Before He Cheats

Author's Note: Hi! Getting close to the end here. Scary isn't it? But have no fear my friends there is more to come. That's right! I have started book 2! Woot Woot!

"So what are you doing again?" Selina asked Bruce as she applied mascara with her free hand.

"JLA business. I can't give you anymore detail than that," he replied.

Selina scrunched her nose and sighed.

"Don't give me that look," he said.

"How do you know I'm giving you a look? We're on the phone," she replied.

"I know you and I know that sigh. It means you've scrunched your nose and raised an eyebrow."

"Damn you."

"I expect you to behave tonight," he said.

"I'm hanging with the girls so have no fear captain," she joked.

"Hanging with the girls is supposed to make me feel better?"

"Hush you."

"You called me," he told her.

"Very true."

"I got to go."

"Please be careful. I worry about you," she begged.

"Yes mom."

"Bruce! I'm serious."

"I love you," he replied.

"I love you too."

She sat her phone on her nightstand and sighed. JLA business worried her. It always worried her. JLA business meant some intergalactic force or some crazy mastermind. She liked Gotham business. That just meant some loony in a costume robbing the bank or what not.

"You almost ready in there?" Ivy called through the door.

"Yeah, give me one second," Selina replied.

"I'm hungry!" Harley whined.

"Hold on girl," Ivy ordered.

Selina stepped out of her bedroom and joined the other two in the living room. "So where are we going?"

"Not the Iceberg," Ivy said. "I'm tired of that place."

"Me too," Harley agreed.

"That makes three of us then," Selina joined.

"Where else can we go?" Harley asked.

"How about Venice?" Selina offered.

"The city?" Harley asked.

"No, the Italian restaurant downtown. They have great food."

"I could do Italian," Ivy replied.

"Venice it is."

"It's nice to have a girl's night out," Ivy said as they walked in the front door of Venice.

"It's just nice to be somewhere other than the Iceberg or home," Harley replied.

"Agreed. Bruce and I haven't been out in forev…" Selina stopped. There, at the corner table, sat Bruce Wayne and a woman. A woman that Selina did not recognize.

Selina walked over to the table, crossed her arms, and said "Well?"

"Selina!" Bruce cried.

"Hello," the woman said.

Selina eyed her. She was vaguely familiar. She had raven hair, blue eyes, fair skin. "Hello."

"Diana this is my friend Selina Kyle. Selina this is Diana," Bruce said.

"Diana huh? J Business is good to you huh?" Selina said sarcastically.

"Selina," Bruce began.

Harley and Ivy joined Selina at the table.

"Girls this is Diana. She's Bruce's…actually I don't know who she is."

"She's a friend," Bruce replied.

Diana now raised an eyebrow. As far as she knew she was Bruce's date.

"Like I'm your friend Bruce?" Selina asked.

Bruce noticed Harley touching her thigh and he started to get nervous. He could see the outline of a knife under her dress and god knows what was in her purse and she was eyeing Diana. "Selina please."

"I'm his girlfriend Selina Kyle or at least I was," Selina growled.

"Funny, I'm his date Diana," Diana said as she got up from the table.

"You're a bastard!" Selina cried as she walked away with Harley and Ivy on her heels.

All the women walked out into the parking lot with Bruce close behind.

"Wait," he called out.

Selina stopped and turned but Bruce wasn't calling out to her. Instead he was running over to Diana. She was trying to get into her car but he wasn't letting her. She pushed him but he only grabbed her. Finally she stopped struggling and he held her.

"Fuck you," Selina growled to herself. "Let's go home."

"Selina it's me, Bruce. I'm really sorry about last night. I want to explain but not on your voice mail. Please call me back. Diana is just…alright….she was my date but I don't want to be with her. She knows about the whole Batman thing. She's a member of the JLA I swear. Call me please."

Selina scoffed and closed her phone. "Who is she? Wonder Woman?"

"I'm home," Harley called from the door.

"Joy joy," Selina replied.

"And guess what I got."

"What?" Selina asked.

"Many, many, many bottles of Arbor Mist. Time to get drunk!" Harley squealed.

"Harley I don't think Selina wants to drink away her problems," Ivy said.

"The hell I don't," Selina replied grabbing a bottle from Harley. She cracked it open and started to chug.

A couple of hours later all three women were sufficiently wasted. They weren't sure who thought of it or when but they were now all getting dressed in black to go destroy Bruce Wayne's car.

"We need a way to get up there," Selina said. "It's a long walk."

"We'll take Eddie's car!" Harley cried.

"Ok, you call him," Ivy told her.

"I don't have to. We'll just take it."

"Won't he be mad?" Selina asked.

"I won't tell him."

Edward Nigma sat on his couch on the phone with Jervis Tetch. Who had called him in a frenzy because…well….Eddie wasn't sure why. He wasn't listening at that point.

"So, do you want to go to the Iceberg?" Jervis asked.

"No, I can't. If I step foot in there and the Joker is in there I'm dead."

"Is she really worth all this trouble Ed?" he asked.

"Definitely."

"She is a looker. I'd love to toss her into a blue dress and white apron."

"Stay away from Harley. I'd hate to hurt you," Eddie replied. "Wait. What was that?!" he cried.

"What was what?" Jervis asked.

"Hold on. It sounded like my car. It was my car! Someone stole my car!"

"Isn't that ironic?"

"What the deuce!?" Eddie yelled.

"What are you going to do?"

"Call….call….damn! I can't call the cops because they'll arrest me and well we have no one to call. This is ridiculous! Jervis we're going to find my car!"

"We? What we? There is no we here!" Jervis said.

"There is to a we! You're my best friend!"

"When did that happen?" Jervis asked in confusion.

"When someone stole my car!"

"Are you sure he won't notice?" Ivy asked.

"Nah! It's all good," Harley replied as she swerved into on coming traffic.

"Watch it girl! We don't want the cops after us," Selina growled.

"Right!" Harley replied.

"Who let her drive?" Selina asked.

"You and I don't drive stick. She's the only one who can," Ivy explained.

"Oh yeah. Damn."

After a few wrong turns and a few near accidents they finally reached Wayne manor. The three of them stood outside the gate and peered in.

"Where is his car?" Ivy asked.

"He's got a few and they're in the garage."

"Where's the garage?" Harley asked.

"Behind the house."

"How do we get in?" Ivy questioned.

"We go over the fence."

"Easy for you two," Ivy replied.

"Here Red," Harley said as she crouched down.

Ivy stepped into her hand and Harley launched her over the fence. Ivy landed with a thud. Harley backed up a couple of feet, started to run, and bounded over the gate. Selina climbed over and dropped onto the ground next to them.

"Now be very quiet," Selina warned.

"We're hunting rabbits!" Harley joked.

"Quiet chuckle head!"

"Sorry Kittie," she replied like a scolded child.

Selina carved into the seats of the black Porsche. Harley took out the lights. Ivy keyed the sides and Selina painted over the windshield. Harley thought it would be fun to do the old potato in the tail pipe and Selina finished the job by slashing all four tires.

"That'll teach him," Selina said after they finished.

They started to walk back to the car when the lights all went on.

"RUN!" Ivy screamed as they all took off for the gate.

"No time to go over!" Harley yelled as she broke it open.

"Good job Harl," Selina commended.

Harley slid over the hood of the car and jumped into the driver's seat. Ivy crawled into the front and Selina dove into the back.

"Drive! Drive!" Ivy ordered.

It was 6 AM and Harley, Ivy, and Selina were sitting in a booth at the Waffle House. Harvey and Eddie strolled up to the table.

"Told ya I found the car," Harvey said.

"I can't believe you three," Eddie replied.

Harley smiled innocently and shoved another waffle in her mouth.

Selina groaned. "Orange juice, food, please."

Ivy sat up straight, her arms crossed, with her sunglasses on.

"She seems ok," Eddie commented.

"Oh no, she's comatose. Watch," Harvey said. He walked up behind her and started to shake her. "Wake up Pammy. Come on." He pushed her forward, he pulled her hair, and he even flailed her arms. "See, comatose."

"Amazing," Eddie replied.

"Indeed."

"So where's my car?" Eddie asked Harley.

"Here, I'll take you," Harley replied.

They walked out to the parking lot and there was Eddie's car. Or at least what was left of it. The back passenger door was missing, the top was now a makeshift convertible, there was a headlight falling out, a tail light taped back on, a Bat symbol painted on the hood, and he was pretty sure the trunk was welded shut.

Eddie dropped to his knees, grabbed his hair, and yelled into the sky.