Time went exhaustingly slow for Jack Harkness that evening; once everything had been sorted out, he sat by Ianto's side. He waited for Ianto to pull a Lazarus and rise from the dead. Owenand Gwen had already tried their hands at getting him to leave, but only Tosh understood the entire situation,which was why she stood at the top of the stairs now, tears on her cheeks, as she knew how this conversation was likely to go. "Jack," she whispered as she moved over towards her friend.
"It's funny, after everything—I'm more worried about him than I am me." Jack whispered, never looking at her.
Tosh smiled sadly. "He loves you Jack, and he never would have done this intentionally, I'm sure you know that."
Jack just nodded a slight bob of the head that anyone could have missed. "He could still come back. That's what the Doctor did, he changed him, Jack. There's still hope."
"And if he doesn't? I'm not sure I can live with the last words out of my lover's mouth being Freak. Worst part is—I'll have to."
Tosh closed her eyes against the wave of pain she felt for Jack and Ianto. They'd been through so much, was it fair to keep torturing them like this? "Jack, you need rest and you probably should wash up a little. It's getting late, Gwen and Owen left already."
Jack nodded. "You can go."
"That's not what I meant."
"I'm not leaving."
"Jack you need rest, you've experienced something horrible—"
"So I don't get sick? Tosh I'm immortal, I don't need sleep!" They both knew this wasn't true, he was frustrated and scared.
"You aren't, however, invincible, or impenetrable. This shouldn't be buried Jack. You bury everything, hide it from us. But someday it's all going to be too much! We're here now and we want to help you."
Jack looked up at her finally. "Then what? You want me to lie on some couch and talk to someone; tell them how I was—Tosh, why does it matter because by talking to you or anyone else for that matter will be a waste of time. You're all going to die, and I'll be alone, then I'll try to talk to someone else and they'll die."
"I expect you to treat yourself the way you'd treat one of us!"
"I already thought about retcon— I can't though, because having my memory alter scares me more than it helps. Also, I think I was drugged—I didn't want to mix drugs."
"Jack, please don't shut us out. We need you, and I know you need us."
His face began to crumble as he looked away again. He hated himself for being unable to keep control suddenly. Suddenly, Tosh stepped over and took him into her arms. His head against her stomach because he was sitting down. She ran her hands through his silky hair, her own tears coursing down her cheeks. But she'd stand strong; he was always so strong and silent for everyone else. Something had changed Jack, and she was positive it was those eight months he'd gone missing. "I'll stay with him Jack, you need rest. I promise I'll come get you if something happens."
"He can't wake up alone." Jack managed through a cracked voice.
"When he wakes up, we'll be here for him—just like we are for you."
As Jack slowly stood, Tosh felt her own heart break. After all they'd been through it was more apparent than ever how deeply these two men needed one another. Jack ran his hand lightly over Ianto's face, caressing the pale skin. Making his way up the stairs, Tosh was left alone in the room. Sighing, she turned towards him and placed her hand against his cheek. "Wake up soon, our Captain needs you Ianto."
o0o
Darkness surrounded him. He could tell the creature was gone. Now he just felt lost in the darkness. "Jack!" He yelled. "Jack!" He turned, trying to get out of what felt like a giant void of nothingness. "Jack! Help me! Suddenly a sound of giggling reached his ears. "Who's there?" He called out. "Please help me?"
A small child, barely six, wandered towards him. He had dirty blonde hair and bright blue eyes. "Hello." The boy greeted.
"Who are you?" Ianto questioned.
"The lost one."
"What does that mean?"
"I am yours."
"Mine what?"
"Lost one."
"Lost what?"
"Baby."
"I don't have a baby."
The boy smiled and held up his hand, towards Ianto—palm up as if trying to take his hand. "I'm the lost one."
"I don't understand what that means."
"You've changed time daddy. You changed."
"How? What have I changed?" The child shook his hand slightly, until Ianto got the hint and accepted the hand into his. Such a tiny hand for this little boy.
Suddenly a flash of light hit him and Ianto found himself in a large room, looking over he was surprised to see himself, cradling a tiny little infant, Jack by his side—looking pale and exhausted. Ianto's eyes grew wide as he witnessed the squalling baby quiet as Jack touched his forehead. "Michael James," murmured Ianto as he watched.
"Mikey?" Ianto questioned as he looked down at the boy.
"Everything changes."
"How?"
"Papa's sad," whispered the boy, his head titled to one side as if he was hearing something.
"Jack?"
"He's crying—he'll lose me."
Ianto felt his chest ache—"He's pregnant."
"I am the lost one."
"Is he going to miscarry?"
"It scares him?"
"What does? Will Jack be okay?"
"Change is the only constant." Replied the boy as he continued to look around.
"I love him." Ianto whispered.
The boy's head snapped up and he smiled again as he thrust his hand out again. "He loves you too."
Ianto gripped the boy's hand again and felt another flash of light hit him.This time he stood in the Plass, loud giggles filled the air. Ianto turned to see himself, older with the beginnings of gray hair. The light haired boy ran towards him, giggling. Ianto turned just in time to see Jack striding across the Plass to hoist the boy into the air. The toe-haired boy looked to be about seven. Suddenly there was another giggle. Moving his head back to the original direction he'd been looking, Ianto saw himself with the other three children, Rosie—probably four, running towards Jack too, and in older Ianto's arms were the twins, still babies.
"I've seen them before," murmured Ianto softly as they returned to the darkness.
"Beginnings of a new race."
Ianto looked down at the child. "What does that mean?"
"Papa needs you."
"How do I wake up?"
"Open your eyes." Answered the boy, as if it was a stupid question.
Ianto knelt down in front of the child. "I love you, no matter how you came about. It's not your fault." He whispered.
Smiling the boy reached forward and pressed his hand to Ianto's forehead. "Nor is it yours."
The room was a hospital room, sterile and quiet. A fair-haired boy lay in a bed, shivering as he tried to breathe through the pain. An older Jack and Ianto sat beside the child—no more than seven. Whimpering as Jack gripped his hand. "This is all my fault." whispered older Ianto.
"No!" Jack yelled suddenly looking up at his lover.
"If I hadn't—" Ianto shook his head.
Jack reached out and gripped his lover's hand. "This is not your fault Ianto Jones, and we're going to get through this, just like we've gotten through everything else."
"Wait!" Ianto cried when he came back to reality. Opening his eyes, the fair-haired boy was gone. Ianto felt his heart clench, his breath hitch. Oh god—pain!
o0o
Ianto screamed in pain as he felt air rip through his lungs, the whoosh of the blood pumping from his heart into his veins. Tosh jumped at the unfamiliar sound of Ianto coming back to life. She looked down in surprise as two big blue eyes looked up at her. "JACK!" she screamed. Turning her attention back to Ianto, she brushed the hair from his forehead. "Its okay, take slow deep breaths—"
"Jack—" Ianto whispered.
Seconds later, as if hearing his lover's please, Jack appeared in the autopsy bay. "What happ—Yan!" Jack raced down the stairs to the other side of Ianto. Neither hesitated, throwing themselves into one another's arms, like long lost lovers. Tosh smiled and slowly stepped away, giving them a moment of peace—she'd go call Owen.
Jack slowly pulled away, tears slipping down his cheeks as he reached up and gripped Ianto's face. "I—" he just shook his head.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Jack!" whimpered Ianto, his face crumbling.
"Wasn't your fault." Was all Jack could say as he gathered his lover back into his arms, clinging to him as if Ianto was his only lifeline. "We're going to get through this." He murmured as he caressed Ianto's neck and head.
o0o
"He seems perfectly healthy." Owen offered forty-five minuets later, having run every test he could think of on Ianto.
"Seems?" Jack questioned where he stood nearby with his arms crossed over his chest.
Ianto now sat up on the gurney in a pair of scrubs. He glanced between Jack and Owen, unsure if he should speak or just keep quiet. Owen sighed as he looked at Jack. "What do you want me to say? He was dead for twelve hours, he's back now. That's not exactly normal."
"Right here, thanks."
"Take him home Jack, get him a shower, real food and some rest. In fact, as your doctor I'm giving you both the next two days off from work; and that's not a request."
Jack glared at Owen, but knew better than to argue. If he was to admit it to himself, he was feeling completely exhausted. Nodding, Jack looked over at Ianto and forced a smile, unsure how he'd feel going back to Ianto's flat. He hadn't been back since the—well he hadn't been back yet.
"Call us if there's an emergency." Jack offered, as he nodded towards Owen then looked at Ianto. "Ready to go? I'll drive."
"Yes." Stated Ianto as he moved off the gurney and followed Jack up the stairs and out of the hub.
The ride to Ianto's flat was silent, to say the least. Both men had a lot on their minds, and neither was sure how to approach the subject they were facing. Ianto had expected Jack to reject him. He was stunned that he was even getting a ride home. Part of him was still terrified that Jack would snap any minute and tell him they were over. He'd raped him, plain and simple. Except, there was nothing simple about the entire situation, because he'd been possessed and evil at the time. To add to that little problem, he was fairly sure he'd somehow impregnated Jack—which just seemed wrong, and that would only proceed to complicate things further.
Meanwhile, Jack was desperately trying to cling to the only thing he had left in this entire situation, Ianto was alive and he was Ianto. It made him sick to think that Ianto would blame himself for the situation, but a part of him was scared that maybe deep down he too blamed Ianto.
Ianto took a slow breath before glancing over at Jack. "I was thinking—maybe we could call the Doctor?"
Jack faltered for a moment. "What? Why?"
"I need to ask him some questions."
"Such as?"
Ianto sighed, he was afraid of this. He seriously needed to ask the Doctor some questions about time lines and such, but he didn't want to tell Jack about everything he'd seen—both in his little foray into the future nearly five months ago, or his dream before waking up. "Jack—"
"Fine." Jack replied, remaining silent again.
"Jack, what the hell are we going to do?" Ianto whispered as Jack pulled the car up to the flat.
Jack didn't reply right away, he just stared out the front window. "Ianto—"
"We can't act like this didn't happen."
A harsh laugh escaped Jack's lips. "It's my body—don't I have the right to ignore it."
Ianto looked over at his lover and felt his heart break, because while Jack appeared to be fine, Ianto could see something in his eyes. "Jack, we can't build a relationship off what just occurred. You're just going to cringe every time I touch you. Have flashbacks to the rape every time we try and have sex?"
"I didn't say that."
"No! I did! Yes, it's your body Jack, but it was my body doing the damage, and maybe it wasn't my mind and you can look past that, but I can't." Ianto huffed, realizing that yelling wasn't going to help anyone.
"Sorry." Whispered Jack.
"Me too." replied Ianto.
"Why don't we go upstairs, you can grab a shower while I make some dinner?"
Ianto nodded and opened the car door. As promised, five minutes later Ianto was standing in the bathroom, door closed, naked and hot water running. Staring at his reflection in the mirror, Ianto wondered how long it would be before he could look in the mirror and not hate what he saw. He wouldn't forgive himself for what he'd done to Jack; he only hoped he could make it better. As he continued to look at himself in the mirror Ianto realized how tired he looked. He couldn't remember when he'd last seen himself looking so peaked. Maybe it was time to take a vacation from everything. Maybe it was time to go home and visit his family, hang out with his sister for a few days, travel a little. Get out and go.
Deciding he'd discuss it with Jack when he got out, Ianto stepped into the shower and allowed the water to run down his back, little rivers that would lead down his legs to the drain. He let the tension of the past forty-eight hours or so drip off him like the water. However, soon Ianto found that his tears had joined the mix.
o0o
Jack wasn't a man of greatness—at least he didn't consider himself to be, sure he was great at sex, pretty damn good with his aim, and he was a good guy. But he wasn't amazing. However, as Jack dialed the number that would connect him with the Tardis, he realized he was a better person than he'd thought. Here he was, back in the flat where he'd been—violated. With the man who'd committed the offense, making him dinner, and now he was calling up an older friend so that his lover/attacker could talk to him. And somewhere, deep inside, Jack felt something snap, he fought between crying and laughing himself silly.
"Hello?"
"I need you." Was all Jack offered before hanging up. A second later he was sitting on the floor laughing as hard as he could. He never heard the sound of the engines landing in the living room, never heard the doors open. He didn't even hear the Doctor's first words.
Suddenly, he felt two hands on his temples; his blue eyes were drawn up towards beautiful brown ones. Jack let out a horrific sob that terrified the Doctor beyond belief. Jack had gone hysterical, fearful for Jack's health and safety the Doctor gently pressed his fingers to the man's temples, and a moment later he was filled with an arm full of one Captain Jack Harkness.
Ianto stepped out of the bathroom in his favorite pair of jeans and a hoodie, only to find the Tardis materialized in the middle of his living room. Moving from his bathroom he hurried into the kitchen, where the Doctor sat on the floor in a corner, gently rocking Jack's upper body.
"What happened?"
The Doctor glanced up in surprise. "I was hoping you could tell me? I get a phone call saying I need you—I come as quickly as I can, by the way do you have any idea how hard it is to land this magnificent time machine in the middle of your little flat?. Sorry that's rude! Anyway, I open the door, find him on the floor in hysterics. What's happened?"
Ianto sighed and looked down at Jack. "I think it's safe to say dinner won't be happening. Can we go somewhere else?"
The Doctor snorted. "I'm the Doctor, we can go anywhere."
Ianto nodded. "Then let's go somewhere that Jack loves. It's a long story, and when he wakes up—it's going to be a longer road."
Nodding, the Doctor looked down at the figure in his arms. "Right then, help me get him into the Tardis. I know just where to take him."
Bending down, Ianto gently gripped Jack's legs, and together they moved Jack into the Tardis. Lying him gently on the floor for the time being, The Doctor quickly set the coordinates and looked up at Ianto. "Welcome to the Tardis Ianto, first stop, 51st Century, Boeshane Peninsula."
To Be Continued…