Public Affair

Author's Note: Yeah…I got nothing to say. Nothing except Billy Bob Jonah Jim! Too first names too many and one last name too few! BAM! Just for Kittie…because I can. By the way you should all read Cat Tales by Chris Dee. It's scrumtrelescent!

Harley Quinn woke up early the next morning and bounced out of bed. She danced into the kitchen and put the radio on. This was the best she had felt in a long time and it was all thanks to Edward Nigma. Who would've guessed? She popped some toaster waffles in the toaster, caught them on the pop, and danced over to the table.

"Someone is in a good mood this morning," Ivy cooed as she sauntered into the kitchen.

"I had a good night," Harley replied.

"Yeah, I heard. I'm surprised you feel this good."

"You implying something?" Harley asked.

"Me? No. Never," she replied sarcastically.

Selina stumbled into the kitchen next with her robe half off her shoulder and her hair in tangles. She wore one slipper and her little black dress.

"You look like hell," Ivy commented.

"Thank you," she replied.

"What happened?" Harley asked.

"I waited up till 3 am for Mr. Bruce Wayne. I'm exhausted and he didn't show."

"Sorry girl," Ivy said sympathetically.

"He'll be sorry when I get through with him," Selina grumbled.

Eddie lay on his couch with the blanket pulled up over his face to keep the sun out of his eyes. He may have had more than one too many last night but no matter how bad he felt he was confident that Harley felt worse. Or at least he was confident until his phone rang.

I don't mind spending everyday out on your corner in the pouring rain. Look for the girl with the broken smile. Ask her if she wants to stay awhile. And she will be loved. And she will be loved

Eddie smiled. She wanted to talk to him already. "Hello Harley."

"Hello," she chimed. "How you feeling?"

"Worse than you apparently."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. So what's going on with you?" he asked as he sat up which he quickly deduced was a bad idea and lay back down.

"Not too much. You busy tonight?"

"No, why?" he asked.

"I was thinking date number 2," she replied.

"I could do that."

"Great! Same time same place?" she asked.

"Perfect."

"Cool beans!" and with that she hung up.

Selina eyed Harley as she closed her phone. "Who was that?" she asked

"Eddie," Harley replied.

"Eddie Nigma Eddie?"

"Yeah."

"You're dating the Riddler?" Selina asked in disbelief.

"What's the big deal?" Harley asked.

"Nothing I guess," she said. "I'm going back to bed." Selina wandered down the hallway back to her room. She closed the door and ran to her purse. She dumped it out onto her bed and pulled her cell out of the pile of crap. She flipped it open and surfed through her contacts until she found Eddie.

Cold hard bitch .Just a kiss on the lips. And I was on my knees. I'm waitin, give me. Cold hard bitch. She was shakin' her hips. So that was all that I need.

Eddie pulled the blanket off his face and glared at his phone. "Now what?" he grumbled.

"You rang?" he asked.

"Cut the crap Nigma," Selina growled.

"What did I do?" he asked.

"What's going on with you and Harley?" she asked.

"Nothing!"

"Bull shit!"

"We went out last night and we have a second date tonight! It's all very innocent I swear!" he cried.

"I know you. I know you've had a thing for her for awhile and you've been waiting and waiting for her and Joker to have a big falling out," Selina said.

"Selina…" Eddie began.

"No, you listen! She is fragile. She will always be fragile. Joker destroyed her and if you take advantage of that…"

"I wou…" he tried.

"IF YOU HURT HER I WILL KILL YOU! Clear?"

"Crystal," he replied hiding under his blanket terrified she was outside on the fire escape.

"Good. Ivy, Bruce, Harvey, and I will be joining you two tonight. Should be fun. See you later!" she said cheerfully and she hung up.

"Crazy…they're all bonkers!"

"We're doing what tonight?" Harvey asked in shock.

"Going out with Harley, Eddie, Selina, and Bruce," Ivy said as she put her other earring in. She was sitting in front of her vanity and Harvey was on the bed. She watched his face in her mirror.

"I don't like this. Why can't we just go out?" he complained.

"I'll make you a deal. You behave tonight at dinner and you get a special desert," Ivy said with a wink.

"Food ain't gonna make me sit through this night Pammy, sorry," he replied.

Ivy sighed, shook her head, and turned to face him. "Not food you dummy."

"What else can desert mean? Oh! Yeah! I'll go through with this for that."

She shook her head again. "You're a twit some days."

Harvey got up from the bed, walked up behind her, dropped to his knees, wrapped his arms around her waist, and kissed her back.

"Not now!" she cried as she squirmed a bit.

He held her tighter the more she squirmed until finally Ivy started to laugh and she gave up.

"You're impossible," she said.

"Yeah, but you love it," he replied.

Ivy didn't say anything. She just bit her lip and looked at the ceiling.

"Oh really?" Harvey questioned.

She shrugged.

Harvey picked her up from her chair and threw her onto the bed.

"I said later!"

"Why do I have to do this?" Bruce asked as he put his suit jacket on.

"Because you stood me up last night," Selina replied.

"For the hundredth time I didn't stand you up! I was on patrol! Freeze had hostages! I couldn't just walk away!" Bruce argued.

"You didn't call."

"I don't carry my cell phone with me on patrol," he replied.

"Use a pay phone!" Selina yelled.

"The car is waiting Master Bruce," Alfred said from the doorway.

"Let's get this over with," Bruce growled.

Selina grabbed his arm as he walked toward the door. "Hey! Let's have one night where we don't fight."

Bruce turned around and hugged her. "Yes master."

"That's a good slave," she joked.

Ivy and Harvey were the first to arrive at the Iceberg Lounge. They grabbed Ivy's usual booth.

"My hair's all messed up now," she grumbled.

"I like it," Harvey replied as he nibbled at her neck.

"Do you have an off switch?" she joked.

"Behave you two," Holly said.

Ivy pushed Harvey off her and smiled at Holly. "Would you be a dear and get me a cosmopolitan and get him a beer before I strangle him? Thanks."

"Not a problem Ivy," Holly replied with a laugh.

"You're being ridiculous," Ivy told him.

Harvey's only response was to kiss her.

"Looks like we have competition," Bruce said as he and Selina approached the table.

"You two are like high school kids," Selina joked.

Ivy pushed Harvey off her once again. "He's being a child tonight."

"I won't argue there," Harvey replied.

"No Harley and Eddie yet huh?" Selina asked.

"No, not yet."

Holly walked back to the table and sat Ivy and Harvey's drinks down. "What'll it be tonight Selina?"

"Beer, two," she said plainly.

"Alright," Holly replied as she walked back to the bar.

"What if I didn't want a beer?" Bruce asked.

"You can have one drink. It won't kill you."

Bruce rolled his eyes and focused on the wall.

Ivy and Harvey exchanged looks and smiled.

"Beer here," Holly sang. "You guys eating dinner or just drinking?"

"Eating but we're waiting on Harley and Eddie," Ivy replied.

"Harley and Eddie?" Holly asked nervously.

"Yeah. We're on a triple date," Selina explained.

"So they are dating huh?"

"Mmmh hmmm," Ivy hummed.

"Well good for her. Eddie is a super guy. Excuse me." Holly walked away from the table and then trotted into the bathroom.

"The waitress has a thing for Nigma," Bruce said.

"Holly? No way," Selina replied in disbelief.

"I'm telling you, she seemed pretty upset that Nigma and Harley are dating. Ten bucks says she's crying in the bathroom."

Ivy cocked her eyebrow. "You think so eh?"

"Don't take that bet," Selina told her. "He's probably right. Hell, he's always right."

Ivy got up from the table.

"Where are you going?" Harvey asked.

"The bathroom," she replied.

"Why?"

"To check on Holly."

Selina got up from the table too and they both went into the bathroom.

Harvey shook his head and sighed. "Dames, they always have to meddle.

"Where are the girls?" Harley asked as she and Eddie approached the table.

"They went to the bathroom to check on Holly," Bruce explained.

Harley sat her purse down and ran toward the bathroom.

"Good job. Now they're all in there," Harvey grumbled.

Bruce wasn't paying attention. He was focused on Harley like the rest of the men in the Iceberg. All the rogue women were something to look at. Selina had a knockout figure, Ivy was all kinds of gorgeous, and Harley was a classic beauty. But tonight Harley was in a dark white, backless dress, and white heels. And being that the dress was backless that meant she was braless.

"And just think, that's all mine," Eddie joked.

"Wow. You shouldn't let her out like that. She could cause an accident," Harvey said.

"What's wrong with Holly?" Eddie asked.

"Holly? Oh nothing. Girl stuff, you know," Harvey replied. It was best to keep this whole Holly business from him.

A few minutes later all the girls emerged from the bathroom. None of them said anything about what happened in there.

"So what are we all getting to eat?" Ivy asked.

"Steak," Harvey replied.

"That actually sounds good. I might nibble on your's," Ivy said.

"I hate it when you do that. You always eat the whole damn thing."

"What did I say about behaving?"

"If I behave tonight I get to have sex," Harvey told the table.

Ivy went beat red and the guys smiled.

"You're an ass," she said.

"I'm your ass."

"At least you get some. I'm in the doghouse," Bruce said.

"We don't have to discuss our private life in public," Selina warned.

"I make one mistake and I'm going to be punished for the next month," Bruce complained. This was her punishment for dragging him here. He was going to make it as uncomfortable for her as possible.

"Women are like that," Harvey said.

"Oh really?" Ivy asked sarcastically.

"I can live without sex," Selina began. "Besides I haven't had good sex in oh I don't know, how many months have we been dating Bruce?"

"Funny! Hilarious. You're a real scream tonight," he replied.

"How bout you Eddie? Gotten anywhere with Blondie there?" Harvey asked.

"Harvey!" Ivy cried hitting him with a menu.

"In the cab on the way over," Harley replied.

Eddie turned pink, sank down into the chair, and hid behind his menu. "Oh look! The have ice cream for desert."

"I can't believe you!" Selina yelled.

Bruce threw back the sheets on his bed and gave Selina the Batman look. "You can't believe me? I can't believe you! You drag me to dinner and then you tell them all how bad of a lay I am!"

Selina crossed her arms and said nothing.

"I have to fight these people! The next time I face the Riddler I'll be thinking of him in the back of a cab with Harley who I can never face as Batman again because I've seen her in so many little outfits I'll be thinking naughty thoughts!"

"Are you finished?" Selina asked.

"Yeah, I'm finished."

"Good. Now get into bed," she ordered.

"Why should I?" he asked.

"Because I'm about to make this whole night up to you."

Bruce kicked off his slippers and got into bed.

Selina smiled and then she caught sight of his toes. "Are you wearing nail polish?"