Title: Ninjas vs. Pirates
Rating: PG
Characters: Team Gai
Word count: 1136
Summary: Lee doesn't understand the problem.
Author's Notes: I really don't think this wound up being all that funny. It was meant to be something of a theater of the absurd, but I think it kind of got out of control. I really don't care about the topic as much as this may imply. It happened mostly because of the title and realultimatepower DOT net, the real reason I wrote this story.

"Gai-sensei, I have a question!"

Rock Lee waved his hand over his head, trying to attract his teacher's attention. The gesture was probably unnecessary, since Gai-sensei was staring right at him, but he wanted to make sure.

Gai flashed a dazzling smile. "Yes, Lee! What is it?"

"Gai-sensei, can you explain intellectual property rights?"

Tenten sighed. Neji brooded. Gai-sensei laughed happily.

"Of course, Lee! I'm so glad you asked! Well, you see, every idea you have, every original thing you create, like a song or a book is your 'intellectual property'! That means you have the right to sell what you create, and you have the right to let other people copy it! If someone sells or copies what you create without your permission, that person is breaking your intellectual property rights!" Gai grinned, giving Rock Lee a two-handed thumbs-up.

"Uh, excuse me Sensei, but that's not quite right." Neji stood slowly from where he'd been sitting on a large rock. He folded his arms into his sleeves and took on a lecturing tone. "It's not just selling or copying other people's work. Intellectual property rights are about protecting artists from loss of income. Copying a creative work is only a crime if it prevents someone from buying the work when, all else being equal, they would have. So basically..."

Lee turned back to his teacher. "Is that right, Gai-sensei?" He shot a distrustful look at his teammate. "So it's about money? If I copy something and don't pay for it, then I'm breaking the law?"

Gai shot an appraising look at Neji. "Well, yes, but... Think of the principle, Lee!" The sparkling grin was back. "It's WRONG to copy someone else's work, isn't it? Money doesn't matter! It's just wrong, so we mustn't do it!" Another nice guy pose. Gai-sensei was so cool!

Neji cleared his throat, and Lee reluctantly turned away from his idol. Neji just wouldn't leave well enough alone. Gai-sensei had said it was wrong! That was that.

"Well," Neji began, "it could be said that copying is wrong, but many artists, especially musicians, like to have their work copied and distributed. In competition-heavy media environments, where advertising has only limited availability and effectiveness, often the best way to become successful is to let people be exposed to your work. If the public likes it enough, they'll show their support by buying it in the marketplace. Furthermore, in the recording industry contracts often favor the record companies so heavily that the artists themselves receive negligible royalties for the sale of their own creative works, so the intellectual property argument becomes something of a fallacy, really."

Lee had had enough. "But Neji, don't you see? It's WRONG! It's STEALING! We can't let people do it!"

Neji nodded thoughtfully. "Well, yes, in a way. But your argument, such as it is, applies better to movies and books, Lee; media where the profits of sale go back into the pockets of the artists, or go to pay workers in affiliated unions for creation of more products of the same type. But in the recording industry, really, very few of those profits make it back to the people who should be seeing them. And as I said, many artists actually support the free distribution of their work in public forums like the internet, as an alternative way of advertising their product."

Gai-sensei cocked his head to the side, trying to follow Neji's argument. "But... Wait, Neji. How is it advertising if the work for sale is distributed free? Doesn't that just destroy the ability for the artists to earn ANY money?"

"No, actually," Neji continued. "What you have to remember, Sensei, is that music artists draw profits from more than just CD sales. They also have revenues from concert tickets, royalties when large corporations ask to use their songs in advertising campaigns, contracts with movie studios to provide music for the soundtrack to motion pictures, and of course they can capitalize on their own status as celebrities in many ways. All of this is only possible because of the fame and respect they've achieved from having their music heard by a wide spectrum of the public. So really, many artists would rather have a wide distribution for their music to allow them a greater chance for opportunities such as these."

Tenten nodded thoughtfully, adding her quiet voice to the discussion. "And when you really think about it, a lot of the songs people like are being public ally broadcast anyway. Since you could just tape them when they come on the radio, it's hard to argue that burning the songs to a CD is any worse."

Neji turned to Tenten, shaking his head slightly. "True, but... That's also something of a fallacy. Think how much work it would take to tape all those songs off the radio, how much time. Now consider the ease of downloading them from the internet. The radio format isn't really very conducive for copying music, not if you want any choice in what you're listening to. The internet has made it much easier to find and copy only the music you want. I maintain, the argument should be over whether the artists themselves are more likely to gain money or lose money by the free distribution of their work on the internet; and I think if we look at all the sources of income open to these men and women instead of just royalties from CD sales, we'll find that they gain more from being well-distributed than they lose from decreased sales volume."

Lee looked around at the others, confusion painting his face. "But... I still don't understand! I want to know about intellectual property rights! Is copying good or bad? I don't want to DISCUSS it, I just want to KNOW!"

Neji began explaining the complexities of the topic again, but Gai-sensei cut him off. "I know what you're saying, Neji, but STEALING - IS - WRONG! That's what it comes down to! So there's your answer, Lee! Stealing is wrong! We shouldn't steal, none of us! We should celebrate our youth! And that means participating in the economy as conscientious consumers!"

Lee frowned. "Okay. I think. Um... Yeah." He looked to Gai-sensei for support, and Gai greeted him with a friendly smile and more thumbs-upping. "Yeah! Music piracy is bad! We shouldn't let people steal music anymore, 'cause it's wrong!"

Neji sighed. "Lee, you're missing the point. It's not really stealing if the artists want us to-"

"No, Neji! Gai-sensei is right, and we should do what he says! Don't you get it? We're ninjas! We stand up for what's right, and true, and just! It's our job, as ninjas, to stop these pirates! We're like... we're like natural enemies!"

Gai-sensei grinned, his teeth a dazzling phalanx of white.

Caring is sharing. F#ck the RIAA.