Title: Bone Thugs in Harmony
Rating: PG
Characters: The Sound Five, with some special guest appearances
Word Count: 661
Summary: With Kimimaro out of commission, Orochimaru has new plans for his elite sound ninja.
Author's Notes: I love Orochimaru.
"I dunno… Can we really do this?" Jiroubou frowned pensively, reaching behind his back to tighten the white apron he wore.
"Yeah… I mean, I know we're sound ninja and all, but this is kinda…" Kidoumaru fidgeted with all six of his hands.
"Not even the right number, if you think about it. What's Ukon supposed to do?" Sakon ran nervous fingers through his gray hair as his twin head muttered something behind him.
"These are orders from Orochimaru-sama, team." Kimimaro covered his mouth and coughed, leaving a spray of crimson blood on his hand. "None of us would be here today without Orochimaru-sama. And since I'm going to be out of commission from now on, this is his last order through me. Something he wants the four of you to do when I'm gone."
Tayuya glared at the piece of paper clenched in her hands. "But this makes no sense," she shouted. "We never received the necessary training for this!"
Always quick to jump on the bandwagon, Kidoumaru took up her argument. "Yeah! I mean, we all have lots of other special skills! Orochimaru knows that. I mean, I have all these arms! I can do cartwheels." He demonstrated. "I can do handsprings." He demonstrated. "I can do all sorts of things. But… singing?"
A low bass rumble filled the air as Jiroubou experimentally sounded his way through the notes on the page in front of him. Tayuya clicked her tongue in irritation. Couldn't the idiot man see they were trying to get out of this assignment? They couldn't let their ranks be split over this. And anyway, he had all the easy parts. No words, no high notes. "Jiroubou, stop it! We are NOT going to do this."
Kimimaro shot her an angry look from his seat on the edge of his hospital bed. "Yes you will, Tayuya. Orochimaru-sama has commanded it. You must show him how grateful you are for these bodies he has gifted to you."
Kabuto stepped out of the darkness behind Kimimaro, pushing up his glasses. "And anyway, Orochimaru-sama is in kind of a funk since his 'Hamburger Franchise of Evil' plan fell through. You know, he even had specially-bred evil cows for the meat and evil sesame seeds for making the hamburger buns? But no one was willing to run an Orochi-Burger outside our village, so the plan's been scrapped. This is his new pet project. I'll be drawing up your practice schedule this week. Resistance is futile."
"But what about Ukon," Sakon protested again. "There are five of us. It just doesn't WORK." Ukon's head nodded in agreement.
Kimimaro cast a hateful look at Sakon as he slipped back into the bed. "I'm sure Orochimaru-sama thought of that himself, Sakon. Orochimaru-sama's plans are perfect. He would never leave an obvious hole like that. The fact remains, you WILL obey his orders. All of you."
Kabuto looked ready to protest the perfection of those plans for a moment, but seemed to think better of it in the presence of Kimimaro. "Yes. Perfect. Um… I'm sure Orochimaru-sama meant for Ukon to just follow your lead, Sakon. You count as one person for this, so the extra harmony just gives us a better chance of winning in competition. Yes. That was Orochimaru's plan all along."
And then, out of the darkness slipped the man himself, silent as a snake. He slid up behind Kabuto and petted the man's silvery hair. "Yesss, that is exssactly what I thought," he hissed, a villainous smile twisting his mouth. "You will be the lynchpin, Sakon. You'll be singing lead. With two voicess on lead, we can't help but win!"
A fierce light shined in Orochimaru's eyes, and the look on his face cowed all remaining opposition among the sound ninja. "With you four, we will take the world of music by sstorm! No one will sstand against the power of our Ninja Barbershop Quartet!"
Mad laughter filled the room.