Compensating.
She remembers the first time that she used the suit in battle. She remembers Paine's confusion at such a strange getup, and Yuna's utter shock at the resemblance. The bandits they had been fighting had been more concerned with the huge sword. Sure, Rikku had jazzed up the outfit a little, adding white where the sleeve buckles had been, and shortening it a little, but it was still unmistakable to anyone who had met the legendary Guardian. Still, she had done the job, albeit with less finesse than the blade's original owner could have managed it. Later, she had explained to Paine just who the weapon and garments had belonged to, and had received the shock of her life when Paine had made a horrifying transformation: into a Squealing Fangirl. Well, not actually squealing, but a damn sight closer than anyone had ever seen the stoic girl get before. Paine had actually been pretty close to hyperventilating when Rikku had showed her the Masamune, which she kept in a hidden locker behind the bar in the Celsius.
What could she say? The girl had a weakness for big swords.
And then Yuna had confronted her, in the least confrontational way possible, and asked her (very politely) what she was doing with Auron's equipment. Unwilling to give a proper answer, for several reasons, one of which being the fact that she barely knew herself, she had gone on the offensive, and countered with a question asking what exactly Yuna was doing with the Brotherhood, which in all logic should have gone back to Wakka.
However, although this had stopped the questions, it had also given Yuna completely the wrong idea. She didn't wear his cloak and carry his sword as a kind of reminder of a lost love, as Yuna carried the Brotherhood. The reasons were a little more complicated than that.
Although she would freely admit to having a crush on the guy since day one (no, scratch that, day five. In those five days he had gone from being simply frightening to frighteningly attractive.), there had never been a secret affair or anything, mainly due to the fact that she was a minor at the time, and he was old enough to be her father, at least biologically. Rikku wore the robe to hide.
To tell the truth, she had never been too comfortable as Yuna's Guardian. She had, on some level at least, considered herself too young, too inexperienced, and too childish. So, naturally, she had tried to counteract that by staying close to the strongest, most experienced, and oldest of the group. It had worked, too, and she certainly hadn't minded the arrangement.
And then he had to go and do something stupid like die on her. Well, sort of. And she had no idea what to do. So she'd taken the two things that, two her, represented him the most. The robe, for the air of mystery that pervaded him, and the blade, for the strength he wielded.
She wasn't possessed of an indomitable will, like Yuna. She wasn't self-reliant, like Paine. She needed a prop, to mask her insecurities. So, when she felt like she couldn't go on, she wore the robe, and hefted the mighty sword. As if some essence of the man remained in the fabric and the steel.
It worked, too. When she wore it, she felt there was something about it, some air, a musk, almost, although that would be ridiculous, and this strange prescence would fire up her muscles and stimulate her brain and she would be ready to take on the world.
It was the same with the sword. She would be the first to admit that she wasn't the strongest girl out there, although Paine would probably save her the trouble and admit it for her, but that sword, that long, sharp, heavy sword that even Paine had trouble wielding, seemed more an extension of her arm than any external weapon. In the heat of battle, she would sometimes catch herself performing moves that she had never learned.
But it only worked when it was the full ensemble. Without the robe, the sword was just a lump of metal. Without the sword, the robe was just fabric.
Sometimes, she thinks that it's a placebo, her mind playing tricks on her, a small part of her subconscious waking up and playing the part of that man who had been her pillar of strength. Her fortress. Her rock. She wonders if he knew what he had meant to her, and decides he probably did. He was Auron, after all. And, because he was Auron, he had left anyway. That was very like the teacher in him. Get you dependant on something, then take it away and see how you cope.
Sometimes, she had hated her dependence on a man long gone, that memories should have such effect on her, but she had realised that just because someone was gone it didn't mean that they were gone. Not really. Not until the clock that they had wound up wound down, until the food they had made was eaten, or until the chair they had made broke. So that was why she wielded his equipment, took on his mantle. So in some small way he would never really die.
Sometimes she thinks about getting sunglasses, but decides that they only worked for him because of their sheer uselessness. He only had one good eye. He wore the things underground, and in the middle of the night. In the forest. In the middle of a battle. Without taking a scratch. And he never wore them actually over his eyes. And if she got the glasses then she'd have to get the big clodhopping boots and there was no way she was running around in those things. Besides, that was probably the point when it stopped being reverential and just became creepy.
She grins when she remembers how she teased him about his huge sword compensating for something. She stares at her shimmering reflection in the blade, and realises that it's her who's compensating now.
It doesn't really matter. She thinks. At least he won't be forgotten. Not while I'm around, playing dressup. Rikku chuckled, and slipped her arms into the fiery red sleeves.