The Ironic Things in Life
Disclaimer: Tra, la la la...nope, still not mine...
Edit in chapter 4: Well, a little birdie told me that Seifer had green eyes...well, actually it was Verdanii. Thanks Verdanii! To be honest, I had no freaking idea what colour eyes Seifer had. :p
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"God damnit!"
"Squall, what the hell…?"
"GOD DAMNIT!"
Squall was pacing the lounge room furiously.
"Will you tell me what happened at least?" Irvine asked, covering his face at Squall's behaviour.
Squall slashed his arm through thin air.
"Seifer!"
Now Irvine understood almost everything. Seifer could get Squall into a fit of rage which no one, except Rinoa, had ever come close to challenging. Irvine still couldn't understand how Squall and Seifer had managed to become friends.
"What did Seifer do?"
Squall stopped pacing and glared at Irvine as if he was Seifer.
"He was fraternising with the enemy!"
Irvine looked bewildered.
"We have an enemy! What enemy!"
Squall resisted the urge to kick Irvine out the window.
"RINOA!"
Understanding dawned onto Irvine's lean face.
"Oh, well she's not really an enemy…"
"What the hell are you talking about! Of course she's an enemy! My enemies are your enemies!"
Irvine rolled his eyes.
"That's a nice thought."
-----
"Woo hoo!" Selphie Tilmitt exclaimed as she sent rolls of streamers flying out of her hands that landed halfway across the room.
Quistis looked on at the proceedings with utter disapproval and disbelief.
"Selphie," she decided to say, "I don't think that's the best way to decorate for a birthday party."
Selphie turned her emerald green eyes onto Quistis for a brief second.
"It's fun, Quisty!"
With that, Selphie turned around and started flinging balloons randomly across the floor.
Quistis rubbed her temples and settled on reading a book to distract herself from Selphie's unorderly way of decorating the apartment for her birthday party.
Zell bounded across the room, dodging balloons and sparkly things, and headed to the fridge to look for something edible.
Rinoa came out of her room and joined Quistis at where she was sitting on the sofa.
Quistis threw Rinoa a smile.
"How've you been, Rin?"
Rinoa shrugged, and watched as Selphie blew up a bright pink balloon.
"Fine, I guess."
"How's work been?"
"Fine."
Quistis sighed.
"Look Rin, if you're still upset about…"
Quistis became distracted by Selphie's balloon blowing up in her face.
Rinoa watched as Selphie rubbed the spot where the balloon had popped on, Selphie hoping that no one had noticed the embarrassing moment.
Unfortunately Zell had noticed Selphie's little disaster, and he laughed as he walked carelessly across the room with a bowl of ice cream.
"I'm over that, Quisty."
"Then why are you depressed?"
"I don't know. I just am."
"Rin, if there's something wrong you can tell me. I'm always here for you."
"I know, Qui…"
Rinoa and Quistis both jumped out of their skin as Zell stepped on a balloon and landed on his bum, whilst his bowl of ice cream trickled down his head.
"Oh, that's really sweet Zell, really sweet," Selphie commented, as choc chip pieces fell onto his cheek.
Zell shrugged and simply grinned as he stuck out his tongue and licked them off.
"EWW!" the three girls chorused unanimously.
-----
As Seifer walked into the apartment, the first thing he saw was a scowling Squall standing in the centre of the room.
"What's wrong with you?" he asked, pulling off his trench coat that had red crosses on the arms.
Squall's scowl deepened.
"If you're going to serenade to someone like her, then consider yourself an ex-flatmate."
Seifer walked forward until he was inches away from Squall.
"Been spying on us, have you? Learn something, Puberty Boy?"
Squall's face remained impassive, but inside he was bottling up all his anger.
"I haven't been spying. I happened to be going…"
"Cut the crap, Queenie. I can talk to whoever the hell I want."
Squall's anger was just about to release itself, and he couldn't think of a reasonable comeback.
Seifer snickered.
"Grow up, Puberty boy," he taunted, "And if you like her that much, why don't you apologise and ask her out before someone else does."
Squall balled up his fists.
"I DON"T LIKE HER!"
Seifer threw his trench over Squall's head.
"Tell that to someone who'll believe ya."
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"Talk to me," Irvine said, as he answered the phone.
"Hi, Irvy poo!"
"Hi, Sefie baby bottom. I missed you sooo much."
"I missed you too, my hunky bean pole."
"Awe, my snooky pooky, I missed you the mostest. So, what's happening?"
"It's my birthday tomorrow and I'm having a party. You have to come!"
Irvine smiled slyly into the phone.
"How can I refuse a beautiful lady like you?"
"You mean a bloody Chihuahua," Squall muttered, as he flicked through the newspaper.
Irvine glared at Squall, forgetting that he had been sitting there the entire time.
"What? Oh, nothing Sef. It was just moose."
"A moose?"
"Huh? No, I mean a mosquito."
"Oh, well what do you think? Will my honey bunny be able to make it?"
"Selphie, I have to tell you something," another voice said.
"Huh? Irvine, is that you?"
"Yes, it's me. I'm sorry, Selphie…..but….I'm GAY!"
"WHAT!"
"WHAT!" Irvine cried at the same time.
"Oh, Irvy, how could you?" Selphie cried.
"I'm…what the? Who the hell is that?" Irvine demanded.
"Selphie, angel toes, I'm so sorry…but I've been cheating on you."
"Irvine, I can't believe you'd do this to me! I thought you loved me!"
"No!" Irvine cried, flustered.
"You mean you never loved me…?" Selphie questioned.
"No…no, I didn't mean that 'no'. I meant no, I'm not ga…..oh for god's sake!"
"Fine, Irvine! Have it your way!"
The line went dead and Irvine leaned back on the couch, bewildered.
Squall looked at him, highly amused at the conversation that had just taken place.
"Who the hell…" Irvine wondered, and then it dawned on him as Seifer emerged from his room, holding onto the cordless phone and his stomach from laughter.
Irvine stood up stiffly, his eyes wide.
"You…you…"
"Me…me…" Seifer mocked, his laughter subsiding for the time being.
"GOD DAMNIT, SEIFER! I'M GOING TO FREAKING KILL YOU!"
Irvine jumped over the couch as Seifer ran for the front door, and he followed him.
Squall got up and walked over to the window just in time to see Irvine chasing Seifer down the street and around the corner, screaming like a deranged lunatic.
Squall let out the laughter that he had been holding in, and returned to reading the newspaper, a smile lingering on his face.
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"WAAAAAAH!" Selphie screamed, causing Quistis, Zell and Rinoa to jump out of their skins.
"Sef, it's ok," Quistis said, soothingly.
"NO, IT'S NOT! I MADE HIM GAY!"
Zell scratched his head.
"How do you know he wasn't already gay?"
"ZELL DINCHT! ARE YOU CALLING MY BOYFRIEND GAY?"
Zell leapt back, crashing into the kitchen sink.
"Er…no….I…"
"Do you know who he's gay with?" Rinoa ventured to ask.
Selphie shook her head, looking deeply depressed.
Quistis patted her back.
"I think you should go over there and talk to him about it."
"But phone to make sure he's at home first," Rinoa suggested.
Zell handed Selphie the phone in hopes of redeeming himself.
"Hello? Who's this?" Selphie demanded, as a male picked up the phone.
"Squall Leonhart."
Selphie wiggled her eyebrows vigorously in Rinoa's direction, motioning for her to come closer to the phone.
"This is Selphie Tilmitt, and I want the truth. Are you gay with Irvine?" Selphie asked.
"I sincerely hope not."
"Good! Now, is he at home?"
"By 'he' I suppose you mean Irvine? No, he's gone out for a run with a 'friend'. He should be back soon."
"With a friend? Is the friend a male?"
"As far as I know, he is. Unless he decided that being a drag queen was his chosen career path."
Selphie covered her mouth in shock. Her worst fears were confirmed. Irvine was dating a guy!
"Well, I'm coming over. I need to have a serious word with him."
"Fine, but I'm going out soon. I'll put the key to the apartment under the front door's mat just in case Irvine and his 'friend' are delayed."
"Thanks so much, Squall," Selphie said, hanging up and turning back to her friends.
"Well?" Quistis asked.
"IT'S TRUE! IT'S ALL TRUE!" Selphie wailed.
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"GOD DAMNIT, SEIFER!" Irvine yelled, as the two men finally raced back to their apartment.
"Give it up, freeloader!" Seifer retorted, running straight for his room.
"NOT UNTIL I KILL YOU!"
Irvine just barely managed to stop Seifer from closing his door.
"Got you now, Almasy."
Seifer rolled his eyes.
"Oooh, I'm so scared. What's the worst you can do, Kinneas? Tickle me?"
Irvine's face turned red and he jumped on Seifer, causing the both of them to fall onto his bed.
"I'm going to MURDER you!" Irvine yelled, punching Seifer's face.
Seifer easily blocked the enraged man's attacks as easily as if he were swatting a fly.
"Is that all you can do, Kinneas?" Seifer taunted, "My grandmother could hit better than you!"
Irvine growled and punched Seifer harder than before, as Seifer defended himself, laughing at the fact that Irvine hit like a little girl.
Seifer's eyes suddenly landed on a figure standing at the door that he didn't recognise, but he noticed a pair of forest green eyes complimenting the girl and realised that this must be the 'green-eyed sprite' that Irvine was always talking about. Seeing the shocked expression on the girl's face, Seifer decided to milk it for all it was worth.
Seifer wrapped his arms around Irvine's neck.
"Oh, Irvine baby. Oh yeah, you're so good."
Irvine stared down at the blonde that he was attacking, hoping that Seifer was either having a seizure or had become mentally unstable.
"Irvine baby, why did you stop?" Seifer asked, rubbing a callused hand against Irvine's cheek.
"Seifer, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Irvine demanded, climbing off him.
"Irvine!" Selphie chose to say at that exact moment.
A choking noise came out of Irvine's throat, and he tumbled onto the floor.
"Se...Selphie…?" he asked, hoping that he had just imagined that she was standing right in front of him.
Selphie's bottom lip quivered as she tried not to cry.
"I'd almost convinced myself that you were heterosexual, but now you're at it with him like a god damn rabbit!"
"No, Selphie! It's not what you think!" Irvine tried to explain.
"No! I don't want to hear another word from you, Irvine Kinneas! I HATE YOU!"
With that, Selphie stormed away.
Irvine looked at his girlfriend's retreating figure, feeling completely helpless.
Over on the bed, Seifer easily laughed at Irvine's misfortune.
"That was bloody priceless! Priceless, I tell ya!"
Irvine slowly stood up, his entire body shaking with white hot rage.
"Seifer…" was the only warning he gave before he knocked the muscular blonde to the floor.
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Rinoa lay fast asleep, clutching the letter in her delicate hand.
After another day of worrying about the contents that the letter held, she had fallen into an uneasy sleep.
In his room, Zell Dincht glanced at his clock and saw that it read 11:17. He figured that Rinoa would be asleep by now.
Without making a sound, Zell grabbed his camera and left his room. He made his way across the lounge room and towards Rinoa's room. Pressing his ear to the door to make sure that all was quiet, he opened it and stepped inside.
Zell crept over to Rinoa's bed and noticed the piece of paper in her pale hand. Carefully, he teased it out and read through the letter, his eyes widening at what it said.
Deciding that this news would be very important to remember, he placed the letter beside the sleeping girl and took a step back.
Aiming the camera at her, he pressed the button and the camera flashed.
A/N: It happens to the best of us (and the worst) and I shamelessly admit it...I had writer's block! I would've had this chapter up ages ago but I just couldn't think of how to present it...but it's up! YAY! And I'm quite proud of it...so patience does lead to a good final product (most of the time).
Hehe, Zellie is a pervert, Zellie is a pervert! Well, actually he's not but we can all just pretend. :p
Well, as for Irvine and Seifer; I think they're too busy arguing to put their plan into action, but don't worry they'll "attempt" to accomplish it in the upcoming chapters.
Now, thanks goes out to my reviewers. I love reading your reviews, so keep 'em coming! And for those of you can be "bothered" to read my story but can't be "bothered" to review, shame on you. :(
Keep reading and reviewing, guys. :)