Disclaimer: I do not own "Transformers" in any way, shape, or form. They are the property of Hasbro, Michael Bay, and all the other masters of the craft. I am just a humble college student and make no money from this.

The Moonlessnight: A quick bit to set the hunt in motion followed quickly by an interesting little situation. This is going to be one heck of a house hunt!

Squeak

Captain Lennox arrived in the field early the next morning looking conspicuously nonchalant about the whole situation. A very large, thick folder marked in governmental blue tucked safely under his arm, the soldier calmly climbed out of Ironhide's cab. Back straight, shoulders squared and wearing army dress, he strode across the field to stop with a crisp salute in front of Optimus. Keeping a wary distance, Sam took in every detail from pressed cap to polished shoes with growing curiosity. "Per governmental consent and given authority by Defense Secretary John Keller himself, I hereby present you with this decree of refugee status for yourself and all those under your command," the captain's voice sounded as crisp as his starched jacket collar, "I also have the honor of presenting you with this list of possible locations for refugee settlement."

Optimus knelt and the folder, seeming much smaller now, passed to his left hand as he returned the soldier's salute with his right. "Both are accepted with the gratitude of my people, Captain Lennox."

The formalities apparently appeased, Lennox stood at ease and snatched the hat from his head with a sigh. "Now, the next time you decide you need something try calling me before you go and call the Secretary at his house. Keller's lovely voice ranting over the phone for two hours straight ruined an otherwise pleasant evening."

Murmuring apologies, Optimus bowed his massive head, "I imagine your femme was not happy with the situation either. I am truly grateful for your sacrifices concerning this matter, Captain Lennox."

Waving the words off with a shrug, Lennox smiled, "It got me out of a lunch date with Sarah's mother so I'm not complaining, and for the last time call me Will. I might be a military man, but off the field of battle titles are just an annoying formality."

Nodding, Optimus turned his attention to the folder he now held and the conundrum of how to handle the documents within. "Your preference of naming conventions is duly noted, Will. Now to scan these…documents…." Paper drifted down on Lennox, who snapped a few pages from the air and then sighed in utter defeat as more followed. Despite Optimus' most gentle touch, the thin sheeted documents had slid as he thumbed the folder open. An attempt at straightening the pile had resulted in the proverbial paper rain.

Sam came forward then, bending down to pick up papers as he walked. He was mildly surprised when Lennox shoved a disheveled stack under his nose and motioned for him to take it. "Start sorting, kid. We've got to get these pages back in order or Keller will have my hide."

Dropping to the ground with a weary sigh of his own, Sam did as he was told but muttered quietly, "I knew this was going to be one of those days."

Two and a half hours later….

Sam placed the last page of the document carefully back into the folder, having just finished holding it up for Optimus to scan. While the mech possessed incredible processing abilities, scanning all 473 pages with their infinitesimally small print had taken time. Feeling every second of that time in burning fingers and sore wrists, Sam closed the folder and carefully deposited it in the waiting hands of Captain Lennox. "Could you do me a huge favor, Captain Lennox?" Sam asked, massaging life back into his hands as he spoke.

Glancing up briefly as the Autobots began one of their swirling, click-filled conversations Lennox answered, "What's that, kid?"

"Have your government buddies send this stuff in electronic form next time, like in a flash drive or on a laptop or something. Otherwise, they can play human easel for our friends here."

Chuckling, Lennox tugged at his shirt collar and shifted his feet, "Wearing this get up isn't exactly comfortable either, but Secretary Keller insisted that this be as official an affair as possible. He would have been here himself, but he said he had an important meeting."

"Golfing?" Sam quipped.

"Sleeping actually," the answer from behind them and both teen and military man alike spun on their heels. Eyes coming level with a broad chest, Sam tilted his head to gaze up at the face of one Technical Sergeant Epps. "How are you doing Sam?"

Epps' large hand patted Sam's back in a friendly gesture, making the teen wince as bruised flesh protested the treatment. "I was all right until you did that." Concerned looks from Epps and Lennox brought a sheepish smile to Sam's face. "I did a summersault right onto my back yesterday and my shoulders haven't forgiven me yet. Not one of my more graceful moments."

Remembering his own teenage years none too fondly, Epps nodded with a laugh. "I bet the bots here had a good laugh at that one."

Noting the youth's nervous glance at the large medical mech across the way, Lennox guessed the truth of the matter and quickly changed the subject. "So, what brings you to our humble field, Epps? I thought you were out in Mission City helping with the clean up."

At this, a grin spread across Epps face. He produced a small envelope from his jeans pocket and passed it to Sam. "It's from Keller and his crew regarding your upcoming road trip."

"What road trip?" Sam asked, eyeing the golden eagle seal on the envelope.

"The one you will accompany us on as we locate a suitable base, Sam Witwicky. That is, if you accept the mission." This voice boomed from behind him, making the boy spin on his heel once again. Snapping his head back to look almost straight up, Sam almost missed the sound of footsteps approaching behind him.

"You will accept it, Sam," Lennox laid his hand gently across the boy's shoulders. "The position was offered to me originally, but I've got a wife and kid to worry about right now. Thanks to Optimus you, on the other hand, have a two week 'get out of school free' card."

Wondering just how Will knew about that particular arrangement, Sam opened his mouth only to have Epps cut him off with a playful punch to the arm. "Sam, my man, per the U.S. government you have an all expenses paid trip around the states riding with your buddies here. I wouldn't say no if I were you."

Finally putting two and two together, the young boy smiled and tore into the envelope Epps had given him earlier. What he saw typed in black and white, brought forth a wild laugh. Reading out loud, he could not keep the excitement from his voice:

"By unanimous consent bill 76452, hereto after referred to as the Alien Refugee Camp Project (or ARC), has passed the bar. In accordance with article four of said bill, a guide of the refugees' choosing shall accompany them to all sites listed under articles five through ten to ascertain their suitability to the purposes laid forth in articles one through two." Sam paused for a moment, making a mental note to ask Bumblebee for a simplified explanation of the bill he was sure Lennox's folder had contained. Sweeping a hand through his hair in growing anticipation, "Expenses accrued in the course of the ARC project are to be considered rendered in the act of offering international aid until the budget committee supplies further provisions. Signed and upheld by all present including Secretary of Defense John Keller, National Treasurer Lee Reynolds, and International Ambassador Jacob Jameson this, the twelfth day of August in the 2007th year common era."

Eyes drifting over the all the official signatures, watermarks, and the seal at the bottom of the page, Sam's knees went weak. Shoring the boy up with a hand on his arm, Lennox smiled. "The bottom signature is from the president himself," he whispered in his ear. As Sam all but fell against his shoulder, the soldier laughed. From his position some twenty feet away Ratchet snorted, drawing the man's gaze.

"A breem out of my sight and the boy goes and overloads his processor," the medic laughed, "Typical."

Later that day….

The oddest car caravan in existence sped down the interstate, kicking up a sizable cloud of dust in their wake. Led by an eighteen-wheeler and including an ambulance in its ranks, said caravan would have drawn many strange looks if anyone had seen them. Thankfully, the roads were relatively empty at the moment and the sole driver in the four car procession would not have it any other way.

Sam reclined in Bumblebee's seat, one hand thrust out the open window as he enjoyed the feel of the wind against his face. The stereo blasted his favorite song, a techno mix that the yellow mech had introduced him to, the little bee and dice tapping rhythmically against the mirror as they sped down the road. They had been traveling for a few hours now with the city far behind them and Bumblebee enjoyed the freedoms proffered as a result of a relatively empty road by bobbing his chassis to the music. Hitting an inconveniently placed pothole in the middle of a bobbing motion made his landing mid-song a little rougher than the mech intended and Sam squeaked in protest.

About to berate his friend for squeaking like a femme, Bumblebee fell silent when another squeak escaped the human's frame followed promptly by another. Clicking the radio off, Bumblebee turned his attention inwards, noting the hitch in the boy's breathing with each odd noise. "Sam, are you all right?" He asked, worry evident in the disembodied voice.

Another squeak and then, "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" The words were punctuated by more squeaks that ended in a particularly loud one.

Trying to swallow his fear since Sam showed none, Bumblebee asked, "If you're fine, why is your air system registering an audible glitch? It sounds almost like a grease-deprived joint creaking."

Sam attempted to laugh through the persistent 'glitches', even slapping the steering wheel in his mirth. "They're called 'hiccups', Bumblebee, and they're nothing to worry about. They are annoying, but they usually go away on their own."

Listening despite the fact that every other word was punctuated by the strange sounds, Bumblebee cocked an invisible eyebrow. "How did you contract these 'hiccups'?" He asked.

The human shrugged a slight shift of his shoulders against Bumblebee's leather interior. "Probably the little scare you gave me back there with that landing, but who knows? These things come and go at random."

"Oh," the short reply came. Silence descended then save the random hiccups that escaped the young teen. One minute melted to five and five minutes melted into ten. Fifteen minutes and many squeaks later, Bumblebee sighed. "All right, Sam. How do you make them stop?"

Shrugging again, Sam sighed. "Usually, my dad scares the crap out of me, but I guess I could try some of the other methods." Fishing around on the passenger side floorboard, Sam pulled a bottle of water from his supply stash. "Basically, I hold my breath, guzzle this bottle of water, and hope it resets whatever it is that scare put out of whack."

Growing more annoyed by the sounds by the minute, Bumblebee revved his engine. "Please do." Sam did so, sitting in blissful silence for a few brief seconds before another hiccup took him by surprise. "That didn't work very well, Sam."

"Tell me about it," Sam muttered, crossing his arms as annoyance stirred within him as well. Another ten minutes and several attempts at holding his breath later, Sam threw his hands in the air. "I hate having the hiccups!"

"Yeah, well I hate the sound of hiccups, so we're even," Bumblebee muttered, casting his scanners about in an attempt to distract himself. Picking up the signature of an F-14 Tomcat entering his sensor range, an idea sparked in his processor and Bumblebee quickly texted the other Autobots to explain the situation and to propose his solution. Picking up on the mech's frustration, they quickly agreed.

Sam slammed against the seatbelt as Bumblebee hit the brakes, skidding to a halt right behind Optimus who had made a sudden stop. Rubbing his chest where the belt had cinched against him, Sam looked around for the reason of the halt. Finding nothing, he leaned forward in the seat. "What's up, Bee? Why did everyone stop?" The roar of a jet engine sounded nearby and Sam's blood ran cold. "Tell me that isn't-."

"Starscream!" Bumblebee's voice screamed in Sam's ears and he bailed from the Camaro, expecting to hear the sounds of gears and blasters at any moment. He ducked, hands over his head, as he curled up behind a conveniently placed bush. Several long minutes passed before he realized that the jet had passed harmlessly overhead and no one had started blasting anyone. Raising his head cautiously to look around, Sam was both shocked and hurt to hear laughter drifting from the Autobot convoy.

Standing quickly, he strode over to the nearest car (which just happened to be the Camaro) and kicked the tire as hard as he could. Sam cursed at the pain that lanced though his abused foot and limped his way to the front seat, crawling back into the driver's seat. "What was that, huh Bee? What on Earth was that?"

Still laughing even as Sam smacked the steering wheel, Bee asked, "Are they gone now, Sam?"

Blinking in confusion, Sam sat up straight when he realized what Bumblebee spoke of. Sitting in blissful silence for a few minutes, he slowly nodded his head. "Yeah, but don't you ever do that to me again!"

Smacking the steering wheel once more for good measure, Sam settled back into the seat before succumbing to peels of side aching laughter.

The Moonlessnight: There you have it. As with previous chapters, I have tweaked cannon to fit the new movie-verse. This time, it was a reworking of the Ark into the Alien Refugee Camp (ARC). I realize it is not the same spelling, but what can you do? I get the feeling Optimus will change the program name once the base is built anyway, so until then this will have to do.

Let me know what you think by leaving a review. Thanks! --grins like a cat-- Until the next post!