Cat: Broken Together

It was a beautiful night. There was a gentle breeze that gave me goosebumps as Tori and I walked. The sky was probably very pretty, but we couldn't see much of it due to the city lights.

As pretty as it was, the walk itself was awkward. Almost sad.

Well, not almost I guess. Pretty much all the way sad.

I was shocked too. Maybe just as much as Tori. How could Jade have just given up everything and let that nasty skunkbag Hayley win? It didn't seem right. Jade would never, ever give up on her dreams, and definitely not because someone else told her she had to. I was so confused.

And it seemed even stranger that she would have had Tori's dad dig up dirt on her. That was a pretty awful thing to do, honestly. But…something about that didn't make sense, either.

"Hey, Tori."

"Yeah?"

"You said Hayley told you Jade used your dad to dig up dirt on her, right?"

"Yes."

I could tell from her voice she didn't like the question. "And your dad is really good at his job, right?"

"Of course."

"But I haven't seen or heard any bad things about Hayley on the news or online."

"What's the point, Cat?"

Tori was one of the smartest people I knew. If she didn't see it, maybe I was way off. But I didn't think so.

"Well, why not? Either your dad couldn't find anything on her, which doesn't seem very likely…"

Tori stopped walking. Her eyes lit up for a second. "Or Jade chose not to use what he found." Her eyes fell again and she kept walking. I stayed by her. "But she went to him in the first place. Without telling me. And him! He helped her! I can't believe they both did this behind my back." With each step, Tori's footsteps were heavier. She was getting angry. "She knew how upset I'd be about this. How could she stoop to that level? She's supposed to be better than that! No. She wouldn't have crossed that line unless she intended to do something with what he found."

I may have let things get a little out of control. "We could just ask Jade for the details," I offered. "I'm sure she'll tell us."

"She didn't tell me she did it in the first place," Tori huffed. "Just like she didn't tell me she freaking retired. Or about…" She trailed off, which of course made me want to know what she was going to say even more.

"About what?"

"Other things. Nothing, forget it. It just seems like she's keeping all this stuff from me all of a sudden and it sucks. You know? It really sucks, Cat."

I did know. I knew exactly how much it sucked to have things kept from you. So much. More than Tori even realized.

I also knew how much it sucked to be in a position where you had to keep something from someone you care about, too.

You know what? They both suck. Secrets suck. Even when you try to keep them for a good reason. Honesty is way easier and there's a lot less to keep track of with that.

We passed by probably the tenth bar in three blocks. The slightly off-key notes of someone singing Semisonic's Closing Time drifted out.

"Tori! Karaoke! Come on!"

She hesitated. "I'm really not in the mood to sing, Cat. I just did a concert tonight. And someone would recognize you if you start singing."

I huffed. She was being difficult tonight. But she was upset and I didn't want to force her into something she didn't want to do. I missed her and Jade so much, and it killed me that they were fighting right now.

We didn't talk for a few blocks. If we had, maybe I would have wondered where we were, or commented on the fact that a few of these streets looked familiar. It wasn't until we emerged from a side street and I saw the view of Central Park that it really hit me. Above us was a tall apartment building with lots of pointy rooftops and gargoyles. My chest felt tight like it used to when I got panic attacks. I stopped walking.

No, not now. Come on. It's been so long.

Tori realized I was missing a few steps later. She turned. "Cat, what are you…?" She must have seen me, because she hurried over. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head. Why couldn't I breathe? Why was the city spinning?

You know why.

"Cat, sweetie, what's wrong?"

I waved my hand at the building behind me. "It's our place. Mine and Sam's. Tori, it hurts."

My eyes got all foggy. I heard Tori say, "Oh. Oh, shit. Oh, Cat. I'm so sorry. I should have been watching."

She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed. Suddenly I was warm again. The city stopped spinning as if Tori's arms held it in place for me. She ran her hands over my back and I just lost it. The last time I stood there was with Sam, the day we moved out and flew to Seattle. But now Sam was gone and I was there alone.

I didn't mean to cry so much. Nona always said a lady should do her best to let out those private feelings in private. But there's no privacy when it hits you on the streets of New York. Even though it was really late and there weren't too many people out, I still felt embarrassed. Imagine what my fans would think if they would have recognized me.

But Tori's hug helped. It made me feel better, more stable, like I could come up for air and be okay. And I was. I pulled us apart and blushed for how wet her shoulder was. "I'm sorry," I said.

"Don't you dare be sorry. You've got every reason to be upset." She cupped my cheek with her long fingers and wiped away the few tears that kept slipping out. The touch of her hand on my face nearly took my breath away. It had been so long since Sam and I had been together. And Tori had always been so beautiful…

Cat, stop that. What would Sam think? What would Jade think?

I hadn't ever thought of Tori…well, like that. I had a little crush on her when she first came to our school, but I wasn't even sure I liked girls back then. And besides, she was one of my best friends and married to my other best friend.

I wanted to just forget I had those thoughts, but she smiled and her cheekbones lit up and my stomach did a flip. I looked away as fast as I could. I guess I felt so lonely since Sam left, my brain or my body just wanted…well, something.

"Thanks," I said. "I just wasn't expecting that."

"It's okay. I think we're all a little—" Tori winced suddenly and grabbed her stomach. The hand on my cheek slid to my shoulder and I felt her leaning on me. I supported her as much as I could. Now my heart was racing again. What was going on with her?

"Are you okay? What is it?"

"Nothing," she grunted. Her teeth were clenched and her cheeks were red. Well, redder than they already were. "Just give it a minute."

It seemed like forever, but the pain seemed to go away and Tori stood upright again. I thought maybe I knew what was happening. Maybe.

"Is it…well, is it that time for you? Y'know. Shark week?"

Tori laughed as quickly wiped a tear from her eye. "Shark week?"

My cheeks got all hot again. I was never very comfortable discussing private things out in the open. "Yeah. You know. Aunt Flo. Your—"

"I get it," she said with a quick wave of her hand. "No, it's not that. To be honest, I haven't had…shark week since before Christmas."

Christmas!? That wasn't normal.

"Really? Why?"

She seemed completely recovered by now. She waved off my question. "It's nothing," she said. I could tell she was trying to politely change the subject. "Just a thing I'm dealing with."

"Well, it seems like a terrible thing. You looked like you were in so much pain."

"It's nothing," she insisted. "I promise."

"On a scale of one to ten, it looked like a sixty." I knew I was pressing my luck and that she'd get mad if I pushed much harder. I couldn't help it, I was worried about her. It's not a good sign when a lady's shark week is late, especially by months. "Does Jade know?"

"Cat, please."

That was it. I went too far. "Okay, I'm sorry. But if you want to talk about—"

"I don't." She took a deep breath, then sighed. "Let's just go back to the hotel. You can stay with us if you need to."

"I'd love that."

I slipped my hand into hers and gave her an encouraging squeeze. We shared a smile that made my heart flutter a little and walked back to the hotel just like that.

I hated thinking about that morning. It was the worst day of my entire life. But they wanted to know. They deserved to know.

"I woke up and I was alone." I took another sip from my glass. Jade had poured me a Scotch, neat. Which is just a funny way of saying without ice. I don't know why it needed a special word to describe it. I guess it's faster to say neat than to say no ice. "That's not unusual, sometimes Sam likes to get up and have a snack. I looked all over, but she wasn't there. And the skillet and frying pans were all still put away so I know she didn't cook anything. We had plenty of food so I knew she didn't go to the store. But her motorcycle was gone."

It was getting harder to talk. I took another sip.

"She didn't say anything to Carly?" Jade asked. "No message or text or phone call or anything?"

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. It had a nice, soft cushion but I still felt it digging into my bottom. "Nothing," I said quickly. "I'm pretty sure she's just as worried as I am, though."

"To be honest, I'm surprised she's not out here helping you look," Tori said. The ice in her glass slid together as she took a sip. She didn't like her Scotch neat.

That's a good point, I thought. "She's looking, just closer to home. I came out here because I knew she had family in Buffalo. I thought that someone had heard from her. When I found out you guys were out here I figured maybe I'd come find you. I don't know what else to do."

"So you have no idea why she might have left?" Jade was always looking for solutions. Trying to get all the facts so she could reason things out. I loved her for it. I hoped she could find something. So far, her questions were good but they weren't turning up any information.

"I can't think of anything."

"Last time she was thinking about leaving, it was because she was scared you'd graduate and leave her first. There's nothing like that happening? No career shifts for you? Nothing that would put things at risk or worry her?"

"I don't think so. She got over all those fears. I don't think she'd slip back into them. But there's nothing new going on, not even with Carly."

Someone's phone went off; a generic ringtone. Tori scooped up her phone and shot me an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry. It's Arthur."

She hurried into the kitchenette and kept her voice low as she responded.

"Arthur is her music producer at NuSound," Jade offered.

"Yeah. Arthur Ganz, Tara's dad."

Jade raised her eyebrow in that special Jade way. "You know about all that?"

Oops. I guess Jade wouldn't know what Tori and I talked about. She was so relieved to see that I brought Tori back. Tori had been distant and kind of cold, though. And I think she had another one of those weird stomach cramps, because when she was pouring her drink she dropped an ice cube and didn't pick it up right away.

"Yeah. We had a nice talk. Mostly. Some of it wasn't so nice."

"That's good." I knew more was coming. It was like could make the verbal equivalent of those dots at the end of a sentence that lets you know it's not really the end of a sentence. "So what did you talk about?"She sipped her drink, which was not Scotch at all. Jade went with Jack Daniels and a zero-sugar soda.

I hated being stuck between the two of them. I didn't know what to say or what not to say. I just wanted them to talk to each other. Or for all three of us to talk and figure out what was happening between them. But how could I tell Jade what Tori said if I didn't know what Tori didn't want her to know?

"Um…well, she told me about Arthur being her producer. And a little about working at NuSound."

"Which I gathered, since you implied you knew about those things. Come on, details. What else?"

The room was getting smaller. My chest clenched. "I'm not comfortable with saying more. I'm sorry. You guys just need to talk and tell each other everything."

"Don't you think I know that?"

Jade's voice was so sharp it startled me. For a second, I didn't feel like Caterina the pop star; I felt like Cat, the dizzy Hollywood Arts student who couldn't think her way out of a paper bag if it were wide open and I had instructions.

"Sorry," Jade added. "This didn't go the way I wanted at all. Nothing has. But it's not your fault. You don't have to tell me anything she said. You're right, we do need to talk."

I breathed a sigh of relief as the moment of confusion faded from memory. "Thank you. I mean, it's my fault, too. I just showed up at your door unannounced while you guys are in the middle of all these problems. I should have called."

Jade gave me her best reassuring smile. "You never have to call. And we'd never turn you away."

We couldn't see Tori in the kitchenette, but the light from within it did cast a shadow on the wall. Up until now, the shadow had been pacing, getting bigger and smaller as Tori moved around the room. But now it wasn't moving; Tori grabbed her stomach again.

"There, do you see that?" Jade asked. "She did that earlier, too. Like, way worse."

My heart sank. It had scared me when it first happened, but knowing it had been going on for a while was even worse. "It happened when we were out, too. I asked her about it but she didn't want to talk about it. She just said it's 'a thing' she has to deal with."

"Yes. I asked about it and she didn't want to talk about it. She just said it's a thing she's dealing with."

"A thing she's dealing with!?" Jade caught her outburst a little faster that time. "What the hell does that mean?" I hated the fear in her voice; it was so unlike her. "I wish she'd tell me. Or you. Someone. Damn it, this is so wrong." She took a deep drink from her glass. "Well, getting her to do something she doesn't want to do is like…well…"

"Getting you to do something you don't want to do?"

Jade smiled at that; I'm glad. Her smiles were rare, but they were beautiful. Like a perfect sunset. "Easy, Caterina," she said, emphasizing my stage name. "We might as well figure out your next step while we wait for her. Did you have a plan? What do you need from us?"

Did I have a plan? Well…no. No, I didn't.

"Sure…I kind of have a plan. Step one was to find you and Tori. I'm not quite sure about step two. And then step three—"

"Let me guess. Find Sam?"

"I guess it needs more work."

Jade turned away from the kitchenette; I had her full attention now. "Well, you said you went to Buffalo to see about finding her family, right? Does she have any relatives here in the city? Maybe we can start there."

That was probably the most obvious choice. Just because I didn't have any luck in Buffalo didn't mean we wouldn't here. Sam always did enjoy the city; maybe she came back here when she left. It took a few minutes to remember the name of the uncle we went to see a few times when we lived here.

"Carmine!" I was excited when it finally came to me. "He got out of prison when Sam and I lived here before and we went to see him a few times. He ran a pizza shop in Soho, but Sam said that it was really a front for his um…'business.' I assume she meant a different business besides making pizza. Which is good, because honestly, his pizza tasted like old socks."

Jade chuckled at that. "I didn't realize Carmine had gotten out of prison. That's good."

"Well…'broke out' may be slightly more accurate. That's why he moved out here. He's a nice guy but…kinda scary."

Jade laughed. "I can be scary, too." She gently took my hand. "We'll find her. Okay?"

I wasn't so sure, but the look of confidence and assurance in her eyes made me feel a lot better about it. For the second time that night, I found my stomach flipping as I gazed into the eyes of my best friend. Well, my other best friend.

Come on, Cat. Jeez.

I didn't have too long to think about it this time. Tori came back in. Her steps were slow and the way she frowned made me think she had bad news to share. I always tried to be aware of things like that now; my therapist said being aware of the mood around you, what she called "reading the room," was valuable in understanding others. Sometimes I was really good at it. Sometimes I wasn't.

"Sorry about that," she said. "Arthur wants to see me tomorrow. Kind of a last meeting before he sends me out to his LA office to work on the album. I'm sorry."

My heart sank. I understood what it was like to get an album going and all the crazy planning and meetings that went into it. I wanted Tori to have her dream so if that meant she couldn't help, that was okay.

Jade disagreed.

"Can it seriously not wait a day? One day."

Her tone was sharp even though her voice was soft. I was impressed; she was holding back so much. The Jade I knew years ago would have blown up by now. But that was a long time ago, and we were all more mature now.

"It's waited ten years. Isn't that long enough?"

Well, some of us were more mature.

I understand what Tori was saying. She never pursued her music career because she was so busy being in Jade's movies and building an acting career. But using it like that just felt wrong. Like she took that wonderful thing and turned it into a weapon to lash out with.

She knew it, too. As soon as she said it, she knew it was a mistake. "I'm sorry. That was stupid," she said quickly. Not quickly enough, though.

"Yeah, it was," Jade shot back.

"I said I'm sorry! It was a selfish thing to say."

"And vindictive."

"Fine, and vindictive."

"And ignorant."

"Jade! This isn't helping!"

"Will you two quit bickering like an old married couple!?" I covered my mouth as soon as those words slipped out. They both stared at me like I was a total stranger to them. It wasn't the first time I said that; that had been on the day Sam brought me to our new home.

Oh, god. Sam… My hands started shaking again. I sat on them quickly, before anyone else noticed. It was so stressful, being here. "I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't…I mean you are married this time, at least."

Jade smirked. "Married, sure. But not old. Not quite yet."

"I don't know," Tori said absently. "I sure feel it lately. My mom was right. Once you hit thirty, it all goes to hell."

"But you don't turn thirty for a few months," I said. She smiled sadly at me.

Jade finished her drink. "Look, I know how important this meeting is. But our friend needs our help."

"No, I don't want to mess things up," I said quickly. "Really. I didn't mean to make things worse. I just came here out of nowhere and that really wasn't fair to you guys."

Tori sighed and rubbed her eyes. She seemed so tired. When she spoke again, it was slow. She chose her words carefully. "I'll see if I can reschedule with Arthur. Just…give me a few minutes. I'm going to take a hot bath."

Tori walked to the bathroom, doing her best to make it seem like she wasn't limping. But I could tell she was. So could Jade.

"Something isn't right with her," Jade said quietly.

I agreed, but I didn't think she went far enough. Nothing was right with any of us just then. We were all just…so broken.

At least now, we were broken together.

I didn't sleep much. Or sleep well. It's funny how when things get so chaotic and crazy how much harder it is to sleep, even when you're tired. Your body begs you to let it rest, but your brain, which should know better, is like nope, lol, you're up for the night sister.

Even when I did sleep, it didn't feel right. I don't remember my dreams but I know they made me uncomfortable.

Okay, that's not true. I remember one of them. I was about to make my big entrance for a concert. Sam was there, ready to cheer me on like she did so many times over the years. The music started. I got on my mark on this little platform that would bring me up to the stage. The air was warm and the crowd, which I couldn't see very well due to the lights, was really into it. I opened my mouth to sing…but instead of singing, I said the stupidest thing.

I wonder how much a scale weighs? Shouldn't it just know?

The crowd was really quiet suddenly. The song stopped; the band was staring at me like they couldn't believe I said it.

I tried to say something else into the mic, to explain what was happening.

Did you ever think about what red tastes like? I'd be disappointed if it didn't taste like cherries. Or fruit punch.

Everyone in the arena started laughing. At first it was just a few people, but then a few more. And a few more. I tried to talk again.

Is it true that sweat and pee are like…cousins?

I glanced around. The band was laughing at me, too. The only one who didn't laugh was Sam. She stood there with this awful, disappointed face. I reached out for her.

Why do they call it breaking wind? How can you see the wind to know if it's broken?

Sam shook her head and walked away. As she did, the arena disappeared all around us. All I could hear was the laughter. I woke up in a cold sweat. But I didn't sit up like they always do in movies. Have you ever tried to do that? It's super tough. Your body isn't even awake yet. At most maybe you jerk a little when you wake up from a nightmare. But sitting all the way up? I don't buy it. I tried doing it on purpose one time and almost fell out of bed.

Well, not almost.

Once my eyes adjusted, I remembered I was staying with Tori and Jade. I slept on the couch, which was really big and soft and comfortable. They had maybe the nicest suite of rooms in the entire building. I'd never stayed in a place so nice and I had been to hundreds of gorgeous hotels over the years on tour.

The sun was peaking above the horizon. I put on the coffee and walked out to the balcony while I waited. I noticed a guitar—I think it was Jade's—up on its stand. I checked to make sure they were still sleeping (they were), then slid out onto the balcony with the guitar in hand. It was a chilly morning, but kind of warm for the time of year.

I slid the strap over my head and start plucking gently at the strings. I wasn't a musician, but while I was on tour, Kenny, my guitarist in the band, taught me how to play some stuff on acoustic. He showed me what he felt was enough to make me "more interesting" without making it a full-time hobby. He said people loved it when someone picked up a guitar at parties and just started playing their favorite songs.

I didn't know what to play. I thought back to the last time I was with Tori and Jade when we all sang and had fun together. It made me so sad to think that it was their wedding.

I'd seen them a lot since then, but that was the last time we were really all together, all still looking forward to life and all the craziness to come. And it may have been one of the only times all three of us ever sang.

My fingers found the opening notes for Jewel's "You Were Meant For Me." Back then, Jade had been the one playing. Back then, she'd have threatened death or dismemberment if I ever touched her guitar.

But today was different. I sat on the edge of one of the patio chairs and worked my through the opening notes.

I hear the clock, it's six A.M
I feel so far from where I've been
I got my eggs, I got my pancakes too
I got my maple syrup, everything but you

I break the yolks and make a smiley face
I kinda like it in my brand new place
I wipe the spots off of the mirror
Don't leave my keys in the door
I never put wet towels on the floor anymore
'Cause

Jade's voice joined in on the chorus. I was startled and almost lost my place. She stood just outside the balcony door.

Dreams last for so long
Even after you're gone
I know that you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you

It took Jade a moment to find her voice. She did just wake up, after all. But she sounded beautiful. She took the lead on the next verse.

I called my mamma, she was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk
So I picked up the paper, it was more bad news
More hearts bein' broken, more people being used

We shared a smile as I joined in and we harmonized.

Put on my coat in the pouring rain
I saw a movie it just wasn't the same
'Cause it was happy or I was sad
And it made me miss you oh so bad
'Cause

Dreams last for so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you

I could never explain how the notes and words of an old familiar song could be so healing. I felt it every night I'd go out on stage and sing. I saw it on the faces of my fans. As beautiful an experience as that was, the simple, intimate, acoustic tune Jade and I shared that morning brought me a peace I hadn't felt in…well, I don't even want to say.

I go about my business, I'm doing fine
Besides, what would I say if I had you on the line?
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken, every day

My mind drifted as I settled fully into the song. I thought of the gorgeous castle where Jade and Tori got married. How beautiful Sam looked the night we sang. Suddenly, those peaceful feelings just disappeared and my heart felt like a massive achy hole.

I missed a chord and then another. Just like that, our duet was over.

Jade picked up the guitar pick and handed it back to me. "You okay?"

I wiped my eyes. I was so sick of crying. "Yeah. Just thinking of her."

"I figured." An awkward silence took over. Jade was never very good at handling emotional stuff. I knew she was uncomfortable with me just then, but she stayed with me anyway. "Hey, your playing is great. You've really been practicing."

"Thanks." The compliment felt good. And being there with her felt really good. Great, even. Almost great enough to chase away the sadness.

The door slid open and Tori stepped out. She wore a baggy t-shirt that was falling off her shoulders and a pair of shorts. I noticed Jade did a double-take. I can't blame her.

"Coffee's done. We should figure out what we're doing. Arthur gave me a day so…that's how long I've got."

She turned to go back, but I wanted her to stay. "Tori, wait. Sing with us," I offered.

She hesitated. Turned back to us for a moment, then shook her head. "I should probably save my voice for the album. Maybe next time."

And there it was. The sadness came back. "Oh. Sure."

Jade seemed upset by this answer. "Yeah sure. Next time all three of us are together. That happens so often."

Tori's shoulders slouched and she quietly slipped back inside.

"Damn it," Jade muttered. "Great job, idiot. Way to start fixing things." Her eyes flicked to mine. "I was talking about myself there."

"I know. But you're not an idiot. You're just hurting."

"That's no excuse."

"Maybe not, but it's a reason. And a good one." I stood up and offered her a hand. "Come on. Let's get that coffee before she drinks it all."

Let me tell you about Sam's family. They're…weird. Not in a bad way. Well, not all in a bad way. Sam and her twin sister Melanie are both pretty normal. If you call pretending to be an evil twin and attacking your sister's roommate normal. Melanie wasn't a half-bad kisser, either, but I'll always prefer Sam.

Don't ask.

Sam has more relatives than anyone else I know. She may even have more than all of my other friends combined. I've never actually sat down and done the math, but she had at least five different uncles, two different aunts (I'm not sure if either was married to any of the uncles, or if everyone had a different spouse, or any spouse at all), half a dozen cousins, and a three-legged cat named Frothy. And for a while, she had a horse named Gaga that her mom bought when she had a rich boyfriend.

Don't ask.

Oh, I almost forgot about her mom. Pam Puckett is…well, Nona says you should always try to find the best in people. But honestly, Pam is hard to do that for. I mean, there must be something good in her, because she has two amazing daughters. But she spends most of her time sleeping around or drinking or smoking…things people ought not smoke. At least, that's how things were the last time Sam and I saw her. It's been quite a few years, but she'd been that way Sam's whole life. I doubted she would ever change.

Sam's family was full of people with problems. Jailbirds, addicts, people with more severe problems. Kind of like what I had. They were that way for so long that it would take years of therapy to help them. And none of them ever acknowledged their situation, so the odds of them getting help were slim. My therapist always says the first step in getting help is admitting that you need it, but I don't think they would even go that far. A few of them were even proud of their...well…state of mind. But I guess these days that's pretty normal. The more broken you are, the more the world seems to want to make you feel special. But we're all messed up, right? Everyone is in different ways. So if everyone's special…is anyone special?

Sorry, sometimes I start to overanalyze mundane things to compensate for my years of infantile behavior. But I'm feeling much better now.

Anyway, Uncle Carmine was one of Sam's relatives that was…what did my therapist call it…high functioning. In fact, he was a really smart guy. And he was so protective of Sam and Melanie. And me, too, since he considered me part of the family. After he left Seattle, he came back to New York where he and his son Chaz opened up the pizzeria. He once told us, "Sammy, sweetheart, ain't nothing in the world more stereotypically Italian than owning a New York pizzeria. You could do almost anything in a joint like this, and ain't no one gonna give it a second thought." From what Sam told me, he really has done almost anything in there.

I never watched The Godfather or The Sopranos, but Sam loved them both. Maybe it's because they made her feel close to her family. Or maybe because they were groundbreaking achievements in cinema and television. Either way, I always felt like Carmine's pizzeria would be right at home in one of those stories. Unlike most pizzerias, this one was more of a proper restaurant with a fancy dining room decorated in red and trimmed in green and white and gold. He provided takeout and delivery, but they didn't get very many orders. Maybe it's because the pizza tasted like burnt leather smothered in moldy tomatoes.

Sam loved it, of course. She ordered from him all the time when we lived here. She said he made it that way to keep the customers away, since the pizzeria was really just a front for whatever else he was doing. I guess that made sense.

It's also why, when we stepped inside, the three or four people who were actually sitting at the tables all stopped and stared at us. I didn't recognize any of them.

"This place is legit," Jade said softly. "I wonder if they've ever wasted anybody in here."

"Jade!" Tori was mortified. "Don't say it out loud. What if you're right?"

"There are worse ways to go than being executed by the mob."

"Really? Worse than cement raincoats and being dumped in the river?"

"Galoshes."

"Still cement!"

"Guys, they're not part of the mob. I don't think. Now come on. I think that's Vito by the bar."

"Vito?" Tori sounded even more nervous. "That is so a mob name. Haven't you ever seen The Godfather?"

Sometimes I feel like the only one in the world who hasn't.

I led my friends closer to the bar. Vito turned as we got closer. I knew he was watching us the entire time; his back was to us but the wall above and behind the bar was made up of mirrors so they could see anyone who came in.

Vito smiled. "Caterina! Good to see you again. You look amazing."

He took my hand and gently kissed the back of it.

"Aw, thank you. So do you!" It had been a few years since I'd seen Vito; in that time, his hair had turned a little gray and he looked like he packed on another ten pounds of muscle. I would not want to be on his bad side. "Is Uncle Carmine here?"

"For you, Bella Caterina, he's always here." He always called me Bella Caterina. It meant Beautiful Caterina. He was a flatterer, that one. His eyes slid past me and fixated on Tori and Jade. "But who are your enchanting friends?"

"These are my best friends, Tori and Jade. Guys, this is Vito, Uncle Carmine's…well…" I trailed off. I didn't know what to call him since I wasn't sure of his job.

He smiled politely. "I manage this fine establishment." He gently took Tori's hand in his and kissed the back of it. "It's my exquisite pleasure to make your acquaintance," he said, his voice all smooth and flirty. He reached for Jade's hand, but she pulled it away.

"How about I just keep that to myself, and I'll let you keep walking straight. Fair?"

The color drained from Tori's face so fast as she shot Jade a panicked look. Even I thought that might have been a little too much. Vito glared at her for a long, long moment…then smiled. "Please forgive my archaic display of chauvinism. Sometimes I forget that it's 2023 and that I'm not a neanderthal. It won't happen again."

Tori seemed ready to faint. I had to remind myself to breathe again, too.

"Happy to remind you anytime," Jade said with a smirk.

"Of that, I have no doubt," Vito said. He turned away and motioned for me to follow him. As he got closer to the door, he leaned over to me. "You think your lady friend there might want a job? Carmine's looking for more muscle."

I giggled. "I don't think he could afford her."

Vito took us into Carmine's office on the second floor. It looked pretty much the same as I remembered it: a huge desk facing the door with a big leather chair. Everything was neat and clean and very well-organized.

Carmine sat behind his desk, looking at a computer screen. He glanced up at us as we came in, then looked back down. I don't think it registered that it was me at first; he looked again and a big smile swallowed his whole face.

"Caterina!"

He got up so fast, his chair almost tipped over. His short cropped black hair didn't move an inch as he rushed over. There was a lot more gray in it than I remembered, and I don't think he had a beard the last time either.

He pulled me into a bear hug, pinning my arms to my side as he lifted me off the ground. It happened so fast I couldn't even breathe until he let me go.

"It's good to see you, Firebrand," he said. "You look great! The music business is treating you well?"

"It's been so amazing," I said.

"You're not letting it go to your head, right? Some of these stars get so full of themselves. Forget where they come from. Forget their family. That's not you, is it?"

"Of course not."

"Ah-ha, that's my Firebrand. And this…waitaminute. Jade West?" Carmine seemed almost giddy. "Sammy told me you were a good friend of hers, but look at you, standing here in my humble office."

Jade raised her eyebrow like Mister Spock from Star Trek. "Yeah, look at me, standing here. In your office." She seemed confused, which didn't happen very often.

Carmine must have noticed. "Forgive me, I'm a fan of your work. Vito, look at this. It's Jade West. Here, in my office."

Vito nodded. "Yeah, we met, Boss. Quite a pistol, that one."

"Yeah? You didn't hurt him, did you? Did he deserve it? Ah, never mind. I recognize you too. Vega, right? Star of The Scissoring 2, and too many others to name?"

Tori's cheeks were rosy as she slipped her hair behind her ear. "Yeah. That's me."

"Can I trouble you both for an autograph? I've got a book. Vito, get my autograph book."

Vito hurried over to a bookshelf behind the desk.

"Sam never mentioned she had an uncle that was such a big fan," Jade said.

"Sammy never mentions me at all, I hope," Carmine said. He took a small book from Vito's outstretched arms and opened it. He offered it to Tori first, along with a pen. "She knows that in my line of work, the less her friends know, the better."

Jade crossed her arms over her chest, pushing her boobs together. I had to tear my eyes away before anyone noticed. Should have taken a colder shower this morning, I thought. "I had no idea the pizza market was so competitive in New York."

Carmine smirked in a fair impression of Jade herself. "It's brutal. The competition can be murder."

The sound of a pen hitting the floor drew our attention. Tori nervously scooped it back up and handed the book to Jade with shaking hands. "Sorry," she mumbled.

Jade signed the book and handed it back to Carmine. He looked over his new signatures with a big smile. "Ladies, you've made my day. I thank you. But tell me, where's my niece? Where's Sammy? It ain't like you to come by without her."

My heart sank a little at that. If he had seen her, he'd know she had left.

"I'm not sure," I said. "I, uh…I think she left me."

Carmine stared at me for a second. I always felt awkward when he did this; I knew what he was doing. He had this crazy knack to tell if someone was lying or being serious just by watching them.

"You're kidding," he laughed. "Sammy'd never leave you. That girl loves you more than she loves the all-you-can-eat buffet at Wild Wings."

"I know. But…I woke up one morning and…she was gone. I haven't been able to find her."

Carmine moved to me and gently turned my face to look into his. "Caterina…are you sure she left voluntarily? You know I've got some associates who lack, shall we say, certain scruples."

I didn't know what a scruple was, but it didn't sound pleasant. "I don't think anyone hurt her," I said. "She took some of her things. And she left on her motorcycle."

"No note? No nothing?" I shook my head.

Carmine turned and walked to his window. He rubbed his eyes the same way Sam did when she was frustrated. I could see his wheels turning. He was thinking. Planning. Something.

Suddenly he turned to Vito. "Get Chaz up here. Carlos, too. And someone get Big Jim on the horn. He's in Seattle, maybe he's heard something." Vito nodded and hurried away. The intensity in the room was…well, intense. Electric, even. Carmine was more focused than I'd ever seen him.

"Is there anything we can do?" Jade asked. "I mean…we'd like to help."

"As a matter of fact, there is." Carmine walked around his desk and leaned against its front. "Take my little Firebrand out of here. Treat her to lunch somewhere. Take her shopping or dancing or shooting or whatever she wants to do. Give my boys a chance to do their thing."

Jade shifted next to me; I knew she was going to say something else. I beat her to it. "I don't want to just sit around, Uncle Carmine. I want to help."

"I know, kid. But right now you can best help by not getting mixed up with my guys. And no, that ain't some macho BS like you all can't handle it. I know you can. It's my boneheads who're likely to try and overcompensate or something and screw things up if you get in the middle of it. So let them work, and I promise, I'll call you as soon as I hear something. Or if I need you to do anything to help. Capisce?"

"Capisce," I sighed. "Thank you. Please call."

He smiled, and it was enough to make me feel at least a little better.

"You have my word, Firebrand."

I turned, ready to leave, but Jade had other ideas.

"Actually…I've got a request."

Oh, no.

"A request, is it?" Carmine chuckled. "Okay. Lay it on me."

Jade smirked, and suddenly I was nervous.

"Just once I'd really love to hear you say, 'fuggedaboutit.' Can you do that? Just once?"

Oh, Jade…