Author's note: I'm on a roll

Warnings: Pre-movie SLASH, MegatronXOptimus and Megatron slowly going bat-shit insane

Disclaimer: I own them as much as the next guy Hasbro head walks by Okay, the next guy, Takara walks by The next guy? Michael Bay walks by Damn it!

Secrets Chapter one

Reverse Nirvana

Megatron had been fascinated by the Allspark as long as he could remember and devoted his life to learning about its power and secrets. Before very long he knew more about it than any other being on Cybertron. That wasn't enough for him though. No, he needed to know more, to know everything. Most of his time was spent close to the Cube, and Megatron was quite happy with studying it.

Then he and his fellow ruler, his alleged 'brother', became lovers. For awhile Megatron was satisfied with what he already knew, but then his thirst for knowledge came back and he found himself dividing his attention between Optimus and the Allspark. Somehow, this was more difficult that he knew it should have been.

He wasn't sure when they began, but they were there and seemed to have always been there. Dark thoughts. Cruel and twisted beliefs about what he could do with his knowledge of the Allspark. Much as he tried he could not shake away the thoughts, the feelings. Not on his own anyway. Optimus Prime drew his attention away from them kept him safe from his own mind.

But then more problems arose. Only in the company of Optimus did the thoughts disperse, but when Megatron was alone they grew stronger. Then they found words attached to them. Megatron started hosting secret meetings and sharing his thoughts with others; all of them agreed and he found when some that didn't, someone would attack those persons, and that someone was himself.

The power that Optimus and his love had over him and these evil ideas started to weaken and he tried spending more time with him, hoping that Optimus would make the evil go away. It worked for a while, but the darkness seemed to grow immunity to Optimus and he started to think those evil thoughts around him. Even while they were interfacing.

One night Optimus said the words "I love you." and Megatron repeated them, only to realize that he wasn't sure he meant them anymore. And as he came into this realization he also began to notice that the sex he was having with Optimus Prime was steadily getting more violent.

After one such occasion of coming out of his sex daze and finding out he'd hurt his young lover, he shook his head.

What is wrong with me!? He questioned himself.

Nothing. Said one part of him, the other part didn't answer, it had none.

I can't do this! Megatron insisted I can't think my thoughts and I can't hurt Optimus anymore. I love him…I…I do.

Do you? The darker part of him laughed. If you really did you wouldn't be like this, would you?

Megatron became angry, and tried to tell Optimus about the meetings he'd been holding, the things he was thinking of, but he couldn't. When ever he tried, he found himself stopping, thinking to himself that Optimus didn't need to know, he could handle it himself.

That's when it became his secret.

Megatron gathered the mechs that he had spoken with, learned that they had spoken to others about his ideas, and a new idea came to him. Deception. Silently, without alerting Optimus, he started to train his followers into an army and together they would claim the Allspark and fulfill their dark destinies.

They made plans, and had it all figured out, but there was still one problem. Megatron wasn't sure he wanted to go through with them. He did not tell anyone, but part of him still wanted to call the whole thing off and tell Optimus about their plans.

He and Optimus were still together at the time and again he came out of his sex daze to find Optimus hurt because of how rough he was being, and his damn conscious picked at him. He started to argue with himself and woke Optimus.

"What's wrong?" The younger mech asked.

"N-nothing!" Megatron responded looking away from him, and realizing that he suddenly hated him.

"Megatron…" Optimus began, putting his hand on his shoulder, "You're trembling…"

What Megatron did next surprised both of them. He hit Optimus, "STAY AWAY FROM ME!" he bellowed glaring down at him.

Optimus gazed back at him in pain and confusion. His hand was on his head where Megatron had struck him. Megatron then realized what he'd done, his anger melted away into concern.

"Optimus…" he reached for him, but stopped and pulled his hand back. "I…I'm sorry. I need to be alone."

Optimus nodded and quietly left, when Megatron was sure he'd gone he slammed his head hard into the wall.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?!" He shrieked. His mind was in chaos. He was confused, angry, sad, and afraid. Afraid. He couldn't remember ever being afraid of anything before; and that only frightened him more. "What is wrong with me…" he sobbed.

Over the next few Cybertronian weeks Megatron avoided Optimus as best he could. Sometimes Optimus would catch him and he found excuses to leave, but he knew he didn't have much time left.

Finally, the day before the plans he had made with his warriors were to be put into action, he called Optimus to him.

"I need you." was all he'd been able to say.

Optimus came, he seemed hesitant at first but Megatron coaxed him into the berth. He began with kissing the spot he had smacked Optimus, he muttered an apology and gave him a passionate kiss, which Optimus slowly returned. Megatron felt that Optimus was tense and began to rub his shoulder, and urged him to relax.

"M-Megatron…" Optimus moaned, "Are you alright?" he asked.

Megatron stalled his answer by kissing Optimus. "No, I'm not." He said finally, "I'm caving in…I can't do it anymore…"

Optimus gave him a questioning look, "Can't do what? Cave in?"

Megatron didn't respond with words, he merely began to bond with Optimus. He took it slow, exploring every part of Optimus' body with his hands and lips like he had done the first time he and Optimus had come together.

With a jerk of his hips he sent tokens of his feeling to Optimus and he returned them. In a whisper he told Optimus to open his spark. At the same time their sparks were exposed and pressed together gently. They did not scream like they had done so many times before. They sang. Their voices blended into one note of pleasure that carried out longer than their screams ever had.

Finally Megatron pulled away and as he did so, Optimus made a strange noise that he'd never heard before.

"Optimus?" he asked softly "Are you alright?"

Optimus nodded, "I will be fine."

Megatron smiled and kissed him gently, "Optimus, will you promise me something?"

"What?" Optimus inquired.

The older mech held him close as if afraid to lose him. Optimus didn't know but he was. "Promise me that you'll always remember that I love you." he requested.

Even if I forget that I do.

Optimus gave him a confused look, he didn't understand what Megatron could possibly mean by that; but nodded anyway.

Megatron kissed him once more, "Thank you..." he breathed.

They both fell into recharge the happiest they'd been so far in their lives, but when Megatron awoke in the morning, he left Optimus silently without waking him to even say good-bye.

His mind was in chaos again. Every part of him seemed to be in pain as the two parts of him mind fought for dominance. Megatron stopped and stood where no one could hear him and looked up to the sky. "I give up." He declared and let the darkness take him fully.

Then everything within him was finally at peace.

Megatron's secret was that the ration he'd absorbed from spending so much time close to the Cube had changed him into something he was not. He had known it was happening, and done nothing to stop it. Now, he could tell no one of what had really happened to him.

Author's end note: There! Megatron's secret revealed! And yes that is really why I think Megatron went bad, feel free to use it in your own fanfiction (So long as you credit me for the original idea your welcome to use it). Think that was cool? Or maybe a little whacky? Just wait till you find out OP's secret! Oh, and by the way, the title for this chapter was inspired by the Ansem Retorts comics, though I have no idea if Reverse Nirvana is a real condition or was just made up (I have limited resources) as for what Reverse Nirvana is, the defintion in the Ansem Retorts was: When the mind is so full of evil and chaos that it actually acheives total inner peace. Sounds like what I had doesn't it?

Vulture Editor: -Evil smile- OP's secret is . Sorry, can't tell you, I'm on oath of silence. Review or be silenced yourself. -Runs away before Zaerith can hurt her.-