Disclaimer: I do not own "Transformers" in any way, shape, or form. They are the property of Hasbro, Michael Bay, and all the other masters of the craft. I am just a humble college student and make no money from this.

The Moonlessnight: Due to the insane amount of comments on this little ficlet, I have decided to add to it. "Malfunction" shall henceforth be known as "The Learning Curve" and will contain a collection of interconnected events involving cross-cultural misunderstandings. Here's to hoping I can keep this up.

Excuses

The first thing Sam became aware of was that he was lying on his back on something that definitely was not his bed. The second was that something much larger than his Chihuahua, Mojo, was resting on his chest. Sleep fled with those simple realizations and Sam jerked awake with a cry. Bright light filled his vision briefly before the object on his chest shifted and a dark shape came into view. Sam instinctively recoiled, his eyes swimming in and out of focus as his body slowly awakened. When a familiar form finally came into focus, the boy fell back to the ground with a muttered curse.

"Easy there. Are you fully online now, Sam?" The boy nodded, wincing as Ratchet turned his head to reveal the bright light once more. Sam hid his face under the blanket he had spent the night under, wondering at how the sun always managed to hit him in the face first thing every morning. It did not matter where he slept or how. In truth, Sam considered it one of the great mysteries in life, but he set the thought aside in favor of more pressing matters.

"Do you know just how intimidating you guys are first thing in the morning?" Sam's voice cracked against raw tissue and he rubbed at his throat gingerly.

"Morning has come and gone, Sam. You were off line for nearly two joors. However, you'll be happy to note that your fever broke just before the new solar cycle began." Ratchet turned his gaze to the boy who was peering out of the blankets, tilting his head at the odd look the boy sported upon his face. "Is there a problem?"

Throwing the blankets aside, Sam sat up and looked to the spot he knew Bumblebee occupied. "Translation, Bee?"

The yellow Camaro stretched, gears creaking from a night spent in vigil out in an open field. "You were out for over twelve hours. Your fever broke just before the sun came up." Bumblebee said throwing what could only be a smirk in Ratchet's direction. "Ratchet might be a genius when it comes to mechs and meds, but he's always the last one to figure out local time keeping systems."

A brief rumble emitted from Ratchet's chest, a sound like that of a dog growling. "You do realize that I could always disable your voice modulator again, Bumblebee."

Bumblebee brushed the threat aside and switched on his radio. "One of these days you're gonna get / What's comin' to you / Cause you're all talk, no action." (Bon Jovi, "All Talk and No Action") A rock connected squarely with Bumblebee's forehead leaving a small dent and the young mech looked up at Ratchet in disbelief.

"Think of that the next time you-."

Sam broke in on the argument, his voice nearly frantic. "Twelve hours? I was out for twelve hours? Mom is going to kill me! Do you know what she'll d-?" Sam's voice failed as a coughing fit overcame him. Ratchet shifted positions behind him but Sam signaled him to keep his distance. When he caught his breath again, the boy squared his shoulders and finished his tirade at a more reasonable decibel level. "Mom is going to kill me. It's as simple as that. She is going to ground me for life and then she is going to kill me."

Ratchet snorted. "Come now! I'm certain your mother wouldn't kill you. It is unthinkable for a responsible, sane parent like your mother to do such a thing, especially when you have a viable excuse."

Sam laughed a short and mirthless sound. "Let's see here…. I went out after she told me to stay in bed and worse, I didn't come home. No phone call. No excuses." Pulling at his hair in a subconscious show of distress, Sam sighed in defeat. "You, my friends, are looking at a dead man walking."

"It's all right, Optimus explained everything." Bumblebee interrupted with a laugh.

Head snapping back so quickly that Ratchet was sure the boy had broken something, Sam leveled a wary gaze at the mech. "What is that supposed to mean?" He asked, feeling a sudden chill work its way between his shoulders like a blade pressed to bare skin.

"That Optimus explained everything," Bumblebee repeated. The blade at Sam's back pressed a little harder, bringing numbness in its wake.

"He didn't…. He wouldn't…." Eyes frantically scanned the surrounding area for the presence of a certain eighteen wheeler and found none.

"He did," Ratchet's voice chimed in. Noting the look on the boy's face he hastily added, "It isn't what you think, Sam. Your parents didn't see Prime face to face. He tapped into a communications frequency your kind use and called your parents on your behalf. They think he is an officer and that you were with him last night."

Blinking a few times, Sam let lose the laugh of a wounded animal. "Great. So instead of being a delinquent son, I'm a delinquent son who spent the night in jail. Gee. Thanks."

Glancing at each other, Bumblebee and Ratchet both started laughing. Loudly. Sam was forced to cover his ears against the onslaught of engine revving laughter and metal clanking knee slaps. Shaking his head, Sam's guardian straightened to his full height and smiled down at him. Sam cautiously lifted a hand from his ear as Bumblebee spoke. "Your parents don't think you spent the night in jail. They think you spent it on a ride-along which, as Prime explained, you will be doing in addition to other activities for the next orn. He called it a 'student work study program'."

"Huh?" He would be doing what for what?

"Two weeks," Ratchet replied, returning Bumblebee's earlier smirk to its sender. "An orn is roughly two human weeks." He must have looked up a few things during the conversation, although Sam could not imagine when he had gotten the chance.

"Oh," was Sam's reply. Head spinning from more than the fast paced discussion, Sam leaned back onto his pillow. He still did not understand. Maybe he was still feverish, but nothing was making sense at that moment. Closing his eyes in an attempt to clear his mind, Sam repeated back portions of the conversation.

"Optimus talked with my parents?"

"Yes," Bumblebee replied.

"He did this over the phone?"

"Yes."

"And they think he is an officer who is going to teach me the trade over the next two weeks?"

"Yes."

Pause.

Brown eyes open and the boy smiles. "So I have two weeks off from school during which I will be free to spend every waking moment with you guys?"

Ratchet grinned at the exchange, "By Primus, the boy can be taught!"

The Moonlessnight: Short, sweet, and to the point. This chapter is actually just a bridge to the rest of the chapters. I hadn't intended to make this into a multi-chapter fic, so this is a necessary evil. I hope I didn't stray too far. I'm really not awake right now. …And yes, I know Optimus is absent at the moment. I know where he is and you will too, in time. Until the next post!