Hello, everyone!

I hope the new year has been treating you all well. I want to thank Sola the Spirit, dragontrainer23, MysteryWriter175, Marce7411, Silverleone, and picothea for all of your wonderful reviews! I read every single one of them an appreciate all of them. They really help when I am feeling like this story/the writing isn't good enough.

I also would like to thank kwizjunior, Dragon Crusader, Anticept, Crysist, Samateus, Dys, LapisSea, and RS for all of your help with beta-ing!

I hope you all have a wonderful day, and enjoy!

Chapter 22

Toothless

In my dreams, Shadow-Blenders perished.

I saw Starcatcher's final moments, a vague catch of black scales in the dim moonlight, stark torchlight crawling across her scales. A glint of teeth, a glint of sword, and she died. Her eggs, smashed below human paws, vitreous oozing upon the stones. Her cornered yearling, squealing hysterically and clawing at the walls for escape, finally curling up and hiding beneath a wing—dead. My mother, eyes growing cold, her scales and flesh melting away to bones. My older brother, struck with an arrow mid-flight, his skeleton clattering to the ground. Fleeing to our home-cave only to find my father's remains.

Hiccup, a Shadow-Blender, falling limp, wings crumpled, scales and muscles and organs dissolving in ribbons. His bones shattered to dust on the ground and sunk into the ocean, lost forever where the Dragoness of the Moon could not see.

That was what finally wrenched me awake, keening and hyperventilating.

Sunlight poured through the leaves into the cave. In place of human torches, dust motes drifted and flickered like stars. The smell of sweet grass and flowers, not flame and death and blood, settled on my tongue.

Hiccup was already clutching my head close to his chest. He buried his nose into the nape of my neck.

"It is fine," he soothed, though his overtone shook with fear. "It is fine…it is fine…"

His warm, familiar scent chased the vestiges of death-smell away. His heartbeat pulsed against my scales, frantic yet strong. The tension eased out of my shoulders.

"Sorry," I rasped.

Hiccup drew away and gave me an intensely admonishing look.

I ducked my head, a little embarrassed by my own hypocrisy. "It was…I was just dreaming…of Shadow-Blenders." I looked down at my paws, wings and tail pulled in close. "All of them I've ever known, hunted…"

Hiccup put a paw on my head. I met his eyes. A spark, and our link flared to life.

We'll find them.

He shooed the last gasps of the nightmare away, banishing it to the distant forgetfulness that all dreams eventually went to. He lingered upon the image of himself, a Shadow-Blender, falling, dying…

This, he nearly clawed away, as if he could tear it and the heartbreak from my mind. No. No. No.

He thought of the map and all the places we had yet to explore. All the things we would see while setting our markers, looking for Haugaeldr and the King. The grasslands to the south, where we would go once we had scoured these mountains.

Our link faded. I was surprised to find myself relaxed, soothed like a mother's tongue had run over my head and spine. I smiled gratefully. Hiccup returned it.

"Let's come up with a plan for the day," he said, a blatant attempt to take my mind off of the subject. I welcomed it, shifting around and perking my ears and frills.

After leaving Galewing's nest, we had spent the rest of the night flying, carefully setting markers, and seeking out the ocean. In the late deepness of the night, we had caught a glimpse of it, a great shining plate out on the horizon.

We had also seen the ember-glow of human villages, enough to keep us a cautious distance away. We had set some coastal markers, as close as we dared. By then, the sun had begun to rise. We'd retreated to the vast valleys below, finding a cave nestled inside a forest. It smelled faintly of bear, but only just; it had long-since been abandoned, except for several disgruntled land mammals that scuttled out when we entered. There, exhausted both mentally and physically, we had slept.

Judging from the light pouring in, I'd done an excellent job of waking us both up far too early. It was late morning, the sun high, night hours away.

The rustling of paper drew me from my thoughts. Hiccup produced the map from one of our holding-skins and unfurled it. "We know our home-cave is here," he said, pointing at a mark he'd placed on the map. "Only a few of these marks are around it. A lot more are near the coast, which makes sense, considering how hard it is for people to go deep into the mountains."

"That makes it all the stranger that the Shadow-Blenders left," I said. "What takes a few moment's flight over a single mountain takes days for humans."

Hiccup nodded. He frowned. "The sea-dragon should have gotten close enough to the coast by now. She said it would only take her a day or so to swim here, and that was several days ago."

"Maybe we should fly out to sea?" I suggested, though I had already dismissed the idea before I finished saying it. It wasn't as if we could pick a random direction and simply hope it was the right one.

"At night, it would be impossible to find the sea-dragon, if she's even around," Hiccup said, eyes focused on the map. "During the day, we would definitely be seen."

"And judging by how every dragon here wants to avoid us, we'd have to corner someone just to ask them if they'd seen Haugaeldr," I groaned.

The King was incredibly resourceful. Haugaeldr, too, when he actually stopped to think for a moment. I was sure they were fine. After all, they weren't the ones who had flung themselves into a hurricane. But that wasn't the problem.

"They must be so worried," Hiccup murmured, echoing my own thoughts.

I nosed him. "We'll find them. We can set so many markers that they can't possibly miss us."

My brother considered this and nodded. "And while we do so, we can make sure to check out these places." He gestured at all of the circles on the maps. "We'll set markers there, too, in case Dad somehow managed to get a map for himself."

So we dozed the warmth of the day away, the both of us trying to rest…and doing a miserable job at it. Trying to fall asleep when I couldn't was frustrating. I wanted to get up and do something, but it was too dangerous during the day.

After hours of shifting and dosing, I finally gave up on it and eased to my feet.

"Time to go?" Hiccup mumbled, curled on his side, eyes still closed.

"No," I groaned. "I can't sleep."

"Me neither."

"The sun is still out." I glared up at the sky. The sun was setting now, casting golden light through the towering, glossy-leaved trees towering above. Some of the trees had white bark with dark spots, like they were dappled with eyes. The undergrowth glowed in the filtered light, spotting the area in luminescent greens, reds, and pinks. It was pleasantly cool. I wondered if the weather would change suddenly here, as it did on Berk—a sudden chill overnight as the only warning of winter's fierce encroachment on the land.

Hiccup stretched all of his legs, groaning as his spine crackled, and got to his feet. "Let's start early. We can stay below the canopy for now."

I stretched, too. "I doubt a stroll through the forest will be useful. But it will be nice," I admitted.

We ventured into the woods, each of us meandering within sight of each other. The forest floor swelled with life. Rodents scurried and squeaked. Small mammals hissed and hid. Birds watched and yelled from the treetops. I found bear tracks, fresh, and called out to Hiccup in warning. The trees spread wide their branches like sheltering wings, leaving only a few gaps for light to filter through.

It was…not familiar, but something close to it, an echo. I remembered these forests, but only vaguely. I had been exhausted, wounded, heart-sick…and above all, down to my very core, terrified. A ghost of memory fluttered just out of reach, of cowering beneath the shadows of trees as human voices rang nearby.

They're chasing me! They're chasing me!

I paused mid-step.

Had I truly thought that, or was it a trick of the mind, a false memory inserted where one was wanted?

As I stood there, ears pricked as if I could listen to the past, I knew: it was certainly real. I had felt pursued into these mountains. But I couldn't remember by whom.

The memory faded. I huffed in irritation, rattling my thoughts about like I was shaking myself of dead scales. No new, convenient memory magically surfaced. This new one likely would never have, had I not walked in the very same forests I had once, apparently, taken shelter in.

That…was concerning.

I conveyed this to Hiccup as we walked. He asked if I could remember anything else, trying to snatch details from the depths by inquiring about specifics. Maybe, he supposed, if I "jogged" my memory, it would all come rushing back.

It didn't.

I settled into a contemplative silence, sniffing about to see if any novel smell would catch my attention. The forest floor rose and fell, ocean waves upon land. Many steep climbs were met with a miniature valley, or an even steeper climb. Some areas ended in abrupt, vertical stone walls. The occasional patch of leveled trees and upturned dirt spoke of frequent landslides. It was impossible to tell what anything but our immediate area looked and smelled like.

This wasn't very problematic…until Hiccup started leaping from the cliffs and hills.

I saw the sudden flash of movement, heard the snapping of his wings, and jolted toward him. "Hiccup!" I scolded, leaping up to the top of the hill with a flap of my wings.

He was already swooping around a tree and atop another hill, laughing like I hadn't heard him in many, many days.

"It's faster this way!" he shouted. "We can cover more ground, and you can see new things! Or old things!"

"You're going to hit something!" I said.

"When do I ever hit anything?" He crouched like a Two-Leg bracing for liftoff.

"All the time!" I cried, exasperated, before leaping after him.

I was too late. Hiccup took flight, and, of course, he happened to be on a very tall cliff. He swooped between enormous tree trunks, sunlight glowing red in his wings. Delighted laughter echoed through the forest. He eventually flung his hind legs out and settled down in a flat, shaded grassy area very far from the cliff. The red stalks strained well over his head.

I thumped to the ground next to him and set him with a look.

"It's been forever since I've flown!" he protested.

At that, I couldn't help but grimace. We'd been so busy evading dragon-hunters and searching, Hiccup had been forced to stay on my back. It must have burned within him, to be out in these wide mountains with their great updrafts. Here, he could glide for hours without needing to land. It was the perfect place for flying. It was a fun place for flying, if we were ever given the chance to partake in that evasive thing called "fun". Instead, he had remained clutched to my back, flightless, his folded wings rustling in the wind.

"We'll both fly tonight," I promised.

"Well, what about now?"

Off he ran, disappearing into the foliage.

I huffed, rolling my eyes. Flying always brought out his playfulness. His happiness.

That had been in short supply lately. For both of us.

Well…we were waiting for it to get dark, after all. Besides, we needed to keep our spirits up. Yes, that certainly mattered—a healthy mind was the key to success!

Those were the half-hearted excuses I told myself as I crouched down and stalked after him.

"I'm going to find you…" I hissed menacingly. "I can smell you…"

A muffled snicker nearly gave him away. I could have followed his scent, obviously, but that took the fun out of it. Instead, I crept through the reaching, ruby grasses, ears pricked for the slightest out-of-place rustle.

Hiccup, too damned clever for his own good, knew I would do that. So he waited to move only when the wind gusted through the stalks, where his quiet footsteps were mostly swallowed in the scraping of the grasses against each other. Even the metallic tink of his fake-leg was swallowed in the soft earth. If I poked my head up above the grass, I couldn't see even the slightest glint of amber off of his fur; he was walking four-legged, too, crouched low to the ground.

Luckily, when he finally did decide to make a run for it, I had raised up on my hind legs to survey the area like a rabbit. He bolted for the top of a hill.

"I found you!" I fake-roared, sprinting through the grasses after him.

Now Hiccup's breaths came out in giddy laughs. He reached the top of the hill just as I neared its base. He glanced back, eyes widening to see me so close.

I snapped my jaws just behind him as he leapt and flew away, swooping down a gorge burbling with a small stream. He was going for the trees more closely packed together, trying to use my wingspan against me.

I jumped after him anyways, keeping my wings tucked in, flapping shallowly. Hiccup cried out in dismay as I overtook him. He dipped a wing and tried to swoop away, but I merely pulled into a hover, swept my tail around, and resumed my chase.

"Cheater!" he called over his shoulder.

He came to a stop in a tangle of bushes. I dropped just in front of him, stalked towards him with narrowed eyes, wings splayed menacingly over my head, going out of my way to gouge my claws into the earth and stones. Hiccup backed up until he bumped against a huge, white-barked tree that disappeared into the canopy above. We went nose-to-nose. Smoke curled from my jaws and puffed into his face.

I gave him a thorough licking.

"Winner," I corrected.

"Ugh!" he strung his paws through his now-clumpy fur, nose wrinkling. Eyes shining with vengeance, he flicked my own saliva back in my face.

I flinched and narrowed my eyes.

"Well, now I'm not going to go easy on you."

Hiccup's laughter bounced through the trees as I spun and sprang away, leaping from tree trunk to stone to hill. I couldn't go too fast, of course, so once I dipped just out of his sight, I looked all around for somewhere to hide. I was settled within a small valley, trees standing guard in all directions, a little creek splashing away at the bottom. There were no long grasses to hide in.

I ran up the creek's path, confident Hiccup would see the tracks I left behind. The ground got rockier and the soft murmur of rushing water grew louder. Rounding a curve, I came upon an opening in the greenery. It was a lake, half-enclosed in a dome of leaves, with a modest waterfall pouring down from a rocky cliff a few wing-lengths above. The land sloped just slightly at its rim. Dozens of thirsty trees crowded every last inch of free ground.

Now this was a good hiding spot.

I slipped into the water, wading out until I had to stand on my toes. There, I alternated between short bursts of paddling and tip-toeing until I reached the lake's highest raised lip, about halfway through. This section was in shadow. Plenty of trees hunched over the lake like protective mothers, their mangled roots dipping in and out of the water. I wrestled between the roots until I was settled in their deeper-still shadows, clinging to them below the water to stay still. Keeping my ears and frills pressed against my head, I kept only my nose and eyes peeking above the gently-rippling waves.

Hiccup would take ages to find me, I was sure. I peered down the creek entrance. I heard a steady, soft pattering of pebbles and cracking of broken twigs. Footsteps. He had found my tracks.

So focused was I on the game, I almost missed the movement above.

The flicker in the corner of my eye sent my heart racing, fear clutching my chest. I snapped my head up, peering into the turquoise sky, my fire-gas already collecting in my throat.

A dragon darted directly overhead, low enough that I could hear the leathery flap of their wings. They swooped in a low descent, circling the lake warily, and dipped out of sight before I could even breathe. They emerged again a second later, much closer, wings and tail tucked in a tight turn. A stroke of sunlight caught against their neck scales, glimmering pure sky-blue.

They were a white dragon, so stark, so unlike anything I'd ever seen.

Having decided to land, they circled back towards the lake and stretched their wings and tail fins out into a glide. In that moment when I saw their shape so clearly, my heart froze.

A Shadow-Blender.

They were shaped like a Shadow-Blender.

They were still here!

I crashed out into the open, heedless of all the sound I was making. "Hello! Hello hello hello!" I warbled, nearly sobbing with joy. "Oh! Oh! I was so frightened that—"

The dragon snapped their head around towards me. My delighted smile dissipated.

Wrapped tight around their head, a parasitic shadow against snow-white scales, was a muzzle.

Throwing their tail down, the Shadow-Blender lurched—not towards me, but away. Crystalline blue eyes flashing with wild fear, they spiraled upwards, pumping their wings as if chased by death.

"Wait!" I shrieked, scrambling for purchase in the silty mud. Too shallow to dive and leap out, too deep to crouch and leap, I was left flailing like an idiot. Finally, I spun towards the roots, dug my claws up, and clambered onto them until I could leap upwards.

I tore into the open, my wings glowing in the rays of sunlight gliding from above. Deep shafts of shadows fell across the valley and huddled against the western edges of the mountains. I pulled into a hover, swinging my head this way and that, hoping to see a wing catching the falling light.

Nothing. Nothing!

My heart hammered painfully. I took in a deep breath. Faint on the wind, I found their—no, her scent. Fear, metal, and human-scent clogged hers—a softer, deeper smell, tingly like the salt of the open ocean. She was frightened and had been around humans, but had escaped. Barely, judging by the—the—muzzle.

But that meant nothing when I couldn't see her! I needed to find her!

What should I do?!

"Toothless!"

I glanced down towards the lake. Above, it was almost completely concealed by the trees. Between them, I barely made out my brother below.

I tucked my wings and swooped down. But I didn't land.

Hiccup let out a startled yelp as I swooped like a hawk, snatched him up, and tore right back up into the open.

"Toothless!" he shouted, overtone insulted and anxious. He struggled against my claws, which I knew were poking into him. "What are you doing?! We need to get out of the open!"

"Another Shadow-Blender!" I gasped, the wind tearing at my eyes forcing them to tear. This time my throat did choke up. "I saw—saw—another Shadow-Blender!" I managed.

And she ran away from me…

I set my jaw. Her scent was still faint on the wind, but if I followed it quickly, we could catch up.

We had to catch up!

Hiccup didn't complain as I raced in the mountain valley, waterfalls of light and shadow gliding over us like we were in a forest of giants. He managed to scrabble onto my back on his own, where he crouched low and scoured the skies.

We followed the scent through the valley. After a short length, it curved up over another line of mountain-teeth. As I rose, heedless, Hiccup tensed.

"There's a village below here, remember?"

My voice was shrill. "The scent is fading!" I raced ahead, fear sinking a stone in my gut. Fainter and fainter still the trail became, and once we hit the mountain-winds…that would be it. I snapped up and over the mountain, hugging the stones close and ducking over their edges as fast as I could.

The wind swept past us. The musk of the forest, the coolness of the stones, the salt of the ocean.

But no dragon-scent.

Panting with exertion and panic, I swept in a wide circle, dipping my wings and tailfins with the wind. Back and forth I spun, following the air currents, breathing so deeply that I made myself light-headed.

Nothing.

Her scent was gone, and so was she.

It hurt.

Rejection wasn't what I had expected. No, I had envisioned tearful reunions, excitement and storytelling, acceptance, hope, happiness. Not this happenstance crossing of paths, bloodied by human dragon-hunters, the first dragon of my kind fleeing from me with fear tingling on the wind in her wake. She had been afraid, of me, and that was worst of all, because somehow I had failed. I didn't know why, but I had been wrong, I had done something horrible—but I didn't know what!

Except…except, I think I knew why.

"No…" I whimpered, swinging my head, eyes darting so rapidly that I only saw a blur. My heart ached like each beat was tearing holes into it. I could scarcely draw breath from the heavy pressure on my lungs. "NO!"

My shriek turned to flame. It tore into the forested canyon and exploded, shooting stark shadows across the forests.

The boom echoed for a long while.

I landed on a rocky outcropping, cast deep in shadow from the sun. There I trembled, struggling to breathe, head low, wings splayed limp on the ground.

Gone. She was gone.

When the sobs rose from my throat this time, I didn't stop them. I curled up on the ground, heedless to Hiccup's efforts to comfort me.

Just like all the other dragons in this place, she had taken one look at me and fled. I doubted she would come back. I doubted any others would give me the opportunity. I had been given this one precious chance, and I had wasted it. Like a fool, I had torn apart my hopes with my own claws!

"Why?" I heaved to Hiccup.

My thoughts swarmed back to this morning. To the nightmares. Would I only ever meet Shadow-Blenders after they had passed? Was I cursed to only ever discover their bones?

"Why!"

Mother. The hunters. She had leapt to save me, a foolish yearling looking for trouble and glory. She had died.

It had been my fault.

As if the gods had an answer, as if cruelty was their goal, the pieces of the puzzle I had desperately swatted aside began to assemble. We had been downed in grasslands. Mother had set flame to them, desperate to keep the humans away. If I thought hard, I could still feel the sting in my eyes, the terrible heat, the thick smoke.

Hiccup's map showed a grassland south of here.

I recognized this place.

When I had fled, it was north.

I remembered being chased.

"No, no, no, no…!" I keened.

It was because of me. Their murders, their bones, their frozen eggs lay on my soul, the foolish, selfish yearling that got his mother killed and led his pursuers right to their prey.

I dissolved into choked weeping, curling around Hiccup, clutching him to me like letting go would be my death.

I had brought death and despair to these lands. This was my rightful punishment.

That Shadow-Blender had been right to run away.

o.O.o

Saw Through Closed Eyes

The first ones would not forgive nor help me, but I could not stop myself from praying fervently. Even here, in this vast wilderness so much like the Shell, dragons like the nothing-eyed dragon still hunted me.

Forgive me! Forgive me, please!

I hunched in the shade of the undergrowth, still as death. With my last use of magic, disappearing amongst the mountains, a wrenching pain had rushed through me. It had lasted only as long as I had embraced the sin inside me, just long enough to swoop over a mountain and dive into a forest. The stabbing pain, so much like the liar-monster's bites, tumbled through me in huge, cresting waves of fire. I wheezed and clutched at my heart, curling up in the dappled shadows of the foliage as ravenous pain danced through my body and soul.

I hadn't even properly escaped. The echos of the black dragon's anguished sobs still found me here. Despite everything I knew of the Outside, a pang of sympathy caught in my heart, drawing me out of my own suffering.

I knew that loneliness. I knew that despair. I, too, had crumpled to the ground once, choking on the seasons of sorrow. At least Killed the Sea Serpent had been there. This dragon was just as alone as I was now. I found no solace in the thought.

He was an Outsider like the nothing-eyed dragon. Perhaps he lived with the monsters, too. Just like the other black-scaled dragon, who had…had he truly…?

Yes. He saved me. Even now, I couldn't understand him. Why had he suddenly come to life, a dragon once more? Why had he stalked and snapped at me, forcing me towards the liar-monster who wanted to torture me, only to turn on him? Why had he howled at the liar-monster with such hatred that it shook me to my very bones, only to stop and stand idly by, the liar-monster's shadow once more?

In that brief moment when he was real, I had wanted so badly for him to escape, too. Why had he stood down, joining the liar-monster again? Why couldn't we have flown away together? He was of the kind of dragons that Killed the Sea Serpent had once met, I was sure. He was the kind she wanted me to be with. Did she know about this?

It made no sense. He made no sense.

There was only one certainty: I couldn't trust someone so wildly, passionately unpredictable. He had helped the liar-monster hunt me. He had stood behind the liar-monster as he bit and bit and bit me, sending venom slithering through my veins. He had saved me, yes. But then he had slunk right back to his liar-monster, like a scolded swimling to a caretaker, his eyes soulless and empty once more.

I closed my eyes and tried to ward off the grief in my heart and in the Outsider's voice. No. I couldn't go near this new Outsider. I couldn't trust him. It wasn't worth falling into the teeth of the liar-monster again.

And I don't want you to be alone!

Killed the Sea Serpent's words rang in my ears.

I didn't want to be alone, too.

But I was a cursed dragon. I brought suffering to all who came close to me. I had embraced the vile magic within me twice in this past day alone. Now it fought me, gnawing at my body even as it invited its use, sending black spots darting like insects across my eyes.

I didn't know or care why the magic had begun to hurt. If it was punishment, then that was okay. It would make sense that the power of the fake gods would eventually cause harm. Maybe that was why that screaming Outsider on the dead-thing had become so maddened.

Damned as I was, I didn't want that fate. Despite it all, I wanted to be a Shell dragon, even if I never truly was one.

Even if it meant disobeying my leader's final command.

I wrapped my tail around myself, sheltered myself beneath my wings, and bore through mine and the Outsider's pain.

o.O.o

The thing around my head would not come off!

I clawed at it. I strained my jaw against it. I rolled my head across stone, tree, and earth. I found an unoccupied lake and ducked my head below, hoping it would help wash it off. I even tried to bring fire to my throat, only to be forced to stop when I began to choke on the smoke. It was clamped so tight that it was all I could do to poke my tongue out and lap at the lake's water.

I couldn't eat like this. With starvation, I would lose the strength to fly and swim. That was what would kill me before any emptiness in my belly: the inability to escape from all the horrors of the Outside. As if to mock me, this land seemed filled with prey: fish, rodents, mammals, birds, even larger deer-like creatures. It would be easy to catch my fill.

Instead, I could only watch, tearing at my head and gagging on the blood-stench that wafted from my reddening claws.

Somehow, even though I had escaped the liar-monster, he still had me pinned in his teeth.

A wry, bitter smile found its way to my lips. This was the Outside. A place of curses and endless sorrow. Not a soul here was untouched by torment. Only a world like this could find a dragon freed, but still trapped.

Why did I go on? Why did I keep trying to wrench this thing off?

I stared at my blurry reflection in a lake I had found. The water was deep. Swimming into it had made me hope there was an Under here, too, but my fuzzy sight-sounds had wrung those hopes away. I didn't deserve that kind of comfort.

It would be so easy to slip below the surface, nestle at the bottom, and wait…

Survive!

I closed my eyes. My heart panged with aftershocks of the magic. The very mountains weighed down on me, such that even a small movement of my legs took all of my effort.

Beneath my despair, anger sparked.

I hated this. I hated this constant fear and pain. I hated the selfish part of me that still wanted to live, a cursed dragon in a cursed place. I hated myself for going on. I hated myself for wanting to end it all. I hated the nothing-eyed dragon that filled me with confusion. I hated my mother and father for inflicting me upon the world, after the first ones had tried so hard to prevent my living on.

I hated, more than anything, the monsters. Their sole purpose in hurting dragons, wrenching them out of the sky so that they could lock their teeth around them and bite them and bite them and bite them…

Sharp pain wrenched along my cheekbone. I snapped my eyes open and drew my paws away from my head, watching blankly as blood streamed down them. A sticky wetness trickled down my neck now, where I had torn into the soft flesh around the thing. I hadn't even realized I was tearing at it, hadn't realized how dangerously close to my own eyes I had sheared.

Oh, how heartbroken Killed the Sea Serpent and the nameless male would be to see me…

My fury disappeared like I had snapped its neck. Now came the familiar: the guilt.

After all, all of this was my fault. How could I do them right, make their love for me worthwhile, when all that I did made everything worse?

With a forlorn sigh, I dipped my paw into the lake and rubbed it along my wound. It stung.

But that was okay.

o.O.o

"Hellooo?"

I was awake and diving into the water before I could even think. There in the deep depths, weak moonlight filtering through the algae and leaves, I collected myself. Creeping up towards the surface, I poked my nose, eyes, and ears just above the water.

"Hellooo?" came the faint call, reverberating off of the mountains.

Then a familiar voice, strained and desperate: "Shadow-Blender! We can help you!"

"We won't hurt you!" came the first call, younger-sounding. A flightling?

The Outsider had a flightling…a single one. I shuddered to think of what happened to the rest of his clutch.

Looking up into the black was useless. I saw the faint blue glow of the moon on the foliage and a shimmering blur where the fake god itself hovered in the sky. I would not be able to see the black-scaled dragon or his flightling flying above. But they would easily see me.

I dipped below the water, leaving behind not so much as a ripple, and eased towards the darkest patch of water I could make out. There, sheltered beneath the shadow of a cliff or great tree—I could not tell—I surfaced again. From here, I could still see the moon. I met its eye and looked away, hoping it would not help them find me.

"Please!" the Outsider cried. "Please, we won't hurt you! We've been looking for others for so long!"

I know that loneliness…

There was a snap-and-rustle of wings. By sheer luck alone, I caught the shadow of the Outsider pass over the moon. I sunk further into the water, watching him fly away.

I don't want you to be alone!

No. No, I couldn't…

"Wait—I smell blood!" the older Outsider gasped.

When he crossed the moon's path this time, coming back from where he'd gone, he was barely a wing-length above the trees. There and gone, the sky returned to its ominous emptiness.

My heart raced. My breath came fast and shallow. My limbs trembled violently.

The Outsider dove into the clearing.

I flung myself from the water and ran.

Clutched with terror, I fumbled in the dark, unable to fully open my mouth for proper sight sounds. Both Outsiders cried out in mixtures of joy and concern, and then came the pounding of pawsteps.

Above the din of fear, I reached for the magic, hating myself as I did so—but it wasn't thrumming just below the surface anymore. I needed to look deeper for it, sight-sounding within, and the concentration of it was too much. I abandoned the magic. I had to run, I had to get away.

"Wait, please! Please, we won't hurt you!" the flightling shouted.

I don't want you to be alone…

Why was I running?

The liar-monster. The jaw. The biting. The nothing-eyed dragon.

The nameless male…Killed the Sea Serpent.

Each frantic heave of my heart sent ripples of aching hurt through me. A paw caught on an upturned root. A sharp lurch—then down. I tumbled downhill, wheezing around the thing, my wings and tail catching on dozens of woody plants that clawed and tugged at scales and delicate wing membranes.

All of the air in my lungs left me when I smashed into the ground. Soft grasses cushioned my fall, but only just enough so that I didn't lose consciousness. Squinting through the pain, I eased myself upright.

A shadow swam in my bleary vision, wings catching the moonlight's glow. The black dragon came to a soft landing on the other edge of the meadow. Another dragon—he did have a flightling!— leapt from his shoulders and into the grasses, disappearing until he sat up again.

I tried to turn and bolt, only to come face-to-face with a wall of stone. I was cornered.

"It's okay," the Outsider whispered. He lowered his head and wings in the very same submissive posture I had always taken in the Shell. "It's okay…please…"

"You're hurt," the yearling said sympathetically. "We can help you. We can get that off of you."

"And we'll tear apart whoever put it on you," the older growled. I flinched away from the anger in his voice, and he cut himself off. "Oh, I'm sorry…I'm sorry, please…"

Nothing in their words struck me as deception. They…truly wanted to help me, of all creatures? Here they were, strangers, and showing me more kindness than any of my flockmates in the Shell ever had.

Were they…truly unlike the nothing-eyed dragon?

My memories flashed to the crazed Outsider I had heard screaming on the floating-thing. I had left him there.

Was I wrong about all of this, too? Was he—were they like dragons of the Shell?

Oh, first ones—why, why did the world spin around me so?

"Can we come closer?" the yearling asked.

Closing my eyes, I lifted my nose and took in a deep breath. Their scents were similar, of pine and wild winds and storms, the older heavier and the yearling vibrant. Beneath that, I caught the hint of other dragons, smoke, fish, green and spring-fresh foliage. There were no traces of monster-smell on them. Not like there had been on the nothing-eyed dragon.

I opened my eyes and nodded.

The change in both was almost immediate. The older Outsider actually leapt into the air and ran in a small circle. "Oh, thank you! Thank you! I promise—" he cut himself, suddenly abashed. "I mean, ah, I'm…grateful we can help you."

The yearling snickered. He dropped to his paws and began to creep through the grass, the older trailing behind him. As they approached, I couldn't help but tense, clutching my wings close, lowering my head.

The older Outsider was close enough that I could make out the blur of his eyes: Green like sunlight streaming through leaves. He came to a sudden stop, ears raised. He studied me. Then he lowered his head and stopped his approach. I relaxed a little.

The flightling bobbed out of the grasses. This…I was fine with. He was so small, and so skinny! When had he last eaten?

Without even thinking, I ducked my head to get closer to him, peering into his eyes. There was something so…so strange about his face. There were black scales, but also patches of pink around his eyes and below his nose. His eyes were softer green, more subdued and grounded. A forest in the morning fog.

"I have to pull it off," he said. "It might hurt with all of these scratches. Are you ready?"

Strange, how a yearling was soothing me. I nodded.

He reached out his paws—these ones, strangely pink too, but only at the claws—and grasped the horrible thing. A sharp, ringing, clicking sound came from the sides of it. The thing loosened its grasp around me, and I couldn't help myself. With wide eyes, I wrenched my head back, just as the yearling grasped it in his claws and did the same.

We pulled, and it hurt and stung, and—

The yearling fell back into the grasses with a "Oof!"

I opened and closed my jaw, working out the sore muscles and reveling that I could. The claw-wound on my muzzle, still healing from the nameless male's attack, ached horribly.

I all but melted to the ground. "Thank you," I croaked. I leaned down to help the little yearling up. "Thank you—"

Something brilliant-bright and sharp-smelling jutted out from his leg. The very same material that had made the teeth that trapped me.

He pulled himself up, his own eyes wide now. As he did, the scales on his head peeled away from him, like a snake wriggling out of its old skin, leaving behind only soft pink flesh and fur—

A monster.

But he had scales. He had spoken. He smelled like a dragon. He had helped me. Even as he scrambled to four paws, I saw wings rising from his back.

"What…" I breathed, stumbling backwards, away.

"I—" the monster began.

"It's okay!" the Outsider cried. He bounded forward, and when I lurched back an equal distance, he stopped. "Please, please wait, I promise that he is a dragon, he's—"

I stared at the creature's face and fur. I arched my back. My voice trembled. "A…monster…"

The monster flinched. The Outsider stepped over him, lowering his head as if shielding him.

"No." He looked up at me, meeting my eyes, his own narrowed with determination. "No, he is not, otherwise he wouldn't have helped you."

"Toothless," the monster whispered. The Outsider glanced at him and lifted his head, his ears drooping.

"You…You are…" my head spun. His face and fur and soft-paws were so, so wrong on that body with scales and wings.

"Human, yes," he said softly, achingly, like a pained sigh.

I didn't know the word, but it was obvious what it meant. He was a monster. The scales and wings and dragon-scent weren't real. They were a trick. A lie.

Like the liar-monster.

"Wait!" both of them cried as I spun and flung myself away, wings flapping in a blur.

I heard the Outsider take off behind me. I looked over my shoulder, sight-sounding, and realized that the monster was riding him.

"Wait! Please! It's not—" the Outsider keened, gaining speed, coming closer!

I would not be trapped in those teeth again! I couldn't be trapped again! I couldn't be bitten over and over, as flames seared my flesh and bone, and for no other reason than the monster's amusement!

"Toothless, wait!" the monster shouted.

I glanced over again. The Outsider had pulled into a stop.

"We can't just chase her," the monster said softly, his voice barely rising above the wind. "How would you feel?"

That was all I heard. I swiveled to face the forest and, sight-sounding, rose towards the mountain. Now, I closed my eyes again, searching deeper, sight-sounding inwards.

The magic within me had once been an inferno, impossible to pretend that it wasn't there. Now, it was like a flickering lick of flame, its base a single ember. The fire had dimmed with each use of it from the moment I had escaped the liar-monster. It was almost gone now.

I faltered.

It was almost gone.

If I used it all…I wouldn't have magic anymore.

I wouldn't have magic anymore.

I could go home. I could find Killed the Sea Serpent in the Shell and beg her for refuge. I could live the rest of my days Under and I wouldn't care at all that I would never see the sun, nor feel another dragon's touch, if it just meant that I could go home! The other dragons would never understand, but my leader would, she would believe me when I told her that I had banished the evil within me! I would tell her what had happened during my time in the Outside, and she would know the first ones had punished me, and that I had learned from my mistakes!

I would never be hunted by Outsiders and monsters again!

I clutched the magic in my claws and breathed my own flame upon it, forcing the protesting ember into the open, to blaze to life. My heart burned with the intensity of it. I felt the hot, prickly-painful rush go over my scales and knew I had disappeared.

But instead of letting go, allowing the magic to slowly fade, I pushed it.

OUT! I snarled at it. Leave me! Leave me!

The flames reluctantly intensified, scale by scale, out from my chest and through my veins. My blood boiled. My heart sputtered, each beat sending heat waves tearing through my insides. It was like an explosion, a brilliant ball of fire that raced outwards in all directions, the pressure wave that followed it ripping everything apart, the heat burning what was left behind. The weight of the ocean crashed upon my head. The fire burned away all thought, all awareness except for the absolute power of the fake gods fizzling out within me.

It hurt, it hurt, it hurt! My heartbeat was reluctant now, begging me to stop, but I wouldn't!

I screeched, anguished, unwilling and unable to stop. The fire consumed me like I was made of old, dry brambles.

A burst of heat. A final gasp. Then, nothing.

Now as my heart flickered, a hole opened within it, empty and cold.

My eyelids fluttered. Black creeped around the edges of my vision.

I'd done it.

Wind raced past me. Why?

Falling…I think…I was falling…

The magic-fire was gone, though…I had freed myself…

I smiled, closing my eyes, feeling at once the peace and bliss I had never known to cherish in the Shell.

It was gone…it was gone…oh, first ones…did they forgive me…?

The world sunk away, and I welcomed the embrace of darkness, so much like the Under I longed to return to.

o.O.o

Hiccup

She was freezing, like instead of flesh and blood, she was made of glaciers and ocean water.

All of it had happened so fast. She had flown away. My heart, tearing to pieces. Toothless urging me that we should chase her. Her form shifting out of sight, Shadow-Blender magic—and then reappearing, seizing midair, flickering in and out of sight, limbs splaying, wings crumpling, falling…

Toothless had rushed forward, his body hot below me, no doubt using his own magic. He had managed to catch up to her and grab her before she crashed into a river below and drowned. Wheezing with effort, he had barely managed to lower her safely to the ground.

I had never seen it myself, but I knew the symptoms. I knew that a dragon channeling magic who suddenly convulsed in agony and went cold was afflicted with…

"Forever-sleep," Toothless whimpered, dancing around the still body of the pearlescent Shadow-Blender. "No no no no no…"

"What can we do?!" I gasped, my hands fluttering over her neck and head. When I lifted her eyelids, her pupils were fixed and blown out. Her heart was far too slow when I checked her pulse. Pressing my ear right next to her nose, I could hear just the faintest in and out of air. True respiration. Not a death rattle.

Yet.

Thump.

Toothless wrenched his saddlebags off, ripping them open haphazardly with his teeth. "Do we have healing-leaves?!"

I was no medicine-dragon, but I had learned some over the years. Unfortunately, since dragons learned by doing, which I obviously couldn't, I only knew the basics. What I did know was that the magic pushed into them would fizzle out over hours. It had been weeks since we'd packed.

"No. She needs her magic restored," I stated the obvious. "Can you push some into her?"

He looked at me, eyes distant and horrified, no doubt remembering the last time he had thrown magic into a dying dragon.

Into me.

On the ships, as I lay there with blood gushing from my leg, body just as cool to the touch as this Shadow-Blender, he had failed. It hadn't been his fault. He couldn't have brought me back, not then. I had been well and truly gone. But I knew he saw it as a personal failure nonetheless.

"You can do it," I reassured him. "Remember when you would observe my magic, when we were—" I swallowed, "—when we were controlled by the Queen? It'll be like that, but instead of just examining it, you need to give her magic. Not just push at it. Like…like…a waterfall flowing into a pond."

Toothless' pupils were swallowed in his irises. "I've never done that before!" he whimpered. "What if I kill her?!"

"You won't!" I said. "You brought me back from death when I was a human! I know you can!"

I leapt towards him and threw my arms around him in a brief hug. Then, before he could protest any more, I dragged him to the Shadow-Blender.

Toothless took a shuddering breath. His expression hardened. He lied down next to her. I leaned against him, offering the only support I could. He closed his eyes, pressed his nose to her heart, and went deathly-still.

Beneath my fingers, Toothless' temperature rose in the tell-tale sign of magic use. I slipped a hand from him, letting it rest on the white Shadow-Blender's chest, just next to Toothless' snout. Her frigid scales leeched all the warmth of my body.

Toothless squeezed his eyes shut, teeth bared and nose wrinkled in concentration. His scales blazed with heat, but the white Shadow-Blender remained cold.

"You can do it," I whispered. "You've done it before. You're going to save her!"

Toothless gave a high-pitched whine, his breath strained with effort. His scales were almost painful to the touch now, he was using so much magic, but still I leaned into him.

Beneath my fingers, the white Shadow-Blender twitched.

I spun towards her, holding my breath.

Come on, come on, come on!

Another twitch, which rose like a crashing wave into a tremble, then a shudder through her body. All of her muscles went tense, so rigid that I winced in sympathy.

She took in the high, rattling wheeze, a horrifying sound, like a shriek of a ghost.

Beneath my palm, the ba-thump, ba-thump, ba-thump of her heart trembled to life.

Ever so faintly, warmth rose to her scales.

"Yes! You did it!" I shouted, half-sobbing, half-laughing. "You did it, Toothless!"

He drew away, panting, eyes half-lidded with exhaustion. "I…saved her?"

I threw my arms around him, thrumming with a deep purr. "And you thought you couldn't, stupid."

He chuckled hoarsely, lying his head down atop the white Shadow-Blender's neck, as if still protecting her from the outside world. "Stupid…that's you, not me…"

I gently tugged his ear. He mumbled something and his eyes slid closed. He was asleep in moments.

I sat back with a sigh, giving myself a second to come down from it all. She had almost died—but she hadn't. It was okay, she was okay, Toothless was okay, I was okay. Everything was fine.

My eyes drifted to the white Shadow-Blender, curled up next to Toothless.

Finally, finally, finally we had found another Shadow-Blender, a she was here with us, lying besides my brother, and…!

And I…I was…

My smile faded.

The shape of my hand left a seeping black shadow on her white scales. I snatched it away from her and peered at it with fresh, unwelcome shame. The old familiar sorrow, that hated shadow, struggled for purchase. The star within me, the magic I so desperately wanted to use, shone to ward it off.

Tonight, I knew, it wouldn't be enough.

I hunched, dropping my hand and looking up at the moon.

"What should I do?" I whispered up at it, as if the Dragoness of the Moon would dip Her head down from the heavens and offer some cheery, vague advice.

If you ever come near us with that thing, we won't be so merciful, the Lightning-Dancer had snarled.

It is not a human's place to search for Shadow-Blenders, Galewing had warned.

But why would you stay like this?! Farflight had asked in bewilderment.

A monster, the white Shadow-Blender had whispered, her voice choked with terror.

Please, please wait, I promise that he is a dragon! Toothless had cried desperately.

That was what had struck me worst of all. Toothless, stubborn as ever, had never once stopped calling me a dragon throughout the years. Even as he acknowledged my human form, he would always say that was irrelevant—that I was a dragon in my soul.

That hadn't been what he'd meant then. When he had spoken those panicked words, it had sounded more like a fumbled trick. Something both of us wanted so dearly, but knew wasn't true.

She had seen a human—monster, monster—and here I was. Wearing a suit made of shed scales and claws, wings crafted from metal and leather, a metal leg protruding from the stump of my knee. Could I even blame her for calling me that, seeing such an amalgamation of things that shouldn't exist?

Is this the last time I'm gonna see you like this? Snotlout had asked hopelessly.

These last days are precious to me, Hiccup… Dad had murmured, his face drawn, eyes glimmering with undeniable regret and sadness, even as he tried to smile reassuringly.

It was so frustrating, to know perfectly well what everyone around me thought and wanted, but to not have a clue about what I wanted.

I had known that my reception from any Shadow-Blender wouldn't be…great. I'd known with every single story we heard from the dragons here. I'd felt it deep within me, watching Starcatcher's bones burn around her frozen eggs, that no Shadow-Blender would ever accept me at first.

So why…why did it tear at me, like fangs closing on my neck, like flames incinerating my flesh, to hear her call me monster?

Shockingly, knowing something might happen and actually going through it were two completely different things. It seemed that all of my catastrophizing and what-if thinking hadn't prepared me. At all.

Holding a hand to my aching heart, I closed my eyes and tried to take in several deep breaths. This will pass. This will pass.

But the nagging thought that I was avoiding the problem, again, wouldn't let me relax.

I almost let out a growl, clamping it down at the last second to avoid waking up Toothless and the white Shadow-Blender. I needed to work this out, but I didn't know how.

I got up and walked to the river, pacing along its edges, eyes flitting back to the other two every few seconds.

Another Shadow-Blender. Toothless, draped over her protectively, looked so natural besides her.

Compared to when my hand had rested over her heart, a blotch of deathly dark over her scales…

Stop it! I hissed to myself. What's the point of thinking like that? How does that help at all?

If making me feel more guilty and uncertain was the goal, then I met it.

There was still so much to do. The Book of Dragonese sat heavy in my pocket, as if it were pinning me to the earth. Not to mention that we had spent a whole day and night finding this Shadow-Blender instead of looking for Dad and Haugaeldr.

Dad…I couldn't even imagine what it would do to him, to have left on an argument, and to return as a dragon. No goodbyes.

It wouldn't be a goodbye. It's not like you're going away.

But wasn't I, in a sense?

Dragons don't need to do those things! Snotlout had shouted at me. I had been furious and insulted at the time, that he was suggesting we lazed about. Time and overthinking had eased the blow. It was true, in a sense, that our nestmates didn't need to do it—but that they did for our human nestmates was undeniable. I would still be at home with everyone. I wouldn't be abandoning my responsibilities…or, at least, some of them.

Then, of course, the other problem. Snotlout, full of anger and pain, saying he was worthless.

You can't fix everything, Toothless would say to me, if he were awake. It was true, of course, just like many of the brutally-blunt things he'd said.

But wasn't it selfish not to try? Or was it self-defeating?

I stared into the flowing water. My reflection was distorted, a strange mixture of dragon scales and human flesh that oozed into each other.

Monster.

I flinched away, back towards the other two. For a long while, I watched them. They could have been nestmates.

I wanted that so much.

The light at my forehead pressed on me like a wave, like the power of the ocean, impossible to fight. For when that time comes, They'd whispered on the wind. When I found happiness. When I had finished everything I needed to do, when I had gone through with my responsibilities. I wondered if They knew that I would just keep stacking more onto the pile as time wore on.

We'd accomplished so much. We'd forged peace. We'd found a Shadow-Blender! I was happy. Wasn't I?

Of course I am. Why would I even think that?

Monster.

Scrubbing my fingers through my hair, I flopped down next to Toothless on the opposite side of the Shadow-Blender. There, I wormed my way beneath his wing and rested my head against his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat, the whooshing of air in and out of his lungs. That, beyond all things, always helped to still my racing thoughts.

I had to make a plan. To hammer down not just what I wanted, what I needed.

Dad. Haugaeldr. We needed to find them first.

You should talk to him, Toothless' voice drifted through my ears.

I slumped. Tension clutched at my heart. The light shone within me, now more of a pressure, a question.

Because I needed that, too. We needed it. We'd been avoiding it passively for years, and now very awkwardly, very actively for these past few weeks.

After that…then…maybe…

And now a new hope, a spark, fluttered in my chest, like a hummingbird was trapped in my lungs.

Maybe then, it would finally, finally, finally be time.

Until then…

That spark of joy flickered out, a little fire blown away by a gust of wind.

Until then, we would somehow have to gain the trust of the dragon that had looked at me with raw terror, shrinking away and shivering, so clutched by fear that she could scarcely choke out the only word she could think to describe me.

Monster.

o.O.o

I shook Toothless awake as a pale glow grew on the eastern slopes. The chill night air condensed into a fog that hung like a thick blanket over the forest. It would burn away when the sunlight stretched over the mountain peaks, plunging sudden heat and brightness upon the mountain valleys.

"We need to get moving," I whispered. "We're too far out into the open."

Toothless blinked dazedly at me, uncomprehending.

His eyes snapped wide open. He lurched away from the Shadow-Blender like she'd clawed him away. "O-oh! I—I fell asleep…there?" he stammered.

On a better day, I would have laughed and teased him. I would have pointed out that yes, he had cuddled with the Shadow-Blender, and once he had mostly calmed down, I would have sent him right back into a fluster by adding that she had scooted closer to him in the night, too.

Instead, I tried to put on a casual tone and said, "I don't know how long she'll be out. I imagine she'll need at least a whole day of rest."

Toothless frowned at me, his eyes searching.

The last thing I wanted was for him to learn about my self-pitying thoughts throughout the night. That his words, however good-intended, had hurt me, too. I jerked my gaze to the little Shadow-Blender and asked, "How are we going to move her?"

My brother still stared—I could never fool him. "Is something wrong, Hiccup?"

I shrugged. "No. I mean…" I sighed. "…yeah. You know…this." I sullenly gestured at all of me.

Toothless stepped over to me. He dipped his nose on my hands, then thrust his head under them and up against my chest, forcing me to hold them against his neck in a somewhat-awkward hug. I turned it into a real one, wrapping my arms around him and laying my chin on his forehead.

When he drew away, Toothless' eyes glimmered with guilt. "I should have never let her call you a monster. I was thinking of myself, of finding all of the other Shadow-Blenders, and I didn't defend you the way you deserved." He slumped and pushed his head into my chest. "Oh, Hiccup…I'm so, so sorry."

"It isn't your fault, Toothless," I said, trying to squeeze some reassurance into my overtone. "You did defend me. It's just…" I struggled with myself, and clawed the words out, "You said I'm a dragon, but I'm not."

He pulled away. Confusion swam through his eyes, then realization, then horror.

"Oh…" he breathed. "I…I didn't know. Dragon of the Sun, Hiccup, I never knew! I'm so sorry, I won't ever—"

"It is fine," I interrupted, feigning a smile. "You meant it, in a good way. But…I'm also a human, too." I slumped, glancing down at my hands. "Or…according to her, a monster."

A scowl blackened his face. "If she ever calls you that again, I'll let her know exactly how stupid that is. I swear it."

A smile flitted across my lips and disappeared just as fast. I couldn't help but hold my arms together, shoulders hunched up. "What if she never accepts me?" I whispered. "And that keeps you from finding the other Shadow-Blenders? I…" And this time the words were truly impossible to say, and I had to force them out like bile, "I don't want to be the only thing holding you back."

The moment the selfish words slipped past my lips, and I realized how exactly they sounded like a horrible, horrible ultimatum, I wanted to snatch them back. It wasn't fair to him, after all of these years, after all of our searching, after all of our anguish over possibly never finding them.

Claws wrapped around my arm and yanked me into his warmth. Toothless wrapped his legs and neck and wings and tail around me, shuddering.

"No," he keened. "Hiccup, I would never leave you. You are my brother, my family, my other half. I—I—" he drew back enough to meet my eyes. The raw fear in them sent a chill down my spine. "Did I do something to make you think otherwise?"

Hot tears prickled at the corners of my eyes. Guilt rammed into me with the force of a tidal wave, sudden and absolute. "No! Gods, no, I'm sorry, Toothless, I didn't—I didn't mean it that way! I—I never doubted you, it's just…" My throat was welling up now. Stupid. Selfish. "I just want you to—to find the others," I managed, though each word was a battle to force out.

"If they don't accept you, then I don't accept them," he declared. "Every Shadow-Blender in the world could stand on those mountains and shout at me to come with them, and I would roar all the louder. You are part of me, and I would never stand by and let them insult us so!"

With that, a fear I hadn't quite known but had felt, like a dip in air pressure foreboding an oncoming storm, started to melt away. Tears flowed hot down my face, fighting the chill of the oncoming winter. "Toothless…" I murmured, tugging him even closer. "Thank you. I…I just want you to find them. It means so much to you."

"They aren't a fraction of what you mean to me," he said. "You knock that nonsense out of your head right now, Hiccup. I'm serious." He glared at me so fiercely that I hiccuped out a laugh. "We belong together, always. If you think some pretty dragoness or other Shadow-Blenders are going to change that, then you've got another thing coming!" With that, he pointed the human way at me, jabbing a claw at my chest.

That actually drew a small laugh from me. "So you do think she's pretty?" I managed to croak out.

Toothless lunged at the opportunity to cheer me up. He went so out of his way to act bashful and embarrassed that his ridiculous acting only made me laugh even more. This time, for real. "W-w-well," he fake-stuttered, "don't, ah, don't you?"

I began to talk, had to clear my throat, and then tested the waters. "Oh, I see what you mean, but did you know she cuddled with you overnight?"

Toothless' ears stuck straight up. Then he flattened his eyelids. "Oh, very funny. Is this payback for all the 'Hiccup like' jokes around Astrid?"

When I smiled slyly at him, it was actually real.

His incredulous stare turned into a grimace. "Well, I doubt she would appreciate that, what with all her running away from us. I'm glad she didn't…realize…"

His eyes trailed behind me. I whipped around.

The white Shadow-Blender was wide awake. Her head was raised, her ears pinned.

In her distant eyes, there was only horror.

o.O.o

Toothless

"It's back," she whispered.

I narrowed my eyes and squared my feet, determined to make good on my promise to Hiccup. Never, never again would I wrong him, pathetically putting my own selfish needs before defending him. Still, she had clearly been through much; I would give her the benefit of the doubt. "What do you mean by that?" I asked.

She was starting to tremble. Her eyes were glazed over as if she was still in forever-sleep. "It's…back," she whimpered. "I thought…I thought it was gone!"

She put a paw to her chest, and at once I understood. So did Hiccup, judging by the way he let out a relieved breath.

"No," I sighed, relaxing my posture. I wrapped a wing around Hiccup. "Though you almost did lose it all. If it weren't for my brother Hiccup here, you would have died. He knew how to restore it."

Her eyes flickered back and forth, as if she were struggling to bring her surroundings into focus. Finally, her frantic gaze locked onto Hiccup and me. When I glanced down at him, I saw that he had pulled his dragon-self over his head, masking his human features. Anger and sorrow rushed through me, and I wanted to lift my head to the heavens and scream for him.

We were going to have a long talk, the two of us. I was through with standing idly by while he bore this torment.

But first, we needed to make sure this Shadow-Blender didn't try to stumble away from us and get herself almost killed again.

The three of us stood very still, as if one of us might lunge.

"…restore?" she breathed. "I don't…why?"

"If you use up all your magic, you'll die. Did you…not know that?"" Hiccup said, his voice soft and gentle.

She blinked at him, momentary confusion crossing her face. Then recognition. All of it melted away into the one dominant above all, which seemed to rule her like a terrible Queen: fear.

I held my breath. If she moved to attack him, by claw or by words, I would be there.

She barked out a half-sob, half-chuckle, almost like a cough choked off midway…and began to laugh.

There was no humor or joy to it. She wheezed it out like she had fangs clenched around her windpipe, shrill and breathless and uncontrolled. She winced and grimaced as if she were in tremendous pain. The sheer discordance between what she looked like and the horrible sounds she was making almost made me take a step backwards.

In between great boughs of her crying-laughter, she rasped, "You should—have let—me die!"

She hunched over, struggling to keep upright, and suddenly shifted into rapid, fluttering wheezes, each ragged inhalation sounding like it would be her last. It was like her lungs were being stretched thinner and thinner within her, collapsing and crumpling, and it took all of her effort just to pull in air. Her eyes were wide and sightless. She sunk until her back formed an arch with her head very nearly lying on the ground. In the daylight, I could now see streaks of dried blood caked across her haunches.

"Why—didn't—you?" she wailed.

She crumpled in on herself and wept.

Before I could even think, I rushed to her side. Cautious footsteps behind me told me that Hiccup, too, had approached, but kept his distance.

"We want to help," I murmured, leaning down towards her. I pressed my nose to her forehead, praying that she would lean into the touch, let us help her.

She jerked away. "Don't," she choked out.

"Okay," I whispered, backing away, head low to the ground. Hiccup did, too, returning to my side and putting his front paws to the ground. "What do you need?" I tried.

She smiled bitterly through her sobs. "I need it—out!" she cried. "I need to go home!" She shook her head. "But I can't…even when I try so hard…this curse…!" Her limbs shook rapidly, and for a moment, panic raced through me that she was channeling what little magic she had again. But then she fell over, and I realized that she had only tried to get up again, only to fail. That only made her laugh harder.

My back arched and my heart ached for her. Something within her was wrong, very wrong. I sent my brother a lost, distraught look. He returned it, eyes wide beneath his dragon-self.

"Can we help somehow?" Hiccup said. He reached a paw out, but thought better of it and retreated.

She was still struggling to breathe, chest rapidly rising and falling, tongue lolling, eyes rolling wildly, gums dangerously pale. "No," she whimpered. "Only…" she took in several breaths and looked at me.

She abruptly fell silent and still, like the deep unbroken depths of the ocean, where the light fades and the pressure builds so much so that even the faintest beat of a heart is forbidden.

That hopeless, crazed look in her eye threw me back through the years, back to the shadow-nest, back to the moment with the claw-stick digging into my spine, and Hiccup standing in the cage, staring the shadow-man in the eye, telling him, earnestly, that should any harm come to me, he would kill himself…

When she spoke, I was gut-wrenchingly unsurprised.

"Don't…restore it again," she whispered, her voice as lost as a phantom's call.

She closed her eyes, brows furrowed in concentration.

"NO!" Hiccup and I roared. We launched at her, and though she stumbled away, falling over with teeth bared and claws swiping, neither of us stopped.

The little dragon clung to the ground, head low, back arched, wings splayed across the ground. "Why?" she demanded, her voice shrill and desperate. "Why do you care?"

"Because we truly want to help you, just like we would help any hurt or trapped dragon we saw." Hiccup approached from behind, careful to slink as a Shadow-Blender does, head lowered to her eye level. "There's always a reason to go on," he said softly. "To survive."

Something about that must have struck her as funny, because she coughed out another round of heartless laughter. It ended as quickly as it had come, and she was silent.

"I promised," she finally said, "but…is this what he wanted? Always hunted, always hurting…would he really want me to go on like this?" Her breaths became more ragged. "I thought I had found a way to go home. If I got the magic out, I could go back! And then…another black dragon and a monster put it back and say they saved me?" she laughed again, and it was as bitter as a healing-leaf, the resentment lingering behind on the back of the tongue.

My hackles rose and my teeth jutted out. "He is not a monster."

She winced away from the snarl in my voice, but this time, I didn't apologize. I stood over her and glowered.

"Toothless, it's okay!" Hiccup hissed. Only when I relented, softening my expression, did he turn back to the little dragon. "Saying you wished you had died…that's a very serious thing," he said, trying to invite her to open up.

The little dragon merely sighed, drooping to the ground, her posture defeated. She looked like a downed dragon, her hunter standing over her, waiting for the killing blow. Hoping it was merciful. Knowing that, regardless, it soon wouldn't matter.

"Why can't you go home now?" Hiccup asked gently.

"Because I am cursed," she moaned. She turned her head away from him, removing him from her sight. Hiccup drooped, but didn't push her.

I had a nauseating feeling that she was only humoring us. That even if she weren't so weakened by her brush with death, that she would talk to us like this anyways, simply because she planned to spend all her magic the moment she knew she could.

"That's silly," I said, my throat tight, my voice high. "Why do you say that?"

"Because I have magic," she spat the word out with a stunning hatred. "Because everyone I ever get close to is hurt. Because I must always be alone."

My brother and I shared a bewildered glance.

"You're not alone now," Hiccup murmured.

She swung wide eyes towards us. It was as she had finally realized that we were here in the flesh, not ghosts of the mind.

Hiccup glanced at me, and in that look passed on almost as much information as our link would. I carefully stepped around the lost dragon, settling down at her side.

She stiffened, but otherwise didn't move. A war seemed to rage within her. She leaned closer, then away, her muscles twitching and spasming, her claws raking across the soft grass.

"Is this okay?" I whispered, lifting my wing over her and swinging my tail just around her. I did not touch her, not even where I lied along her side, and I would not until she gave explicit permission. Dragons hurt and hunted needed time to heal, sometimes, and if she rejected me, then I would take no offense.

But, quite frankly, she needed a hug.

For a long moment, I thought she wouldn't say anything.

"…yes…"

Her voice was soft as the brush of grass blades against one another, a high-pitched rustle easily lost in the wind. Carefully, I inched towards her until her sides brushed, like we were nestmates. I folded my wing over her, cloaking her against my warmth, and pulled my tail in until it brushed up against hers, which was still wrapped tightly, fearfully, against her body. She shuddered, and now I wondered if it was partly because of the cold, because she was still as frigid as an iceberg. No wonder she could barely stand.

"There you go," I hummed, pressing closer, hoping to warm her up some. If only we weren't so out in the open, here at the riverbank, or I would have gotten up and lit a coal-bed for her. "Feel a little better?"

She somehow managed to squeeze herself into an even tighter ball, looking nearly half my size. "I shouldn't…" she whispered.

"Nonsense. You need help."

She closed her eyes as if in pain, and murmured something so softly that I couldn't understand her.

"I know what'll help," Hiccup said. He turned and padded through the grass to our holding-things, always careful to keep his stride smooth and four-legged. He rifled around and then came back with a strange, limping trot. The reason why became obvious once he emerged; he'd retrieved a salted fish from our most recent hunt and was holding it to his chest with a paw. "Here…you must be hungry. Everyone feels better when they've got some food in them." He met the dragoness' wide, blue eyes, and slowly approached.

She jerked away, nearly throwing herself against my side. "No!"

Hiccup stopped. "It is fine," he said low and gentle, like he was calming frightened hatchlings. "I won't hurt you." He held out the fish which, to me, smelled tantalizing. "It might smell a little strange, but even Toothless loves these."

She pressed further into me, hiding under my wing. "Stay away…please…"

I lifted my wing a little so I could look at her. "He won't hurt you," I urged her. "He is my brother."

Hiccup only lowered his head, eyelids half-lidded with sorrow. "I understand," he said. "You've been hurt by humans. But I will never do to you what they did."

She watched him, saying nothing, as stiff as a mountain.

"I'll give you space," Hiccup said, meeting my eye meaningfully. Don't, he was saying to the defenses that waited to come pouring from my lips. He returned his eyes to the little dragoness'. "I know what it's like to lose hope," he said, low and soft and serious. "Because I am like this, when I used to be a Shadow-Blender." He pulled his dragon-self away from his face and gestured at all of him with a paw. The little dragon gasped in horror. He gave a rueful smile. "But Toothless," he pointed with his nose to me, "he never gave up on me. And it was so hard, but I went searching for my happiness, and I found it in the end, when I never thought I would."

He set the fish down, pushed it close enough towards her so that she could reach it, and backed away.

"We won't give up on you," he said. "Dragons aren't meant to be alone. If you have a curse, just like I did…" his voice shook with resolution. "Then we'll break that, too. I promise."

Her breath caught.

"Break it…?" she murmured. She shivered uncontrollably beneath me, like the earth itself was wrenching her apart, like her heart had frozen and soon her scales would turn to ice. "It can—" her throat seemed to have gone as dry as an arid mountain, each word hoarse with agony, "It can—be—broken?"

I leaned down and gave her a gentle lick along her forehead, like my mother used to do to comfort me all those years ago.

She gave a high, keening, broken cry. She folded in on herself, shaking and heaving, struggling to speak, each sentence fading away before it even began. I shifted closer, thrumming and enveloping her beneath my wing.

Though she did not return my embrace, nor even lean into it, she didn't break away. She lay there, too breathless to sob, too heartbroken not to, and Hiccup and I stayed close, murmuring consolingly to her, until finally she could take no more and fell into a deep, fitful sleep.