A/N: Thanks so much to everyone for their reviews; you guys are great! Word of warning this chapter is depressing too… I'm sorry! I thought it was necessary to include this chapter…I'll try my best to get back to happiness soon…lol : ).

November is hell month so no guarantees about when the next chapter will be up. These last two were pretty much already written but the next one has barely been started. Hopefully this can tide you over until I can sink my teeth into that.

Enjoy!

Chapter Five – Broken

Four days later was the funeral.

Michelle had spent the last three and half days at CTU working from one stack of paperwork to another, barely even lifting her head from her desk, let alone paying much attention to anyone else. Occasionally, Gael or Adam or someone from IT would approach her with a bit of caution and ask for clarification, or how she wanted a situation handled. She never snapped at them, never even looked annoyed or frustrated by their presence. She gave them the answer they needed in exactly the way they needed it and the only indication that anything had happened was if you managed to meet her eyes.

They gave her away.

No one at CTU, Jack included, noticed her avoidance of her husband over the days. They didn't realize that the only time she spoke to him at work was when funeral technicalities had been confirmed and she needed him to arrange the afternoon and evening off for the day of.

Occasionally he would call her, but at this point he'd taken a hint and knew not to push for some sort of reaction on her part. He'd known as soon as she stepped off the plane less than twelve hours after her father's death and had taken a few steps to the side when he tried to pull her into an embrace. Just like at work, she'd avoided his gaze. Her eyes had remained fixated on the ground and her face had been an odd combination of grief and resilience.

Home was the same, if not worse... She hadn't been upset; she hadn't been much of anything. She'd been…quiet. He hadn't been allowed anywhere close enough to touch her since her return. He felt like he, if no one else, could comfort her and he liked that. He wanted to ease whatever it was she was feeling, because he felt like it was something only he could do.

It was killing her.

She had admitted that much to herself. She'd thought about it on the plane ride home, on the ride to CTU every morning, lying in bed every night with her knees pulled into her chest and her back to Tony.

This…everything…was killing her, and she wasn't sure how much longer she'd be able to cope.

Someone had to be strong. Someone had to suck it up, bite the bullet; wait it all out long enough to get everything done.

And everyone expected it to be her. Whether they intended to put that pressure on her or not, they always expected it to be Michelle who held everything together…Michelle was the rock, Michelle was the tough one, Michelle hadn't even cried when her mom died; she'd stood beside her dad remaining stoic and composed and dealt with everything that got thrown at him that she didn't think he should have to deal with himself.

It was time to be the rock again. It never even occurred to her to rely on someone else for this; it was accepted. Hell, it was tradition.

Michelle would remain steeled against her emotions, regardless of who else there was to take care of everything; she had to. Loosing herself in the devastation of it all would only make it harder to pull herself together afterwards. Every little bit of emotion that escaped her control was all that much harder to pull back in the end.

It was like a rope without any slack, with all of her emotions, fears, and anxieties on one end, threatening to pull her into oblivion, and her common sense, rational and level-headedness holding the rope in place, preventing it from falling. If it slipped a little, it got all that much harder to hold. If it slipped too much she'd never be able to pull it back up.

She would deal with it; she had no other choice.

Michelle's aunt and uncle had flown into LA with her father's body. They were staying at a hotel a few minutes from the cemetery, along with anyone else visiting for the occasion. Most of his friends were still living in LA, or close to it, reaffirming that her decision to bury him there had been the right one.

She would've done it anyway.

That too, was partially self-motivated. She needed him close if nothing else. She needed to know that he was there on some level.

The gravesite was packed full of people, most bearing some semblance of tears or emotion, all expressing their condolences to Michelle and Danny. It was an unusually drizzly day with lots of fog, befitting the occasion. At one point while she was waiting for everyone to arrive, Danny's kids had disappeared from their mother to check on their aunt.

"Aunt Michelle…" his five year old, Kristen, tugged at her jacket.

"Hi honey," she smiled. "How are you?"

"Are you sad?" Kristen asked in confusion, glancing with a furrowed brow at her blubbering father a few feet away. Tony, who had been standing beside Michelle turned abruptly towards her at this and watched as she smiled sympathetically at her niece.

"Of course I'm sad." She patted down fly-aways atop the girl's head and smoothed out a few strands of hair.

"You don't look sad…" Kristen interrupted her, obviously oblivious to the subtle gestures. "Not like daddy."

"Give me a hug." Michelle squeezed her warmly before returning Kristen to her mother.

Tony did not know what to do. He vaguely wondered when Michelle had turned so cold, so quickly. There had been a distinct iciness to her voice when everyone had come to greet her and he'd noticed a few baffled looks exchanged between them, probably wondering what kind of daughter, even a coldhearted government employee, didn't shed a tear at her father's funeral. Danny had sniffled and wiped his eyes on the back of his sleeves numerous times, while Michelle remained tight-lipped and erect and to those who didn't know any better, horribly callous.

It just proved how little they knew about her.

"How are you doing sweetie?" her uncle approached cautiously, his own form shaking slightly as it clung to hers. Her control wavered at this. She'd never seen him so upset and felt herself becoming overwhelmed by it.

Tony continued to watch her silently. His heart breaking a little more each time he saw her eyes move towards the sky. It sickened him that she felt like she couldn't lose her composure, that everyone relied on her so heavily for everything. He felt the urge to pull her in tightly, despite her attempts to resist, and watch her fall apart; to let her know that he could do for her what she did for everyone else.

Those who had not been in tears as they entered the gravesite were certainly reduced to them as they all watched the coffin be lowered into the ground. A few crowded under umbrellas as the rain thickened, and ventured towards the center of the circle only to toss a flower or two onto the coffin.

Michelle remained together throughout the entire proceedings... even when her uncle handed her a white lily that she twirled a few times between her fingers before dropping it onto the coffin at the very last second.

Tony reached for her hand when she came back to stand beside him. Her face was coated with raindrops, and Tony was convinced he saw a tear fall, intermingled with them. She quickly pulled away.

By the time they'd made it to the reception hall everyone seemed to have calmed down. Most took it upon themselves to offer the family whatever they needed and more than a few questioned Tony on his connection to the deceased.

"I'm Michelle's husband." he heard himself say and noted that he received some curious glances. He recognized no one and felt like he was wandering around aimlessly while Michelle continued to shake hands with everyone who approached her. She even smiled politely a couple of times and was still, most definitely avoiding him.

"Y'know, most people would want their husbands to stick with them..." Alicia interrupted Michelle's daydream.

A hand came to her brow. "I know...I've been horrible but I just..." she gazed at her friend, obviously frustrated.

"You're allowed to get upset Michelle."

"I can't yet." she managed to stutter, her voice quivering and her eyes glossing over. "I just...I don't know how I'm supposed to handle this."

Alicia squeezed her arm.

"You don't have to handle it at all…You're not supposed to. That's why we're here. You don't have to be in control of everything..."

Michelle sniffled. "I'm fine. I just need to get through these next few hours."

"Michelle…you're putting yourself through hell for no reason. No one expects anything of you…This isn't work, this isn't your job, your dad died and no one would think anything less of you if you showed some sort of emotion…"

"If I do everyone else…Danny…"

"This isn't about everyone needing you, Michelle." Her voice became firm and, unintentionally, a little accusatory. "This is about you forcing everyone to rely on you so you don't have to rely on anyone else."

Michelle's jaw dropped slightly and she didn't know how to respond.

"I don't…"

"Yes you do. You want to be responsible for everything because then you don't have to deal with how upset you are…"

"You make it sound like I'm…"

"It's the way you are. It's the way you've always been; trust me. And it's alright, and I love you and your inherent need to be in control of everything…but it is okay to let someone else take care of you..."

"I know that." Michelle snapped in a hushed voice. Irritated she was being treated like a ten year old.

"Do you? Because right now your at your dad's funeral and your husband, who probably would never admit how much you've been worrying him these past few days, is on the other side of the room because you've been pushing him away."

Michelle brought a hand to her face.

"I don't know what'll happen if I…"

Alicia embraced her firmly. "No one expects anything of you…"

She nodded in lieu of actually verbalizing how grateful she really was.

"By the way...Steve's looking for you."

Michelle's eyes widened and her mouth hung slightly agape.

"He came?"

It was Alicia's turned to nod, though she winced internally when she heard Michelle's voice crack. She'd explicitly asked Steve, the ex-boyfriend, not to come and Michelle's reaction was exactly what she had wanted to avoid. Steve had been at her mom's funeral…Michelle had slept with him that night, almost two years after they'd broken up, and had awoken to quite the tongue lashing from Alicia herself; something about using sex for comfort…

Steve being there now just seemed too…wrong.

"I called him because I thought he'd want to send flowers or something but he uh...seemed pretty adamant about being here."

For the first time since everyone had crowded into the room Michelle took the time to scan each occupant carefully. She felt herself getting a little choked up when Steve smiled sadly and made his way towards her.

"You okay?" he asked, evidently concerned

"Yeah, thanks for coming."

Steve sighed, drawing her tightly against him and mumbling condolences in her ear. Michelle had to take a deep breath and pull back quickly, feeling herself becoming emotional. Tony was watching her carefully, ignorant of what someone was saying to him, and she couldn't help but notice the entirely hurt look he wore and feel guilty.

He had to understand though; he had to understand why she had been so adamant about maintaining her distance from him. It wasn't that she didn't want him to see her upset; quite the opposite. She'd fallen to pieces in front of him on more than one occasion and he was certainly one of the, if not the only person she felt comfortable doing so with.

She just wasn't ready yet.

The reception was long, and drawn out, and it seemed like an eternity before everyone had finally left and only Danny, and Alicia remained. They insisted Michelle leave and get some rest, as she had been the one making all the arrangements for the past few days. Michelle shook her head, maintaining she was fine and had gone with less sleep many a time.

Soon they were all making their way outside to their respective cars.

Hugs were shared, and a few more tears as Alicia, made her way to the hotel and Danny clamored into a cab after having argued with his sister for several minutes that he'd barely had anything to drink and was fine to drive himself home. When everyone had gone Michelle was left standing in the middle of the parking lot, a little dumbfounded.

Tony led her into the house, watching her carefully; she'd gone from resolute to unresponsive all in the matter of a few seconds.

"I'm gonna change…" he whispered quietly, not wanting to disturb whatever she'd been thinking about. She nodded.

"I'm gonna make some coffee, you want some?"

"Sure …"

He left and Michelle was alone.

Quiet.

She made her way to the counter and went to work filling the filter with ground coffee beans.

Dead…he was dead…

She filled the coffeemaker with water, enough for six cups exactly, spending unhealthy amount of times measuring.

All the times he'd sat up with her watching Disney movies…all the times he'd fallen asleep in her bed when she was too afraid to be by herself…

She placed the water and the filter in their respective positions and closed up the coffeemaker and turned it on.

A part of her, an optimistic part that rarely got any attention these days, had even believed he could pull through this entirely. That her dad would always be there...especially after her mom…She needed him to be there.

The coffee began dripping into the pot and Michelle gasped, not knowing how much longer she could hold everything back. She leaned over the counter and steadied herself with both hands, fighting for breath.

He was the only person who, for her whole life, she'd been able to count on for absolutely anything, to love her unconditionally even when she feared no one else could…and she'd left him…she'd left him alone when he'd needed her. He never would've done that…she just left him alone to die…

And this time, when the emotion rose in her throat, she - whether because of her inability to or her unwillingness to – couldn't hold back any longer.

The tears fell, one after the other, in a relentless stream, each new one replacing its predecessor instantly. She shook violently, allowing her head to fall into her hand as she remained standing, back pressed against the counter.

Footsteps could be heard in increasing volume that stopped suddenly and Michelle knew she was alone no longer.

"Michelle?" Tony whispered over her raspy breaths.

She could not bring herself to look at him, for that required energy that she did not have at the moment. Instead she pointlessly tried to compose herself.

"Wh-what?" she choked as she wiped the tears from her cheeks and felt the sobs return almost instantly. She covered her mouth.

"Michelle…" Tony crossed the room until he was standing by her side. He touched her shoulder gently and Michelle cringed; for succumbing to Tony would mean surrendering any control she was determined to keep. If she let someone else look after her she had no reason to hold back...and it scared her to think about what might happen if she didn't...

"Honey, c'mon…" he begged, voice cracking and finding her waist with one arm. He worried about how cold she had become in the last few minutes, and rubbed her arms up and down.

Michelle's eyes closed, tears starting to fall again. She no longer had the strength to push Tony away and when he tried to pull her into his arms this time, she relented.

Tony felt her collapse against him and squeezed more tightly, rubbing her back in soft, gentle circles as she sobbed uninhibitedly into his chest, convinced she would make herself sick before she stopped crying.

He sighed almost in relief and rested his head on top of hers. "It's okay…I've got you…" a hand found its way up her back. He kissed her hair and squeezed tighter. "I've got you…"

Michelle was curled up at the foot of her bed, hands resting between her cheek and the mattress, staring at the wall in front of her. Tony entered carrying a mug of tea and placed it on the nightstand. Michelle did not look up as he sat beside her on the edge of the bed.

Neither spoke. Tony was unsure of what to say. Michelle was afraid she'd start crying again if she opened her mouth, having been unable to stop the tears for the better part of the evening.

Her eyes were puffy and swollen and her skin felt stretched and strained over her bones, as if all the moisture had been expelled from it.

Tony managed to slip an arm between Michelle's stomach and the bed, pulling her up against him; much like one would a wounded animal. The feeling of herself being dragged across the bedspread seemed to snap Michelle out of her reverie and she adjusted her weight accordingly, crawling towards Tony's chest. She settled against him and closed her eyes, wishing she could sleep until it all went away.

Tony nudged the mug into her hands and supported her weight while she took a sip. He placed it back on the nightstand and rubbed her arm firmly, reaffirming his presence.

"I…I can't believe he's..."

Tony chose not to say anything. Having had his experience dealing with other people's losses, he knew it better not to say anything. He just wished he could make Michelle stop hurting.

"I left him, Tony."

"You couldn't have known…"

"I left him. I left him when I moved back to LA, and then I left him at the hospital that night…"

"Michelle…" he interrupted her softly and she said nothing else.

She closed her eyes and a few more tears fell. Tony squeezed more tightly as she buried her head into his chest, trying to muffle any sobs that threatened to escape.

Finally, he chanced a few words.

"What do you want to do, honey?"

Michelle did not look at him when she spoke. "Nothing."

Tony bit his lip. She looked so helpless. He'd never seen Michelle like this before; like she really was defeated. There was no way of fixing this, nothing she could do to turn the tables. It was done and she just had to deal with it.

Tony reached down and pulled a blanket off the floor, moving further into the pillows and covering them with it, surrounding Michelle with both arms.

"Alright..."

His fingers raked her hair gently and her head fell against an exposed part of his chest, warming it with tears.

When the sun arose the next morning neither had slept a wink. Michelle pulled herself out of Tony's arms and began dressing.

"What are you doin'?" he asked, watching her button up her blouse.

She turned around and looked at him determinedly. "I'm going to work…"

Tony knew not to argue; not to insist she take the day off. She was doing what she needed to do and he would not get in the way. She would go to work and she would get back into her routine like nothing had changed. This is what Michelle needed to do to overcome her grief, and however she chose to do it, he would be there.