Disclaimer: I don't own Trailer Park Boys or Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
After a long time of reading fanfics on this site, I'm going to write my first one now finally. This story will be not just a crossover between my favorite show and one of my favorite video games but a novelization where both series events take place in an alternate universe. Most of the fanfic is set in Skyrim, and much of the TPB events/characters are somewhat changed to fit the Elder scrolls universe though they remain mostly the same. If there is anything to improve at all, please let me know.
Now let the story begin.
Unbound Quest Part 1
The wooden wagon trotted down the blended roads that led to the village Helgen while shaking the individuals in its compartment. The leather armored soldiers maintained a close watch of their prisoners who sat shackled behind them. Most of the prisoners were of a Nord variety, but a pair of unconscious individuals stood out from the rest. There was a Nord with sideburns and a rockabilly haircut; his name was Ricky, the second a muscular Breton with jet black hair and a goatee, his name was Julian, the third and final individual of the pair was Bubbles. Bubbles was an Imperial with short chestnut hair and wore giant bottled-eyed glasses. The triumvirate began to awaken as the wagon traveled over some rocks on the road. The first one to wake was Julian; shortly after awakening, Julian turned to Bubbles shaking the Imperial's shoulder to wake him up.
"Bub's, Bub's, wake the fuck up," Julian said.
Bubble's eyes opened, and he stood up looking confused, "Julian, what in the fuck is going on," said Bubbles.
"Well, considering that we're in these fucking handcuffs, it's probably our last day on earth," said Julian.
"You mean we're up shit creek," Bubbles said in utter terror.
"With no way out, yeah," Julian said.
All this was too much for Bubbles, "by Akatosh; we are so fucked, boys," Bubbles said, utterly panicking.
"This is all your god damn fault, Julian!" Bubbles yelled.
"My fucking fault!" Julian yelled back with equaled ferocity.
"If you hadn't forced me to steal from that asshole blacksmith's house, we wouldn't have been driven out of town and ran straight into that bullshit ambush!" Bubbles responded.
"Well, if your fucking invisibility spells worked, you wouldn't have even been caught in the first place!" Julian added.
"Oh I'm sorry Julian did I not tell you about 100 times that I don't even know how to do the fucking spell," Bubbles said.
"Quiet back there or we'll gag you like Ulfric," one of the guards up front shouted.
One of the prisoners, a blond-haired Nord retorted the guard's previous comment. "Watch your tongue, Imperial bastard; you're speaking to Ulfric Stormcloak, the true high king of Skyrim!".
"Holy shit Julian did you just fuck'n hear what the guy just said? We're in a wagon with Ulfric frickin Stormcloak," Bubbles said.
"Yea, Bub's, I heard," Julian said, staring at the leader of the Stormcloak rebellion with suspicion.
"Well, it appears we've been mistaken as members of a fuck'n terrorist organization if we weren't off to the fucking afterlife before; we are now!" Bubbles shouted.
"Be quiet, I said!" the guard yelled, "I'm beginning to like your Nord friend more now."
This reminded the boys that Ricky had not woken up yet. Then again, he might have been still out from the amount of alcohol he took before their capture. Bubbles went over to Ricky shaking his shoulders to wake up the Nord.
"Ricky, Ricky wake the fuck up now," Bubbles said.
Ricky straightened up from his prior hunched position. "Holy shit, boys, am I ever so fucked up right now," said Ricky while rubbing his head, "boys, where are we."
"Well, Ricky, we're off to be fucking executed because these Imperial soldiers think we're associated with the Stormcloaks," said Bubbles.
"So what you're telling me is those dicks in the front of the wagon think we're part of the Stormblokes or something," said Ricky.
"Yes, Ricky, that would be it," replied Bubbles while inwardly sighing that his friend had screwed up another word.
"Well fuck that, Bubs. I'm not going to end up dead because of a stupid reason like that," Ricky replied before turning his head to the front of the wagon "hey assholes, hey fuckheads we had nothing to do with these guys; just let us go!".
"Rick, Rick, what the fuck are you doing," Julian said in a paranoid, agitated tone.
One of the guards turned to face the pair with a murderous look, "I hear one more word come out of your mouths; I will cut your tongues out do you understand" said the guard.
"Alright, alright, chill out, you fucking dick," Ricky replied as the guard turned to face the front.
"Nice going Ricky," Julian said in a sarcastic tone.
"Oh fuck off Julian, at least I tried to get us out of this situation," Ricky replied.
"Boys, boys, can we not fight right now, we need to find a way to get out of this situation," Bubbles said with worry as the village of Helgen came into sight in the distance.
As the wagon passed through the main gate of Helgen, the trio began to become more and more nervous. Most village citizens went back into their homes as the cart went by. Eventually, after a short time had passed, the coach stopped in the village's center. The guards got off the carriage to greet the two soldiers standing near the transport, an armored clad Nordic man and a well-armored Redguard woman. Surrounding the two were a group of soldiers and archers.
"Line them up!" yelled the Redguard in a commanding tone.
"No, you made a mistake; we're not rebels, tell them it's a mistake!" yelled one of the Nords, who was in complete panic mode.
"Well, best not keep the gods waiting now," said a bearded Nord as the trio began to hop out of the cart. As you would expect, this line did not help the threes nerves as they began to line up with the rest of the prisoners. As they began to ask each prisoner for their names, the pair whispered amongst themselves, desperate for a way to escape.
"Boys, we gotta make a break for it," said Ricky.
"How Rick, they got us surrounded by those dicks" said Julian.
"Well, we could get Bubbles to distract them with his magic shit, and then-."
"You made a mistake; we're not rebels!" Yelled the Nord from earlier before he began to break into a run as if the world was ending.
"Halt!" Shouted the Redguard, "archers!".
Upon her command, every archer shot arrows at a rapid-fire pace at the prisoner, killing him within 3 seconds.
"Oh my fuck" Bubbles mouthed, horrified as he plus the boys stood staring on in horror at the sight before them.
"Anyone else feeling like running," said the Redguard smiling sadistically at the rest of the prisoners.
"Wait, you three to the front," said the Nord soldier.
The trio walked up to the soldier so utterly terrified at what would happen next that Bubbles was shaking in fear.
The Nord looked at the three, somewhat puzzled, "who are you?" He asked.
"I'm Julian, and this is Ricky and Bubbles," said Julian.
"According to statements taken from soldiers, you three were a part of an ambush that occurred on our border and-. "
"Excuse me if I may, but we had nothing to do with that fuck'n thing; we were just walking by minding our business when we ended up in that bullshit by complete accident," replied Bubbles.
"It says here that you three rushed into the soldiers' field of vision, " said the Nord.
"To tell you the truth, man, we were running away from a band of bandits trying to kill us in the middle of the woods when we walked right into that god damn ambush; it's all just a complete misunderstanding," lied Ricky using a half-truth.
"Alright, alright, I believe you," said the fooled Nordic soldier, the soldier turned to his superior officer.
"What should we do, captain? They're not on the list," the soldier said to the Redguard.
"Forget the list; they go straight to the block," replied the Redguard.
The boys' jaws fell, "you got to be fucking me," Ricky said.
"By your orders, captain," said the Nord obediently. He then turned to look at the boys with a concerned look. "I'm sorry, at least you'll be dying alongside fellow brothers," said the Nord.
"Ain't that a comforting thought boys," said Bubbles in a trembling tone as his upper lip quivered as they moved to the execution block.
As the boys lined up, a priest was reciting a prayer until being rudely interrupted by one of the Nords, who immediately after brought to the chopping block. The boys were too busy being distracted by the first execution that they didn't notice that Imperial Legion general Tullius was speaking to the gagged Ulfric Stormcloak.
"You started this war plunged Skyrim into chaos, and now the empire will cut you down, restoring the peace," Tullius smugly told Ulfric while the latter looked at him with hatred.
"Hey Bubs Bubs do you have any hash on you?" asked Ricky.
"Are you fucking kidding me, Ricky? We're about to get our heads cut off, and all you fuck'n care about is getting high right now," said Bubbles, very irritated.
"Bubs, if I'm going to die right now, I might as well die stoned," Ricky replied.
Before Ricky could further the conversation, a roar could be heard, echoing throughout the village.
"Boys, what the fuck was that," Julian said.
Ricky responded with a simple shrug; as they spoke, the Nord prisoner was beheaded before their eyes, causing Bubbles to faint.
"The idiot Nord next!" Shouted the Redguard, which meant that Ricky was next for the execution.
"To the block prisoner," said the Nord soldier as he walked Ricky up to the chopping block; the soldier then laid his head down on the block. His head facing a basketful of heads
"Goodbye, brother," Julian said grimly as he watched the executioner ready his ax.
As Ricky laid his head on the block, he felt sad that he would die without being stoned, but at least he would be reunited with his long-dead mother and, soon after, hopefully, his best friends in Sovengarde. He watched as the executioner raised his ax high in the air as he steadied himself, preparing for the ax to fall on his head. As Ricky craned his head to look at the executioner one last time, he saw something he would never forget in his lifetime.
"Dragon!" Yelled one of the soldiers as a vast flying reptilian beast landed on the tower with the impact of an earthquake sending stones flying off in many different directions; it was a dragon. The dragon let out a powerful blast from its maw, decimating the walls nearby; the soldiers attempted to kill the monster, but the sonic shouts blasted them away. Seeing that the opportune moment had come, Julian ran up to Ricky, pulling him up by his rags.
"Ricky nows our chance; we need to get the fuck out of here," said Julian.
As soon as Ricky was standing steady, Julian fled to one of the undamaged buildings. Ricky looked around frantically to find Bubbles; he found him three seconds later, regaining consciousness.
"What in the flying fuck is going on right now!"Bubbles shouted, his eyes wide open at the chaos surrounding him.
"We'll tell you later, Bubbles, now we gotta go; this place is going to shit," said Ricky as he and Bubbles bolted towards Julian's location. They managed to meet inside the tower that Julian discovered, escaping the chaos and death outside.
"Alright, boys, now that we're safe here, we need to find a way to get out of this village before that fucking dragon outside kills us," said Julian.
"Dragon? Julian are you teasing me or something because you know as well as I do that those cocksuckers have been extinct for millions of years" said Bubbles in a perplexed tone.
"Oh really, Bubbles, then what the fuck is that thing flying around blasting the shit out there," said Ricky.
"Who fucking cares if they're extinct or not? We gotta get the fuck out of here," said Julian.
"Well then, Julian, tell us the fucking plan you've cooked up," said Bubbles.
"Well, first things first, we need you to use your magic to get these binds off, and then we'll try to find-" said Julian.
"Uh, Julian, we may have a little problem with that, seeing as I can't cast spells with my hands tied like this," said Bubbles awkwardly.
"What, why?" Julian asked in an irritated tone; just before Bubbles was about to answer, the dragon head-butted the wall behind them, causing it to shatter and collapse.
"Run for the fucking hills, boys!" Ricky yelled as they bolted out of the tower, just barely avoiding the torrent of fire aimed in their directions.
The boys hightailed it to the side of a crumbling building; unfortunately, the dragon was following behind them. As it prepared to blast another shout at the three, the soldiers began to fire their arrows at the beast, distracting it and allowing the trio to escape.
"You three over here!" said a familiar voice. The three turned around to see the Nord soldier they had met earlier standing by the door of the Helgen Keep. Julian and Bubbles started for the entrance but were interrupted by Ricky.
"Why the fuck should we trust him, Julian? Didn't he and his fucked up friends almost have us killed," said Ricky.
"Ricky, we have no choice. Do you want to stay out here and get burnt to a fuck'n crisp" said Julian.
"Fine, but if we wind up getting killed, this is all your fault," Ricky replied irritatedly. The three ran to the inside of the keep slamming the door shut behind them.
To Be Continued
I hope you enjoyed the first chapter and that it was a great start to what will be quite a fantastic story.