Disclaimer: I do not own "Transformers" in any way, shape, or form. They are the property of Hasbro, Michael Bay, and all the other masters of the craft. I am just a humble college student and make no money from this.

The MoonlessnightPlain and simple words here: I'm sorry this is so late. Thank the light December is around the corner or I might just go a little batty. After five long years, I can sincerely say that I hate school. I hate the papers. I hate the way assignments eat into my time one day after the other. I hate the last minute syllabus changes that send me scurrying to my computer at three in the morning to finish before the new "improved" deadline. –sighs–

Oh, and sorry if this chapter seems a little random. I wrote it as it came to me and haven't had a chance to re-work it yet. My mind is spinning with facts memorized for midterms still, so I'm having a hard time digging back down to the place the TF crew resides in. If this gets too OOC, let me know and I will definitely fix it at my next opportunity to write.

Soda

A simple treat, slipped harmlessly under the seat in the most casual of ways. A simple statement, made in polite tones fit to send the finest processor into a state of perpetual fritz. A simple smile, secretly cast towards the floorboard and the treat beneath the chair as they sped along the road to their ultimate destination.

Who knew a string of simple things could lead to such devastating results?

"X equals two. What does 'y' equal?" Bumblebee sighed, sending the text to Ironhide where it scrolled lazily across the mech's HUD. The answer flickered on Bee's screen a nanosecond later, and the Camaro sighed again. "All right, then 'Hide. Let's change games. …I spy with my optical array, something that is a non-conductive, polycarbonate resin encased in a micro-metallic frame."

A pause, then Ironhide's voice spoke over the communication system, "You spy the orange clothed female's optical lenses. Can't you come up with anything more difficult than that? Maybe that string of proteins she's eating?"

Bumblebee sighed for a third time, switching off his comm. and settling in on his wheels. Next to him, Optimus followed suit and threw in a lazy text that read: "Stow the games before one of the humans notices the two sparklings arguing in their parking lot."

This got a derisive rev from Ironhide and a low beep of protest from Bee, who bobbed on his suspension in annoyance. If the protest continued, they might draw the same attention Optimus wished to avoid, or would if the parking lot were not completely and utterly devoid of organic life at that moment. Save for the two clerks and Sam currently inside the small gas station, the area easily qualified as the middle of nowhere U.S.A. The last sparsely populated town faded into the dust an hour ago, making the Autobot leader wonder just where the two station attendants slept when not at work.

Perhaps they lived in the shack behind the station, or maybe forty-five minutes down the road in the next town. If so, the rust laden Toyota the Autobots carefully avoided parking near provided their only transportation to and from their desolate place of work. Eyeing the decrepit looking truck with a wary optic, Optimus shuddered. No, they had to live in the shack out back. No one processing a shred of intelligence would dare to travel in that particular vehicle.

Optimus' vague wondering disappeared when Sam finally emerged from behind the station's foggy glass door, his hands straining to hold the heavy plastic bags swaying from them while simultaneously balancing his weight on the too-tall crutches. He smiled inwardly at Sam's cheery thanks when the door of the yellow Camaro swung open for him, proving the resiliency of humans yet again. Still, fortune heirs the side of caution, so Optimus cleared his throat after Sam dropped the bags in Bee's backseat. The teen spun on his good heel, nearly dropping a crutch in his haste to face the Autobot leader. "If you are finished restocking your supplies, Sam, I do believe Ratchet wanted to see you before we resumed our journey."

Leary of any further scrutiny by Ratchet after his impromptu nap, Sam squared his shoulders and planted both feet squarely on the ground. He opened his mouth to speak only to see a certain yellow hummer roll into view, nodding numbly after only a moment's hesitation. "I'll go, just give me a second to finish squaring things away here."

Leaning back into Bumblebee's cab, Sam tied several of the bags closed to the chance of their contents spilling. Then, he reached for a very specific box to fish out two red cans of frosty, chilled Dr. Pepper. Cracking the seal on one he took a deep drink, discretely slipping the second can under Bee's passenger seat with his free hand. Sighing his contentment, Sam patted the roof of the cab good naturedly and smiled. "Ratchet wants another guinea pig. Wish me luck, Bee." His smiling going suddenly cold, Sam whispered into the cab, "And bee? Look out for any gremlins. The store clerks were talking about some really weird things happening to their slushy machine lately."

The car shuddered under Sam's hand, and he smirked. Thumping the roof one last time, he headed for Ratchet's waiting cabin with a grin upon his face. His plan in motion, he only hoped to avoid Bee's wrath when everything fell into place.

With that thought in mind, the trip to Ratchet suddenly became the most fortuitous event to happen all day.

Curling his good foot up underneath him, Sam leaned his head against the window and watched the scenery roll past. Drab browns slowly gave way to the mottled greens of sage and dusty pines as they entered the highland deserts of Arizona, colors similar to those of the healing bruises on his foot. Stretching said foot subconsciously, Sam winced at the memory of the darkly mottled skin lay beneath the wrappings, having gotten his first glimpse when Ratchet changed the bandages earlier. The slight motion did not go unnoticed as a now familiar hologram shimmered into existence next to him. "Are you all right, Sam?"

"Fine! Fine. I'm fine, Ratchet." Sam said, leaning so far into the door opposite the hologram that Ratchet nearly snorted in derision. Instead, the hologram pointed to the glove box which proceeded to open of its own accord.

"Take an Ibuprofen and relax before I see fit to sedate you again."

Sam hurriedly complied, acquiring the proffered pill and washing it down with the last swig of his soda. "There, happy now?" The hologram nodded, and Sam sank further into his seat. "You're going to have me as pill happy as my dog before this is all over," he groused.

Doing a good imitation of a frustrated parent rolling his eyes, Ratchet sighed. "Fine, then. See if I so much as lift a finger the next time you misstep, or swan-dive, or otherwise make a fool of yourself youngling."

Quirking an eyebrow, Sam cast a quick glance in Ratchet's direction before something outside the window caught his attention. This was a bright green sign proclaiming their crossing of the border into the Coconino National Forest. Sitting up to take in his surroundings more fully, Sam noticed for the first time how far their travels took them from sleepy Tranquility, California. The sun burned hot here, searing the land in ways even the Californian summers did not know. Regal green trees he knew so well faded to sparse ghosts, haunting versions of their western cousins. Even the ground had changed from a rich brown to a rusty red so Martian in appearance that Sam wondered why Ratchet did not demand another round of car washes.

"Are you really all right, Sam?" The question startled Sam from his thoughts and he actually jumped in the seat. Caught off guard and feeling decidedly homesick, Sam sighed and fobbed a half-hearted shrug to the hologram seated next to him.

"Just wondering what Mikaela is up to and if mom remembered to give Mojo his meds, Ratchet," Sam almost whispered.

The hologram-Ratchet shimmered briefly as the real Ratchet bobbed a quick vehicular nod. "I am sure they are both perfectly fine, Sam. In fact, if my calculations are correct, Mojo should be free of his cast by now."

Sam smiled and gave a weak nod, "Yeah. I know. I'm just a little homesick."

"Home what?"

Practically feeling his skin creep with another round of alien medical scans, Sam quickly put his hands up in a defensive gesture. "It's just an expression of speech, Ratchet. It means I miss home." Ratchet's hologram suddenly shimmered quickly out of existence, leaving behind a thoroughly confused teenager. "Um… What did I say?"

Brakes locked in a heart-stopping instant, sending Sam's torso forward to smash painfully against his seatbelt. The unmistakable sound of rubber catching and skipping on rough pavement grated the boy's ears even as the smell of burnt rubber accosted his senses. The hummer spun in seemingly impossible ways, coming to rest facing in the opposite direction it had started. Ironhide's form loomed above the window mere inches from Ratchet's hood, fully transformed and staring down in surprise.

"Ratchet, did you hear what Prime said or were my communications on the fritz?" Ironhide rumbled, massive hands coming down to grip the yellow hood like an overexcited man gripping a companion's shoulders.

"Y-yes," Ratchet stammered, sounding blatantly surprised in his own right.

Gasping as he fought off the adrenaline pumping through his veins, Sam spoke in harsh tones, "If this isn't a life or death emergency, I'm going to dismantle you, Ratchet! Are you trying to kill me?"

"Frag it all, Sam! Shut your mouth for one moment and let me talk to the others." Taken aback at the medic's even harsher tones, the teen virtually melted into the seat.

Rubbing at a growing bruise across his shoulder, Sam nodded and waited until Ratchet finally rumbled a mechanical sigh and revved his engine. "Well, that was indeed an unexpected development."

Snorting and rolling his eyes, Sam crossed his arms. "Tell me about it. Want to give a guy a little warning next time? Maybe a 'brace yourself' or something?"

The hologram shimmered into existence again, arms folded just like Sam's. "The damage to your epidermis is only superficial. It will heal." Holo-Ratchet leaned forward to look at Sam over the rim of its glasses. "You should worry about Prime's message instead. We will have a visitor soon, which makes the completion of mission ARC imperative."

"What?" Sam asked, his arms falling to his sides. "You mean, like, Decepticons?"

Holo-Ratchet blinked and then laughed, "No, Sam. Someone has answered Prime's call. Someone bearing an Autobot encryption code and information that only an Autobot would know. They will arrive in Tranquility one week from today."

Blinking, the teen folded his arms once again. A slow smile crept across his face and he nodded. Amidst the chorus of enthusiastic beeps and whoops from the nearby Autbots he added his own enthusiastic remark, "Well, time's wasting. Let's get this show on the road!"

An hour later, Sam stepped from Ratchet's cab to stand at the base of a very steep looking trail. Covered in loose black gravel, it looked about as tiring a trek as trudging a mile through knee-high mud. Just so, the teen turned back to Ratchet in disbelief.

"Please don't tell me I have to climb this. I'm lame here you know?" Tapping the ground with a crutch to emphasize his point, Sam almost ended up flat on his back as his other crutch skittered on the gravel. The lightning fast whir of gears and a well placed finger appearing at his back saved him from an ungraceful fall.

"I already told you, that falling is easy it's getting back up that becomes the problem, becomes the problem." The sound came from Bumblebee's speakers mixed with the mech's suppressed laughter.

"Yeah, that was fun Bee," Sam said sarcastically, leaning into his crutches as though he wanted to sink into his own shoulders. "Thanks."

Bee's laughter slowly drifted off as the mech became distracted with the scans coming in on his HUD. Scooping Sam up into his hands, Bumblebee stood to his full height and turned to face Optimus. "I'm picking up vast amounts of energy just below the surface, Optimus. Magma, I think."

Ratchet approached from the left, nodding his agreement. "Indeed. This planet holds more life than Cybertron has in many vorns. The raw power beneath the crust alone is astounding, especially here."

Ironhide laughed an avalanche of metallic sounding rocks. "I'd expect nothing less from a place named for the captain."

Optimus joined in the laughter, air sucking through his vents in a warm hearted chortle. "Considering his age, I find it more likely that your human's name came from here, Ironhide, not the other way around."

Thoroughly perplexed, Sam leaned into Bee's fingers and looked up at the mech whose optics danced with concealed mirth. "Um… What are they talking about?"

"This place is referred to on your internet as 'Lenox Crater', Sam. They know the captain is not named for this place or vice-versa, but they find the idea amusing. I find it funny, too."

Sam smirked despite himself, letting lose a full throated laugh of his own. Comparing Lenox to a dormant volcano had a certain appeal that even he dare not deny. When the laughter at last died down, Sam nodded to himself. "Well, it looks like the government got things right this time, am I right?"

Ironhide nodded, "The area is secluded enough."

"And there is plenty of energy available to convert to our uses," Ratchet said with a curt nod. "The construction of a medical bay here would be as simple as converting energon to high-grade."

Remembering Ratchet's earlier explanation of energon conversion, Sam only shook his head with a smile. "You mean you'll have two hundred steps instead of two hundred and fifty, right Ratchet?"

"Two hundred thirty-one, to be exact," he replied.

Sam laughed again, shaking his head and wiping away a fake tear, "You guys are priceless, you know that?" Bee cocked his head to one side, preparing to ask what Sam meant and the human held a hand up to halt him. "It's only an expression, Bee. It means I enjoy your company. You make me laugh."

Bumblebee nodded and returned his attention to his scans. Sam settled in, propping his back against Bumblebee's thumb and stretching his legs across the massive palm. Taking a deep breath, he savored the momentary quiet along with the strange vanilla scent of the sun-baked Ponderosas. Before long though, the heat of the place had him squirming uncomfortably in Bumblebee's hand. All the while, something nagged at the back of his mind. The pestering sensation solidified into recognition when Sam realized he was thirsty.

Soda can...summer sun...desert...pending explosion... Oh man!

The soda he left under Bee's seat no longer resided there nestled in the confines of a 'car', but somewhere within a seventeen-foot tall mech. Who knew what kind of damage that soda would cause if the container came open somewhere inside of the spy? Sam shuddered at the thought of an overheated soda can 'popping' in Bee's chest to fry delicate internal workings. Ratchet would kill the teen even if Bee forgave him.

"Aw, crap," Sam muttered the words to himself, guilt quickly overpowering his earlier drive for revenge, "Um, Bumblebee?"

"Yes, Sam?"

"Remember the groceries from earlier?" Bumblebee nodded. "Where are they?"

Bumblebee patted a compartment on his arm near where the human sat, "Right here, Sam. I shifted them to my storage compartment during the transformation sequence."

Wincing, Sam shifted a few inches back against Bee's thumb. "And the can of soda I slipped under your seat?"

"You slipped a can under my seat?" Bumblebee tilted his head again before quickly kneeling to set Sam on the ground. "If you left something under my seat, it would have been shunted to a space near my ankle. That doesn't open from the outside. I will have to transform so you can retrieve it."

Hearing the proceedings from his station a few meters away, Ratchet stopped Bumblebee with a hand on his shoulder. "Oh, no you don't! I don't want to spend the next several breems cleaning flavor laced fructose from your innards, Bumblebee. Sam will retrieve this 'soda' from your casing."

"I'll what?" Sam balked, virtually shrinking into his crutches. Ratchet only glared in response, pointing to Bumblebee's ankle with a stern tapping of his foot. Optimus stopped his scans, turning to watch the events unfold behind him with a knowing glint in his optics. Ironhide simply chuckled. The boy stepped in it this time.

Sam hobbled over to the offending panel and carefully put his foot down, shifting his weight several times before finding a comfortable position to stand. Under Ratchet's very precise directions, Sam pried at several hidden cracks to wrench the compartment open. He broke several fingernails, one well below the quick, before hobbling off to find a stick and returning to his work. Finally, with the afternoon sun reaching his hottest point, the compartment popped open…seemingly of its own accord.

Relieved that his task neared completion, Sam reached into the opening almost before Ratchet gave the final instructions on what not to touch. Snaking his hand back around a set of gyros and feeling his fingers brush against sharpened gear teeth, Sam winced. "Bee, buddy, don't you dare move. I don't want to lose any fingers here." The mech nodded and proceeded to shut down the appropriate subroutines, halting all the servos in his foot.

Sunk up to his elbow in Bumblebee's ankle, Sam felt his fingertips brush against a smooth, cold metal. Different from the strange warmth radiated by the metal surrounding it, he painstakingly inched his fingers forward to grip the can's base. "I think I've got it, Ratchet. Do you mind running a quick scan before I pull out some all-important gear or something?"

Ratchet answered a split second later, "That's it, Sam. Bring it out nice and slow, and be careful. Your hand is only a few microns from a high grade line. If that comes lose you will-."

"Don't finish that! I do not want to know." Sam carefully tested his grip on the can, insuring himself of a good hold before slowly inching his arm back. His breath hissed between his teeth as his hand brushed against the sharpened gear again, a thin line of pain tracing its way down the palm of his hand. Hearing gears shift behind him, Sam held up his free hand to halt Ratchet's movement. "Just a scratch, no worries Ratchet. I've almost…. There!" Holding up the slightly dinged soda can like a champion's trophy, Sam grinned. At least, he did until the soda can exploded unceremoniously in his hand.

Fizzing brown liquid shot from the can to rain on Sam and all the gathered mechs, earning groans from human and Autobot alike. When the fizzing fiasco slowed to a drizzle that dripped down Sam's sticky fingers, Ironhide broke into a laughing fit. "I finally get why little Annabelle calls soda 'pop'!" He wheezed between great intakes of air, "That sparkling is wise beyond her orns."

Despite himself, Sam laughed.

Two hours, one meandering stream, and several Cybertronian curses later Sam found himself back in Bumblebee's care. A strip of gauze wrapped around his writing hand, he wondered idly if he really had stepped over the line with his little would-be prank. Optimus' lecture on the responsibilities of "those under his care" reminded Sam of similar lecture given via an angry father for failing a big exam. Meanwhile, Ratchet chewed on his other ear, explaining in gruesome detail what might have happened not only to Bee, but to Sam had that can gone off with the human "in hand".

By the time they had finished their tirades, Sam's ears were ringing…and not just proverbially. Giving a very solemn sigh, he bowed his head and nodded slowly. "I understand. I'm sorry. I swear I will never ever, ever do anything like that again." He shifted his weight slightly to look up, and then thought better of the motion as his foot began to throb. Standing for the last few hours had taken its toll, so he opted to sit in the red dirt instead and crane his neck back to view the mech's reactions.

Bumblebee stood with his arms crossed, every bit the betrayed teenager. Ratchet held a hand to his faceplate and stroked the lines there like a beard, thinking while Optimus merely nodded. "You had better not, Samuel Witwicky," the Autobot leader said, standing at his full height, "The same goes for you, Bumblebee." The yellow spy started in surprise, gazing at Optimus with shocked optics. "Don't think I failed to notice your little prank on Sam back at the car wash. I would usually condone such behavior during times of peace, but the boy is injured."

A mournful sound came from Bee's vocalize and the yellow mech wilted on his feet. At this Sam slowly shook his head. "Don't blame him, Optimus. No harm, no foul right?"

Taking a few seconds to research the expression, Optimus slowly nodded. "Yes. No harm, no foul. Now, I believe we have yet to make a decision concerning this crater as a possible location for our base.

"I have reached a conclusion based on all the fact and figures given to me, and my answer is…no. This location does not meet the prerequisite needs of our forces at this time."

Several metallic jaws hit the soil with an figurative clank, followed closely by one human's head as Sam tilted too far back and toppled over. Sam gapped, "What do you mean, Optimus? Lenox Crater is secluded and has lots of energy to spare. What more do you need?"

"An environment that is not susceptible to wildfires or other such damage caused by pulsar weapons or explosions," Optimus said. "It might not look it, but we are still in a war, Sam. Until the remaining Decepticons are accounted for, that status will not change."

From his position behind the group, Ironhide nodded. "Makes sense to me. Rocks are more fun to blow apart anyway."

Ratchet's hand stilled on his 'beard', optics growing dim for a short instant before he spoke, "I could always set up an energon relay station here in the future. With the proper shielding and camouflage the Decepticons will never know it is here. And…wait… We must avoid flammable terrain? Prime, you know who answered our beacon, don't you?"

Optimus smiled, "An old friend, Ratchet."

Bumblebee slapped his knee with a resounding clang, "Wheeljack!"

Lyrics taken from "Falling" by Staind.
The Moonlessnight: I'm evil. I know it. We have two more locations to explore (give or take) and then, hello Wheeljack. Like I said before, I have this whole thing planned out. It's ready to branch into a possible series, too. I just need the time to write it.

Unfortunately, judging from the amount of papers due in the next month the time to write won't really exist until almost December. Light, do I hate school! Gah! Blame all delays on the teachers who pile on the papers, guys. Sorry.

To all who might be confused by the soda scenario, I live in a desert. Here, soda cans left in the sun for more than a few hours can and do explode. Both randomly and violently. The idea of leaving one in a transformer though…that came from my father during a drive. A flat of soda someone forgot in our back seat exploded, one can after another. This left us ducking and cringing at every bump we hit in the road. Yet, the real icing on the cake came when my dad turned to me and said, "What do you think would happen if you left a soda can in one of the Transformers you like to write about?"

As for the volcano in this chapter, it's a blatant plug to the G1 series. Although, yes, Lenox Crater does exist. One can find it in the same national park as Arizona's Sunset Crater. It is spelled with one less 'n' than the captain's name, but it still sounds the same. Yeah. I am still trying to reconcile that universe with the movie-verse. How am I doing?

EDIT: Corrected the location of Sam's home town. ...And yes. I am still alive and kicking. Just having one heck of a time getting into the swing of things now that school is over. No one ever warned me that life gets even crazier after graduation. -sighs- I'm really hoping to have an update ready for you guys before the week is out. Wish me luck. 1/25/08