S4E16: Love is a Battlefield
Love comes unexpectedly,
Meredith's alarm clock ticks to 6:30 and then goes off. She instantly smacks it off and rolls over to make sure it didn't wake Emmie. It didn't, she was still peacefully sleeping.
we can never really know, what brings two people together, or tears others apart, or makes it impossible to forget someone.
Derek is sitting on the front porch of his trailer, watching the sunrise. It's easy to see that he is stressed about something. Rose joins him on the porch, he stands up and goes inside. She sighs and rests her head on her hand.
Perhaps it has something to do with our chemical reactions, or maybe its merely fate. And maybe it's a mix of both.
Mark and Erica walked into the hospital together, Mark had his arm around her shoulders. Addison drifted behind them.She watched them for a moment and then turned to go up the stairs.
Jane Austin once wrote, "Is not general incivility the very essence of love?" When it comes to love, the world is like a ticking clock, a time bomb just waiting to explode. We push away our feelings and mask them with other emotions or acts, hate, rudeness, disrespect.
"Are you okay?" Lexie asked as she passed her on the stairs.
"Fine," Addison instantly responded.
"I don't believe you," Lexie smiled turning to follow her up the stairs.
"I'm just ready to go back to LA," Addison said leaning against the railing.
"Can I come with you," Lexie laughed.
"Oh its not much different than here," Addison remembered, "People denying their still in love, fighting, sex and surgery," Addison smiled, "is there anything else?"
"No," Lexie agreed, "you pretty much covered it." She sighed. "Is there something about hospitals that just turns us all into teenagers again?"
"Truth or Dare," Addison smiled.
"Truth. Lexie played along.
"How many people that work in the hospital have you slept with?"
"One," Lexie laughed.
"What?" Addison said surprised, "Who?"
"Alex," Lexie said embarrassed.
"Ha," Addison said.
"How about you?" Lexie asked.
"Alex," Addison did a cheers in the air, "Mark, and Derek."
"I don't quite know how to respond to that, without sounding rude," Lexie laughed.
"Wow, Addison you really get around is appropriate," Addison mocked herself.
"Nah," Lexie said like a little kid, "Derek was your husband and… yah actually Addison you really get around," Lexie laughed
"Shut up, at least I'm not mini Grey," Addison joked.
Meredith practically ran into Amanda White's room. She was late because she had let Alex and Rebecca sleep and fed Emmie breakfast before coming in to work. She was assigned to Amanda for post-op monitoring. She checked the heart rate monitor in her room and then walked to the Nurse's station and pulled her chart.
"You're late," Derek smiled, attempting to pretend like they were going to be best friends.
"Yah about three months," she said bitterly, clearly not in the mood for his jokes. She took Amanda's chart and walked away.
As she walked away, Derek contemplated her words. 3 months he thought, does that mean she's three months pregnant… Maybe he was reading in to it too much.
"I was happy to hear that you and O'Malley are back together," Erica said to Callie in the elevator.
"Thanks," Callie said uncomfortably, " I was happy to hear about you an Mark."
"Maybe we could all grab a drink at Joe's together," Erica suggested.
"Ah… probably not a good idea. I uhh slept with Mark when George and I were on a break. They don't really get along."
"God this is like high school," Erica laughed.
"But we could get a drink," Callie laughed, "I mean if you can get over the fact that have slept with your boyfriend." Erica laughed. The elevator doors opened, Mark was standing there.
"Morning Ladies," he smiled.
Callie rolled her eyes and walked to exit the elevator, "We'll talk later about Joe's," Erica smiled.
Erica ran her hand down, Mark's arm and then exited the elevator.
Mark smiled, the elevator doors shut.
Meredith, Addison and Lexie walked into the cafeteria, it was easy to tell that people had found out that Meredith was pregnant. The cafeteria was whispering and gawking at her as if she were some kind of circus freak. The three of them sat down at the table.
"Since when do you two sit with us," Alex gave Lexie and Addison a dirty look.
"Shut up, Alex," Izzie said with a mouthful of blueberry yogurt.
"Looks like your out numbered," Christina laughed, "You've slept with more than half the table."
"Just half," Meredith groaned giving Christina a dirty look.
"Well that's surprising, you've slept with everyone else," Christina returned the look.
"Christina!"
Meredith stood up to leave the table, "No," Christina waved her back down, "I'll leave, wouldn't want to over work your pregnant self."
Meredith instantly stood up practically throwing her chair across the cement, "Why are you being such a bitch? I didn't expect you to understand but I expected you to respect my choice. You are supposed to be my friend, my person… what happened to that Christina?" Meredith yelled and turned to look at everyone else, who were stunned that Meredith was flipping out in front of the whole cafeteria. "I know it's ridiculous, but I want this baby. Maybe I will screw it up, but look at us, how many of our parents didn't screw us up in some way. So can everybody just stop, stop looking at me as pathetic pregnant, boyfriend-less Meredith. I don't need any of you to tell me what a mess I got myself into, and that I am crazy for keeping this baby, I already know. I have to walk into this hospital everyday and watch the man I love be with someone else again and maybe it's my fault but I don't care who broke up with who or how many times he hurt me or how many times I hurt him. He will always be the mine before anyone else's." She turned around to find Derek and Rose standing in the cafeteria line listening to her flip out. "Damn it," she mumbled through tears and ran from the cafeteria.
"Meredith," Derek ran after her dropping his sandwich on the ground and leaving Rose behind.
"Derek," She yelled in mid-step practically causing him to run into her. "Just don't right now. For real this time, just leave me alone, I need a minute."
"Meredith," he said again.
"Just give me a minute," she yelled. He turned and walked away from her.
"Dude did you see that?" Ryan asked Izzie as she left the cafeteria.
"Don't call me dude," Izzie said firmly, "and didn't everyone see that."
"Are you like imbarrassed to be her friend right now."
"Like how old are you?" Izzie laughed mocking him.
"Sorry," he smiled. "Does she still love him?" Ryan asked sensitively.
"Wow," Izzie smiled, "I wouldn't have pegged you for a sensitive guy."
"I'm all kinds of things, Isabelle, all kinds of things." He smiled and ran his hand across her back, his pager went off and he turned to walk down the hallway.
"Isabelle?" She questioned him with a smile as he walked away. He turned around and shrugged with his rugged smile.
Derek had retreated to his spot on the outside porch on the second floor of the hospital. He ran his hands through his hair and then let them bang into the cement wall. He heard the door open behind him and he turned to find Rose standing there.
"Not right now Rose," He said gruffly turning away from her.
"When Derek?" She raised her voice. "Meredith just screamed her love for you in front of the whole cafeteria and you run after her and left me there."
"Rose just please not right now," he insisted not looking at her. She slammed the door as she went inside. Minutes later the door opened again, "Rose, just go away," he yelled turning to find Mark standing there. Derek just turned back around.
"That was pretty rough," Mark smiled squeezing his shoulder.
"I don't know what to do anymore." Derek sighed.
"Well, you aren't going to tell me that you are surprised that she still loves you?"
"No, I'm not," his voice cracked slightly, "but it's always too late and isn't that a sign that its not suppose to be."
"Why is it too late now," Mark asked.
"Because she's pregnant," Derek spoke pained, "and because I'm with Rose but,"
"But what?" Mark questioned him.
"For the most part, with Meredith, I was a good man. With Rose, I feel like the man I was when I was with Addison. I was distant and indifferent and I never took time to talk to her and so she slept with you."
"If you're scared I'll sleep with Rose," Mark laughed, "That's not going to happen." Derek smiled. "You are a better man with Meredith."
"But it's too la-"
"Listen, I know too late when I see it and you and Meredith," he shrugged, "It will never be too late."
Ryan walked up to Izzie, who was standing at the entrance of the hospital, she had just finished talking to a patients family. "You are hard to find," Ryan said sounding out of breathe. "My shift is over in an hour and I was hoping that… do you want to go get a drink with me. There's a bar across the street."
Izzie smiled, "Joe's," she nodded. "I'll met you there about 7:30?"
"Yeah," Ryan nodded and started to walk away.
"Oh and Ryan," she said firmly, he turned around, "If you tell anyone about this, you die."
Ryan pretend to zip his lips and throw away the key and then continued up the stairs.
"Hey," Callie said touching George's arm.
"Wife," he smiled.
"Husband," she smiled. "I am going to go get a drink with Erica tonight, so I was thinking that you could maybe go to Meredith's or something."
"Kiss me," Callie gave him a weird face.
"Why?" she practically laughed.
"Because you are the best wife in the world." Callie leaned in and kissed him. "You better wait up for me," she said with a sexy smile.
"Oh, don't worry I will," George said wishing they were home already.
"Derek," Rose called to him. He pretended like he didn't hear her and ran into the nearest on-call room. He stress fully fell to the bunk bed and put the pillow over his face.
Addison and Mark were leaning against the nurse's station, the same one that they had made the 60 sex-less days bet. Out of complete silence Addison looked to Mark, "You really are a good man."
"Addison," he said softly.
"Not that you weren't before, you always had good intensions but now you are just… you're the man I always wished you were."
"Stop," he put up his hand, as if it would block her words from getting to him. "You don't get to do this."
"What?" Addison asked confused.
"You don't get to walk in and out of my life whenever you want to," he practically yelled it. "You just left, no goodbye, no phone number, you just left."
"What was I suppose to do, I had no life here. I wanted to try with you and you were still the guy that slept with anything in a skirt! You lost the bet, that was it, it was over."
"You lost the bet!" He said angrily. "You lost the bet."
"What, what are you talking about?"
"Nothing," he tried to walk away, she held him back.
"Mark," she held his arm.
"I didn't sleep with anyone, I went 60 days, just like we planned, because you, you were worth it. You were everything to me. And then you slept with Alex and I thought if you didn't want me, you should have to feel bad about it and so I lied."
Addison sat stunned for a minute, "I'm sorry Mark."
"It's not enough," he yelled. "It's always I'm sorry… I'm sorry it was a mistake, I'm sorry I got an abortion without asking you, I'm sorry I am going after Derek! It's not enough anymore. It took everything in me to walk away last night. So stop telling me I'm a good man because I'm not, I'm in love with you and I am with Erica, I'm not a good man!"
Addison's hand trembled as she reached for his, he pulled away. "Mark," she reached for him again, he stood and walked away, trying to hide the emotion in his face. Addison walked into the on-call room and slammed the door behind her. She turned and realized that Derek was lying on the bed. "You look about as Happy as me," she grumbled and sat next to him on the bed. "It's like everything is okay and then you blink and it's a mess again."
"hmh," Derek sighed and nodded lightly. "What are we going to do"
"Me, I'm going to go back to LA where everything is bright and shiny and everyone is messed up." Addison smiled, "and you… you are going to be okay," Addison touched his hand softly.
"I think everything is too far gone. What if it's too late to fix it," Derek said softly.
"Then you don't fix it, you tear it down and rebuild it," Addison answered she stood up and touched the door and then looked back, "if this is about Meredith," she started softly she looked behind her like someone was standing there and then looked back to him. "things are better then you think they are."
He sat up, "What does that mean?"
Addison shrugged, and broke eye contact. He had known her most of his life and in her wordless answer to that question, he knew exactly what it meant.
Meredith was sitting in the intern locker room staring at her old locker. She suddenly felt someone next to her. She didn't even need to look to know who it was.
"So much has changed since the day we walked in here," Meredith sighed softly.
"I know," Christina responded in the same tone.
"This is Lexie's locker now," Meredith laughed not looking away from it.
"I'm sorry about last night," Christina said sincerely. Meredith looked at her like she was insane. Christina rarely apologized for anything, and when she did, it was usually sarcastic or forced. This time, it was very sincere and soft.
"Christina," Meredith's voice broke suddenly with emotion, "I know you don't like kids, and I don't expect you to be involved in this baby's life. It doesn't need you, but I do. I can't do this without you. You're my person."
"Okay," Christina said softly and rested her head on Meredith's shoulder.
"Stevens," Erica nodded.
'Hey Izzie," Callie said trying her best to be civil.
"You slept with her husband and she's still nice to you." Ryan laughed.
"I'm really a good person," Izzie smiled.
"You're not that good." Ryan made a devilish face.
"Shut up," Izzie squealed.
"What do you say we get out of here, Isabelle?"
"If you stop calling me Isobelle," Izzie practically yelled.
"Fine," Ryan pouted.
Maybe general incivility isn't the very essence of love. What if it's just a starting point. A phase for us to express the passion for someone in any way possible. And when that phase passes, and we finally get a chance to utter how we truly feel, we are left with a passion of a different sort.
Meredith sat on the stairs, the very same stairs that Derek had pulled her into the moment she realized he was her boss. She was on-call tonight, and was spending most of her time bouncy from place to place, remembering all that she could. She was feeling sad today, and hormonal. Derek suddenly walked up the stairs from the level below her.
"So were you just not going to tell me?" Derek asked bitterly.
"Tell you what?" Meredith sniffled and returned his question flatly.
"That it is my baby," Derek said heavily.
Meredith looked up at him surprised by his words. "It's not," Meredith lied badly.
"Damn it Meredith," he yelled, throwing his hand against the railing of the staircase.
She stood up, now angry, "What was I suppose to do Derek? You had a new life, a real relationship. It wouldn't have been fair of me to say, Hey guess what, hate to ruin your fun but you knocked me up!" Meredith yelled.
"What's not fair is that you were just not going to tell me. Have this baby and not let me be a part of its life." Derek yelled. "You're ridiculous Meredith."
"I'm ridiculous?" she yelled at him. "I'm ridiculous?"
"When is this going to end?" Derek yelled back at her.
"It ended a long time ago," she spat back bitterly.
"No," he shook his head looking down at the ground and then looked back up at her, "when is this going to end?" he asked pointing around them. "What's not fair,"his voice cracked with emotion, "what's not fair is that you make me crazy and everything we have is unhealthy and difficult but I try to walk away and…and I feel like I'm not me anymore. I turn into the man I used to be, the man I ran away from. And most of the time I love you and I hate you in the same breath and this isn't about the baby because if you weren't pregnant right now this would have happened sometime anyway, because I don't love Rose. I thought I loved the idea of Rose, yah everything is easy and happily freaking ever after but it's not enough. I would rather have things be hard with you, than easy with someone else.
"Derek," she said softly, a tear rolling down her cheek.
"No, wait, I'm the one that is scared this time Meredith, when you told me about the baby, I was terrified that you would grow up without me. I liked to pretend it was all you but it wasn't, I wasn't ready either. And for the record, I think you will be a great mom and you know what if you had to do this alone, you could. But you don't have to do this alone and I know half the time we hurt each other but what if that was just something we had to go through to get us to here, Meredith I-" she cut him off.
"Marry me," she said through teary eyes.
and at the end of the day, we let our our vulnerability show and simply learn to love.