Chapter Four – Cuts like a Knife
"Dessler."
"Hey…listen…Jack's bringing a few of the suspects here. Can you set up a couple of holding rooms for me and get Interrogation One ready?"
Michelle pushed her hair behind her ears and leaned away from her computer. It had been a relatively busy few hours so far. A lead they'd been working up for the better part of the week had finally panned out and a tactical team had apprehended three suspects just moments before.
"Yeah. No problem. I'll forward the search grid I was working on to Gael."
"Thanks and um…once that's done you can run our side, okay?"
Michelle crinkled her brow in surprise without even realizing it.
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I'll hang out on the floor in case something comes up. Just make sure you get the report to me when you're done."
"Thanks."
"Alright…Let me know when you're set up."
Half an hour later Michelle watched Jack and a few guards escort one of the suspects into Interrogation One.
"Everything ready?" Jack checked with her before entering the room.
Michelle nodded and handed him the person's file. "Richards is on standby in case you need him. Chloe's running Comm."
"Did you raise the thermostat?"
"Yeah, ten degrees"
"Good." Jack nodded curtly, slipped his jacket off his shoulders and handed it to one of the guards with a murmur of thanks.
"Tell Tony I'm getting started."
"No problem."
Jack pushed his sleeves above his elbows and opened the one door while Michelle stepped inside the other.
"How are the readings?" she asked Chloe.
"We're plugged into his vitals. Everything looks good."
She grabbed the phone and dialed Tony's extension.
"Jack's about to start. I'll let you know when we have anything."
She put on the headset and tapped the microphone lightly.
"Whenever you're ready Jack…"
"Tony?" Adam's voice came over the phone
"Yeah?" Tony lay back against his chair, the day was barely half over and already he was tired.
"Danny Dessler's on the line for the Michelle. He says it's important."
Tony frowned. To his knowledge, Danny hadn't called Michelle at work since the day of the bomb.
"She's running interrogation right now."
"Yeah I tried to tell him that. This is the fourth time he's called." Adam apologized, his voice laced with annoyance. "He just keeps saying it's important."
"Alright…" Tony leaned his forehead in his hands, wondering what was so urgent. "Just patch him through to me."
"Sure." Adam transferred the call. "Go ahead Tony..."
"Danny, Michelle's doing something for me right now…I can have her call you back when she's done."
Danny, Tony noted, sounded incredibly shaky when he finally did speak.
"It can't wait, it's important. I wouldn't have called here if it wasn't."
"I know, but she's in interrogation." Tony lowered his voice. "I can't interrupt right n–"
"Tony, it's our dad."
Tony's stomach dropped.
"What?"
"He had a stroke."
A hand wiped the cold sweat from Tony's forehead.
"Is he okay?"
"He's uh…" Danny stuttered. "He's stable for now but…"
"Are you in DC?"
Danny nodded to no one's benefit but his own and gave Tony the name of the hospital.
"She'll be there." he stated flatly and slammed the phone down.
A minute later Tony reluctantly picked up the phone again.
"Gael, meet me downstairs in one minute."
"Something wrong?"
"I'll explain when I get there."
Less than five minutes later the door to the Observation room swung open and Tony stepped inside, followed closely by Gael. Michelle looked up when he entered and frowned.
"What's going on?" she stared between the two looking perplexed, until Gael came to stand beside her chair with an apologetic look on his face. Tony glanced over at Jack, who was now seated across from the prisoner.
"Tony?" she tried again. "What's going on?"
Tony glanced at Gael and nodded wordlessly for him to take a seat. "If Jack takes a break tell him I need to see him right away." He told him firmly before finally looking at Michelle.
Her eyes focused on him expectantly, the confusion evident in her expression, refusing to move until she was given an explanation.
"I need to talk to you." He spoke to her, trying not to think about how much he was going to upset her in a few minutes time. He, of all people, knew how close she was to her dad. Hell, her Christmas present the previous year had been a trip to see him because she missed him so much.
"What's wrong?" her voice interrupted his thoughts.
Tony bit his lip. "I'll explain in a minute...c'mon."
Her stomach clenched as Michelle tried, without success, to read Tony's face. It wasn't a look of annoyance or anger, (she knew that look all too well). Now, his tone was soft and his movements were exceptionally gentle as he escorted her out of the room.
Neither said another word as they moved across the bullpen, and when the door to Tony's office closed he motioned for her to take a seat on the couch. She obliged reluctantly and he leaned backwards against his desk, arms folded across his chest.
"Tony..." she half-begged as he continued to observe her silently while he tried to buy himself some time.
"Danny called." he began slowly. "He said it was important so I talked to him while you were with Jack."
"So..." her voice became uneven, her windpipe swelled and her lungs constricted, so the most she could produce was an airy whisper. She cleared her throat. "So what'd he want?"
Tony's jaw shifted and his eyes grew a little watery as he watched Michelle play with the edge of her skirt and chew on the corner of her mouth.
"I'm a little sketchy on the details still but..." God this really wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that Michelle had to have this happen to her, and he felt equally horrible for having to be the one to tell her.
"Your dad...he had a stroke."
Michelle's eyes prickled and threatened to spill water over her lashes.
"Did um…" her head fell into her hands and she couldn't quite remember what she'd been planning on asking him when Jack rapped lightly on the glass and pushed the door open.
"Tony, Gael said you needed to see me…" his voice dropped slightly when he noticed Michelle and he shot Tony a questioning look as she pulled her head out of her hands.
Tony indicated for Jack to follow him into the hallway and left Michelle sitting in a daze on the couch.
"Michelle's dad had a stroke." Tony stated quietly when they were out of earshot. "He's at a hospital in DC.
Jack glanced at Michelle through the glass; she was sitting erect now.
"If we get anything out of these guys you'll need to be here."
"I know…" Tony sighed. "But I can't just…"
Jack clawed at his brow and glanced at Michelle again, who was now pacing around the office anxiously.
"Did you try Chappelle?"
"He's in a meeting." Tony grimaced. "Look Jack, just bear with me for a little while until Michelle figures out what she wants to do, alright?"
"Will Gael be okay to run interrogation?"
"Yeah, I think so… I'll be back as soon as I can."
"Yeah, okay."
They returned briefly to Tony's office long enough for Jack to ask Michelle if she was okay. She was sitting back on the couch again, cell phone in hand. She snapped it shut.
"I'm fine, thanks Jack."
Tony nodded and Jack backed quietly out of the room, leaving the pair alone again.
"Hey..." Tony inched forward and touched her arm but Michelle pulled away.
"I'm fine Tony." she stated a little more abruptly than she'd intended. "I just need to get my things together. There's a flight in a few hours if I can get to the airport by then…" she glanced at her watch quickly.
"I'll forward all my active protocols to Adam." She sprung up regaining her composure. "Hopefully I can get everything sent to him before Jack's done interrogating-"
"Michelle you don't have to do this..." he grabbed hold of her elbow and pulled her towards him. Her eyes remained fixated on the door until she finally spoke, looking directly at him.
"Yes I do."
He sighed and released her from his grip.
"I'll try Chappelle again..."
"What for?"
He looked surprised. "You're not going by yourself."
"No…" she told him firmly. "No, don't do that. It's better this way anyway."
"You don't want me to come?"
"If Jack and Gael get anything out of these guys you'll need to be here."
"Michelle…"
"It's better this way." She told him firmly, but he remained looking skeptical, even when he finally conceded.
"Okay." He moved to the desk and reached for his wallet and car keys. "Get your stuff. I'll take you to the airport."
She seemed to be considering this as well.
"Michelle…" he stated in a tone that suggested it wasn't up for negotiation. "I'm taking you to the airport."
"Alright." She swallowed hard. "Thanks."
In less than an hour they were driving down the highway to LAX, a bag of clothes packed for Michelle and reservations made on the next flight to Washington thanks to a few airport officials owing Tony a couple of favors.
Michelle hadn't said or done much of anything since CTU. Tony had kept glancing at her doubtfully as they drove waiting for her react in some way, shape, or form. Instead she kept her face blank and her eyes focused on the road ahead and sidestepped any attempt he made to comfort her; especially physically. They made it through security in the nick of time and she waved him a quick "goodbye", promising to call when she got to the hospital before hurrying towards the gangway.
"Hey Tony," Jack pushed inside his office later that evening. "Did you read over that workup I sent you?"
Tony glanced upward from his computer screen, his mind obviously somewhere else. "Yeah. Adam's coordinating with the next shift to run a search on the names Malik gave us. They'll let us know if they come up with anything."
"Great, thanks."
Tony looked back towards the computer and Jack watched him carefully for a few seconds before closing the door and moving across the room.
"Did Michelle get to Washington okay?"
"I haven't talked to her…the plane landed a few hours ago."
Jack sat down on the couch and looked at Tony seriously.
"Is she okay?"
Tony shrugged and leaned back into his chair as he scratched the side of his face. "I don't know. She's barely said two words to me since she found out."
"She just needs some space."
Tony nodded and Jack rose.
"I'm gonna head home for the night" Jack patted his shoulder. "You should too." He headed towards the door and Tony looked up in time to see him leave.
"Night…" he called after him.
Michelle flew through the hospital, convinced she'd never moved this quickly in her entire life, and amazed how it still managed to be nothing close to fast enough for her. The cab she took from the airport had been caught in the tail end of rush hour and she had checked her watch approximately every three minutes throughout the entire trip; her sense of time completely warped.
Her conscience had been nagging at her the entire flight and she'd attempted to distract herself by thinking of something else. Something that wouldn't make her picture the condition he would be in when she arrived, or the state the rest of the family would be in for that matter. They would look to her, they always did, (probably because she would inherently take control of each and every situation whether she wanted to or not), and right now she couldn't afford to feel anything.
The elevator doors opened at the 7th floor and she rushed into the corridor, searching impatiently for someone to direct her. Thankfully, the nurse's station was only a few steps to her left and she sprinted towards the women sitting at the desk
"I'm looking for Andrew Dessler." She spoke hurriedly, snapping into calm, cool, and collected federal agent mode once again.
"702." The nurse responded half-heartedly and pointed in the general vicinity of the room.
"Michelle!" Danny called her name from across the hall and the nurse shot him a disapproving look as she picked up the phone.
"What happened?" Michelle called back over the ferocious clicking of her heels on the tiled floor.
"Uncle Jim called me. They took him to the hospital early this morning and the doctor said…" Danny's voice trailed off and he looked as though he was a few seconds away from an anxiety attack. Michelle, for the first time in her life, wanted to just hit him – hard – and knock some sense into him. Now was not the time for Danny to be freaking out. It certainly wasn't going to help the situation.
"Danny…" she tried to keep her voice steady.
"He just…they told me…"
"Danny!" she blasted finally and he stopped cold. "Look at me…"
He gulped and reached for her hands.
"You okay?"
He nodded.
"What'd the doctor say?"
"I dunno Michelle, I didn't really understand everything. He's stable, that's all I know."
Michelle pushed away abruptly from Danny and ran the rest of the way to the room. Her aunt was sitting bedside looking oddly solemn; her uncle was conversing quietly with who she presumed to be the doctor and had not noticed her. She ignored them and focused on the body lying in the bed between them. After her mother's death a few years prior her dad had moved back East to live with his brother and his wife. With her working all the time and Danny busy with his own family it had seemed like the best choice for everyone.
Now it made her feel awful. She could've been there sooner if he'd still lived in LA; she should've been there sooner. Maybe if he'd been living with her or close to her she could've done something else when it happened…
As much as Michelle knew it wasn't true, she couldn't help but think it. She couldn't help but think that whatever happened as a result of this she should've been able to counter in some way; she should've been able to help.
Her breath caught in her throat when her eyes began taking in the scene in more detail. Her father was lying there with IVs sticking out of his body, his breathing heavy and labored. His eyes were closed and he was attached to a respirator.
"Honey…thank god you made it." Her aunt rose from her chair and pulled her into a tight embrace.
"How are you doing?"
Michelle winced slightly, thinking of Tony asking her that early that afternoon. She was supposed to have called him when she landed.
"I'm fine. How's…"
Jim moved away from the doctor and embraced his niece. She sighed heavily against his shoulder and hugged back.
The doctor waited for them to part before extending his hand to Michelle.
"Ms Dessler? I'm Dr. Rosenthal."
"How is he?"
The doctor eyed her apologetically for a second before releasing her hand and speaking again. "They've been running tests all afternoon. Your father's had a massive stroke and he'll need to stay here for at least a few weeks. We can't say for certain how much brain function he's likely to recover. Right now he's just lucky to be alive."
Michelle felt nauseous.
"Either way recovery is going to be a long process. It'll be a few days before we know the extent of the damage and how permanent it is."
Michelle nodded, trying to block out her surroundings while she put the pieces together.
"I'll be back at the end of my rounds." Dr. Rosenthal assured them politely before exiting the room.
Jim had been watching Michelle carefully the entire time and a few seconds later squeezed her shoulder comfortingly before grabbing his wife's arm and leading her into the hallway as well.
When Michelle was alone she let out a deep breath and took a step towards his bed. She hovered for a few seconds before pulling up a chair. A few warm tears threatened to spill out of her eyes but she did not let them, not now. This wasn't about her.
God, he looked so thin. His bones stuck out of the pasty arm the IV was dripping into and his whole body looked emaciated and fragile. She was almost afraid to touch him, for fear she would only do more harm than good. Cautiously, she reached out a hand and pulled his own off the bed; offering a feeble squeeze to his bony fingers.
He was like ice, lacking any of the warmth she'd known him to always have. It felt like he was a different person. His face was gaunt, sunken; his veins were thick and purple under a layer of rubbery skin stretched far too tightly across what was left of him.
He stirred slightly after a few minutes and Michelle looked up towards his eyes. They were open now, just barely.
"Hey," she smiled softly. He struggled to speak but no words came out, only a few muted grunts. She shook her head and pressed her lips to the back of his fingers.
"Don't talk. It's okay."
He squeezed back almost unnoticeably and her eyes welled with fresh tears. She sniffled.
"It's gonna be okay." She promised gently and realized it was probably more for her benefit than it was for his. "We'll figure everything out."
His eyelids fell shut again and she released him from her grasp, determined to remain there as long as she had to.
She hadn't really noticed anyone coming back into the room for the next hour or so. Her aunt and uncle and Danny had decided to give her some time with Andrew by herself. It was Dr. Rosenthal who finally interrupted her.
"Ms. Dessler?"
She spun around quickly.
"I was just speaking with your family. You should go home…try and get some rest."
"I'm alright, thank you." She looked away.
"There's nothing you can do right now." He reminded her and her lower lip started to quiver. She hated when there was nothing she could do; she hated feeling useless, especially when someone she cared about needed help. She wanted to do something, anything...
"Please try and get some sleep." He insisted. "It's the best thing you can do right now. We'll call you if his condition changes; I'm on-call until tomorrow morning."
Michelle sighed and reluctantly rose from her chair.
"Thanks."
Her aunt smiled at Michelle and hugged her tightly when she emerged into the fluorescent lights.
"You ready to go home, honey? You look exhausted."
"We all look exhausted." She countered easily, before allowing herself to be led out of the hospital.
She settled into the back seat of her uncle's car with Danny on the other side of the bench and felt like a kid again. She was confused, unsure of herself, and half wished someone would just take her hand and lead her through everything for a change. She didn't want to be the one in charge and the one everyone else was looking to for guidance. She just wanted to be able to think about it; for what had just happened to really truly sink in so she could lose it if she wanted to, cry if she wanted to; stop worrying about what everyone else needed her to be and just focus on her dad...
She shifted against her seat uncomfortably and felt the weight of her cell phone pressing against her leg.
Damn. Tony.
He'd have been expecting her call hours ago. She'd promised she'd call. She should've called. She wanted to call it was just…Tony. He'd ask her if she was okay, if she needed him, and all she would want to do is admit she did need him, and break down in tears. All she wanted to do was ask him to take care of everything for her because she didn't feel like she could; she didn't feel like she was capable of it.
She wasn't about to call him in the car… He'd seemed so hurt earlier and she didn't want to have to explain that or justify her actions to him in front of her family. Besides he might've already figured out why she'd been so…cold from the time they'd left CTU to the time she'd stepped on the plane.
Knowing him he had figured it out.
Knowing him knowing her he had figured it out.
"Almeida."
"Hey," she managed a small smile for the first time in hours as she collapsed onto the bed and began pulling off her clothes.
"Hey," Tony sounded anxious and she could hear him moving around on the other end of the line. "What's going on?"
"I'm sorry I didn't call earlier."
"Don't worry about it." He brushed her off. "How's your dad?"
"The doctor said he had a massive stroke and they won't know how much brain function he retained for a few days at least and he probably…" she choked back a sob. "He'll probably need someone to look after him for the rest of his life."
"Honey…"
"It's my dad…" she spoke quietly. "Seeing him like that just…I can't even imagine…"
"Hey…" he cut her off. "Whatever happens you're there for him…and that's all that matters right now…"
"It's not that simple…"
"You don't know what his recovery will be like yet and until you do…"
"I know… I know. You're right."
Neither said anything for a few seconds.
"I'm gonna go to bed…We're gonna try and get back to the hospital early tomorrow."
"Alright."
"Did Jack get anything out of Malik?"
"Night shift is working up some leads for tomorrow. We'll see what happens."
She relaxed a little at the thought of work, and leaned back into her pillows.
"Let me know what you end up doing."
"Sure. I'll talk to you tomorrow?"
She forced herself to smile again. "Yeah. I'll call you when we leave the hospital."
"Okay. Night."
"Night."
It was only a few hours into her sleep when Michelle's cell phone jolted her awake…
Five minutes later the four of them stumbled into the car with Michelle behind the wheel.
Tony leaned back against his chair and tried to focus on the TV, as he had been doing unsuccessfully for the past few hours. Michelle's call hadn't done much to alleviate his worries. If anything, it had magnified them. She didn't sound…right. She didn't sound like herself. Actually, that was a lie, she sounded exactly like herself. She sounded exactly like a person who was trying her best to hang tough for everyone else.
With him she could fall to pieces, she knew that. Even if she didn't want to turn into a blubbering mess in front of everyone else she could do so in front of him. He'd take care of her. And that was, more than anything, why he'd wanted to go with her. He wanted to do for her what she did for everyone else.
Tony sighed and made to grab a beer from the fridge.
He hoped she was okay.
When she saw the doctor's face she knew. She'd pushed off the elevator just as he'd rounded a corner. She knew as soon as his eyes met hers.
"I'm so sorry…" was the only thing she really paid attention to. "There wasn't anything we could do…"
Danny latched onto her elbow and Michelle felt more than heard him start to cry. Her aunt collapsed into a chair shocked and her uncle's face fell into his hands as Michelle stood in the middle of the hallway, unsure of what to do next.
Her feet moved of their own accord, pulling her away from everyone and leading her into his room.
He was there; just as they'd left him.
Oh god, why'd she leave him? She'd already left him when she moved back to LA and she did it again. She left the hospital hours after he'd had a stroke. She'd left him alone to…
Michelle's throat swelled so much at the sight of him she was convinced she might suffocate. She probably would've if she'd even be breathing to begin with; but her breathing had stopped at that point. Oblivious now to everything that was in the room but her and that damn hospital bed, she studied it carefully; the dark form of her father contrasting sharply against the clinically white sheets.
"Ms. Dessler?" Dr. Rosenthal called her name gently but she didn't turn around. He reached forward and patted her shoulder sympathetically.
"Take your time."
She fought with all her might to stifle the sob that had risen in her throat; to swallow the lump that had formed in her chest. She blinked away the tingling that had begun in the corners of her eyes, brought a hand to her mouth and raised her eyes to the ceiling...
A few seconds later her family entered the room. Her aunt's gut wrenching sobs echoed loudly in the quiet at the instant they saw him, and Danny's own muffled cries weren't far behind. Jim lowered his gaze to the floor and dabbed the corners of his eyes with the back of his sleeve.
"Michelle…" he called to her and eased her into a tight embrace, his own vision fogged with tears.
She gulped hard and patted his back firmly before being pulled into Danny's arms and feeling him shake and sob against her.
That made it worse.
Someone crying against you always made things worse. She could feel how deeply affected he was; how devastated he was and it reminded her of exactly how devastated she was and her resolve to remain together faltered ever-so slightly. But someone had to do it. Someone had to organize the details of…she swallowed hard. Someone had to make sure everyone else was okay…
Besides, if she allowed herself the luxury of being upset right now, she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to stop crying.
She felt like she was choking; like someone had punched the wind right out of her. Her head was spinning and the colors of the room were blurring and she thought she might be sick at that very moment. She pushed Danny away, left the room without a word and ran down all seven flights of stairs until she reached the front doors of the hospital; fumbling for her phone and gasping in piercingly sharp mouthfuls of cold November air.
"Tony he…" she couldn't say it. Saying it would really make it true. Telling her husband would make it a fact, not a horrible dream that she was trying to remain in control of.
Tony's stomach fell when he heard her voice and he could almost feel her shaking through the phone.
"Michelle…"
"He's dead." She managed to steady her voice. "The hospital called a little while ago and said he was crashing and we didn't…get back in time."
"Michelle I'm-"
She cut him off.
"So I'll probably be home sooner than I thought. I think we should bury him in LA with…" she faltered.
"Your mom." He finished for her.
She brought a hand to her forehead and barely whispered: "Yeah."
A few loose tears slipped down her cheeks and she was grateful no one was around.
"I'll um…I'll start making arrangements in the morning…"
"Michelle…
"My uncle will help and I'm sure Danny will try to…they're pretty upset." She rambled on.
"Honey…"
"I can't think about it." She admitted heavily. "I can't think about it right now. Not when there's so much to do…someone has to take care of everything…"
"Why does that have to be you?"
"It just does, Tony." She snapped. "When my mom died it was me and this isn't any different."
"I'm here," he reminded her. "Okay? Whatever you need me to do."
More tears fell and she sniffled quietly.
"Thanks." She hesitated. "I should probably get back inside and see how everyone's doing. I'll call you when I know more."
"Are you gonna be okay?"
"Yeah…Yeah, I'll be fine."
The phone clicked and Michelle took a few deep, painful breaths before wiping her face clean of any remnants of tears and heading back into the hospital…