Chapter Six – Somewhere in the World it's Christmas

She realized it was raining heavily before her eyes even opened. Icy cold pellets rapped against the window and she shivered and pulled the blankets around her more tightly.

Christmas Eve.

God damn it.

She remembered exactly what she was doing last Christmas Eve at this time. Last Christmas Eve at this time she was in Washington with Danny, and Alicia and…her dad. She tried in vain to push the thought out of her head and then rolled over to check the alarm clock, wondering how much time she had before it would be blasting Tony awake.

God damn it.

Tony proposed a year ago today. Well… a year ago at midnight on Christmas. What was arguably the best moment of her life now only served to remind her of everything horrible that had happened since…These days the bad always seemed to overpower the good and she hated that; she hated that after her little breakdown following the funeral she'd barely let Tony touch her. She hated that in the past five weeks, not even their fifth month of marriage, they hadn't had sex once and it was, without a doubt, because of her. It was her who had been pulling away every time he kissed her with anything remotely resembling passion; it was her that had been making a point to go to bed before him just because she didn't want to have to see his rejected expression when she told him she, yet again, didn't feel like it that night.

In truth, she didn't know why she was doing it. She was just…withdrawing; pulling away from him for no apparent reason. It could, quite possibly, have had something to do with feeling guilty for being happy so soon after his death; feeling guilty for carrying on as though nothing had happened.

The worst part was Tony hadn't even said anything about it. He'd looked concerned the first few times and gradually concern had turned into frustration, but he never brought it up. He'd given her space, though she didn't know how much longer he'd be so understanding. She didn't want it to last any longer anyway. She missed him. She missed letting her mind wander to what would go on when they came home from work when the days were just a little too dull for her liking; she missed feeling excited, turned on…whatever. She missed feeling loved…She missed feeling in general.

It wasn't fair to her husband and she was sick of being an empty shell of what she used to be.

"Tony…" she sidled over to his side of the bed and draped her arm across his stomach.

He stirred and groaned a little.

"Tony…" she tried again and glided her fingers through his hair.

His eyes opened and he looked confused at seeing her hovering over him.

"What's wrong?" he asked, frowning as he propped himself onto his elbows, his eyes and voice still cloudy from sleep.

She sighed heavily and lowered her lips to his.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize…" he shifted slightly beneath her. There hadn't been much to her kiss but it was as different as could be from what he'd been getting for the past month. It wasn't the least bit platonic, her lips were open and moist and the feeling lingered for a few seconds even after she'd pulled away.

"Yes I do. It was never about you, any of it…"

"I know."

"I'm sorry." She repeated earnestly and he smiled and kissed her as his hand crept into the small of her back and he flipped them over so she was pressed against the mattress...

They made love before work that morning, and when she stepped inside CTU she was convinced everyone in the building could tell because Tony, for the first time in ages, didn't look like he wanted to bite someone's head off, and she just felt…better. She was glowing and happy, like an enormous amount of tension had been relieved, and was anxious for the day to end so they could get back home and continue to make up for lost time.

Work was the most enjoyable it had been in a long time, Michelle realized as the day progressed without incident. Paperwork seemed to be the general theme and it was remarkable how relaxed the entire office was. Adam and Chloe were being relatively civil towards each other, and even made a point to strike up a conversation over plans for the following day. Gael arrived at Michelle's desk with a pre-made cup of coffee and a bagel around lunchtime.

She raised an eyebrow. "What's this for?"

"Bribe." He smiled at her. "I thought it might tear you away from those systems checklists…"

She smiled. "Thanks."

He situated himself opposite her and took a sip from his own mug.

"You look like you're having a better morning…"

Michelle nodded and felt the color creep into her cheeks.

"You could say that…"

"Well I'm glad…" he patted her arm and she smiled again. "Losing parents isn't easy."

Michelle allowed the words to sink in a bit before interrupting the silence that had followed.

"So what are you doing for Christmas?" she asked, taking a sip from her own mug.

"Some family's coming over. It's our turn to make dinner this year. The kids open presents together, we all go to church, it's quite the spectacle."

Michelle laughed. "I can imagine."

"What about you?"

She felt a slight pang hit her somewhere in the pit of her stomach but ignored it.

"Last year we took a few days off to visit…family. This year it's just me and Tony."

Gael smiled. "That sounds nice and quiet."

She nodded. "Yes it does.

It was a little over seven uneventful hours later when Tony dialed her extension.

"Hey," he sighed heavily into the receiver, thinking about nothing but getting both of them home as quickly as possible. The day hadn't been quite as relaxing for him since, with Jack off, he'd been dealing with everyone from District and Division almost entirely on his own.

"Hey," she beamed. "How's it going?"

"Tell me you're ready to get the hell out of here…" he stated abruptly and she laughed aloud, drawing attention from a few of the people walking across the bullpen.

"I'm ready when you are."

He grinned and rolled the phone cord back and forth between his fingers a few times before responding.

"Ten minutes."

"I'll be ready."

Exiting CTU took a little longer than usual that night. Unless a terrorist threat emerged in the next 24 hours no one would be making an appearance in the office until the 26th, save for the skeleton shift.

"Have a good Christmas, guys." A few people called to Tony and Michelle as they made their way outside the building. A few more stopped to chat for a moment about holiday plans until everyone got tired of making small talk and went their separate ways.

By the time they'd made it onto the highway Michelle had started to doze with her forehead tilted against the window. Tony relaxed at the sight, feeling as though things were finally getting back to normal. She hadn't exactly been sleeping well for the past few weeks, tossing and turning a lot without ever really waking up. There'd been one occasion where he'd been working while she had the day off and he couldn't help but call a little more frequently than he probably should've, worried about what might happen if she was left alone for too long and convinced that after the way she'd been acting nothing would surprise him.

But now she looked at ease and content. He'd always known she'd come to terms with everything in her own time but the longer it went on and the worse she got the more anxious he'd become. Throwing one more glance in her direction and noting the goosebumps all over her bare legs, he cranked up the heat and squeezed the top of her knee before focusing back on the road.

They really needed this day off together.

"What are you watching?" He feared the answer as he entered the room and handed her a blanket.

"Sound of Music." She stated clearly, without tearing herself away from the screen.

He rolled his eyes discretely, but she caught him.

"I haven't seen it in years." She rationalized and he conceded.

"Alright…" he scooted her over on the couch and made room for himself, sliding his arms around her waist and resting his head against her chest, fully prepared to doze off before the movie ended.

"It's almost finished anyway." She stroked the top of his head with a slight smirk on her face and he just nuzzled further into her, his hands gently brushing inside her shirt and beneath the waistband of her sweats. When she finally announced it was over he slid himself up her body and captured her lips with his, while one hand found the remote and managed to shut off the TV.

She laughed against his mouth and didn't even bother protesting; delighting instead in the warm feeling his body sealing tightly around hers gave, and the heat of his lips against her bare shoulder.

"Remember last Christmas?" she stated suddenly and he pulled back with a pained look on his face.

He hesitated and then nodded slowly.

When she managed a smile he relaxed and tucked an errant curl behind her ear.

"I know how I've been acting these days but um…despite everything I've said or done I don't know how…" she took a deep breath. "I don't know how I would've gotten through all of this without you."

Her eyes began to prickle with tears as she spoke and she blinked them away quickly.

"Michelle I'm always here for you, no matter what…"

"I know." She sniffled back a few loose tears.

He sighed heavily and brushed them from her cheeks. "Good."

The next morning he awoke to her sliding back into bed with two mugs of coffee in hand. They uttered 'Merry Christmases' briefly, hers tickling his skin as she leaned in for a kiss and settled down beside him.

"I like how it's just us." She said contentedly; resting back against her pillow and taking a sip from her mug.

"No wasting half of our vacation on a plane…"

He nodded. "No running through airports at the last possible second trying to catch a plane…"

"That's true…" she remembered now. "What were you planning on doing if you didn't make it?"

"What do you mean?" he raised an eyebrow and lowered her mug so he could see her face.

"I mean if Chappelle hadn't let you go you never could've proposed on Christmas…what were you gonna do?"

He cocked his head to one side in surprise and half his mouth twitched upwards.

"I wasn't planning on proposing over Christmas…I didn't decide to do it until you were already in DC…"

She raised her eyebrows. "Really?"

"Uh huh…It didn't really hit me until I was sitting at CTU that afternoon that I wanted to do it…I was more angry at us not spending Christmas together than at Ryan making me work at the last minute. I just wanted to be with you; it didn't really matter where." He glanced away from her in mild embarrassment when he saw her befuddled look turn into a huge grin.

"But you had a ring…"

"Yeah…I uh…I bought that a couple of weeks before. I didn't know how or when I was gonna do it, just that I was gonna do it eventually. So it wasn't something I came up with in the eleventh hour…" he assured her. "I knew I wanted to marry you long before that."

He blushed slightly when she grinned, if possible, even wider. She scooted over and wordlessly pressed a kiss into his cheek.

He smiled and rubbed the back of her arm before taking a sip from his own mug.

"Besides if I hadn't done it then I would've had a hell of a time coming up with an idea…"

Michelle smiled and he squeezed her arm affectionately.

"Knowing me I'd probably have blurted it out when you were trying to sleep or something…"

"Probably…" she beamed. "And I probably would've said yes…"

"Just probably, huh?" he poked her and she shrugged disinterestedly. He elbowed her in the side and she laughed loudly, before gently lambasting him for almost spilling her coffee.

"Okay…got it." She scuttled across the titled floor having just retrieved his Christmas present from her hiding place in the spare room. His was somewhere in the kitchen amongst the pots and pans, knowing those were drawers she'd never, in a million years have any reason to open unless it be under his guidance.

"Me too." He grinned and placed a small package in front of her.

They settled down in front of the electric fireplace, which he'd flicked on at the last minute merely for atmosphere, her legs crossed beneath her and his back resting against the wall.

"You first," she pushed the package towards him and watched as he pulled back the wrapping curiously. When its contents were unveiled he shot her an incredulous look.

"Michelle…"

It was the almost sickeningly expensive watch that had happened to catch his eye a few months before. It was rare he actually pointed something she could give as a decent gift so when it happened she really couldn't justify not buying it.

"You needed a new watch anyway." She defended.

"Yeah, not this one… I can't believe you…"

"Well…Isn't it better I got the one you really liked?" she explained calmly. "It's just a watch, Tony."

"Exactly. There's no reason to spend-"

She touched his cheek and pressed their lips together lightly. "Don't start."

He shook his head with a mix of amused tolerance and adoration.

"Thank you."

When Michelle had unwrapped her gift, she rolled her eyes at having been told off for spending too much and studied the two velvet cases, one long and slim and the other square, before pulling back the lid of the bigger one.

It contained a single gold chain with a square cut diamond dangling from it. The other case was a set of matching earrings.

Michelle sighed. "They're gorgeous. Thank you." She leaned in to kiss him again, mumbling "You spent too much." against his mouth at the last second.

"So did you." He reminded her gently, deciding his Christmas present had been more about Michelle turning back into Michelle than anything that came in a box.

Michelle was just coming out of the shower when she heard a perfectly distinct sound coming from the den. The notes were slow, sensual, and the lyrics chilled her to the bone. She loved this song. It was her favorite. Anxious to see what was happening, she threw on her robe and ran out to the source of the music.

"Thought that might get ya…" Tony turned around from the CD player and grinned when she entered.

She tilted her head to one side and smiled.

"This is my..."

Tony bit his lip. "Yeah, I know…" he held out a hand.

"Well at least dance with me…" he half-ordered, inflecting a hint of exasperation into his voice.

Michelle inclined her head slightly and noticed for the first time that the few major pieces of furniture had been pushed haphazardly to one side, clearing some space. The corners of her lips twitched into the smile that drove him absolutely crazy and she took the hand.

"This is pretty romantic of you, Almeida." She teased as he pulled her to the center of the room.

Grinning, Tony locked her firmly in place in his arms. "I try…"

It was near the end of the song when he tipped her head back and nudged her mouth against his as her arms encircled around his neck and he lifted her slightly off the ground. For a few minutes they stood like this: his mouth pressed hard against hers while holding her tightly against his body. His hands maneuvered from her face and hair to the belt of her robe and he bit down gently on her lower lip as he slipped his tongue into her mouth. She moaned softly, but her hands pulled his away from the knot they'd begun working on.

"We should…" his lips had trailed down to her neck and she had to close her eyes for a second and focus on what she was supposed to be saying.

"Upstairs…" she finally managed before finding his mouth again. He nodded, their foreheads resting together, and scooped her legs out from underneath her before taking them both up the stairs.

Despite her being unable to form intelligible sentences amidst her haze, Michelle had eliminated his shirt before he'd even gotten her on the bed. His bare chest heat pressed snugly against her as one hand tangled in her curls while the other pulled her body into his. She moaned again, louder this time, and gasped unintentionally when he went back to work on the knot.

"You couldn't have made this a little easier for me?" he muttered in obvious aggravation; the lightheartedness fighting its way back in amongst all the intensity.

She grinned against his lips and had to concentrate hard on speaking again when he gave up on the knot for the time being and made his way down her collarbone.

"I didn't know this was the plan…"

"Assume…always assume…" he grumbled.

She laughed and he stopped what he was doing.

"Hey can ya blame me? It's been a long couple of weeks…"

"It's been less than a day…" she snickered.

"Immediately following a long couple of weeks…"

Again, she laughed, but this time hesitantly.

He lifted his head long enough to catch the look on her face; slightly wounded mixed with lots of guilt.

With a heavy sigh, he brushed the hair from her forehead; cursing himself for being so insensitive.

"I'm sorry."

"No…" she shook her head, feeling like a complete idiot for ruining everything yet again. "You're right, I've been…"

He cut her off with a soft kiss to her lips, then eyelids, cheeks and lips again, all the while muttering "sorries" softly against her skin.

"I shouldn't have said that."

"You're right though." She told him through a quavering voice and he shook his head firmly.

"That doesn't make it okay." He cupped her face and his thumb brushed across her cheek.

She smiled and sat up a little, pressing her lips against his and sighing softly.

"Forget it." She said simply and went to work helping him undo her robe.

They spent a long time kissing, even after their clothes were completely removed. He kissed her nose, her knees and everything in between, leaving her whole body tingling when he finally moved below her belly button. She managed to muffle a yell when the orgasm overtook her, and fell back against the pillows, her body slick with sweat and her fingers barely finding the energy to caress his face.

Michelle waited a few moments before pushing him over onto his back and positioning herself carefully as she directed him inside of her. She fought hard to control their rhythm, her body's spasms making it difficult. His hand reached behind her head and tugged her mouth to his as he rolled them over and laced her fingers through his. She climaxed violently in what he was convinced was the second before him, and he collapsed euphorically with his nose buried in the crook of her neck.

A little while later she rolled them over gently, her hair hanging loosely around her face in thick, untamed curls. Her hands pressed down into the mattress as she leaned in a little closer to him.

"I love you."

He smiled and one hand stroked the bare skin of the small of her back while the other pushed the hair out of her eyes and cupped her face.

"I love you too."

She smiled and kissed him firmly, her lips parting slightly and her tongue barely touching his bottom lip before he rolled them back over to her side of the bed and pulled away; his fingers unable to control themselves from brushing more hair across her forehead and burying deeply into it.

"I just want you happy..."

"I'm happy." She confirmed, barely giving him time to finish the sentence.

He raised an eyebrow mischievously. "You sure?"

She beamed and nodded.

For a few seconds he studied her, his hands still touching her hair.

"What do you want…" He ordered in such a voice that she had to laugh.

"Right now, whatever you want…"

"I don't want anything."

He tickled her side and she squealed. "You're lying…"

"No…I'm…not…" she managed between giggles.

He chuckled as she squealed and squirmed against him before finally relenting with a heavy sigh.

When her eyes met his again he leaned in for one more kiss before bringing his cheek to rest against her chest, while his arms encircled her firmly.

She had to bite back a few tears when he rolled her back on top of him and her head got buried between his neck and shoulder. Her fingers found his and his hand continued to stroke her hair until he dozed. She breathed happily and snuggled further against him.

Trust me, Almeida…you're all I want.