Title: Career Counseling
Rating: PG
Characters: Sandaime Hokage (Sarutobi), Uchiha Obito
Word Count: 566
Summary: Sarutobi-sensei loves all his children equally.
Author's Notes: This one just got away from me. I genuinely like Obito as a character, and I meant to do something VERY different with this installment. Believe me when I say this is not how I think of Obito. But the inclusion of Sarutobi-sensei sort of changed the approach I meant to take here.

(A brief OOC note - We don't know the name of the 4th Hokage, but he gets a mention here, so for the purposes of this story I'll be giving him a name. I'm hoping it sounds like a regular name from Naruto, a believable choice. See if you can spot it when he comes up.)

"I don't wanna be a ninja anymore."

Uchiha Obito sprawled in the wooden chair, his arms draped lazily over the armrests and his feet splayed in front of him. Across the desk, Sarutobi frowned over steepled hands. Obito was a problem.

Sautobi loved him, of course, just as Sarutobi loved all the villagers. They were like his children. He didn't play favorites, after all. But if he had to choose SOMEONE to not love... No, no. He loved them all. Of course he loved them all. He was the Hokage, and the Hokage loved the villagers. That's how it was. Best not to put too much thought into it.

"I dunno, Sarutobi-sensei," the little brat whined. "Kakashi's so mean, and Frankenhoffer-sensei doesn't like me either."

Sighing, Sarutobi took on a lecturing tone. "Obito. Joachim vonFrankenhoffer is the greatest ninja this village has ever produced. You will not speak badly of him. He will be the next Hokage after me. As such, he loves you, and all the other villagers, equally."

"Fine, whatever..." Obito's voice grated on Sarutobi's ears like nails scratched across a chalkboard. "But I still don't wanna be a ninja. Sarutobi-sensei...!" A note of pleading entered the brat's incessant rant.

"All right, Obito. You're a member of the proud and glorious Uchiha clan. You've got the ability to manifest the sharingan. Most ninja would kill to have the opportunities you have. But fine. You don't want to be a ninja anymore? Then tell me, what DO you want to be?" Why couldn't Obito be more like his cousin Itachi? Now THERE was a model ninja. Skilled, powerful, and determined. Not whiny. Sarutobi wished more ninja could be like Uchiha Itachi.

"Uhhh.. I dunno..." Obito scratched his head, and Sarutobi groaned in exasperation. Loving exasperation. The brat hadn't bothered to think this through. Of course not. He never thought anything through, the little punk. "How 'bout... hey, Sarutobi-sensei, could I be a chef? Huh?"

Sarutobi knew what he wanted to say. ("No, Bitch, you cannot be a chef!") But he tried for a gentler approach. "So you think you'd like cooking, Obito? Do you know anyone who would want to eat your cooking? Wait. Do you know anyone who would be WILLING to eat your cooking?"

Thankfully, Sarutobi's words seemed to deflate Obito. He slumped in his chair, and started crying behind his goggles. Good. Maybe that would teach him to stop coming to Sarutobi every week, whining about his team.

"Obito, stop it. Ninjas don't cry. And you ARE a ninja. Please stop whining about it." Sarutobi stood, bringing the meeting to an end. "Now, come here and give your Uncle Sarutobi a hug."

Obito nodded, and moped around the desk to wrap his arms around the Third Hokage. Sarutobi reached down and patted his head gingerly. "There, there, Obito. It's okay. You'll make a fine ninja one of these days. And remember, Uncle Sarutobi loves you."

Sarutobi resisted the overpowering urge to take a kunai out of his belt and stab the whiny little bastard in the neck.