This is where writing the rest of this story gets difficult to do right.
I have an ending in mind that I really like.
And I really want to write it.
But I can't do it now, or even soon.
Because I don't want to end the story yet.
My initial thought is to make the chapters longer still and full of plot content; that will bring me hopefully 6 or so more chapters. I don't want to make it a full book, I don't have enough plot to draw it out to 30 or something nuts like that. I have ADD, it's a wonder I've gone this far.
--START--
Raven woke, the sun shining pleasantly into her room through the window. She knew it had to have been later than usual, she didn't get the amount of sleep she usually did. She lied there drowsily, and went over the night before in her mind, which brought an uncharacteristically satisfied smile to her face. She didn't bother looking for Red X; she knew he had left after she fell asleep. He had said he would return, and if he did, she'd welcome him with open arms… or legs… but she doubted he would.
She guessed it was a one-night type of situation, and she didn't dwell on it, it was just what she needed. Getting up from bed, she washed, showered, and went to get breakfast. Being 3:00 in the afternoon, the rest of the titans were eating lunch. Robin, Starfire, Beast Boy, and Cyborg were all sitting on the couch, around the table full of food. The TV was on, so no one noticed the door open, except for Starfire, who never watched TV with the rapt attention the guys did. She turned, caught, Raven's eye, and soundlessly mouthed words to her.
"Last night, did you?..." She pointed to Beast Boy.
Raven shook her head.
"Then who…" Starfire was confused, but from the looks of her facial expressions, she was beginning to get an idea.
"I was with Robin…" She looked thoughtful. "…Cyborg?" She asked, looking doubtful.
Raven laughed silently, and bit her lower lip, making an 'X' with her fingers. Starfire looked surprised at first, almost shocked. Then, an empathetic grin spread across her face. With her eyes, Starfire asked Raven how it was. Raven put her hand over her heart and made an exaggerated fanning motion, cooling herself off, in the simple reply.
"Hot."
The sound of Raven closing the refrigerator got the attention of the rest of the titans.
"Morning, Rae, you sure slept well." It was Beast Boy. "Late night?" his tone of voice was less than pleasant. Raven knew what was coming, Garfield had heard her last night, and judging by Cyborg and Robin's reactions to Raven's hesitance, they had too.
"I guess you could say that." Raven said, innocently as possible. Robin shook his head. She could understand what he was thinking, Robin was big on having no secrets in the Teen Titans family. And, taking into account that the last secret involved Red X taking Starfire away for 4 days to have copious amounts of sex, Robin was extra-sensitive on the secret subject.
Then, Raven noticed that Robin and Starfire were sitting rather comfortably next to each other. So, it worked. She thought to herself, remembering the suggestion she made to Starfire the day before. Conflicted, Raven was unsure as to how she should deal with the situation at hand. So, while making herself breakfast, she decided it was safe to assume most of the Titans presumed it was Red X they heard last night.
It wasn't like Raven was reputed to take home random strangers.
"So, are we going to make a big deal out of this or what?" Raven asked, not willing to beat around the bush. She also, thinking about Beast Boy, never remembered telling him he was the only one. They had just been together a few times, to solve the issue of sexual frustration.
But thinking these things to herself, Raven knew in the back of her mind she was just making excuses so she wouldn't have to deal with guilt. But, to raven's surprise, Beast Boy looked over his shoulder at her with a weak smile of understanding.
"No, we aren't." he said, simply.
Raven's heart went out to the green boy, and a wave of affection for Garfield washed over her. Robin shot a confused look at him, but Beast Boy waved it off, as if to say, Shit happens, dude. In true Beast Boy fashion, he had taken it in stride, with a smile.
Raven couldn't help but admire Garfield's strength. She walked over to him and put her arms around him, in a comforting embrace. She held him tightly, trying to make him feel better. Then, she smelled the faint, earthy smell that had become more and more common on him.
It was weed. Garfield, always good for a laugh and being financially unaware, picked up the habit on a lengthy mission in California. Raven liked to think it was just for fun, but the situation told her unmercifully that it was escapism.
The guilt came, and Raven's heart felt a dull pain. She sighed, ate her breakfast quickly, and went to her room and picked up her mirror.
--Raven's mind--
Raven: Guys, we have issues.
Wit: Oh me oh my! Really? Whatever shall we do? We've NEVER had issues before…
Raven: shut it, wit.
Wit: just doing my job here, boss.
Lust: Whatever. Issues or not, that was the highlight of my existence. Good shit, raven, good shit.
Raven: …It was, wasn't it? But guys, guys, Garfield.
Guilt: yeah, we know. That's why I'm here, duh.
Happiness: I have no part in this.
Raven: that's what sucks.
Logic: I'm not even sure what you should do. He'd probably appreciate an apology, even if he's putting on this nonchalant front. It won't solve your problems, but it'll help.
Guilt: don't expect anything to change what you've done, you did it and you should accept the consequences, like a sad Garfield.
Raven: It would be easier if he were mad.
Guilt: Maybe, maybe not.
Raven: what about Red X? What if he comes back?
Skepticism: he won't.
Logic: Rae, I have to agree with Skepticism on this one. All evidence points to him being the kind of guy to hit and run, as it were.
Raven: I'm just trying to be prepared.
Logic: well, hypothetically, if he returned, the ideal situation would be to leave and come back. At night, so no one notices you gone.
Raven: It's risky, if we have a night mission…
Logic: You'd have to decide when the moment arrived.
Raven: Maybe I should just tell him I couldn't stand Garfield being upset.
--Real World--
Raven walked to her bed and grabbed a book before lying down to read. She planned on waiting for the team to split after lunch so she could catch Garfield alone.
Waiting it out was awkward and unpleasant. She didn't want to face the situation, but she knew she had to if she wanted to put Garfield's mind at ease. After an hour, she walked to where she knew he'd be, on the roof. The walk up the stairway was the worst of it, when her anxiousness was at its peak. She opened the door and stepped out into the midday air, seeing Beast Boy sitting by the edge.
--MEANWHILE--
Red X was worried. Plainly, Red X was more than worried. He was panicking. He'd been thinking about the girl more than he should be. He hadn't yet shrugged her off, and she was still on his mind. X knew this was trouble, he knew this could mean he was developing feelings. Those were something X never desired to possess, especially feelings towards women, and even more specifically, justice-inclined women, which Raven was.
Besides the heroine factor, X knew feelings meant a dependence on someone other than himself, and X planned his entire lifestyle out based on the fact that that would never, ever happen. He even stopped believing in love. He thought, like many, that it was a hallmark feeling, that it was phony. It was convenient to believe.
But he stood, by the shoreline of Jump City, gazing intently at Titans Tower, considering a return. What if she didn't feel the same? What if she only wanted him for information, or false loyalty? These were insecurities that X was a complete virgin to. He'd always been completely self-assured.
Always.
--TITANS TOWER--
"Garfield, I'm sorry. I am. I could tell you it just kind of happened, but I wouldn't want to lie to you, you've been too good to me." Raven sighed. "What else can I say? I was worried about being committed to you. You're the only person I'd ever been close to. I was curious, and I know that sounds really selfish. I know that IS really selfish." Raven poured her feelings out to Beast Boy, hoping that the gesture of trust would move him. She couldn't stand his being unhappy. He, also, let out a sigh to notify he was starting to speak.
"Thanks, Rae." He said. That was all. He looked at her and smiled honestly, if slightly faintly. "I can understand why now, even if it still hurts." He offered.
"So, thanks." He said again.
Raven was beside herself with relief. She hugged him tightly, and told him she'd see him inside. She walked down the same stairway that made her feel so anxious on the way up, noticing the difference in direction – one way was unsure, the other comforted and calm.
The rest of the day was relatively pleasant, the team was generally happy together, which was a rarity.
It was only when Raven returned to her room that things took a turn for the worse. She walked in, and almost immediately she heard a knock on her window. It was X. Raven knew before she even turned around.
She let him in through the window. He dropped in, and ripped off his mask, quickly embracing her in a kiss. They broke apart, and Raven noticed a difference in X's appearance.
His usually jocular demeanor was absent. His wide, even smile was gone, his broad shoulders drooped, his muscular chest was no longer thrust out proudly. His short, blonde hair was unkempt, and his fair brow twitched nervously.
And then Raven saw his eyes. His usually twinkling blue eyes deepened, and she saw a deep sorrow in them.
"X, what's wrong?" She asked, now equally worried. He shook his head.
"John." He said to her. "Call me John."
This caught Raven completely off guard. It immediately seemed as if X was a different person. She still felt a strong attraction, but now, an emotional connection was starting to form, as she saw him opening up.
"Raven, I-…" Raven stopped him.
"No, wait. John, I'm not sure if I can continue this…" she wasn't through, but at once she saw his face fall. It disheartened her, but she had to do it.
"…I can't hurt my team like this. I can't bear the guilt of hiding something like this, I can't!" Her voice pleaded for him to understand. She saw his face go still, and she saw clearly an excess of conflict going on in him.
Then, as if to end a crescendo of increasingly unlikely developments, Before she saw him turn from her, she saw, unmistakably, a tear form in the corner of his eye. He started to advance towards the window, but she caught him,
"Wait, John, wait."
…And thrust in his hand a small yellow device.
"I'll contact you when I figure this out." He took it, and silently jumped out the window, disappearing after reaching for the button on his belt.
Raven, overwhelmed by John's raw emotion, fell back onto her bed and sobbed.
--End--
I'm happy with it. This will go the pace I want.
Also – longest chapter to date.
Review, please, it's getting harder to work with only one person with me for it. And that brings me to CAUSEXOFXMAYHEM, thanks for staying with me. I really appreciate it.