Chapter XVI

Mantroll Gets Miffed

"Draco, you're just going to have to accept that I can't be with you."

"I'm Harry Potter- you're Draco Malfoy…well you know that but…"

"Ok, so you're hot. It doesn't mean I'm in love with you! You're a git!"

"…Well maybe I do like you. But this doesn't mean we can just…"

"…I want you."

None of these seem to fit my emotions. The last one came closest in any case. I stare at myself in the mirror, my helpless eyes, my pouting lips, my…gorgeous cheek bones…

FOCUS!

It's all so complicated.

I like him. A whole lot.

But I didn't when I was a guy- I hated him, any thought of him disgusted me.

Is it possible that…I was really just covering up something that I just didn't want to be there?

Surely I'd notice?

It's all so confusing. When did life get so complicated? All I used to worry about was the odd mass murderer after me or the spawn of Satan having a slight grudge on me. Now I can hardly breathe!

…Well I know I have to turn back into a boy sometime. There's no way I can stay in this state forever. But then…if I even dream of getting together with Malfoy, then that makes me gay, which just makes things so messy! What will my friends say? My teachers? Ron seems like the kind of guy who'd be a homophobe, definitely. How will he act around me? He's awkward enough when I'm a girl…when I'm a full on gay he'll probably have an aneurism. Things would be so different…

But if I change back to a boy, and just pretend my feelings never happened, that my heart never pounded with his as we…then I'm bound to go insane! Which let's face it; I'm near to the mark now anyway!

"Lottie?"

I spin round from the mirror I've just been rehearsing in and see Esme peeking around the door. I find it hard not to roll my eyes just at her presence.

"Hi Esme." I say sullenly, too weighed down by everything that's piling on top of me to even muster good manners, "What do you want?"

"Well…" She steps in properly now, clasping her hands together, "It's Pansy. She wants to talk to y-" But she's already been shoved aside into a wall.

"Alright." Pansy snaps, storming in and giving me a look that could curdle potion, "I've had enough of this. I want you to break it off with Malfoy."

"Excuse me?" Excuse her! What the hell does she think she's doing? One pathetic as Pansy will not have me obeying her every request. I wouldn't lend her a hairbrush if she begged me.

"You heard me. You're only stringing him along anyway! I do care about him you know. I don't want to see a freak like you hurting him!" She shrieks, pointing an accusing finger at me wildly. And foolishly.

"Honestly, Pansy." I roll my eyes, taking on that 'can't be bothered' stance and relishing her fury at my casual manner, "Even if I was, wouldn't that just be the icing on the cake? Malfoy would follow me anywhere even if I was just dating him for kicks, or for nighttime fun-" I see her eye begin to twitch at these words and just know that she's been imagining him naked for years. Hilarious-"He'd still play along, whereas even after you pour your heart and soul into being his little lapdog, doing his homework, washing his robes, licking his feet…he's still not interested, is he?"

I watch her being to tremble with anger, watching her fists form fists and her eyes sparkle with resentment.

"Just shows whose got it. And who doesn't." I say sweetly, granting her a sickly smile.

Go on…hex me…come on!

But she doesn't. This is ridiculous. I once saw her curse a girl for looking at her funny. I'm the first person (including her parents, probably) who has dared to stand up to her, and she flees the room. Daphne and Hillary are at the door, listening. They act as if they don't see her. Esme bustles out after her. I chuckle to myself.

"Nice…" Daphne said, staring after them, "You can't get much more dignified than that!"

"Don't you think you're getting just a little bit too mean, Lottie?" Hillary accuses. I blink at her. Surprising. I've never thought of it as mean. Just putting her in her place I guess.

I don't want to be mean…
"Oh please!" Daphne scoffed, "You can't get meaner than Pansy!"

"But she really does care about, Malfoy. And he's our friend too." Hillary turns to me, her expression darker than before. It was the kind of expression I saw whenever she spoke about mudbloods. I mean muggle borns.

"You're not really leading him on are you, Lottie?" Straight and serious. It's funny that she has no idea that this is the question I've been asking myself for the last month.

You're not leading him on at all, are you? This is true romance to you…and now look: you're stuck in deep shit!

What are you going to do now?

This really is a bit of a pickle, isn't it?

Shut up! I decide to answer truthfully, to Hillary and Daphne, and most importantly to myself.

"No." I say, "No, I really like him..."

I say it so seriously that they're convinced.

"Potter, nice to see you."

Dammit! How can he make me flare up instantly with just a simple greeting? I continue to get out my ingredients for potions as he slides into the seat next to me without another word.

"Well, we may as well call this our table." He's right I guess. We've sat here together every time ever since I put the plan into action. That day feels like years ago. A lot's changed. I've changed.

"Don't count on it." I find myself back to my usual Harry Potter self as I growl at him through a clenched jaw, "Pretty soon I'm going to be a boy again. You think I'd still sit next to you then?"

He's silent for a while, watching me with mild interest, which pisses me off.

"I think you would if your friends weren't watching." He says finally. Bitter shame sweeps through me as my face burns red.

"It's not about them." I lie.

"Oh it's all about them." He tells me, and for the first time since it all started I can hear anger touching his tone, "Why the hell should you care what they think?"

"Who says I even like you?" I shoot at him, a feeble attempt to stop him in his tracks. It's half-hearted…for some reason I can't stand the thought of hurting his feelings or lying to him.

"Don't even try that." He spits at me, the rest of the class completely oblivious to a conversation they'd be so darn interested in if they weren't chattering happily amongst themselves, "We both know how you feel. I'll steal some fucking Veritaseum if that's what it takes, Harry." And for the second time, he uses my proper name…it's so personal…so intimate to me. I find I can't look away, I can't lie anymore.

"Fine." I grumble, "As stupid as it sounds, I like you."

"How much." His hard exterior is gone and all is left is a forlorn teenager, dreading the answer…

"A lot." I tell him grudgingly, "More than I should, let alone thought I ever would." His spirits seem to lift as he turns to the front and doesn't say another word.

"You sound so funny when you're a girl." He tells me quietly, after Snape has done his rounds of doing our Potions for us, "That's the first impression I got from you. You managed to fool everyone else with your new-found feminine charm but I could see right through it. The moment you stepped through the door, I just knew. My heart beat so fast because I knew that soon, so soon you would be falling for me…you sounded just like yourself, but with a higher voice. It was hard not to laugh for the first few days."

I listen to this politely, finding myself very interested in his side of the story. How long he had to pretend…just like me. And now what? Will it end in love or return to the stale hatred?

"You still haven't decided, have you?" He asks calmly, keeping his voice low so it's merely an undertone in the drone of the class. I feel my cheeks become warmer and shake my head.

"Well, could you make it up soon? I don't think I can wait much longer…" It's so strange that he's being polite to me. Before I thought it was because he had no idea who I was, but now he's still being rational.

"I'll try." I promise quietly. I don't want to keep stringing him along, just like Pansy had accused. I don't want to hurt him. Shouldn't that just answer my question for me?

"Well, meet me in the astronomy tower tonight at Midnight." He says, "Tell me then."

"…Ok." A deadline. Great. That makes it a whole lot more difficult.

Unable to stop myself, I glance over, and watch his tender eyes bore into mine. I let my gaze sweep over his strong, broad chest and sturdy forearm, his snowy sleeves still rolled up…I want to reach out and stroke his milky skin, feel his racing pulse at my hand…it's like an addiction. I take a deep breath and stir my potion absentmindedly.

"It's a date." I have to look back: I don't want to miss that wink…

"Urm…hello." Ron says stiffly. I roll my eyes.

"Ron, it's me ok? Aren't you a little bit pleased to see me?"

He doesn't answer and keeps shoveling down his lunch. Hermione rolls her eyes and puts down her fork.

"What's up, Lottie?" She says, careful to keep my disguise going in front of the Hufflepuffs that could be listening from the adjacent table.

"I need to change back. Today. Now, if possible." I say as calmly as possible. She blinks.
"What happened with-?"

"Can you do it?" I interrupt, really not in the mood to discuss what has been hanging over my head all day. Her warm brown eyes show understanding and she nods.

"Of course. Let's do it in the Bathrooms."

And she rises. We walk down the aisle together. I think I'll miss this body…I haven't had to do my own homework for ages- it's amazing what boys will do for a pretty face. It's been nice being able to do things with my hair...but most of all; I'm going to miss Draco.

I can't do it. I can't be with him. My world would just be turned upside down! My friends would hate me; my whole house would hate me. Perhaps even the whole school! I should be dating girls- it's easy to get one: I'm the boy who lived.

It's the right thing to do.

If it is…then why are my knees shaking? Why does my future without him seem boring, bleak and pointless?

If anything, I-

"YOU…SLUT!!"

Those two words silence the whole hall and make my heart stop. The teachers glance up, every head including mine swivels to look at Pansy Parkinson, who is standing on her chair. Never have I seen her look so furious, so terrifying and so hideous. And she's pointing at me.

I groan loudly. "What. NOW?! You CHORE of a girl!?" My exclamation rings around the hall and subconsciously, I notice storm clouds in the enchanted ceiling gather and rumble menacingly.

"You…" She growls, she snorts, and my GOD there's something quite disturbing about this girl! "You slept with him!"

There's a collective gasp, a few hoots of shock and shrieks of laughter. Hermione sighs, exasperated that the secret is out for the whole school to hear. If you haven't noticed, Hogwarts isn't exactly a Love Shack, so this is a BOMBSHELL.

"Who?!" A girl called out. Pansy answered happily.

"DRACO MALFOY!!" She condemns, her eyes wide and her teeth bared. Her hair could stand to have a brush wrenched through it and even from far away her nails are bitten back to the finger. For a moment I feel sorry for her. "MY boyfriend!" Ok, now not so much. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the Gryffindors- who know my true identity- gape at me in horror. They definitely weren't expecting that. Ron has gone deathly pale, apart from his burning ears.

Shit. Just keep it cool. Spin a story later!

"I'd like to see you prove it!" I counter, my best attempt at keeping everyone, especially Gryffindor, from the truth.

"Well, they told me all about it!" She shrieks, pointing now and Daphne and Hillary, who both watch me blankly, not even attempting to put on expressions of unconvincing shame. What did I expect- that I could trust Slytherin Sluts? What do I care? Soon I'll be back where I belong- in Gryffindor, without any bitchy mess to clean up hastily in public.

"Oh come on, those two are a couple of back-stabbers." I don't need to bluff, I mean every word. They watch me, expressionless and uncaring. Cold-hearted trouts…ok maybe I care a little bit…they gave me my first Manicure! Does that not count for anything?

So this is a bitch-fight…might as well give it my best shot!

"They ditched you to be friends with me, didn't they? Everyone seems to prefer me to you, Pansy. Seems I can just get everything you've worked hard for without any effort." I love to watch her seethe.

"Well, you were wearing the same clothes you were the day before! I REMEMBER!!" She screeches, but uncertainly, willing to grasp at anything to watch me suffer.

"It's a school uniform." I spit, deciding to leave out the fact that I was borrowing Lavender Brown's clothes for that night, "And if you can remember, can you tell me what the day was?"

She splutters to a stop.

"Pansy." I tell her, keeping it cool so I don't show myself up and show her up even more, "We've gone through this, sweetheart, Draco was never your boyfriend." Actually, on the subject, where is he? I take a quick scan but see him no where. Thank God. Otherwise it could be really awkward.

"We…we still had a thing!" She insists, but she's got nothing and she knows it. She's humiliated herself for no particular reason. Nice one.

"Oh for Merlin's Pantaloons!" I cry in frustration, realizing that I'd already lost my dignity with that exclamation, why not just piss into the wind along with the silly cow? Let them know the truth! What's the worst that can…well don't say that. "Let it go! So I shagged him!" The boys guffaw, the girls don't know whether to giggle or not; most of them are sizing me up, ready to spread the rumor that I'm a man. Well the joke's on them…! "You're just sour because you knew it'd never happen for you even if you slipped him love potion!"

There's a collective 'OOOOOH' from the onlookers and I have to stop myself from yelling at them too. I've already made myself look like a big enough prat.

"He's probably just leading you along for sex ANYWAY! What would he want with a skank who hangs out with mudbloods?!" She gestures wildly to Hermione and I lose my dwindling patience completely. And once again, her mouth gets too big for her security enforcements, which have dwindled to Esme. Half of the school's population rose out of fury, and then the other half so they could get a good look. She seems pretty much lost for words. And just when it starts to look as if Pansy won't live to see Malfoy's perfect features ever again, the teachers ruin the fun.

"That is QUITE enough!" Professor McGonagall called sharply, rising out of her seat. Professor Dumbledore looks quite astonished- it's probably his first experience of a bitch fight, although I'm sure he's stolen a couple of girls' boyfriends in his time… "Now if you want to continue this childish behavior, take it outside!"

Now, I think she was being sarcastic. The rest of the school's population on the other hand…well before I know it everyone is out of their seats and I am being swept backwards with an ocean of pupils.

"Wait- stop- she was being SARCASTIC!" I bellow, but no one hears me, or ignores me, "Oh bollocks…"

"Well, Harry." Hermione says as she's being shoved along with me, not even bothering to use my fake name because everyone's too busy thinking about the bitch-fight that is about to commence, "Just remember the spell I taught you, it should stop her in her tracks!" And she's pulled away from me. I'm alone. Great. And about to face Pansy. What the hell was that spell again? 'Mantroll' backwards…Llortnam! Ok, keep that in mind and maybe you'll get out of this so you can go and reclaim your testicles as planned!

Soon enough we're in the grounds and everyone's formed into a nice big circle so Pansy and I can share an arena. They're pretty organized when they want to be…damn them!

"Right, Charm." Pansy spits, "So you've been sleeping around."

"Parkinson," I begin, raising a haughty eyebrow, making sure I own the crowd, "You're just jealous that you're not."

"WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS OF SOMEONE LIKE YOU?" She demands.

"Well she keeps a cool head." A Ravenclaw cools out.

"Yeah she's got more…watchacallit…common sense."

"She's cooler."

"She's thinner."

"More confident."

"Nice arse." Worded simultaneously by the Weasley Twins.

All the while Pansy is finding it difficult to control herself.

"What's the problem, Pansy?" I ask mockingly, as the teachers run over to break it up…oh wait, they're just watching, "Not a fan of constructive criticism?"

With one shrill cry, Pansy whips out her wand and points it straight at me. She shrieks the spell I least expected her to say. When really I should've realized it was the one she was most likely to.

"Llortnam!"

The Penultimate Chapter...I can't believe that this is our last cliffhanger, folks! We've had a lot of them! I've been waiting forever to find out what that spell does, haven't you?

I'll have you know I spent AGES getting this chapter up; not only did it take forever to write, but my computer kept playing up, to the extent that I was yelling at everybody. I get like that...and when I calm down I realize what a Volcano I've been.

Well, that was an insight into my life! Hope you enjoyed the chapter- stay tuned for the Story's End.

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