Trigger warning: misogynist language
The gauntlet of security systems wasn't the toughest they'd ever faced. Apparently, test animals weren't worth guarding.
Either that, or someone had gone in ahead of them and deactivated a choice few of the traps.
But who, besides them, would break into STAR, bypass the loads and loads of shiny equipment, and make right for the testing facility full of nothing more valuable than the cages full of poor, helpless animals?
"Catwoman," Techie hissed. "It's got to be her. The real thing! Here, with us!"
The Captain giggled.
"Quick, set off the alarms!"
Techie stared at her.
"What? That's how Harley and Ivy met, isn't it?"
"Captain, do not touch anything."
"Yeah, sure, Indy." Smirking, she trailed her fingers along the wall as she walked up to the door they wanted, which was slightly ajar.
"Be careful," Techie whispered.
"Oh, like she doesn't already know we're here." She flung open the door.
The room was darker than she had expected—so she could be forgiven for not dodging the cracking whip that curled around her forearm and jerked her into the room.
Her exclamation was three parts excitement to one part pain. Knowing that, safe in the hallway, Techie muttered, "I'm not running in there to save your ass. If I help you, you'll never learn your lesson."
In the lab, the Captain squinted cheerfully into the dark, trying to get a look at her opponent.
"Here, kitty, kitty, kitty," she called out sweetly. "Who's a pretty kitty? Who's a pretty kitty cat?"
Waves of incredulous silence radiated from the darkened room.
"Who are you?" Catwoman finally asked, overcome by that proverbial curiosity. The Captain slipped her arm free of the whip.
"There are some who call me…Mon Capitan," she intoned solemnly, then burst into helpless giggles. Techie couldn't help rolling her eyes even as she cracked a smile. "I'm here on a rescue mission. You probably won't believe this, but I've been a PETA guerilla since I was a kid."
Techie heard "pita gorilla," and burst out laughing. Oops. So much for waiting in the wings to take the possibly-hostile cat burglar by surprise.
"So have I," she called before pushing the door open.
The Captain was holding her slightly bloody arm and giggling, while Catwoman stared, perplexed and mildly annoyed.
"You're here to free the test animals?" she asked suspiciously.
"We were going to drop them at a no-kill shelter," Techie explained. The Captain nodded vigorously. "Unless you have a better idea?"
Catwoman's full, dark lips curled up in a self-satisfied smirk.
"I have a place for the cats." She reached out through the bars of one of the cages to run her finger down the nose of a sickly looking rabbit. It looked up at her with sad, gummy eyes and twitched its nose in a vain attempt to disguise itself as a regular Peter Cottontail. "You two are welcome to take the rest."
"You bitch," the Captain said with half a laugh. Catwoman scowled.
"Bitch?"
"You're taking the theme a little far, aren't you?"
"Bitch?"
"I mean, I always heard you were supposed to be one of the sane ones."
"Bitch," she repeated.
"She didn't mean it," Techie said hastily. "She's just overwhelmed, what with finally meeting you and all. We've both looked up to you for a very long time."
"Hmm," Catwoman said dubiously. She popped the lock on one of the cages and let its occupant, a mangy orange tomcat, crawl out into her arms. It meowed pathetically. "I work alone," she said, scratching behind the kitty's ears. "No sidekicks. And the only strays I take in are the four-legged kind."
Techie's stubborn pride flared up at that.
"We didn't ask to be your pets, you know. We already work for the Scarecrow."
Catwoman's expression, what could be seen of it, went from condescendingly disinterested to furious in the blink of an eye.
"Get out."
"What—"
"Get out of this lab! You are not taking these defenseless animals for that maniac to use in his twisted experiments."
"You think we're lying about why we came here today?" the Captain growled. "You think no one in the world but you could possibly do anything even marginally altruistic? Fuck you, Miss I'm-So-Special-But-I-Only-Care-About-The-Cats. I'm amazed you can get your head that far up your ass with your leather pants so tight."
Techie groaned.
"Captain, how many times do I have to tell you not to taunt the supervillains?"
"Get out of this lab," Catwoman repeated through clenched teeth. The Captain snorted in disgust.
"You couldn't pay me enough to stay here with you." She shoved her way past both of them, out the door and down the hall, stomping as loudly as she could and grumbling about bunnies and kittens.
Techie forced a smile.
"Well, Catwoman, it was very nice meeting you, but I really must dash. Please understand, I hold you in the highest regard." She turned and ran after the Captain before Catwoman could make use of the whip she was wielding so threateningly.
Oh, yeah. That went well.