I sat up in my bed waiting for the nurse to bring my clothes and crutches. I was surprised that I got out so early. I've only been here around 24 hours! "Wait. That doesn't seem right. Last time something like this happened I was here for under a week!"
The nurse came in and helped me get dressed with my stupid cast on. Then she went through all the basic stuff, like how to take a shower, how to walk up stairs, even how to sit and sleep. I've memorized this talk many a time. The only thing that caught me off guard was when she said that Mr. Cullen would help me with my physical therapy.
"She better mean Carlisle... or someone other that Edward." I cringed. "Having him drive me home is bad enough." But before I let it really hit me I asked what day it was.
"Why, I believe it's the 8th." I nodded trying to remember what day it was I got in the accident. Seeing that I didn't need anything else, she walked out leaving me to myself.
Right after she stepped outside Edward stepped in.
He looked sad. "How are you?" He asked politely and a soft velvety voice.
"I'm okay, but I don't know about my dad." I always had to blurt out the truth when I'm around him. Edward nodded fidgeting with something in his hands. I had to ask, "Is something wrong Edward?"
He snapped his head up to look at me. He smiled a half smile that melted my heart and left me as defenseless as I did the day I woke up briefly. "I'm fine. I was just thinking about something."
I wanted to know what but I couldn't bring myself to ask so instead, "How long have I been here. It seems like a just got here and now they are letting me go."
His eyes almost got as tender as his smile but not quite. "You've been here four and a half days. The kids at school are all worried sick. Some of them have tried to visit you but you were always asleep or in surgery. The receptionist has contacted your mother and told her that you were alright but thought she needed to know that her daughter was in the hospital after a serious accident." He pulled on a queer smile and stated, "Your mother didn't seem too upset. She said it happened all the time. But she also said that you wouldn't want any visitors anyway, that's another reason your friends haven't come in yet either. I- I mean the front desk told them not to."
I was relived. I would have died of embarrassment if Mike of Jessica saw me like this.
"Now, Its ten fifteen on a Saturday and I'm supposed to give you a ride home. So if you please," His hands motioned in front of a wheel chair that I had just noticed.
"Do I have to use the wheel chair?" I really hated this part.
"Yes ma'am, it's standard procedure." A wicked grin flashed upon his face. He knew that I didn't like this at all. He stepped forwards and whispered in my ear. "No one is in the lobby right now. It'll be just you and me... and the janitor." He pulled away, and snapped around so that I couldn't see his face... and so he couldn't see mine. Then in an entirely different tone than what he used before, said, "Now please, Miss Swan I don't like this as much as you do so let's make this quick."
He rolled me out and I pretended he wasn't there. It was usually easy because I couldn't hear his footsteps. I thought why I detested this so much. I really, really hated the idea of being in the same car with him... alone. Not because he's a vampire. I knew that I wasn't terrified of him because of that. Not because I knew at any second he could tear my life away, that he drinks blood, that without even trying he could kill me. No, I tried to make myself scared of that part of him, but that wasn't it. I couldn't be scared of him because of that. I didn't hate him because he was mean. On the contrary, he was very polite.
No, the reason I hated him, the reason I was terrified of him is because... I trust him. With every willing fiber in me I trusted him. I don't know why I trust him but I do. And I fear that being in close vicinity with him just the two of us; it might make me say things that I swore never to tell a soul. I wanted to talk to him, I wanted to tell him my secrets, but I squashed that idea. Trusting someone is hard for me. And the way I trust Edward is dangerous. I have faith in him like I did... with... Isaac. And that was dangerous too. He's a vampire! Hello! I couldn't do this. I can't do this. I knew that once I got in that car and he looked at me, I wouldn't be able to deny him my answers.
I heard him from a distance saying something. It took me awhile for it to register. "You can get up now." We were out in the parking lot; the chair was parked in front of the passenger side in his Volvo. He helped me get into the car easily. I blushed as he buckled me in. "Why did he have to do that?"
"Safety first." He grinned and the next thing I knew we were on the road. The hospital was only five minutes from my house. That made me feel better. At least it won't last long. Maybe I can stall if I need to. But I forgot that he was supposed to help me inside and whatnot.
"So, Bella," – Here we go – I tried not to look at him thinking it might help to guard myself. "I hope you like homework. You have a lot to catch up on. And seeing as how you were already behind because you transferred here late... you have work to do." I took a double take. "What? No questions. Oh, I see. His just softening me up."
"I can handle it. I'm a fast leaner and an even quicker at getting the work done. Plus most of the classes I'm taking I've already had in Phoenix." I decided to ask him some question before he could turn on me. "So where are your brothers and sisters right now?"
"Their at home. Probably playing Wii Sports. Emmett and Jasper are very competitive. It gets ugly when the Ducking shooting game comes up." He laughed, I would have too except my ribs hurt. He was about to turn to me and probably ask a question but I couldn't take that chance.
"You really love your family. Your guys are close. I bet that's nice isn't it?"
"Yes. We're very close and I love them to death. It's kind of annoying actually." He turned to grin at me.
"What's like to be the only single guy in the house?" I laughed and deeply regretted it. My ribs were still healing. "I bet that gets kind of awkward... and lonely."
He shrugged, appearntly he didn't mind my integration. "Never awkward. Well, it might, but I usually go for a run when things get a little to cuddley. And as for being lonely... you can't miss what you never had I guess. So no." His eyes sparkled with a certain wisfulness. My heart stopped momentarily and he smiled a heart wrenching crooked smile.
"You've never had a girlfriend?" I was just trying to keep him occupied till we got home... at least that's what I told myself.
He shook his head.
I looked out into the rainy green canvas of Forks and asked another question.
"Do you guys like it here in Forks? Why would you intentionally move here?" I knew the answer to the second question but I asked it anyway.
"Yes. It's beautiful here if you know where to look... and how to look. My mother found this old Victorian style broken down house and she loves to rebuild and remodel houses so we moved here. It's very convenient..." He stopped. Then he looked at me not bothering to check the road. I couldn't ask another question, his eyes held me in a serpent stare. "I could ask you the same thing. In fact I already did. But you didn't answer me fully." Oh crap. Oh crap. Tinsel Mailboxes I can't look away. I can't... "But don't worry. I won't force it out of you." His face looked a little disappointed.
"I had to move here. I should have moved here months, years ago. But I was stubborn and I didn't... there was an accident." "This is suicide! Why do you want to tell him? He'll kill me! I said I would never tell... no this is not happening. I won't let you win."-"I was going to our volley-ball game, taking a short cut I had just learned while exploring with Isaac." I was surprised it didn't hurt to say his name. I went on with my story. "It was a night game at the opposing teams court. I remember it was so dark."- . – I need to! I've been keeping this inside me and it's not healthy! -- "It was a new-moon and that's why I couldn't really see the... man in front of us." I was about to go on. My heat desired to tell this story but my mind was fighting that urge " No. No. No. No!"
I watched Edward's face twist up as he watched my inner battle. My mind won and now I tried to stop from spilling my heart out.
"So what was up with Alice?" I was trying to get off this subject at any cost. I had to tear myself away from him. "Huh? - What was with Alice knowing that I would look at the back of my truck on Tuesday? How did she know that Tyler would run into my car?" I was accusing him... loudly. "Why do you always keep to yourselves!"?
I had to say anything that would shock him and maybe stay away from me... without saying too much. I knew that saying what I was might bring him back to reality and realize that he shouldn't have any relationship with a human if they wanted their identities to be hidden. It hurt to do this. But I've always done what I thought I needed to survive. But it felt wrong.
We were at my house already and Edward was just staring at me but not looking at me probably letting my words sink it. "Edward. I... I want to be your friend. I feel like I..." I shook my head and started again. "I... it's dangerous if you hang around me. Please. Don't. I don't want to hurt you. I can't be around you, it's not safe." Tears were streaming down my face now. "I care for you Edward. I trust you. And I don't want to hurt you. So... good-bye." I unbuckled my seatbelt. I turned to him one last time; "I think I can learn how to get around my house by myself. I'm sorry. But don't worry. I'm sure you'll be just fine without me." I stepped out into the rain and ran into my house trying to get inside before I burst out crying.
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Charlie got home an hour later. He heard about what happen... with the car accident and was beating himself up.
"Oh Bella. Oh Bella. Oh Bella, how can I have been so stupid. I should have known something was wrong when you didn't answer my calls. Oh Bella. Is there anything I can do?"
I just waddled to him and gave him a big hug. I didn't want to let go. This week was horrible. And I was unconscious for most of it! I felt the empieness crept into my body again. It almost hurt as it did after what happened in Phoenix, but not quite.
I couldn't believe I had said those things to Edward. I wonder what he would think of me know? What would his family think? Edward. –Edward- "Edward."
I moaned.
"Hey dad, I'm going to go to my room I've had a rough day."
He nodded. I wanted to explain why I had a terrible day, to explain that it wasn't because my dad wasn't there. But I couldn't. I didn't have enough strength.
I was in my room with the door closed and locked. I plumped myself on the bed. And covered my mouth with a puple plush pillow.
"AHHHH-EDWARD!!!" I screamed into it. I was sobbing uncontolably. "Edward. Edward. Edward. Why?" I couldn't talk anymore because the lump in my throat was in my way. After a couple of minutes a wiped the stream of tears from my eyes.
"I made a terrible mistake. I've always done what's best for my survival and the safty of others. But this doesn't feel right! This isn't right! I made a mistake. I made a mistake. Why? Why did I do that?" I sobbed again. "I can't fix it. I can't make this right. He won't trust being around me anymore. I screwed everything up! Ugh, I'm such a jerk!- and a... cursed person. I'm lost! I don't know what I need to do!" – Follow your heart.- "I can't. Not anymore. My heart, not even it can trust me anymore. – your heart will never leave inless you shove it out – "Okay great. But my heart belongs to Edward and he won't have me anymore!" –you'll figure it out.
"Right, I have to figure out what I need to do to get Edward to trust me again. I know now that, that I'm no afraid of him anymore. I'm not holding back any longer."
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I fell asleep dreaming about Edward. It was a confusing dream. I don't even know when one dream started and when dream ended. They all blending together.
Edward sitting on a leather couch listening to music. Edward handing me a bag of marbles at the school cafeteria. Edward laughing at a joke that I spoke to him in his mind. Edward with black coal eyes looking at me hungrily.
I woke up to another rainy day. That's a shock! I tried to get up quickly so I could say good-bye to Charlie before he went fishing... but I forgot I had a huge cast on the upper part of my right leg. The pain in both my sides and leg woke me up.
I waddled downstairs. It was eleven o'clock and I knew I was WAY to late to see Charlie off.
There was a post-it note on the door. It read: Bella, gone fishing.
I silently laughed at his very orignal note. I sat myself in front of the TV and turned it to ABC Family.
"Luke, I need coffee." – "No." – "Please." – "No." – "Oh come on I said the magic word!". – "Yeah, but that doesn't make you a wizard."
"Ah, Gilmore girls."