Chapter 7

Nurses and doctors ran in, pushing Sandie out of the way. They worked on James who was crashing, his heart stopped and they did everything they could to get it going again. There was noise and chatter but all Sandie could hear was silence, the room spun and she had to sit to keep from falling.

Please God, no. Don't let him die, Sandie begged.

After what seemed like an eternity, the doctors and nurses left the room. The only person left was Greg who stood over his friend, a single tear rolled down his cheek. Sandie closed her eyes and began to cry.

After a moment, she stood and cautiously walked over to her husband's bedside. She leaned over and kissed his cheek, "I love you always," she whispered. Greg took her in his arms and held her tight. He finally got what he always wanted, but at what cost?

Sandie went home that night, the condo was dark and quiet. She closed the door behind her and walked into the bedroom. Climbing into bed, she pulled James's pillow close to her, hugging it tight, it still smelled just like him. Eventually, she cried herself to sleep.

She awoke sometime later to noise from in the home. She sat up and rubbed her eyes, trying to make sense of what time it was and what day. Looking at the clock, she realized it was the next morning. She got up and carefully crept to the bedroom door. She opened it and peeked out into the hall. The noise was coming from the kitchen. Who could that be? She thought, thinking perhaps the last few weeks had all been a dream and perhaps James was still alive.

She walked down the hall and into the kitchen, the sun streamed through the windows and she rubbed her eyes. Blinking, she saw Greg standing at the counter, the smell of fresh coffee wafted through the air and breakfast laid out for her. She looked and saw eggs, bacon, and toast and her stomach growled. She realized that she hadn't eaten in days and she was hungry.

"What are you doing here and how did you get in?" Sandie asked Greg.

"I still have the spare key," he replied, "I promised James I would take care of you and thought you might be hungry."

Sandie was annoyed that he thought it was okay to just come in whenever he wanted and help himself. She didn't want to be around anyone, this was her place, hers and James. She didn't want Greg in here, promise or no promise.

"What makes you think that you can just come in whenever you want?" Sandie told him.

"I'm sorry. I'm just trying to help," Greg replied.

"I don't want your help," Sandie croaked between sobs. "I want James back."

"He's not coming back!" Greg shouted, perhaps a little too harsh.

Sandie looked at him.

"Get out!" She screamed, then turned and ran back to her bedroom where she slammed the door shut and threw herself onto the bed.

"Shit!" Greg said aloud.

The next few days consisted of the same routine, Greg stopping by, bringing Sandie food and helping out when he could. Sandie, on the other hand, never left her room, despite Greg trying to coax her out.

"You need to eat," he told her.

"I'm not hungry," she would reply.

Things went on like this for quite some time until Greg got Lisa involved.

"She won't come out of her room and hasn't eaten in days. I'm worried about her," he told her.

"I'll go and talk to her," Lisa replied.

Later that afternoon, Lisa knocked on Sandie's door. When she didn't answer, she used the key that Greg had given her to let herself in.

"Sandie," Lisa called out, "it's Lisa."

Still no answer. Lisa walked to the bedroom, the door was partially opened, so she peeked inside and saw her sister laying in bed, sobbing. She walked in and sat down next to her.

"Sweetie," Lisa started, "I miss him too but you can't stay in here forever. You need to eat and take care of yourself."

Sandie sat up, wiped the tears from her eyes and looked at her sister.

"I don't care about myself," Sandie told her. "I just want him back."

"I know you do, but he would want you to be happy, to move on," Lisa told her.

"I can't," Sandie confessed. "How do I live without him?"

Lisa couldn't answer that, she didn't know what Sandie was going through.

"Maybe I'm not the best person to ask," she told her.

"Then who?" Sandie asked.

"I don't know," Lisa told her, "but I do know that James loved you and he'd want you to move on."

Sandie sighed and wiped her tears. Maybe she's right, she thought. Greg's been really good to me lately, maybe I should give him another chance.

Later that day, there was a knock at the door. To Greg's surprise, Sandie was there to open it. She stood dressed in denim shorts and one of James's button down shirts. Greg thought she looked cute, especially since she left most of the buttons undone and he caught a glimpse of her breasts. Her hair was pulled back into a low ponytail and she wore a subtle shade of pink lipgloss.

"Hi," she said as she opened the door wide enough for him to enter. He entered and she smiled for the first time since James came down sick. It made him happy to see that she was trying.

"How are you doing?" Greg asked her.

Sandie's smile quickly faded, "I'm fine," she told him.

Greg knew she was lying but he didn't want to push her, he was just glad to see that she was up and about.

"I brought Chinese," he told her, showing her the bag. He walked over to the kitchen island and sat the bag down and started pulling little takeout boxes out.

Sandie heard her stomach growl and realized for the first time in days that she was hungry. She walked up to the counter and helped herself to a fortune cookie. She cracked it open and pulled out the fortune, "Do the thing that scares you most," and the thing that scared Sandie the most was moving on and living without the love of her life. James was always there for her, he helped her when she hit rock bottom and he was the only one that mattered. Out of all the guys, he was the only one that actually loved her and she loved him. How am I supposed to find someone else like him? Sandie thought.

"A penny for your thoughts?" Greg asked her.

She glanced up at him and smiled. "Nothing," she said. Again, he knew she was lying and again, he didn't pressure her.

The two of them sat in silence while they ate. Every now and then Sandie would catch Greg looking at her and she could feel her body getting hot. When they both reached for the rice, their hands touched, making Sandie blush and her body tingle. It's been a while since anyone's touched her, not since James and she quickly pulled her hand away.

"Sorry," Greg mumbled. He really didn't know what to say to her, he was still feeling guilty for what he did and what he couldn't do. The only thing he could do now was be there for her. "You look nice," he added.

"Thanks," Sandie replied, shyly. She glanced up at him and immediately looked away. Her body was hot and she was craving his touch, his kiss. Images from their past relationship haunted her. She bit her lip and Greg was hooked, again.

He walked over to her, placed his hand under her chin, lifting her face towards his. Without thinking, he kissed her and without hesitation, she kissed him back. Fire and hunger burned between them. He unbuttoned the buttons on her shirt and slid it off her shoulders, revealing perky breasts in a white, lace bra.

He lifted her from her seat, she wrapped her arms around him and he carried her to the bedroom. He laid her on the bed and ran a hand down her body making her shutter. He kissed her lips, then made his way down her neck to her chest. Fondling her breasts, he released one from the confinements of her bra and sucked on it, making her moan.

Slowly, he made his way down her belly to the top of her shorts. Unbuttoning them, he slipped them off, revealing matching white, lace panties. He then slipped those off as well and placed his face between her legs, he could feel her heat. He slipped his tongue inside her and she moaned, then he replaced his tongue with his fingers, making her moan even more.

He stopped only to remove his clothes, then he climbed on top of her. The warmth of his body against hers made her feel safe and wanted. He kissed her and she returned the favor. Their hunger and passion for one another was incredible. Greg couldn't wait any longer, he entered her and she gasped. They made love, slow and steady at first then faster until neither one of them could hold back any more. When they finished, they lay wrapped in each other's arms. The whole time, Greg couldn't help but wonder if she thought of him or James. Either way, he had her and he hoped there would be more, he really did love her, always had and he wished that he never, ever screwed up their relationship.

Sandie awoke the next morning to an empty bed. She tossed aside the blankets and stood up. She grabbed her robe and wrapped it around her and headed out to the kitchen. The condo was quiet. Greg must've left early, she thought. She headed to the bathroom to shower then got dressed. She threw on a pair of jeans and one of James's button down shirts. She loved wearing them because they still smelled like him and she wasn't ready to give them up. She ran a brush through her hair and tied it into a high pony, then she ran her signature red lipstick across her lips.

She walked into the kitchen and made a pot of coffee, when it was finished, she poured herself a cup and walked to the window. It had just started to rain, large drops splashed against the window pain, the sky was dark and she thought she saw a flash of lightning in the distance. Guess I'm not going anywhere today, she thought.

She walked over to the couch and sat down, it was quiet, too quiet. It was usually quiet when James was at work but now it seemed eerily quiet, the only sound she heard was the rain hitting against the windows and the sound of thunder. She felt something wet against her cheek and thought perhaps her ceiling was leaking. Not possible, she thought. She reached up and realized they were tears. Silent tears streamed down her cheek and splashed into her coffee. She didn't realize she was crying. Perhaps the loneliness was getting to her or perhaps it was the weather, either way, she missed James.

She stood, walked to the sink and dumped her tear flavored coffee. She wiped her tears and poured herself a fresh cup. She was just about to take a sip when she heard a knock at the door, or was it the pounding of thunder? Listening, she heard it again, definitely a knock at the door. She sat her mug down and went to answer it. She opened it to find Greg standing there.

"What are you doing here?" Sandie asked him.

"Work became boring, thought I'd find something better to do," he told her.

She let him in but only because she was tired of being lonely and she needed something to break the silence. His hair was wet from the rain and she walked to the counter to grab him a towel. He took it and dried his hair, never taking his eyes off of her. She could feel his stare and she became uncomfortable.

"You left early," she told him.

"Had to go home to change," he replied.

Sandie took a sip of her coffee, "Want one?" She asked Greg.

She poured him a mug and handed it to him. He took it and as he did, his hand brushed hers and she quickly pulled it away.

"I don't think I can do this," Sandie blurted.

"Do what?" Greg asked.

"This. Us. I'm not ready for another relationship," Sandie confessed. "It's only been a couple weeks since…."

Greg stared at her.

"I'm not asking for a relationship," he told her. "I just want to take care of you. I owe James that much."

Sandie looked at him, confused. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," he lied. He took a sip of his coffee and walked towards her, she took a step back.

The rain had let up but there was still a rumble of thunder in the distance. She walked towards the window and looked out. Greg walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She sank into the comfort and safety of his warmth, she missed being held, she missed James.

Greg kissed the top of her head and squeezed her just a bit tighter, he was afraid to let her go. He was afraid to lose her again and if she ever found out what he did, she'd never forgive him.

The following day, Greg returned bringing Sandie lunch, the day after, he brought her dinner. Everyday, he would stop by her place, bringing her something or doing something nice for her. Days turned to weeks and Sandie was starting to become more comfortable with Greg around, in fact, he spent more time at her place than his own. Greg's plan had slowly started to take shape.

Greg had Sandie wrapped around his finger and he was slowly turning her back into the party girl she once was. She started drinking more and started using drugs again. They spent the nights partying and having sex and the days were spent lying in bed, Greg slowly skipping out on work or coming in late, hungover.

"Where the hell have you been?" Lisa asked him one day as he stumbled through the door way past his shift.

"Taking care of your grieving sister," he replied.

"You're taking advantage of her," Lisa told him.

"She's having a blast," he called over his shoulder as he disappeared into the elevator.

Sandie sat at home, a bottle of vodka opened on the coffee table, cocaine alongside it. She was high and drunk and stumbled to the door when she heard the knock. She opened the door to find her sister standing there.

"What are you doing here?" Sandie asked. She turned and walked back towards the living room, Lisa closed the door and followed behind.

"I'm worried about you," Lisa told her sister. "You and Greg have been hanging out a lot."

"So?" Sandie asked. She sat down and poured another glass of vodka.

"OMG!" Lisa exclaimed when she saw the drugs. "You're using again? What would James think?"

"He's not here," Sandie told her, doing a line of coke.

"Dammit, Sandie!" Lisa yelled as she swiped the drugs off the table. "Everything James has done for you, you let it all go to waste? I know it's been rough, his death, but you can't let it defeat you."

"You don't know shit!" Sandie yelled, jumping up from the couch.

"This is all Greg's doing," Lisa told her. "This isn't you, you're better than this."

Although Sandie was high and drunk, in the back of her mind, she knew that her sister was right, James would be disappointed. She let Greg into her life and he destroyed what she had built, but he helped her forget how hurt she was and the party life helped her forget her pain.

"You need help," Lisa said, "let me help you."

"I don't need your help," Sandie said.

Just then, Greg walked in, "Honey, I'm home," he said. "What are you doing here?" he said when he saw Lisa.

"What did you do to her?" Lisa asked him, although she already knew that answer. "You couldn't stand to see her happy with James, so you destroyed her life."

"She's happy," Greg told her.

"Look at her!" Lisa exclaimed, "she's miserable!"

While the two of them argued, neither one of them realized that Sandie had left the condo. She was fed up with both of them and needed to clear her head. She wandered through town and somehow ended up at the cemetery to James's grave. She sat down and began to cry.

"I'm sorry," she told him. "I really messed up. I miss you so much."

She looked up and through her tears, she saw a large mass of birds nearby. What are they? She thought. Wiping her tears, she looked closer. Crows! A murder?

"What are you trying to tell me?" She asked aloud.

Just then the wind picked up and she swore she heard James whisper, "Greg." Or perhaps it was because she was still high and was just hearing things, but no, she heard his whisper again, "Elliot." As the wind blew, a piece of paper flew to her feet. What's this? She asked herself, picking it up, she read, Desk.

"What is going on?" She asked.

Just then, she heard footsteps behind her, making her jump. She pocketed the paper and turned to see Greg and Lisa.

"What are you doing here?" She asked them.

"Looking for you," Lisa replied.

"How did you know where to find me?"

"You always went to James when something was wrong," Greg told her.

Sandie stood and brushed the leaves from her jeans.

"I should go," she told them. She started to walk away when Lisa grabbed her arm.

"Wait," she said, "we really should talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about. I screwed up."

"You didn't screw up," Greg interrupted. "You're being you."

Lisa glared at him. "You did this to her," she told him.

Sandie was fed up with the both of them. She brushed her sister's hand from her arm and continued on past them out of the cemetery.

"Wait!" She heard them call behind her.

James's office was empty, things were packed away a while ago and no one was hired to replace him yet. Sandie took a deep breath and opened the door, she felt strange being in there but it felt like she needed the closure. She wanted to find out what really happened to her husband, who poisoned him.

She ran her fingers across the top of his desk, chills ran down her spine. A million memories filled her head and she started to cry. She wiped the tears from her eyes and forced herself to open the desk drawers. There must be a clue around here somewhere, she thought.

Opening the top drawer, she reached around inside, her fingers hitting something metal. What's this? She asked, reaching for whatever was inside, she pulled out a small key.

"I wonder what this goes to?" She asked aloud.

She continued to explore the office but found nothing that a key could possibly go to.

"There you are!"

A voice startled her and Sandie quickly jumped, pocketing the small key. She looked in the doorway to find Greg standing there.

"How did you know I was here?" Sandie asked.

"I told you, you always ran to James when you needed something," Greg said with a sneer.

"What do you want?" Sandie asked him.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay," he replied. "I thought we had something," he continued.

"I don't know," Sandie told him. Everytime they were together, it was nothing but sex and drugs, she felt like he was controlling her again.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" Greg asked her, stepping into the room and walking towards her.

She took a step back.

"Greg, I care about you, always have but I can't go back to my old ways."

"Why the hell not?" Greg argued. "James isn't here, you belong to me now!"

He quickly regretted saying that the minute he saw the shocked look on Sandie's face.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Forget it," Greg told her, then he turned and walked out of the room.

Sandie stood there, confused and hurt.

Back at the condo, Sandie stood at the counter, looking over that small key. What could you possibly go to? She thought. Just then, she remembered that James had a small safe in the back of his closet. She grabbed the key and headed towards the bedroom. Sure enough, in the back of the closet was a small safe. She pulled it out and inserted the key and turned it. The safe popped open! Inside was a brown envelope and a small, letter sized envelope, addressed to her.

She tore open the smaller envelope and started to read the letter that was inside:

My Darling Sandie,

If you are reading this, it means that I have passed away and you have found the key to the safe. I knew for a while now that someone was poisoning me. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to worry any more than you probably are. I have a guess at who it may be but just to let you know, I called our friend, Elliot Stabler and had him look into my case and want him to look after you. Give him the folder that is in the other envelope. My Darling, I know we didn't have much time together but every moment spent with you was perfect. I love you so much, please take care of yourself.

Love always,

James.

Sandie replaced the letter and clenched it close to her chest, then she began to cry. She wasn't sure how long she sat there crying but it must've been a while since it was dark when she finally stopped. She realized she had no more tears to cry, plus was that a phone ringing? She wasn't sure. She grabbed both envelopes and tossed them onto the bed, then replaced the safe back into the closet. She went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, she looked different, not like her at all. She washed and dried her face and as she walked out of the bathroom she heard a knocking at her door. Who could that be this late? She wondered. Walking to the door, she peered out the peephole, to her surprise, she saw Elliot Stabler standing there.

Sandie opened the door and saw Elliot standing there along with a woman. She had shoulder length, dark hair and gorgeous features. She could be a model, thought Sandie. She motioned for them to come in.

Elliot and the woman entered the condo and right away, Elliot gave Sandie a tight hug. He knew it was a bad idea, considering their background but he also knew that she was grieving and he wanted to let her know that he was there for her.

"What are you doing here?" Sandie asked him when they broke from the hug.

"I'm sorry to just show up," Elliot told her, "I tried calling but you didn't answer."

"I've been busy. Guess I didn't hear my phone," Sandie told him.

"Sandie," Elliot started, "this is my partner, Olivia Benson."

"Hi, nice to meet you," Sandie said, as the two women shook hands.

"A pleasure," Olivia replied, "Elliot's told me a lot about you."

"Elliot, you never told me how beautiful she is," Sandie mentioned.

Olivia blushed.

"I'm so sorry to hear about James," Elliot told her. "He was a great guy. In fact, he's the reason I'm here. He called me a while back."

"I know," Sandie said. She walked into the bedroom and returned a moment later with the brown envelope. "This is for you," she said, handing Elliot the envelope.

He took the envelope from her. Opening it, he pulled out a manila folder with a bunch of papers in it, all of James's test results. Sandie couldn't bring herself to look at it so she sat down on the couch and realized that she still had drugs sitting on the coffee table. She looked up to see Olivia looking at her curiously and she quickly cleaned it up. Olivia whispered something to Elliot and he looked over at her. He then walked over and sat down next to her.

"Are you using drugs again?" He asked.

Sandie knew there was no point in lying to him.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"Don't be," Elliot told her, "I get it but let me help you."

"You've done enough for me, El," Sandie told him.

"And I'll keep doing whatever it takes to keep helping you. I promised James," Elliot assured her, placing his hand on her leg.

Immediately sparks shot through Sandie's body and thoughts of hers and Elliot's past haunted her. She jumped up from the couch and ran to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Elliot stood and exchanged confused looks with his partner.

Olivia gave him her "I'll talk to her" look and headed towards the bedroom. She knocked on the door before carefully opening it.

"Sandie? Sweetie?" Olivia called. She walked into the bedroom to find Sandie sitting on the bed, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Olivia sat down next to her.

"So, tell me what's going on," she said.

Sandie wiped her tears, she was getting tired of crying, tired of being sad and lonely. She wanted to know who killed her husband and why so she could get her revenge and start over.

While Sandie told Olivia everything that's been going on, Elliot was in the kitchen looking over the folder of papers.

"I'm no doctor," Elliot said when Olivia and Sandie walked in, "but I'm pretty sure all these test results were faked. James was right, he was poisoned."

"Who would do such a thing?" Olivia asked.

Sandie had an inkling but didn't want to believe what her heart was telling her, she didn't want it to be true. She didn't want to believe that Greg could kill his best friend just so he could be with her.