Title: How to Make Friends and Influence People
Rating: PG
Characters: Sai - Sakura
Word count: 590
Summary: Sai doesn't play well with others.
Author's Notes: Sakura really needs to find a good guy one of these days.

Drops of ink fell from the brush tip, splashing onto the parchment in front of him and seeping through to stain the desk beneath. Sai smiled pensively, considering the problem.

It's March 28th today. Sakura's birthday. When people have birthdays, other people.. "friends"... give them"presents" like toys, or socks, or maybe new weapons, right?

Sai wasn't very familiar with birthdays. Apparently, he had had birthdays too. Apparently. But he never had friends to give him socks. Sakura would probably be disappointed if Sai didn't get her anything. But she didn't really seem like the sort of girl who would want dolls, or puzzles, or other toys. And she had plenty of socks. And...

Sai shuddered. He really didn't want to give Sakura a weapon for her birthday.

Crap. What should I do? What should I do? Indecision wasn't becoming of a former ANBU member, but when it came to social interactions, Sai found that all his training didn't help in the least. He could kill people without blinking an eye. Interrogate without a hint of squeamishness, even when the screams were at their shrillest. But ask him to be "friends" with someone... Crap!

A soft knock echoed off the door to the apartment. Sai quickly concealed himself in the rafters overhead, a knife gripped in his teeth and his hands already forming seals.

"Sai? Are you there? It's... me. Sakura"

The voice sounded like Sakura. Well, except that it wasn't shouting at him. But still, whoever it was could be an imposter.

"Cmph nn!" Sai shouted, still leaving his teeth clenched on the knife hilt.

The door swung open, and Sakura stepped through, her head down and a hint of red staining her cheeks. Her hands were fidgeting behind her back, and she toed the ground absently with one foot. "It's all right if you're busy, Sai. I just wanted to come say hi... y'know..."

Whoever this was, wasn't ACTING like Sakura. Sai's mind quickly analyzed the possibilities. An enemy agent using transformation skills to impersonate his teammate? Some kind of mind control? A trap, by Sakura herself, to put Sai off his guard?

Sakura looked up, and the red in her cheeks deepened as she spotted him. "...hey there, Sai!" A smile crept across her face. "I was... y'know... just wondering if... you'd had lunch yet... y'know." She bit her lip, pausing for a few seconds. "We could... like... hang out today, or something? I thought maybe it'd be kinda... y'know... fun?"

What's going on? Why hasn't she attacked me yet? Maybe it really is Sakura? Sai clung to the roof beams, like a spider in his web, his eyes scanning the room to see if he was missing anything. He astutely refused to focus on Sakura, since it seemed clear no threat would come from her since none had yet.

"Sai? Why are you still...?" The expression in her eyes shifted, and her voice took on a harsher edge. "Well if you don't like me, then just say so, jerk! I can't believe I really... Oh God... Why did I ever think you'd...? Gaaaaah!"

Yes, that was more like the Sakura he knew. He was just being paranoid again. He let go of the rafters and began dropping back to the ground.

A large table caught him in the chest about halfway down, forcing the breath from his lungs and threatening to drag him into the depths of unconsciousness. One last thought filled his mind just before darkness overtook him.

Maybe she would have liked socks after all.

An old friend of mine died, leaving me a map to a secret silver mine in the deserts of Arizona. I followed it, and discovered untold riches there. Among the rich veins of silver, I also found a small ironbound chest. Lacking the key to open it, I just smashed the thing with a large hammer I found conveniently lying nearby.

Unfortunately the rights to Naruto were not inside the chest. But I did find a mean recipe for egg salad sandwiches.