I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off

Author's Note: Once again…really sorry about the hiatus. I'm still without internet but thankfully my friend Kittie has agreed to post my crap. Huzzah for Kittie! And I'm addicted to this song A Little Piece of Heaven by Avenged Sevenfold. I was thinking about using the song title or something but now I'm definitely thinking about doing a whole Harley/Joker fic based around it. Hmmm…..we'll see.

Harley strolled into Macy's, swinging her purse by her side. She hummed a little snippet of song and unconsciously wandered into the men's department. She browsed the racks, not really sure as to why. She picked a purple button down off the rack and examined it with a sigh. She went to back up and bumped into someone.

"Sorry," she said as she turned around.

"Not at all," the man behind her replied.

"Eddie?" Harley asked.

Edward Nigma turned around to face Harley, his hands behind his back. "The one and only."

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Shopping, you?"

"I don't know," she answered as she put the shirt back on the rack.

Eddie watched her and shook his head.

"Whatcha got behind your back?" Harley asked trying to peer behind him.

"Oh, um, it's nothing….just some socks," he fumbled.

Harley grabbed the bag from behind his back and laughed. "Tighty whities huh?" she asked holding up the underwear.

"Sorry, I'm not a commando kind of guy," he replied snatching them back.

She smiled. "Well I'll see you around Mr. Nigma."

"I hope so," he replied.

A half hour later, Harley sat in the shoe department. She had a black stiletto on one foot and a more sensible black heel on the other. Now, Dr. Harleen Quinzel would pick the sensible black pump that could be worn for hours without hurting the foot and could be worn with jeans but Harley Quinn would choose the sexy black stiletto the wrapped around the ankle and would probably feel like murder to her foot. Harley looked at both feet. She hadn't been Dr. Quinzel for a long time and she really didn't feel too much like Harley Quinn anymore.

"Harley Quinzel….no….maybe Harleen Quinn. That sounds ridiculous," she muttered to herself.

"I always thought you were BPD but I see you're schitzo as well," Eddie joked.

Harley looked up at him. "Are you stalking me?"

"No…that's more of Hugo's thing. This is just a coincidence. I thought I could use a new pair of shoes."

"To go with your new undies?" she joked.

"Yes, I strut around my house in nothing but underwear and shoes," he said sarcastically.

"Thought so."

"What is your fascination with my underwear anyway?" he asked.

"I always pegged you for a boxer brief man," she replied.

Eddie laughed. "It's going to be kind of hard to walk around in those don't you think?" he asked pointing to the mismatched shoes.

"I was trying to decide which pair to get."

"I see. Which one are you going with?"

"Neither. I'm not either girl anymore," she said sadly.

An hour had passed since Eddie had bumped into Harley in the shoe department. Now he was watching her pick through the clothes in the ladies department. He was waiting for her to walk his way or glance in his direction. But he wasn't stalking her! Or at least that's what he kept telling himself.

Harley held a pink skirt up to her and threw it to the side. She then grabbed a white blouse and did the same. She could hear Eddie circling the area and she kept watching him from the corner of her eye. She had to smile, it was kind of cute.

"Do I have to get Batman?" she called to him without looking over.

"I was that obvious huh?" he asked as he walked over to her.

"No, but I'm not your average bear," she replied.

"Funny Yogi."

"Need a bra to go with those undies?"

"There you go again all fascinated by my underwear," he said.

"Can't help it. Those tighty whiteies turn me on," she joked.

Eddie turned a bit pink and looked down at his feet.

"You know," she began, "this is the third time we've bumped into each other today. The first by accident, the second by coincidence, and the third you were stalking me but still…what to you propose we do about this?" she asked.

"I say we bump into each other at the Iceberg Lounge tonight. Let's say 6:00ish?"

"Sounds good to me."

That night, around 6:00ish, Eddie sat at his usual table at the Iceberg Lounge. He'd only been there for a couple of minutes when Holly, his favorite waitress, sauntered over.

"Hey handsome, what'll it be tonight?" she asked, her curly, dark, blonde hair escaping her ponytail and falling into her dark brown eyes.

"Just a coke for now, I'll have a real drink with dinner," he replied.

"Dinner huh?"

"Yeah, Harley and I are dining together," he said.

Holly looked down at her notepad and bit her lip. "Harley Quinn Harley?" she asked nervously.

"Mmhm."

"I didn't know you guys were seeing each other," Holly replied.

"We're not. It's just a friendly dinner. We bumped into each other today and thought it would be nice to have a night out," he explained.

"Oh, alright then," she said, her smile returning to her face. "Be back with your coke."

Eddie drummed his fingers on the table and whistled. He looked at his watch; it was only 6:10. She wasn't technically late, it was still 6:00ish.

Holly walked back over and sat Eddie's coke on the table. "What time is Harley meeting you?"

"Anytime now. It was an ish," he said.

"A his huh?" she joked.

Eddie eyed her curiously. "You anagram?" he asked.

"Yeah. I like word games and crossword puzzles."

"I didn't know that," he replied.

"Holly! I need a skinny bitch quick!" Harley called from behind her.

"Coming right up Harley," she told her with a wink to Eddie.

"It was impossible getting here! I couldn't get a cab if I was standing there naked!" Harley whined as she plopped down into the chair across from Eddie.

"Not that you're too far from it," he said eyeing Harley's attire. He'd seen the dress before, on an episode of Sex and the City. He wasn't watching it, just waiting for it to be over to catch his show, or so he told himself. They called it the naked dress actually. It was skin colored, spaghetti strapped, and short. It gave the illusion of nudity.

"Here's your skinny bitch," Holly said as she sat the drink on the table. She gave Harley the once over and smiled. She then sat Harley's menu on the table and turned to give Eddie his. "Thought this wasn't a date," she whispered.

"It isn't," he replied.

"Better tell her that. I'll be back to take your orders in a jiff."

Eddie and Harley walked up the steps of her apartment holding onto each other for dear life. Eddie may have had one too many drinks but Harley had a couple of bottles of vodka too many. She leaned against him, her dress rising with every step they took.

"You know what Nigmeister?" Harley asked.

"What Quinny?"

"This was fun. We should do it more ofte oomph!" Harley sat on the floor and looked up at Eddie. "That hurt my butt."

Eddie pulled her up off the floor and helped her down the rest of the hallway. "Do you have your key on you?" he asked.

"Yeah. Hold on," she replied as she dug through her purse. She whipped out a huge clump of key chains with one key.

"Why so many key chains?" he asked.

"They say funny things."

Eddie examined one of them. It said "My boyfriend's a homicidal maniac. What's your's do?". He laughed.

"I had that one specially made."

"Of course you did," he replied.

Harley finally got the door open. "Well, goodnight Eddie," she said shyly.

"Night Miss Quinn." Eddie got halfway down the hallway when he heard Harley chasing after him.

"Hey Eddie," she called.

He stopped and turned to face her.

Harley wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed herself up against him. He cautiously put his arms around her waist and buried his face in her neck. Harley pulled back, looked into Eddie's eyes, and kissed him.

"Night," she squeaked and she skipped back down the hallway.

"Wow."