A/N – One review, and from someone who I talked to about my story. At least it was a good one. Read his fics, they're more conversationally comical than this one. If you like BBrae, El Queso Malicioso is your man (until like, chapter whatever of this fic.) If you like all things sex and style and comedy, read mine.
Actually, read mine anyway. And review, too.
To THE CHEESE OF EVIL – thnx. I appreciate your lone jewel of a review.
RED X POV
I Jumped out of Patty's inn on the second floor and hit the disappear-y button on my suit. I didn't bother to learn the scientific names for all the functions on my gold mine of a costume. I came up with amusing names for them a while ago, while I was doing jobs in California.
But of course I forgot all of them, so I just add sounds on what the buttons are for (disappear+sound, laser+sound, blades+sound.) it's complicated when it's in words, but when I do it you'll notice it and remember when I spent this 30 seconds rambling on about my suit buttons.
Ah, the pride of a genius or the lamentations of a madman? I've wondered that a lot.
Enough with the fancy sophisticate talk. I was out to steal some shit from my favorite target in my favorite place in my second favorite part of the world.
JUMP CITY! Yes indeed, jump city was my destination, and my journey was to be a short and pleasant one. Sex and money and the occasional rock'n'roll. When I turned 17 I picked up the guitar when I learned boxing. The guitar is another way to help stupid people get laid. It also helps smart people get laid, but smart people don't use it that way.
At least, I don't think they do.
I don't.
Not frequently, anyways…
So I made my way to my handy dandy motorcycle, which was wildly conspicuous. It would have been seriously stupid of me to keep that gaudy toy of a vehicle I used when I was 16. It was the one the entire public could recognize, it was black and had a red x on the front with weapons and everything. As I mounted the bike and gunned the engine, I thought again about the lovely little sexual interlude that occurred about half an hour ago. I didn't really think anything worthwhile or important…
I just like sex, and the idea of it.
So on to business. I rode along the street at a reasonable speed. I was about to get on the highway when I noticed a clicking sound. My cape was flapping in the wind and was making a sharp rapping noise when it hit the back of the motorcycle.
I pulled over, and grabbed the end of my cape. Attached to the fabric, near the corner of it, there was a small metal object that was blinking at a steady pace.
My first thought was – "bomb. Throw said object off cliff."
But then I thought it through and duh, it's to small to do any significant damage. Why would anyone put a bomb of that caliber on me? To piss me off?
Not likely. So I came to the conclusion that it had to be a tracking device. That made my journey a little more interesting. Who was tracking me? Why were they tracking me? Do they want to fight or do business? It was all very confusing.
Kind of.
Ok, it was pretty cut-and-dry. I was just tired and not as sharp as I would be with a good night's sleep.
…Wait… good night's sleep… was she working for someone?
The possibility arose that the girl that kept me from sleeping these last hours might not have been as predictable as I'd thought. She could be working for the mafia, a gang I'd confronted in past years, she could be from about a ballpark of 90 random independent organizations run by various twisted or annoying rich fat men.
Or like, three skinny old women. The random independent organizations had some pretty sucky stereotypes.
So about seven seconds after I held that bleeping metal tracker in my hand and thought about all that, I decided to keep it on my person and draw out my opponent.
…What's a better word… tracker? Trailer? Dammit… where's a thesaurus when you need one? You can't dominate people with overwhelming logic and wit when you don't have a fuckin' amazing vocabulary.
Word to the wise – read a lot.
END RED X POV (try to keep up with the thought process of a genius with ADD…)
So, after deciding to be a ballsy fool, Red X continued his trip to Jump City. On his travels, nothing much happened. He had about two irrelevant one-night-stands, a couple of gas stops, some snacks, and one instance of a strip club. The strip club incident didn't count as a one-night-stand, because the whole process lasted a record 31 hours.
RED X POV
Jesus H. Christ, those strip club sluts will be the death of me.
Seriously, what kind of stripper runs out of condoms 10 hours in? No one else wanted to contribute one either.
How poor does a stripper have to be before she's too stingy to give out a 6th condom?
I don't even want to know what STDs I got yesterday.
Maybe crabs.
Yeah, probably crabs.
…What if it's something like Hepatitis A?
Or B.
Or C.
(Which is worse?)
Or even gonorrhea? I heard that's gruesome.
Oh my god what if that bitch gave me AIDS?
I'm going to speed for a while until I find a gas station so I can wash my balls for an hour.
Ick.
So after I cleaned myself to satisfaction, I arrived shortly in Jump City. God does this place bring back memories. It was home to some of my favorite people. Drug dealers, prostitutes, businessmen…
Assholes, dicks, pussies (sometimes all together at the same time…), bad people, good people, in between people…
Mercenaries, hitmen, Legbreakers, thugs, villains, masterminds, politicians, liars, thieves…
Charity-givers, religious people, revolutionaries, heroes…
Heroes…
…Jesus Christ.
I wonder…
Where are the Teen Titans at this hour?
END RED X POV
Red X felt positively giddy as he drove off towards the residence of the Teen Titans. What would await him there, he did not know. What drove him there was unknown to him as well. Maybe boredom.
Epic tales always seemed to surround the Titans. There was the leader, who Red X personally found amusing to talk to.
He's such a prick…
There was the green boy and the goth girl…
Who obviously want to fuck the absolute shit out of each other…
Then there was the cyborg, whose name was conveniently the same as his form.
ROFL.
And then there was the weirdly hot girl who had the unfortunate fate of being with robin.
The hottest one always fucks the leader, that's how teams like this go.
A thought popped into the mind of Red X like an evil M&M into the mouth of a sleeping victim.
I believe she and robin have a strange relationship. I should check…
And maybe have some fun…
…Yeah… fun.
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A/N – I liked that chapter. That was a good one. It was fun to write. And was rather comical at some times.
LOL! REVIEW, FOR THE LOVE OF BUDDHA!!