Chapter 11

Dream in the river, dream in the wind.

It had been a few days now since he had spoken with Red.

Tensions had continued rising throughout Thunderclan.

One day Loneheart had come to find that Coldstones kits had been apprenticed while he was out.

It had never struck him before that they were six moons old already by now.

It was only now that he had finally learned their names, when Yarrowleaf told him who each of them had been apprenticed to.

A black and gray she-cat, Harepaw, had been apprenticed to his own mother, Coldstone; Silverpaw, a light gray she-cat, to Snowflight. Cranekit had been apprenticed, though she was still sick in the Medicine Cat Den. Her mentor was Yellowsky.

Lastly, Fawnpaw, a night-black tom, had been apprenticed to Berryflight to train to become a Medicine Cat.

Loneheart knew he would never get an apprentice, but he was fine with that. He didn't think he would be able to be responsible for such a young life and to teach it how to live and survive.

Today the winds were calm and the frost didn't seem to puncture Lonehearts body much.

It all felt very nice, as it always did before it would be torn away. Loneheart knew this.

He knew that none of this would last much longer, so he just tried to enjoy it while he could.

He had tried to stop the inevitable outbreak of violence between Shadowclan and Thunderclan.

Every day, when the patrols came back from the Shadowclan border, they were always yelling about something, insults, accusations, threats, and sometimes they would call for them to be taught a lesson, or anything along those lines.

Red had refused to answer Lonehearts call to action, and he wouldn't be able to bring it up to Barkstar or Greenstar, neither of them would believe him in the slightest.

He couldn't even prove that Red existed.

Only one thought crossed his mind about how this could be stopped.

He could take the blame for himself, say that he was working from his own intentions, and take the punishment to try to save the cats around him.

But he was too scared.

He knew that he would die if he did that, whether he was killed outright or exiled from the clans to die somewhere off in a foreign land.

He was no hero, no legend, he had no myth, he was just a cat, and he feared like all the rest of them, and when the time came, he wasn't able to make the sacrifice, even though he knew it was right.

He was a coward at heart, or perhaps he was just sane, it didn't matter.

Loneheart realized he was thinking too much when he was just trying to enjoy the day as it was, and tried to snap back.

He scented the air and smelled that there was rain on the way, the foreboding dark clouds above making sure of it.

Loneheart noticed that his paws had taken him near Shadowclan territory once again.

Getting under a few large branches and clearing away the snow, he sat and waited for the rain to splash down.

It was one of his favorite pleasures in life, watching the rainfall over the earth.

He wondered how the rain would look as it patted down the snow covered land.

He had never seen it rain on snow before.

In the distance, Loneheart heard the sound of crying muffled through the trees.

His ears were pricked to the noise but his paws wouldn't carry him anywhere.

He wanted to enjoy just this one moment of peace.

The sound quickened to where he was sitting, and he realized it was a blue jay flying above head.

It was such a beautiful creature to Loneheart, and a complete anomaly to the season of Leaf-bare.

A sprinkle began to fall from the dark clouds above, washing away Lonehearts worries as he gazed out, his eyes clear, upon the lonely world beyond him.

It felt good to drown away the world, just for a few moments.

Sprinkle turned to drizzle; drizzle to shower; shower to downpour; and then to a true cloud-bursting rainstorm.

The trees swayed uncontrollably and the snow on the ground was whirled about by the rapid winds.

Loneheart couldn't hear anything anymore outside the blitz of weather, but he was okay with that.

He was being pelted with heavy rain now, his shelter had been pointless.

It felt purifying, standing beneath the tears of the sky.

His eyes could barely remain open.

Over the sound of the wind, he could hear the cracking of a nearby tree as it was hefted from its trunk and driven to the ground, and yet still he found that he could not fear the great storm.

Suddenly, Loneheart saw in his obscured vision the image of a cat.

It was Thunderclaw.

He was covered in mud, barely recognizable.

The deputy was shouting something like he was screaming to the stars.

There was blood mixed in mud and rain all through his pelt and over one of his eyes.

Loneheart knew he had no choice but to follow the deputy.

It had finally come.

The river had flooded; the tide had twisted.

There was war in Thunderclan.

Loneheart raced behind Thunderclaw so as to not lose him, feeling his peace fade away with the wind.

After only a few seconds of running, his entire lower body was covered with freezing mud.

Suddenly Thunderclaw stopped and began shouting again inaudibly.

He pointed with his tail and his paw in the direction they had been going and then ran off in the opposite way.

Loneheart knew the battle was just up ahead, and Thunderclaw was going to get more support.

He didn't know what he would find when he got there, but he knew he had to go.

The thought of abandoning all of this and running off to die in disgrace crossed his mind, but he knew he wouldn't be able to do it, even if he truly wanted to.

He slipped a couple times, making his pelt more brown than it was gray and splattering mud all over his face and eyes.

He was so afraid of what might happen.

He had never fought before, and for all he knew, the fight had already been lost for Thunderclan and he would be wandering into his own death.

Through the trees he saw movement different from the swinging trees and falling branches.

There they were, the warriors of Thunderclan and Shadowclan.

Perhaps just seven cats in total, although in the mud, they all looked the same.

They were fighting beside the Thunderpath, an even more dangerous place for a battle.

Loneheart shook away his hesitation and resolved himself to whatever pain he would receive here.

He ran down to join his compatriots, though he wasn't sure which ones they were.

Almost as soon as he was in sight, he was jumped on and started having cuts made across his flank.

Loneheart had never been good at fighting. He swung out an unsheathed paw at the attacker, barely nicking their cheek before he found himself back down in the mud.

He kicked up with his hind paws as his attacker jumped again at him, and then, once the blow landed, rolled the opposite way to get back on his paws.

He was fighting defensively, waiting for the other cat to make the move, not knowing how to, and not wanting to fight.

The two cats stood in a standstill for a moment, the storm washing away their muddied faces revealing their gleaming eyes to each other.

The entire world seemed to be contained in this one moment as Loneheart feared for his life.

He had cuts across his flank and on one of his hind legs, trembling in the breeze.

He was breathing heavily, but he found that he could barely fill his lungs through the never-ending rain.

He wanted to open his mouth, say something to the Shadowclan cat, but he simply wasn't sure what he could do now.

The other cat began moving slowly to one side, and Loneheart followed the other way, circling each other, neither of them wanting to get close to the other.

In an instant, before Loneheart could realize it, he was on the ground. He had let his guard down, his mind racing too fast, and now teeth met flesh as the other cat dug into his shoulder, and with their hind paws, scrapped Lonehearts stomach and sides.

His paws flung wildly around, eventually hitting the back of the attacker's neck.

Loneheart cut across it and tried to throw the cat off of him.

The attacker backed off in pain, jumping away and almost slipping in the mud as they landed. Once again, they were locked in staring, until a cat ran past the both of them further into Thunderclan territory.

Both Loneheart and the Shadowclan cat were distracted for a moment and looked over at the rest of the battle to find that both sides were retreating.

The battle was unwinnable for both sides, the rain and the mud made it almost impossible to see, hear, or move about.

The Shadowclan cat gave one more look towards Loneheart to make sure he wasn't making any moves, and then ran off back to Shadowclan.

A few seconds later, and every cat in the battle had run off, leaving Loneheart alone in the storm, freezing, bloodied, and tired. He had fought his first battle, and held his own enough to not have to surrender, even though he was definitely injured more than what he dealt himself.

Perhaps he was supposed to feel proud of himself now, or proud of his clan, or proud of the excitement of battle, but he couldn't. He felt completely numb.

The mud was flooding the land at this point, and several trees around him had tumbled to the ground. Loneheart looked up at the sky, his eyes flinching as they were bombarded with the river of the sky.

He cursed to Starclan in that moment, how they could allow something like this to happen, but no matter how loud he screamed, his voice couldn't be heard over the waves and wind.

Slowly tilting his head back down, he knew now what must happen. He couldn't stay out here any longer than was necessary, and so, slowly, just one careful step after another, he began to make his way back to Thunderclan.

He wondered for a moment how different his life could've been, what would have happened if his mother hadn't abandoned him in these woods all those moons ago.

He knew that the other option was to be a rogue, or a city cat, but for just a moment, he humored his thought-dreams, wishing for things to be changed, but he also knew another thing.

This still would have happened if he hadn't been here, all this war.

Maybe it was just all destiny, or punishment, like Rustheart had said.

He just wished for some sort of answer, some closure to all these ordeals, but he only ever got more questions and more pain.

As he walked through the woods falling down around him, he thought of these things and more, but none did him any good, and now, he couldn't even enjoy the rain anymore.

The storm had settled, and the clouds had moved on.

Loneheart lay in the Medicine Cat Den, feeling alone, though being all but with the injured cats around him.

None of the warriors were seriously hurt, but Berryflight was still rushing around checking and treating them all.

Berryflight was making a few of them, Loneheart, Dewstorm, and Firepelt, stay in the Medicine Cat Den so she could check them over through the night and make sure they would be okay

The dark den was completely silent besides the sound of her running paw steps.

Every cat was unhappy with the outcome of the battle, and most had blamed it on the weather.

Loneheart felt the urge to tread his paws over his new cuts, and the large bite on his shoulder, but restrained himself, instead pulling back his neck fur and feeling his old scar.

Everytime he thought of it he was brought back to that journey to the city, and he always had to cover it up again quickly so as to not think of it for that long.

Loneheart heard more paw steps besides those of Berryflight and looked up to see Yarrowleaf padding through the den carrying a dove in her jaws, carefully treading around other injured cats.

Loneheart was glad to see her. He needed someone to talk to right now.

She sat down and dropped the dove in front of him, greeting him with a timid expression, though still trying to sound happy, "Hey Loneheart, how are you doing?"

"I'm-I'm fine," He wasn't really sure how to answer that, given the circumstances, "How was your day?" He asked, trying to start a conversation. Yarrowleaf let out a small sigh and answered,

"I had a good morning. The rain was really calming and I was just watching the forest, seeing what life there was left and what it was up to," Loneheart enjoyed hearing that Yarrowleaf had been observing life, something she had always used to do, but he could tell from the look in her eyes and the pause in her sentences that after the morning, everything had fallen apart for her as well.

They shared the wordless knowing glance, and Yarrowleaf offered a proposition, "Hey," She started, "Just, for a few minutes, let's forget about everything going on. Let's just have a-a real conversation," Loneheart nodded, wanting that more than anything now. He didn't know how to start such a conversation, though Yarrowleaf was able to, as if she already had something she had wanted to talk about, "Let's talk about space," She offered, unsure of herself, but continuing nonetheless, "What do you think is up there, past the moon and the stars, where we can't see anymore?"

"I-I don't know. Just more stars, I'd guess,"

"I think there's something up there," Yarrowleaf said, her eyes misty as she dazed off into thought, "There's gotta be something more than all this, past the wind and the stars. We aren't alone in the sky, I know that. There's somebody out there, on some distant land, some place that will live forever without all of our feuds and fighting,"

"Does anything really last forever?"

"Of course, everything lasts forever," Yarrowleafs eyes were in a dream, and her voice was melodic as she spoke of these places they could never reach, "There's an old poem my mother used to tell me as a kit; I think it went something like,

When I reach my paws out beyond the stars

They'll glow in the golden light of the sun

And I'll look behind me once before I'm gone

And I'll smile at all I have and all I had

My fire will die out but my soul will be forever," Yarrowleaf finished and looked to Loneheart. He thought it was beautiful. She ended her thought with one last declaration, "As long as I have hope, I'll always believe in forever,"

"I hope to see you there," Loneheart noticed a glint in Yarrowleafs eyes. She was crying,

"I hope to see you there too," She mustered out. Loneheart knew he should have tried to do something, but his body refused to move, and he was a mere onlooker as Yarrowleaf told him, "I have to go, on my own, for a while," and disappeared quickly out the entrance of the Medicine Cat Den.

Loneheart sat there awhile, the pain returning to him as he had nothing else to distract him from it.

He had to keep most of his body still, Berryflight had told him, though he was still allowed to move his front paws around.

He fiddled about for a few minutes, picking at fur and his claws, which were still growing back from when he broke them trying to dig out the tunnel.

It wouldn't have made much of a difference even if he had them fully grown in, since he had barely landed a blow on the Shadowclan cat.

But thinking about the tunnel got him thinking about his dream again, and the she-cat who had disappeared at the burning tree in Windclan, and then reappearing in Lonehearts dreams, an apparition of memories that weren't his.

He wondered if he would have another dream, some direction to go to try to understand.

He felt as though Red had been right; he needed to find Aspenpaw.

That was the next step, he was sure of it deep within his mind, but the thought of the tom disturbed him.

He was the murderer that had set all of this in motion.

It was Acornpaws death which directly caused Windclan and Riverclan to begin fighting, and it was the tension that followed which made Shadowclan and Thunderclan fight.

Now all four clans were locked in a war that could change nothing.

Acornpaw is dead.

Silvereye is dead.

His mother is dead,

"They're all just about getting ready for some shut eye, do you need anything else before I can put my mind at ease for a few minutes?" Berryflight stood in front of him.

Loneheart hadn't noticed her at all, he had been completely shaken in his thoughts.

Words wouldn't escape him now, and so he could only shake his head. The dove sat in front of him still, but he had no intentions of eating.

Berryflight sighed with empathy, looking psychically pained by the injuries around her, "Alright," She whispered, "Make sure to say your prayers tonight, we all need the grace of Starclan right now," Loneheart felt uncomfortable at the mention of Starclan.

Berryflight seemed to be able to pick up on this but must have misinterpreted it, as she asked, "Do you know your prayers, Loneheart?" He looked up and into her eyes, gleaming with some sort of shock and condescension or uncomfortability at this development. Once again, he shook his head, adding on, "Nobody ever taught me," in a small voice, afraid of what she might think of him now.

Berryflight was the spiritual guide of the clan, nothing could be more important to her than Starclan, and Loneheart was scared that she wouldn't talk to him anymore, or wouldn't help treat him, or tell Barkstar about it; anything bad that could come from this, Loneheart was expecting.

Instead, Berryflight only looked on with soft defeat, "Do you know how the world was created?" She asked, though she seemed to already know the answer.

After Loneheart shook his head, Berryflight sat down beside him, saying, "Let me tell you a story then," It had been a long time since anybody had told a story to him, and Loneheart was very interested in what she would say,

"A long time ago, before the earth and the sky, all was filled with only black space. As time struck the right moment, two gods were born, brothers, come from nothing, Sun and Moon. Though once loving towards each other, both soon became agitated. Neither had territory to call his own, and so, both Sun and Moon decided upon a solution to their problem. Each sacrificed his body to create the world which we live in where they could each reign for half of the day. Their legs became trees, their claws became rocks, their fur became grass, and their tails rested neatly across the surface as mountains, until only their heads remained in the sky, and then, the two were finally happy," Loneheart was mystified by the tale, wondering if it were true. He trusted Berryflight, and so he listened carefully as she continued, "but from their hearts and other organs, new life began to grow, and soon, four children were created from the merge. Three sons, Thunder, who became the lord of the weather, Shadow, who became the lord of the darkness, River, who became lord of water, and a daughter, Wind, who became lord of the senses. And so they lived in relative peace, each creating things which we take for granted nowadays,"

Berryflight cautioned a look behind her, and as she saw the mostly sleeping injured cats, she lowered her voice and finished talking, "It's getting late, and you need sleep more than anything, one of Winds greatest gifts to us. Next time I get the chance, I'll tell you about Rogue and the first cats. Pray to Thunder tonight, for he is our Tribune, pray for the speedy recovery of all your clanmates and yourself, Starclan knows I will," With that she said goodnight and began walking off, though not for sleep herself, instead she went right back to sorting herbs and checking over cats.

Loneheart was intrigued by all of this new information, and he was almost excited to learn more.

He wondered where Starclan came into all of this.

He closed his eyes but didn't try to sleep quite yet.

He could hear Berryflight still bustling around, though she was trying to be quiet.

Loneheart felt bad for her. She had an apprentice now in Fawnpaw, but the young cat wasn't at all experienced enough to really even start to help with anything like this.

It made Loneheart think of Cranepaw, who had been tucked away near where Berryflight slept so she would be able to get up at a moment's notice.

This told Loneheart that whatever Cranepaw had, it probably wasn't contagious, though he was still terrified at the thought of catching it, all those horrible sounds coming out of his body.

He just tried to block it out for now, there wasn't anything he could do to help, so he closed his eyes and laid silently, praying for sleep all through the night.

Until I write again,

-Gojira