"It's okay to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave."

When Haruno Sakura was a little girl in her last life, she learned many difficult things. When she grew up, she learned that while it was old men who declared the war, it was her and innocent youths like her who had to fight and die. The pink-hair medic also learns how unfair and cruel war can be.

Throughout it all, she learns of heartbreak and loses.

Of betrayal and grief.

Of what-if's, of could-of-be's, and has been's.

Of deep and never ending love.

She also grows up to be tired, so very tired. Weary and exhausted to the bones beneath her skin.

In her last life, she also learned plenty of lessons until her last breath, before starting anew. One of them was that pain demanded to be felt. It did not care if she was hurt or healed from previous torment. It came in like a tsunami to her, and left only wreckage behind for her to clean up. Pain also left imprints in places where bandages or medicines couldn't fix or heal. Pain left scars. It left smudges like ink from a brush pressed in one place too long on paper. It left bruises, smears, stains, and traces left behind that could be tracked and unburied. Pain was agony, and she feels as if she had been accompanied by both since the day her first friend died.

And as the bodies of her friends and loved ones drop one by one, she learns that grief is a struggle. Loss is an agony, and a loved one gone is nothing but an abyss of hopeless despair. And she learns as she witnesses the cries of mourning that it's strange how grief and loss change things, not just the surroundings, but also the people.

Kakashi-sensei is the biggest liar when he said time made things easier. That dealing with the loss would get easier. It's utterly excruciating. It was as if someone had wrenched her heart out of her chest and pierced it with a poisoned dagger every time she failed to heal another person.

And when she hears it, the inconsolable wails of the people she loves, she learns. She learns that grief is the price you pay for love. The agony, the grief, the languishing pain that crawls through her beating heart until it latches onto her lungs, and suffocates her slowly as she wishes and begs to forget. But how can one forget despite the pain? Despite the suffering? How could you ever forget someone that gave you so much to remember?

People had always talked about how grief was emptiness, and she learns it is not. It was a full and heavy thing this grief. It was an absence where you tried to fill it with things you wish you could, but knew you couldn't reach for them no matter how hard you tried too. Grief was the rusty and cruel sharp chains your skin was caught on that when you pulled away left scars of bitter hope and lost dreams. It was of mountains and ocean waves pressing down on you with all the futures you'd thought you would have.

Sakura had slowly learned during the war that it was better for her to harden her heart, because she knows that in the darkness there's sorrow, and like shadows that swirl at the edge of night, will only leave her drowning in nothing but despair if she allowed others to get too close.

And oh, did Sakura try.

Tried so hard to stop loving and caring for others to ease her pain, when she knew they too would one day be gone.

Yet it was a failure, as much of her life was constantly because love had carved itself into Haruno Sakura's veins. She tried so hard to forget, but love had grown roots around her ribcage and sprouted flowers in her heart. Sakura could not unlove her friends, her family, and her home, as she could not unlove anything else that had brought her pain, misery, despair, and betrayal throughout her life. There is agony in her heart, and her soul burns with pain too. Shadows smother the light that seeks to shine, much like how water puts out a fire. Life has been cruel since the day she learned what hate was and what it did.

And Sakura had changed.

The changes didn't happen overnight, but with the years of pain and hurt. Of broken promises and disappointment. It had happened slowly and painfully to her. Sometimes it was brutal enough, leaving the kunoichi in a sobbing mess of maddening grief, anguish, and torment. It was in the swirling reddish waters of self-hatred as she sliced desperate pleas and unsent love letters into her wrists and arms.

And Sakura thinks perhaps it's her fault for half her pain, because she loved more than she got back, and she knows it. She knows it, but yet, she still loves, and love can cause damage. But she knows, though, that if you want love, you have to have courage to face potential heartbreak. Happy endings she knew were not guaranteed, no matter how much you wished for it. It doesn't stop her from hoping, though. It never stops her. Her stupid heart, even knowing not to love, beats maddeningly for everyone else but herself.

Maybe her soul is broken. It would be fitting, wouldn't it?

The scars that had marred her skin mocked her, taunted her, jeered together in a morbid symphony. Sakura even now without the scars hates them. Her heart is the same way. She tells herself not to love, but she does it anyways. Because her love was an agape type of love. The kind where it was selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional. Her love persisted no matter the circumstances brought before her.

And yet, losing all her loved ones had broken something inside her.

Sakura can't help but faintly recall the last letter her sensei had written before he died, to give them more time to make the time seal perfect. She's still angry, because she knows he knew he was going to die. The words haunt her now in loud echoes, even though she knows the man is now alive and well inside the village undestroyed and marred by war.

Sakura,

Night is not something to endure until dawn. Darkness is it's own kingdom; it moves to it's own laws. And many living beings dwell in it. So all we can do sometimes is endure it the best we can.

I think you believe you want to disappear from this world, but in truthfulness, you just want to be found. And I am not saying it to condemn you, because in reality we all want to be found again. While young, you find yourself trailing down a set pathway until something distracts you from the path. Instead, you head into the forest, and by the time you realize it, it's too late. You are lost, and so rarely does someone come along who knows the directions back to the road.

And here's the difficult thing about life: you learn that everything we see is a perspective, not the truth. The only one who can truly know who we are and why we have done the things we have is death. And the thing is Sakura, that life is difficult and hard. That when people get hurt, they learn to hate. And when they learn to hate, they hurt others, and sometimes those who have hurt other's in turn hate themselves, as guilt consumes their whole being. But the silver lining in the clouds is that you know this pain, that you know all you need of it to be kind and grow. And Sakura, how you grow is up to you, and don't say you've grown and learned. Do not, because you've always been my brightest student to know that we learn something everyday.

Sakura, you will learn that it's human nature for us to not realize the true value of something or someone until we lose it. It's painful, difficult in ways I can relate to better than anyone else. This one has learned that the longer you live, the more you realize that life is just made of pain, suffering and hollow emptiness. I have also learned that it can be filled with happiness, love, and laughter. Life is like a coin, when you toss it and wait for it to either land on the good side or the bad side, while with a lingering breath you whisper for it to land where all your dreams and hopes are.

And you'll learn that grief and love are a hard thing on our souls. It'll make you so tired. So tired, where no amount of sleep can fix what's broken inside of you. After all, sleep can't truthfully help if it's your damaged soul that's exhausted. And Sakura, for awhile you'll become so terribly weary, where your bones can feel your anguish, and everything you taste will be nothing but ash. Sometimes you'll be unable to distinguish colors, and music will be a melody that no longer sings to your heart.

And me? Don't end up like me. Don't end up like me, who felt so much that now I feel nothing. Don't be like me, don't. Don't give your heart and love out easily anymore. Sakura, be careful of love for love, does not die. It's only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after pay the price for the hurt done by the one who came before. So be cautious of those you let in, and poured your heart into.

Sakura, you'll learn that love may have the longest arms, but it can still fall short of an embrace. I found that silence says a lot more than you anticipate when you're alone. It helps clear your head and sharpen your vision, as pain becomes clarity all on its own. Silence can be unforgivable, as it allows the accusations you try to flee from to come back and burn you like a match to a candle flame. This silence has made me reflect on my wrongs more than in the last decades, since the death of my teammates, the death of my sensei, and the avoidance and shitty teaching I did.

So please be careful with your heart, because the worst thing you could do is give yourself away in exchange for not enough love. I hope you find the desperate peace and solace you've been searching for, because the hardest part about being broken isn't the love you don't receive, it's the love you long to give that nobody wants. You'll learn that sometimes people will come into your life to teach you how to love; and sometimes they are here to teach you how not to love. And yes Sakura, it hurts, but sometimes the people we have loved leave. Yet when they leave, they still linger with their lessons that stayed and taught you.

Sakura…

Sometimes the apology never comes when it is wanted, and when it comes it is neither wanted nor needed. Life is like a story telling about us. You can't skip through chapters, because you have to read every line, meet every character who is there to teach you something. And you won't enjoy all of it, the chapters, because a few of them will make you cry and hurt you. You will read and learn of things you don't want to, and you will have moments where you find peace and don't want those chapters to end.

But Sakura, you have to keep going. Stories are what keeps the world turning. Don't be like me, okay? Live your story, don't miss out on it, because there are still beautiful and wonderful chapters to be read.

Kakashi.

P.S.

When you return, please befriend myself.

Sakura knows something is wrong the moment Kisame's eyes widen in disbelief, and Shisui body flickers her away swiftly, not allowing her feet to touch the ground. "Shisui-san?" she inquires with confusion as she turns back to see Kisame stomping rather ferociously and erratically on small patches of the ground. "Fishstick-sensei?"

Both ignore and refuse to answer her. "Zabuza and I will finish stomping out the evidence while you return to the Hamasaki compound, and quickly pack your things to return. It's not safe to stay in Kiri any longer." Kisame informed with a grim expression.

"Hai." Shisui agreed without his usual cheerfulness, as he rapidly uses the shunshin and brings them back to her temporary home. Sakura's head is spinning, and she is now seeing two Shisui's instead of one.

"Ugh, no." Sakura childishly whines her tiny hand, smacking Shisui in the face as she attempts to push him away, though he still held her securely in his arms. "One Shisui is enough, we don't need two unleashed upon the world."

Any other time, Shisui would have playfully whined and responded with a tease of his own, but right now his priority was to keep Sakura-chan safe at all costs. "Sorry, Sakura-chan. I'll make it up to you later and teach you how to shunshin." He responds softly as he briskly walked into the house, throwing what defensive tags he had on the door behind him.

"Shisui, what is going on?" Mebuki suddenly appeared from the kitchen, and an apron tied around her waist and a cutting knife held tightly in her hand. She was in the process of making dinner when she felt the unease in Shisui's chakra, and then the flaring of seals as they were placed on the door.

"Your daughter has the Mokuton. We need to leave now." Shisui demanded as he finally put Sakura down and started to head towards his room to pack his things. "How in the fuck does she even have it? She's not a Senju!"

Mebuki gave a wince as the knife she held clattered to the floor. "Well, you see-"

However, before Mebuki could explain anything, a loud explosion went off, flinging Mebuki in one direction and Shisui in the other.

With terror in his heart, the last thing he heard before darkness consumed him was Sakura-chan's terrified yelp of, "Kaa-san!"