Chapter 5: The Eyes of a Stranger

AN: Revised as of 2/10/10.

When Sakura awoke the next morning, she quickly discovered that Naruto had already left. It was a little depressing waking up alone after spending the night with him, but she quickly brushed those feelings aside. She lay in her hotel bed, staring blankly at the ceiling tiles, lost in thought. These past few days had all blurred together; she felt like she was racing through them at the speed of light. Only now did she really stop to think about what it all meant.

It all seemed so surreal. She had never imagined that she'd find herself romantically involved with Naruto. In a way, it scared her. It was like looking into a mirror, and realizing that she didn't recognize the image staring back at her. The mirror is not lying, yet here she is, looking into the eyes of a stranger that happens to look just like her. "Knowing yourself is true wisdom…knowing yourself is true wisdom," she repeated to herself several times. She knew she couldn't just avert her eyes, and avoid learning what lies behind the stare. "Who am I?" she asked herself.

"I'm Haruno Sakura, of course. This is who I've always been, and who I will always be."

Another voice rose up, from somewhere deep within her subconscious. A familiar voice, one she often affectionately referred to as "Inner Sakura." "Such a trite and unsatisfying answer, especially from someone as smart as you," Inner Sakura scolded. It was different this time. The second voice inside her head never attempted to argue with her before.

"Am I this confused about all this that I'm now arguing with myself?" she thought. She rolled over on her side, and attempted to go back to sleep.

Inner Sakura would have none of this. "You can only ignore this for so long. You never answered your own question. Face it, love, you don't know yourself."

"Well then who are you?" she replied, her anger slowly rising.

Inner Sakura was as calm and placid as serene mountain lake. The steadiness and tranquility was almost unsettling as it uttered "I am the stranger in the mirror looking back at you. I am the self that you repress. But enough about me; the very fact that I exist means that there is something very wrong with you."

"Tell me about it. I'm going insane!" she screamed to herself as she finally rolled out of bed.

Inner Sakura fired a parting shot: "We'll continue this later…"

Sakura quickly rushed through her morning routine, trying to find security in the familiar regimen. It clearly wasn't working. She bumbled through her routine, almost in panic but not knowing why or how. Here she was, about to fulfill her wildest and most cherished dream, and now the very world seemed to be crumbling into sand. "Wasn't this what I wanted?!" she screamed to herself. Her breathing was ragged and panicked. Tears welled up in her eye. She searched for a reason and found none. A nagging feeling of guilt and self-doubt overwhelmed her, filling every fiber of her being. It was like touching Death's icy scythe. "What the hell is wrong with me!?" she yelled, trying to calm herself down.

She hurriedly rummaged through her backpack, looking for her hair brush. There was safety in the routine…safety in the routine, so she reckoned. In her haste, she knocked the backpack on the floor, spilling nearly all of its contents. She let out an indecipherable cry of frustration before falling to her knees to try to put everything back in its appointed place. Frantically, she picked through the messy pile of sundries, trying to put everything back in the bag as quickly as possible. A photograph caught her eye, and everything came to a halt.

She sat back on her heels, and stared at the photo for a few seconds. It was a picture of just her and Naruto, taken two years ago when Naruto had finally found the time to take the Chuunin exams. He had just passed, and been awarded Chuunin status. He looked so happy as he hugged her close in the picture, smiling at the camera. And the Sakura in the photo was smiling at the camera too. Suddenly, this mad world Sakura had found herself in started to look a little clearer.

Naruto: he had been the one constant in this chaotic, fucked up universe. He and Sakura had been together through thick and thin. He brought stability and even joy to her life, things she'd never thought she'd find after her Sasuke-kun left. The bond between Naruto and her was unbreakable. He was her best friend and now her lover as well. She knew at that instant, without any doubts, that she loved Naruto as much as she loved Sasuke. But, it was a different type of love in each case.

Falling in love with a best friend is a beautiful experience, but it is often so different from other lovers. While she was intimate emotionally and now physically with him, and strongly committed to maintaining their bond, she never felt the passion for Naruto that she had for Sasuke. Naruto was safe, and comforting. In spite of never having any chance for intimacy with him, Sasuke was the one who drove her wild, and still filled her fantasies. As she looked through the photographs, it became painfully obvious: as much as she wanted to, she'd never quite get over Sasuke. She could learn to cope with the disappointment and the longing, but her heart would always ache for him.

Memories came welling up like the tears in her eyes. She remembered all the times she had cried on Naruto's shoulder in the past three years. She remembered all the times he had turned to her for some comfort that this insane world could be undone. All the battles, all the shared moments of pain and sorrow, flooded forth. She slowly started sobbing, hugging the photograph close.

After a few minutes, the tears and sobbing stopped, and Sakura suddenly found the world making just a little bit more sense. She sighed, and breathed in the sweet morning air, letting all her frustrations and anxiety leave her body when she exhaled. Calm relief washed over her, and she took to tidying up her things in an orderly fashion.

As the morning sun crept over the horizon, Naruto was doing the one thing he always did when he was troubled: training. In the thicket surrounding the inn, Naruto had found a tall and massive Oak tree to use a punching target. He pummeled the tree with carefully measured ferocity, trying to let his stress work its way out the hard way

Unfortunately, it wasn't working. Each blow to the tree only made him feel more empty and troubled inside. He had been at this for about an hour now, and it wasn't working. "Damnit" he screamed at himself, "what's wrong with you? It was only a dream." Unfortunately, he remained unconvinced. His punches and kicks soon started falling out rhythm, slowing in rate but increasing in ferocity.

He stopped, and leaned his head against the bruised bark of the tree. His breath was ragged, and he sobbed uncontrollably. "I-I can't p-protect her…" he sobbed, "If I can't even do that, h-how can I ever…ever hope to fulfill my promises!" No matter what he did, he couldn't shake the feeling of helplessness that came with the nightmare. It called into question everything he'd done in these past six years, all the commitments he'd ever made.

He slumped down, leaning against the tree. He wiped the sweat of his brow, and ran his fingers through his shoulder length blond hair. He sighed deeply, and tried to catch his breath. Something deep down inside told him that he didn't deserve that pink haired angel that was the love of his life. As much as he hated it, he couldn't refute it. He couldn't convince himself otherwise.

And yet there she was, standing on the edge of the thicket! At first, Naruto couldn't believe his eyes. Then she spoke. "Hey, Naruto, what's wrong?" she asked.

"I'll live," he responded.

She walked up to him, and sat down beside him. "That's not what I asked, Naruto. If there is something bothering you, you should tell me about it."

"I-I guess I'm feeling a little lost and confused right now," he stammered, "I mean, I know this is going to sound childish, but I had a nightmare last night, and it's really bothering me."

"Not at all. To tell you the truth, I'm feeling a little lost too. What happened in it? What's bothering you?"

"Well, we were fighting together against Orochimaru, and…" he paused, trying to collect himself to say the unthinkable, "…and you were killed, and there was nothing I could do to save you. You died in my arms, and there was nothing I could do. It felt so real that I don't think that there's anything I can do to protect you." The tears started flowing again.

Sakura started crying too. She turned to him and hugged him close, wrapping her strong arms around him. He pulled her closer, and sobbed into her shoulder. "You don't have to face the world alone," she comforted, "Not anymore. I'll be right by your side, no matter what. No matter what, we'll have each other."

"I-I love you, Sakura-chan," he replied, "I'm just glad to have you with me, to be near you." He kissed her gently on the lips, and suddenly he knew that at least something war right in this world.

"I love you too," she cried, "I know at times I haven't been as appreciative of our friendship as I should have. I'm sorry that I was so blind."

They held each other in warm, comforting embrace for several minutes, until Sakura was certain that she'd allayed his fears. She pulled him to his feet, and led him back towards the inn, sure that they were both ready to start the day. But, a nagging fear remained tucked quietly in the corner of Naruto's mind: what if the nightmare was prophetic?