After the lunch bell tolled, Edelgard let out a breath as she stood outside of the room. She really should have met Dimitri and Claude that morning, but it'd been forced to be pushed back. Dealing with the deeply upset Bernie had taken precedence over all else. She'd have to meet her house that morning when she should've been meeting with Claude and Dimitri. She hated being so off schedule but some things took precedence over others. She simply hadn't been able to leave Bernie to suffer simply for the professional matter of meeting her house.
She did glance at Hubert, wordlessly telling him to stay outside of the room. She always found comfort in his presence, but she didn't want to potentially freak Dimitri or Claude out. Hubert's presence could be very…unsettling to a lot of people. He really was not a person most felt comfortable around. Not that she blamed them. Hubert made no attempts to hide the blood on his hands.
If Prince Dimitri remembers you, it could cause some major issues. Are you sure you want me to stay outside the room, my lady? Hubert signed. It was a special intel language he had developed just for her. She could vaguely remember it being hell to learn, but she knew it pretty well by now. She didn't always respond to him, but she kept it in her memory by practicing with him at least once a week. Though that might be hard to maintain while here at Garreg Mach.
She gave a small nod. I really do need to do some things by myself, Hubert. She hated to leave him there honestly, but there would be times like that. Once she took over Adrestia, he'd have to handle things away from her. And same for her.
Hopefully if Dimitri did remember, he wouldn't go calling it out in front of Claude or anything… She knew her memory issues had happened starting after the flight from Enbarr. She couldn't remember Fhirdiad outside from knowing she was there… So Dimitri most likely knew about the memory issues too…
She saw Hubert let out a sigh. Very well, my lady.
When she entered the room, she saw Claude and Dimitri talking by the teacher's desk. She dialed down her presence a fair bit so she wouldn't interrupt them. Part of her wished she could just hide in the corner and not engage. She was not used to meeting foreign nobles, let alone the leaders of the Kingdom and Alliance. But she knew she had to get to know them.
"You're not a half-bad sort, Your Highness," Claude chuckled. "Terribly innocent, though."
She saw Dimitri's cheeks redden a bit. "I'm not really that naive, Claude, and you don't need to be so formal with me; we're both students— Oh, you must be the other house leader." Dimitri smiled at her and she internally froze. She instantly bumped her presence up. She couldn't have them thinking she was an amorphous presence. She was the future Empress of Adrestia. She couldn't hide away in her room like Bernie did. She was the only one to be able to carry the burden of the crown. None of her mothers had had children following the Crest experiments.
"Heya princess." Claude smiled and gave her a wave.
She offered them her practiced smile and nodded. "I'm Edelgard von Hresvelg, princess of the Adrestian Empire. And Dimitri's right; we're all students here, so there's no need to be so formal." She would be a bit polite with everyone, but it was the easiest way to keep the memory issues for them… There was no telling what might happen should that get out.
Especially to the future leaders of the Alliance and the Kingdom.
Although Dimitri probably already knew.
She saw Dimitri's eyebrows narrowed a fraction, possibly from recognition. But was it? She really couldn't be entirely sure. She was wary of him. What would happen if he did recognise her? If he remembered her memory issues, he could potentially use them against her. She really wasn't sure what to do about this entire situation.
"Sounds like a plan to me. I'm Claude, future head of the Reign family."
Dimitri looked at Claude. "Do you mean that?" Edelgard's eyebrows drew a bit closer. She hadn't heard about there being any heir to House Reigan. That was strange. Then again, she couldn't trust her memory to really retain things she'd simply been told a few times.
"Of course, Your Highness." Claude smiled, his expression telling nothing. She already wasn't the most fond of him. She got enough unreadable form Hubert on a daily basis. Unreadable meant not knowing anything about them. It took away one of her most valuable tools in politics.
She looked at Dimitri. "Perhaps we should speak in private later, Dimitri." That was all she would say in front of Claude on the matter. Unfortunately, she'd completely forgotten almost all of her time in Fhirdiad at this point. She could remember things she'd read in books to some degree, but the people… Not so much.
"I've already told my house they can rely on me if they need anything. Even as future Empress, it doesn't mean they shouldn't feel they can't come to me. We are class mates, regardless of noble or commoner status." Yeah, they were pretty much all the same rank at Garreg Mach when it came down to it… Well. She got some perks like a private dorm that was sizeable, but that was about it.
Dimitri nodded. "Sure; I'd be happy to talk with you, Edelgard."
Claude grinned a bit and chuckled faintly. "You know, a scoundrel would claim something like a love at firtt sight thing happened. Thankfully I'm not a scoundrel." Edelgard folded her arms and sighed. She really wasn't fond of this. She had Tobias rib her a lot, but with him dead, it hadn't happened in some years.
"I have a feeling he's going to be impossible to read." Dimitri shook his head.
"Well, I know when I'm not wanted, so I'll leave you two to talk. Don't do anything I wouldn't do, Dimitri." Claude waved and then left them alone.
She watched him as he left. She hated people that made themselves unreadable. She relied so heavily on her pocketbooks and journals to remember things through that it kind of left her at a disadvantage. SOmething she was incredibly ill at ease with.
Once she was pretty sure he was well out of earshot and the door closed behind him, she looked up at Dimitri awkwardly and rubbed the back of her neck. What was she supposed to say? 'Hi, I was your childhood friend and I don't remember anything about it?' 'Hubert told me we were step siblings?' Yeah, this was awkward.
"I'm sorry ab out Claude; I'm not sure that it was…" He trailed off and shook his head. "I suspect that it was mostly to give me a hard time. He seems to read me like an open book."
"I mean it wasn't exactly hard to see the change in your expression when you heard my name if you're well versed in reading people." Even she'd seen it and it had been fairly a fairly subtle shift in his eyebrows. She really pushed herself to be able to read others after Juliane had helped her recover from the trauma of the experiments… Well, to the best extent possible. It wasn't exactly like there were people to help with that…
She saw a bit of red color Dimitri's cheeks. "I suppose I always have been pretty easy to read. Your name just sounded incredibly familiar and you look a bit like somebody I used to know…"
"Unfortunately, I don't really remember my time in Fhirdiad but it might not be out of the realm of possibility we met." She normally didn't reveal her memory issues like that, but at the same time, if he had known her… He probably would already know about the memory issues. The flight from Enbarr was really the last major event in her clear memory.
She saw Dimitri's expression flash between multiple different emotions. They passed so quickly it was really hard to tell what they were. The most salient one was some sort of grief. "El…? Is that really you?"
She nodded. "That was my childhood and family nickname, yes." Only Juliane and the two remaining concubines used it with her now… And her father on the occasion they talked. Though her father treated her much more respectfully since she was the only remaining heir to the throne. Juliane still treated her like a child to some degree, but with as horrible as her life had been…she didn't mind it coming from the kind woman.
Dimitri wiped a hand over his face. "I'm glad you're still around." She could hear his voice choke a little. He was so clearly trying to hold back tears or at least strong emotions. "I never thought I'd see you again." She sighed internally. Oh Dimitri… He seemed so kind and gentle. There was so much he didn't know. And she hoped to never reveal it to him.
"I wish I could say the same but…" She pulled out her pocketbook. It held all the details of the day she recorded to later put in her journals. "I suspect you already know about this." There was really no hiding from somebody that had known her in that era of her life when the memory issues had begun. He probably knew about it. "Unfortunately, I can remember is that I went to Fhirdiad at this point… I don't remember much of anything that happened while I was there." If she reread those old journals, it might jog her she had long left those journals in a box in her room. SHe hadn't touched them in years. It was too painful to remember before the experiments. Her childhood hadn't been perfect, but it'd been happy.
Dimitri nodded and his voice was soft when he spoke again. "On the day before you had to leave, I gave you a dagger to cut your own future. If you don't have it anymore, you can take the one I'm carrying now." He paused. "I remember that memory was hard for you. Is it still…?"
Edelgard blinked and got into her jacket before pulling a dagger out. She'd kept it on her each and every day before and after the experiments. "This one? I've kept it on me whenever I can… All I can remember is a dear friend gave it to me." She wished she could say more about it. She simply didn't have any memories of Fhirdiad anymore.
She tucked her hair behind her ear, gaze drifting down. "Unfortunately… Like I said, I've almost completely forgotten my time in Fhirdiad… It really doesn't help that…I went through something… terrible within months of returning home." She'd just leave it there. She really, really didn't want to talk about the experiments. Not that she could even remember much from that period. She had some scattered memories but they were few and far between. It was kind of a mercy in that case.
Dimitri laid a hand on top of hers and gently squeezed it. "I'm glad you still have it." But she could feel the shift in his energy, clearly wanting to hug her. It was hard to not give in. She relied on Juliane for physical support and affection so much. Even sleeping proved impossible when she didn't have the Empress by her side. "I'm so sorry…"
She put the dagger and her pocketbook away, wrapping her arms around herself. "I'd really rather not talk about it period… All I'll say is why my hair's different." She remembered that, at least through her journals from the immediate post period, her hair had caused her severe emotional distress. It had caused her to have intrusive memories whenever she saw herself in the mirror. It hadn't been fun to wake up screaming each morning then freak out whenever she saw her short hair that had turned snow white. It had taken her a month to fully accept that particular reality…
She saw him shake her head and then he knelt down to her level. It only reinforced further just how short she truly was. Anselma had never been particularly tall, but she hadn't been this short either. And her father was plenty tall, so she really ought to have been taller... Damn the slitherers. "I don't plan on pushing for answers. Wounds aren't something that can just be ripped open without repercussions." he sighed. "If you ever decide to talk about something, I'll listen but I'm not going to demand answers. Am I worried about what you went through? Of course, but it'd be completely unfair for a stranger to demand your secrets like that. Especially ones some painful." She was glad that he wouldn't push too hard... She just... She had such a hard time with the Crest experiments.
"I wish I could just say we can rekindle what we had in childhood but...I don't remember anything. We're basically starting from square one again. Sorry." She genuinely did feel remorseful for that. He clearly had fond memories of her, but she couldn't reciprocate that. They'd just have to treat each other as any people meeting for the first time would. It was so difficult to have to treat somebody from her past in such a way. She had opted to leave behind all of her memories of Fhirdiad because it was simply to painful to remember the 'before' times. Before her family had been torn apart. Before her flesh had been torn asunder. Before her family had been decimated and she was left bereft of all of her siblings.
Dimitri nodded again. "I did it before, El; I'm willing to do it again." He smiled at her softly. "You're still the kind girl from back then and I don't midn the time it'll take." He really was kind. Most people would look at her with disgust then leave her behind. She really was terrible for her memory... She hated that she couldn't remember much before the time before she was nine... The flight from Enbarr in the middle of the night was really her last clear memory. Almost everything after that was a massive blank.
She nodded though, unfortunately, she couldn't forget what Hubert had told her. Should she even bring that up? They were family in some regard... In that case, he really was the only sibling she had left...which brought some tears to her eyes. She'd had so many siblings at one time and now they were all gone ... She missed her large family so much. Now it was only her father, three mothers, and her. She really was perfect of so much of the love that had pervaded much of her life…
She saw Dimitri's expression turn to worry. He really did seem like a kind soul. In some ways, he was like Tobias in that regard... Tobias had been so sweet, kind, and caring toward everyone he loved. She missed that so much. "Do...Do you have a trusted friend or companion to support you...?"
She wiped the tears away with her gloved hand. "I do have Hubert at least.. Tall, dark, and scary outside the door." It was a half-hearted joke but it was also true. He was absolutely terrifying to most people, but she knew he could be a good man. He got his hands dirty where she didn't have to which she did appreciate, but she also just appreciated his presence in general... She was glad to have him around.
"It was mostly just...an errant thought." She hesitated. Would this break everything they had talked about until now? She really didn't want to upset him either. This might completely sour every concern he had for her... It almost felt like a betrayal of hid kindness. "Do you know about your stepmother...?" If he wasn't aware, then she didn't want to break that to him. But…
She could tell the question took him off guard from his body language. "My stepmother? I remember her, yes. Queen Patricia was a kind woman that her people loved." His expression turned sullen and his gaze a little distant. "She was always distant with me, likely due to the burdens she carried as queen..." He closed his eyes. She really did feel awful about reminding him of things he clearly didn't want to be reminded of.
She reached over and rested a hand on his arm. "I'm sorry for bringing up unpleasant memories..." She gently squeezed his arms. She wasn't trying to be cruel or anything. She was just curious if he was aware of their connection through Anselma. She still couldn't parse out if he was aware or not.
"It's all right... And I know why you brought it up... We don't have to acknowledge it if you don't want to though. Otherwise... It'd be nice to have a sister." His voice cracked a bit. She gently squeezed his arm again, trying to bring him any comfort she could. There wasn't much she could do for him, though... They were essentially strangers though.
"Hubert told me. I wouldn't have known otherwise." Even though she was trying to forget. She didn't want to tarnish the memories of her mother that she did have. To think that her mother had married another man so shortly after leaving Adrestia... It was hard to believe that she'd fallen in love again so quickly and readily... Her parents had been so deeply in love from what little she'd seen of their relationship. All of the women had been in love with Ionius from what she had seen. Even Helga, deceptive, two-faced bitch that she was, had loved him dearly.
"My errant thought was that, well, in a way, you're the only brother I have left ..." She missed Tobias and her other brothers pretty dearly... The tears misted over her eyes again and she wiped them away. She missed having her large family. It hadn't been a perfect family, but she knew she was loved by most of her siblings and mothers... It was so painful to see their graves whenever she went to that corner of the castle grounds... Too many lives ended far too early. Especially for her younger siblings... Leopold and Alina... Being a big sister had been so wonderful.
Dimitri nodded. "I can't imagine how hard that is, El..." He shifted a bit, obviously stopping from pulling her into a hug. She wanted to indulge him. She really did appreciate physical contact a lot. But the part of her that distrusted others said not to do it. She really did want it, but it was hard to ignore those instincts. "If you want me, though, I'm right here for you."
She looked away, not because she was upset with him, but because she was digging into her wounds despite herself. "I was nine of eleven... My mother was Father's fifth concubine. And they're all gone. Only Juliane and two of the concubines remain." She really didn't know what she'd do without Juliane at this point. The woman had been the guiding force in her life since the experiments. She probably would've hardened horribly without the woman. Her heart was hardened toward the church for all the damage Rhea and her ilk had cause, but when it came to people, she remained soft and understanding. Ueli and his family had basically treated her like their own despite the massive gap between her being the Imperial princess and them being commoners.
Dimitri took one of her hands very gingerly, obviously still wanting to hug her but she maintained her distance. "Goddess, El... I can't imagine..." She didn't want him to imagine. She didn't want anybody to imagine. She wasn't sure, but she was pretty sure Juliane had her own nightmares about what had happened after hearing about Edelgard's nightmares and intrusive memories. She'd helped Edelgard write some of the initial entries in her journals because she'd been far too incoherent to write anything in her temporary madness.
She nodded, her gaze plastered to the ground. She really wasn't sure what to say next. She was being incredibly vulnerable with this. She had trusted him at one point in time, so it seemed to be worth something. She really needed to learn to trust him fully though. Being vulnerable with anybody that wasn't Hubert, Juliane, Karola, or Augusta was hard. She wasn't even really vulnerable with her father anymore... He had practically abandoned her following being freed from the Crest experiments. She had needed him, but he'd avoided her as much as possible for six months following... It had really damaged her trust in him... They had such a distant relationship now... She missed it.
Dimitri didn't let go of her hand, but held it like she was made of glass. "Thank you for trusting me, El... I'm so sorry..." He paused for a few minutes until he spoke again. "I'm here for you."
She nodded and rested her head against his arm. She missed physical affection from more people so much... Well she got plenty from Juliane, but the Empress still had to be busy with some things and she had her studies. She had spent most of her nights with the woman, unless she wanted to spend time with her husband. She missed being hugged by her other mothers and her siblings... It hurt so much to be so bereft of physical affection... Still, it was hard to ignore the part of her telling her to not give into Dimitri's clear offer of a hug.
For awhile, they were quiet with Dimitri offering her a careful hold of her hand and as well gently running his hand over over hers. Lunch was getting close to done, so she squeezed his hand and looked back up at him. "I'm sorry our first meeting was such a downer... But I'm not the same El you knew back in Fhirdiad." She was completely and utterly broken now. She was a relatively happy child without a care in the world. Well, she'd had some worries, but they had only really started following being released from the Crest experiments... She hated her life so much now.
"After everything, I really don't blame you. And you're still El where it matters most. Even with the hurts." He looked away. "Unfortunately, I've changed too." He shook his head then smiled at her, though it was obviously forced. "You're still the kind El I remember."
She was completely broken and unlovable at this point... She would never be fit to marry anybody, let alone take over the Empire...but she'd have to find somebody someday for that…
And that scared her more than anything else.
She shoved the thoughts aside and sighed. "Well, I'll extend the same offer you gave to me. If you need me for anything, don't be afraid to talk to me, okay?" Well...they were siblings, so yeah... They ought to have each other's backs. She wouldn't turn her back on him either. He obviously needed somebody. There was something dwelling in his mind, deep inside there. She hoped that she would never hurt him too badly in the future... Family was way too important to her... She loved her family more than almost anything else in the world. Losing them had been so hard on her.
"It's all right, El. Thank you. I'm sure I'll take you up on it at some point." He offered her a warm smile and brushed his hand over the back of hers. Still... She wanted to be there for him because he so clearly needed somebody to support him. She really hoped that he had somebody to help support him like she had Hubert…
She nodded. "I'll be slow to warm this time, so sorry about that... But we are family so I won't turn my back on you." She really needed to write this down in her pocketbook, though... This was was way too important to forget even though she would rather do that... Knowing her mother had remarried was hard. Especially to the king of Faerghus. How could Anselma turn around so quickly and married again? Hadn't she loved Ionius? She just... She didn't understand how Anselma could turn around and do that. It was basically a betrayal of the entire family... She didn't understand.
"It's all right, El. I'm more t han willing to take things slow." His tone was soft and he continued to smile at her. "I won't give up on you."
"I'm here for you too." She squeezed his hand again, only for the bell to toll to signal the end of lunch. "Guess we should get back to class..." She was used to long lessons, but she still wasn't fond of the inflexible schedule so far... She could sometimes slack off and go work with Evelin, Tobias' old eagle, if she didn't want to go to lessons... With that, the pair went their separate ways for the time being. Edelgard certainly had a lot to think about now...