny scolds, prodding me on the shoulder as I lurch past. Hermione sits in the corner laughing her head off.

"Like you could do sexier, Granger." Ginny calls, which shuts her up.

"How do women do it?" I exclaim, but I concentrate harder. The shoes clomp out a steady, purposeful rhythm on the wooden floor, and I find that the way I put my feet in front of me, my legs sway my hips for me. I catch sight of myself in the mirror as I walk past, and I even turn myself on. Which freaks me out, of course.

"Better!" Ginny tells me, "Try a hair toss."

I throw my hair over my shoulder with a graceful flick of my neck, watching the mocha tresses swing. I feel a cheeky smirk not unlike Ginny's creeping across my face.

"Very sexy." Ginny says approvingly as I stop in front of her.

It goes on, as she gives me the low down on flirting, playing hard to get ("Very important!") and confidence. I feel ready, which is good, because Hermione's Homework Planner trills:

"It's half past nine, get to bed on time!"

She blushes and murmurs something about needing an early night. Ginny and I try to control our laughter as we leave hurridely, both our hips swinging as we go.

"Well, thanks Ginny." I say, grinning widely, "Night then."

"Good luck, 'Lottie'..." Ginny snickers, "Make Malfoy fall on his arse big time."

"Will do," I say, as I make my way up to my dormitory. I pass Lavender and Parvati, who look immensely confused as I climb the staircase to the boy's dorm.

Relieved to get some rest from this confusing ordeal, I kick off my shoes with a clatter and fling myself onto my bed. There's a rumble of footsteps and the guys burst in. They all stare at me.

"...Harry?" Dean asks. I nod.

"Hey guys." I say, trying to control the heat washing over my face. I really hope they don't find anything to tease me about...aside from the whole being a girl thing.

"Brilliant..." Neville says shaking his head, "It's brilliant what you're going to do, Harry. We can't wait."

"Yeah." Seamus agrees, nodding feverently, "Make sure you tease him like hell, I mean you've got a hot body..."

"You know," I reply hotly, "It's still embarrassing even to a guy, Seamus. I don't want you slobbering over me like you to with Parvati."

He just grins as his eyes slant downwards. I seriously contemplate hitting him, or perhaps scratching his eyes out.

"Well, we just saw you going up, Harry, and everyone else seemed to want to go to bed, so-"

"Yeah we're just going to bed." Ron tells me, his eyes too innocent. I watch them all closely, wandering what they're really up to.

"Ok then...yeah I'm a bit sleepy myself." I say slowly, reaching for my pyjamas. They didn't move. Something clicks.

"You're not...you want to watch me?" I ask, aghast.

"It was Seamus' idea!" They all say hurridely. Seamus doesn't deny his disgusting crime.

"Ugh! Get some lifes, get some girlfriends!" I spit at them, climbing into my bed and drawing the curtains shut. I couldn't help smiling to myself though as they groaned and shuffled off to get changed themselves.

With a body like this, it should be no problem getting Malfoy to follow me to my room either...

"Right, Miss Charm, that's all your records sorted." Professor McGonagoll tells me, as the quill in front of her does all the writing, "Now it's just you that needs to be sorted."

"With the hat, right?" I ask innocently, "That's what my aunt told me."

"That's right." She confirms briskly, "It is rather unusual to have a student join us so late in the school course- but you have been home schooled until then so there should be no problem with keeping up with the work."

"Mm." I say, keeping it short so I'm not caught out, "I'm just glad that my father finally agreed to letting me come here- it's been hard seeing all my friends go off to Hogwarts without me..."

Thank god Hermione can spin a story like a spider can spin a web. If it were my story I was telling, Professor McGonagoll would've found a million holes in it in the first five minutes.

"Right well, if you could just take a seat." She motions to a little stool. It's so low- it had seemed huge when I had first sat on it that night I joined Hogwarts. Professor McGonagoll drops the hat onto my head and everything goes black.

"Aha...Potter again. This is the third time you've decided to bother me." The voice gets more annoying every time. As it's snide voice slips into my ear, my insides clench. This hat can't be fooled, not even by a disguise.

Yes, it's me. I answer in my head, I need a favour, OK? Are you going to play along or am I going to have to stuff you back on that shelf for next year?

"Well, I could stand to see a bit more excitement, I suppose..." It replies, "Do you favour a certain house at all?"

Slytherin please.

"Really? Now, I thought I'd already told you twice that Slytherin was a good choice- and on both occasions you refused!"

Slytherin please. I repeat forcefully.

"Well, I can't say I'm not pleased you've finally come around!" It decides. "SLYTHERIN!" It yells suddenly, making me leap out of the seat. McGonagoll's office comes back into view as she pulls the sorting hat off of my head.

"There's no need to shout." She tells it disapprovingly as she stuffs it back onto her shelf.

"Force of habit." The hat replies, before going still. I'm happy to think that I won't have to listen to it's voice until next year.

McGonagoll glares at it for a moment before turning back to me.

"Well, I think that answers your question about the house." She says shortly, "Congratulations- you are in Slytherin."

I can tell she hates me already. It makes me feel kind of hollow, seeing her distance herself from me. I feel a sudden yearning for the deep colour crimson, and the welcoming insignia of the proud lion, brave and courageous.

But then I remember my plan.

"Thanks." I say, smiling softly. "So...do I go to the common room now?"

"Oh, yes, I'll just go and get Professor Snape to show you to the Slytherin Headquarters- he's the head of your house."

"Oh." I say, feeling even worse. One to one time with Snape, however short it may be, doesn't sound pleasurable. But perhaps he'll be near to just normal mean if he doen't know I'm Harry Potter, the person he spends his whole essence hating.

Soon enough, I'm walking down the corridor in silence with Snape. He seems slightly more at ease around me, but this only makes me more uncomfortable- because it's so unnatural.

"So...Slytherin's nice?"

"Oh yes," Snape replies in a low hiss, "Quite comfortable, I think you'll find." He turns to me and gives me what I suppose he thinks is a smile. He looks like a Hippogriff high on Felix Felicius.

"...Right."

"So, how are you finding Hogwarts?" He asks, slowly catching on to conversation- perhaps it's a first time for him.

"Yes...it's nice. Different from home-schooling." I say as pleasantly as I can.

"And how are you finding...the teachers?" He says quietly, watching me with those slack, sunken eyes. Horror shoots through me. He's not...coming on to me? This has to be just his way of being nice...right?

"Yeah, not bad, you know. Some are quite strict. Some are so old." I stress the last word, praying he'll get the hint. The idea of even revealing my identity seemed like a good one as he leaned in just a little closer. We had come to a stop in a dead end.

Oh. God.

"Some are old, yes." He agrees softly, "But some are still young at heart..."

"Where's the common room?" I demand in a squeak. He smiles like a grindylow as he reaches his hand out to the wall, rests his waxy fingers on it, and hisses:

"Snakebite..."

The wall opens wide, revealing a tinged green light.I remember that this is the opening to the Slytherin Common Room, where I'd already been before. I heaved a sigh of relief, an obvious one, and Snape raised his eyebrows.

"See you in potions, Miss Charm." He lulls, and makes his way back through the dungeons.

I think I liked it better when he hated me.

But I suppose I have bigger things to worry about...like presenting myself to the Slytherins.

Piece of puke pastille..!